


Sorrow's End

by DarkSakura



Series: Tales of Erafen ( Dragon Age ) [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dragon Age AU, F/M, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-15 17:26:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 42
Words: 87,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3455627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkSakura/pseuds/DarkSakura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(This is a continuation of my work, Outside-In, set in an alternate Thedas where a Lavellan had not been made Inquisitor, never received the Anchor, but still served the Inquisition. )</p><p>Erafen's life was certainly not what she envisioned it being when she'd been sent by her Keeper to spy on the Conclave at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Since then, she'd become First to the Inquisition, fallen in love, slayed a false Archdemon, and had a child. Now she was responsible for a new home for the elves of Thedas, but the arrival of three Sentinels at Skyhold may threaten the new peace she's found.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Return

Early morning at Skyhold usually was calm, peaceful, with only a few guards making the rounds. Its inhabitants usually slept safely and securely, undisturbed by loud noises. It was on such a morning like this that Erafen stumbled from her room, calling out, "It's... time!"

A commotion rang out, bringing Sylana from her neighboring room to help Erafen down the stairs and to the pool made for elven birthing. There was a tradition among the Dalish to give birth in a body of water whenever possible; Erafen had seen no need to deter the practice, instead opting for the same when her time came. A rune was cast to heat the water, and once at the desired temperature, the expectant mother slid in.

No one was allowed in the birthing tent but Sylana and the Inquisitor, Miryam Trevelyan, but already rumor spread how the First to the Inquisition invoked the name of the Dread Wolf in her pain. Those gathered around waited anxiously, and finally, hours later, they were rewarded with a loud cry of pain and the cries of an infant.

Erafen leaned back against smooth stone, holding the tiny elf against her chest. She could see his father in the shape of his nose and the pointed chin. What's more, the little one had a shock of black hair, not the copper of his mother. Another gift, she considered, from his sire.

"Fenrian," she whispered, kissing his tired little head while he slept. Eventually, she, too, fell into dreams while her midwife took care of the rest.

\----

If there was one thing no one warned Erafen about, it was how many bodily fluids her son would introduce her to. She'd been peed on, pooped on, vomited on, and after the first few days of it, she'd finally just accepted it. Her breasts were sore from feeding, her body and mind tired from sleepless nights. Some days she felt positive Fenrian was drawing mana from her stores as well. Even with all of that, in her heart, her son was perfect. She ached to see his father's features in his little face.

Thankfully, after a few weeks, Erafen found her energy again, drawing on her connection to the Fade, which had only grown stronger since the last time she'd seen Solas in person. In the Fade, however, she'd seen him a few times since, mostly going over plans for Fenrien's upbringing and the haven for elves being built in the Emerald Graves. He came to see her a few months after the baby's birth, listening with rapt attention as she showed memories of the child.

Nearly eight months in, Fenrian began weaning himself off his mother's milk, which seemed very early to Erafen, but he was healthy and crawling around as any other infant she'd seen. In fact, he seemed heartier than most elven babies. Erafen said little of it; of course, given his Elvhen father, Fenrian would stand out. Sometimes it was hard not to look at her own child through the lens of being his mother and be more objective about his health and growth.

One gorgeous day at Skyhold, Erafen sat with her son on a log bench in the courtyard, helping him to stand while going over construction plans with Lysas, the young mage having since become her coordinator in the construction of _Halam'abelas_. Fenrian would stumble, fall a little, and then laugh as if it were a game, making his mother laugh in the process.

"I believe that with mages focused on growth and life, working with the spirit of nature around the area, we could grow trees into a series of supports. Surely the things you've witnessed in the Fade indicated that's how our ancestors did it," Lysas was saying. "It'll better reinforce the Keep."

"Do it," Erafen told him, letting her son dance barefoot in the grass as she held his little hands. "Have the shipments of crystals been received?"

"Yes, ma'am," Lysas said. "I believe we're ready to begin construction."

"Then you have the authority," 'Fen told her aide, grinning broadly. "Alert the campers outside the town area that they may need to move while we begin, but I believe the homes should be in an alignment similar to what the people have already laid out. This should be natural, not the form of the human settlements. We will respect what has come before."

"Milady," Lysas agreed, nodding respectfully. He stood to go, but froze, taking note of three figures walking in through Skyhold's front gates.

Fenrian began to cry rather suddenly, only calming somewhat when Erafen scooped him into her arms. She stood, going to stand beside her aide to see what he was looking at.

Heading directly towards them were three armored hooded figures, the style of their garments ancient and only seen by Erafen in one place not in the Fade. When they came closer, she recognized the face of the one walking ahead. The assumed leader of the trio approached, and then he knelt in front of her, the two behind him falling suit.

"Bride of the Wolf," the leader said, head bowed low.

"Abelas," Erafen replied, recognizing him. "Stand, please, all of you." In her arms, Fenrien mewled nervously, and she held him closer, protective and comforting. "I thought you had gone to seek out more Elvhen."

"We did," Abelas said, standing. "We wandered this land, observing the _shemlen_ , leaning what we could so that we could locate our lost kin. Not long after the Breach was sealed, we all felt our connection to Mythal... shift. We could not return to her temple, so overrun with the elves of this age that we would risk revealing ourselves. My lady, I did not recognize the Dread Wolf when he stood with you."

Erafen bit her lip, noting the confusion Lysas had on his face as he listened. "Lysas, please take my son to Sylana. Let her know important visitors are here, and please tell Miryam the same."

"Of course," Lysas replied, taking Fenrien from his mother. The babe began to sniffle, but Erafen kissed the top of his head, murmuring something comforting to him in the ancient language, and he calmed.

Once alone, Erafen led the three Sentinels around the bend to the battlements, finding a quiet spot to continue the discussion.

"The _shemlen_ do not know then," Abelas said, nodding to the other two who went to stand aside to protect their privacy.

"No, and I promised to keep his secret. It doesn't help when people catch sight of him in the Fade or make up titles for me," Erafen said, rolling her eyes.

"The child is his?" the Sentinel asked.

The younger woman fixed him with a look. "No one else of my blood has hair that black. Yes, Fenrian is his son. And yes, I know our son is Elvhen."

"And you remain among _shemlen_ after being so uplifted?" Abelas asked, incredulous.

"Like it or not, Abelas, but these are what remains of the children of Arlathan," Erafen said, defensive. "These are my people, and I will not see them in hovels or outcast any longer. There will be a place for them, somewhere they can thrive. If we rediscover the old ways but... but live in this world, we could be strong again. Not what we were, but something good."

"Even as Fen'Harel seeks places of power to recover the lost gods?" Abelas challenged.

'Fen stiffened. "Surely he knows the danger in that. He locked them away with good reason, if it was truly his hand that did it."

"Those were bloody times," the Sentinel said, heaving a sigh. "Perhaps your way is the better way. There are so few Elvhen left."

"Why are you here, Abelas?" Erafen finally asked, plainly and to the point.

"We three felt the stirrings of great power, an old voice that had not been heard of since before even my time. We called to Mythal, but her voice was far away. In desperation, we called to Fen'Harel. Now, we come to you." Abelas didn't look directly at her, but clasped his hands before him, looking to steady them. "He would come if you called."

"All right," she told him, thinking of that night after Miryam and Cullen were wed, of the breath Solas gave her, of the feeling of it being different from what she knew of him, and things fell into place. "He has power from Mythal."

"That is my suspicion, yes," Abelas said. "And if he does, then she gave it to him willingly. This means our service is to Fen'Harel now... and to you."

Erafen let out a long sigh, feeling tears threaten. What had her love done in his desperation? And of course, she took that primal force trustingly. Even if he had told her, she would have taken it since it came from him. She still spent time daily working with Dagna to fix the Orb, to see what power could be restored to it, but had so far only managed to get its pieces mostly back together.

"All right," Erafen finally said aloud. "But I need help. If you serve me now, then I require assistance in building our new haven and my people need tutelage in the old magics."

"It will be done," Abelas said, resigned.

"We must also discuss this with the Inquisitor, because if I'm to be traveling again, she will be without my aid. I also will do nothing to put my son at risk. You understand this?" she continued.

"As you wish," Abelas agreed.

Erafen paused, looking him over. "You never changed your name."

"I saw no need. My sorrow runs deep; it is a part of me. There was nothing left," he replied.

"There's always hope if you accept it," she told him gently, and she extended her hand. "Perhaps you are driven to serve, but I would rather you be a trusted ally."

Abelas looked at her hand, then back up at her face, and he took the offering in his own, squeezing gently. "Ally, then."

Erafen let out another sigh. "Well, we've got things to do. Let's go get them done.


	2. Trouble with Wolves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen and Miryam sit down to speak with their new visitors, learning a few frightening things that leave a number of questions unanswered.

"This is... so strange," Miryam said, leveling a look at Erafen. "These elves just show up at Skyhold with a story about a supposed god that may or may not be walking around Thedas looking to undo what?"

"It's legend," Erafen said, sighing. She adjusted the child in her arms, holding him while he slept against her shoulder.

"And there is much we are... prohibited from saying," Abelas added, not saying it was Erafen's own entreaty that silenced him. "There are forces at work that would disrupt the balance of power in Thedas, would threaten _shemlen_ and Elvhen alike."

"Remember what Solas told us of the gods," Erafen said. "The wars in the names of Falon'Din's vanity? Andruil's hunts? Warring with the Forgotten Ones?"

"And do not forget, it was our own kind that tore down Arlathan," Abelas added.

"And Tevinter played the vulture that feasted on its carcass," one of the other Elvhen said. She'd since pulled back her hood, revealing white-blonde hair braided tightly to her head and coiled around intricately.

"Danyla is correct," the third of their number said, a slender elf named Sabran affirmed. "Those of our number had since been separated, consecrated to Mythal's service, so even details there are lost to all but Abelas."

"And you don't trust us with this history," Miryam pointed out, eyes focused on the Sentinel leader.

"Where is the witch who drank from the _Vir'abelasan_?" Abelas asked in return. "She has taken this knowledge and left now that your enemy is defeated."

"This gets us nowhere," Erafen pointed out. "Now please be clear: is it Fen'Harel who seeks to unleash the elven gods from their slumber?"

Abelas closed his eyes, trying to keep his composure. "We don't know. There is a rumor that perhaps one of the Forgotten Ones escaped his prison somehow, but it is merely whisperings in the Fade."

"I don't think Fen'Harel would be in a hurry to bring back the gods," Erafen muttered, hoping she was right. _Oh_ , 'ma Fen, _where are you_? she thought.

"You must have been studying much of what your people brought back from Mythal's temple," Miryam said, "to make such an assumption. I do know they say you walk in his shadow, but I thought that was akin to me being Andraste's Herald."

"Something like that," 'Fen said. "I learned my abilities from a spirit in the Fade who bore the Wolf's face, but the rest, I learned from Solas."

"A pity no one has seen your apostate lover," Abelas said drily and pointedly.

Erafen glared flatly at the Sentinel. "I may call to him in the Fade tonight. Perhaps he will answer." She hoped things were not as Abelas implied them to be.

"The three of you are welcome to stay," Miryam said. "I'm not sure what kind of accomodations you're used to; hopefully ours will be sufficient."

"We thank you for your hospitality, Inquisitor," Danyla said, bowing her head. "We have learned far more of you since those first days at Mythal's sacred ground."

"It is our... privilege," Sabran added.

"In truth, we took you for more of the _shemlen_ who sought the power in Mythal's Well, but we felt the power in your final battle with the darkspawn. Your cause was just," Abelas concluded. "And this mark on your hand. What did you call it?"

"The Anchor," Miryam supplied.

"Anchor, yes," the Sentinel said. "It's old magic, Elvhen in nature."

"Corypheus had an Orb that was an ancient Elvhen artifact," the human confirmed. "When he used it in his ritual, it branded my hand with its power, giving me the ability to open and close rifts in the Veil at will. I've grown a decent connection to the Fade; Erafen told me that the things I've learned to do on instinct were techniques from those days, things she had to study hard to learn."

"I had to accept a deeper connection to the Fade to do it, too," Erafen said, not going into much detail, but the three Sentinels merely exchanged looks. "Well worth any cost," she added.

"Indeed," Danyla replied, seeming of the three to be more sympathetic to the new mother. "How well are you nurturing your child's connection, if you don't mind?"

"Fenrian was connected to the Fade almost immediately," Erafen answered, rubbing her sleeping son's back. "I understand not many mothers get a decent night's sleep with an infant, but if he slept when I did, he was with me in the Fade."

"A Dreamer," Sabran commented. "It would make sense."

"Solas was a Dreamer, was he not?" Miryam asked, confused. "Could you tell that by looking at him?"

"The Fade touches people in different ways," Abelas said smoothly. "It was a part of him, easy to see in his aura. Mages all, to some extent, have its touch about them. In the old days, all of the People had its touch; all of us knew it."

"It could be possible that your efforts may indeed bring a return to those days," Danyla told Erafen. "I do not think the immortality we possess will ever return to our wayward quickling children, but our descendants could be great again."

"If you would help me," Erafen began, "I would be thankful. _Halam'abelas_ must be a sanctuary for our people, a place to thrive and grow. Surely you have seen the dangers of being apart from a changing world too long."

"If Fen'Harel moves to undo his work, or worse yet, the rumor circulating that someone else is, then you are in danger, as is all of your work," Abelas pointed out. "Danyla and Sabran may go assist those in your charge, but I must stay and guard you."

"Looks like you have a bodyguard, 'Fen," Miry said.

"I don't think I'm in danger from..." Erafen stopped herself, wondering if she could trust Miryam with her love's secret, but she swore to him. She trusted Miryam, but Solas trusted his wife. "I just don't see a reason for Fen'Harel to be at the core of this, not with what we know from actual history. He personified rebellion, not trickery or spite."

At that point, Fenrian stirred, making little sounds, and 'Fen shifted her hold on him. Worry filled her eyes. She didn't want to leave him, but there was truly no safer place than Skyhold. Still, there was a place she could go, somewhere she could call out to her love and hope that he would respond.

"You're hatching an idea," Miryam told her friend.

"I am," Erafen replied. "I know a place I can go, a place where the Veil is thin. I can call there, search in deep pockets. Miry, would you...?"

"You don't need to ask," Miry replied. "You know Cullen is a doting godfather to your little Fenrian. We'll take good care of him here."

" _Ma serannas, falon_ ," 'Fen replied, relieved. "Cullen has finally gotten over being projectile-pooped on by my boy?" She grinned.

"Dare I ask?" Abelas wondered. "No, I am better off not knowing. Please excuse us; I will see that Danyla and Sabran are prepared to travel."

"Please see Josephine if you would. Scout Harding outside of the tavern here should guide you," Miryam offered.

The three Sentinels stood, nodding to Miryam and bowing to Erafen, and they headed out.

"That's weird," Miryam said when the three were out of earshot. "They seem to respect you quite a bit, when before Abelas seemed to dismiss you outright."

"Oh, Miry, things are... things are a mess. You know what the elves say about me now, those ridiculous titles they make? Bride of the Wolf, Hand of Fen'Harel? I've done nothing to provoke or promote this, only worn the gift my Solas left me and raise our son," Erafen insisted, which was actually the truth. Who would believe the unassuming apostate mage was an Elvhen 'god'?

"So where is this place where the Veil is thin that you would go looking in the Fade?" the Inquisitor asked.

"Crestwood," Erafen said immediately. "It was a place Solas showed me, private and sacred, and I would rather not break the trust he showed in me by revealing it to another person."

"You know I would never ask that of you, my dear friend," Miryam insisted. "I only have a strong feeling that you're in danger."

"No more than being your First entails," 'Fen insisted. "And is it not the purpose of the Inquisition to maintain balance in Thedas, to eliminate threats to all peoples?"

Miry sighed. "You're right. Damn it. I hate when you're right about things like this."

"That's my job, _falon_ ," the elf pointed out. "Now I have to see who I would trust to stand back. A shame so many of our Circle aren't here now."

The Iron Bull was out with the Chargers to assist in reinforcing Kirkwall's defenses, Varric with him to return to his home and his business. Dorian was in Tevinter gathering as much information as he could about the earliest days of the Empire. Blackwall since made good on his long-dead mentor's intentions for him to join the Grey Wardens, hoping to help with their reformation. Sera would travel, but she still considered Skyhold home, as did Cole. Vivienne, of course, was in Val Royeaux with Cassandra and Divine Victoria. That left very few options for a well-rounded defensive group.

Fenrian, held in his mother's arms, fidgeted again, making a small whimpering sound as he dreamed. Erafen touched her head to his, seemingly concentrating. "Babies have a bit of protection in the Fade," she said. "They don't have expectations or desires apart form simple comforts and needs; they are not a target for demons, nor do they have any concept of what accepting or rejecting them will be."

"How fortunate for them," Miryam said, watching with a wistful look. "Cullen and I have discussed if we should try. Fenrian has been good practice."

"I've never been away from him for longer than a day," Erafen said, kissing her son's dark hair. "I trust you with him. He will be safe here."

"He will be," the Inquisitor affirmed. "Are you to be leaving in the morning?"

"I must," Erafen answered softly. "Better to keep our numbers small. Cole will come with me and Abelas. We will move swiftly, do our searching, and return to go over whatever we discover."

"You have the resources of the Inquisition at your disposal," Miryam pledged, and she stood. "Let us go to the War Room to plan."

\----

That night, Erafen walked the Fade once she'd made sure Fenrian was safely within his own safe innocent dreams. She moved beyond Skyhold's boundaries, calling to spirits friendly to her to help search for Fen'Harel.

" _Please let him know it is urgent_ ," she told one spirit, relieved at its positive response. She called out again, but there was no answer. She knew in the Fade that her Wolf would hear her when she called, and normally she had some sort of confirmation from him, but it was odd to have nothing.

Erafen, feeling desperate, leaned her head back, channeling what she shared with her love, and let out a howl that echoed across the Fade. resonating through its landscape. She knew other Dreamers would feel it, but at this point, she didn't care.

Silence answered her at first, but then, faintly, as if locked away, a lone wolf's cry answered her in return, the voice as familiar to Erafen has her own.

" _'Ma Fen_!" she cried out, and knew something was terribly frighteningly wrong.


	3. Wolf Cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Abelas and Cole in tow, Erafen goes to the place she knows her connection with her Wolf to be the strongest.

Erafen said little as they rode out of Skyhold. She hardly needed to with Cole chattering along the two days it took to ride to Crestwood.

“I don’t think that many dragons still exist, Erafen,” he told her in confusion, once they’d ridden out past Haven’s monuments and on to the Hinterlands.

“Cole, love, I was… exaggerating. In my thoughts. Wild imagination,” ‘Fen said, exasperated. They’d stopped at one of the Inquisition’s camps to let their mounts rest.

Abelas, for all of his seriousness, let out a short bark of laughter. “Do you think dragons threaten Skyhold for the sake of your son?”

“Shut it, you,” Erafen snapped, sighing again loudly. “Look, I haven’t been away from Fenrien for more than a day before. I’m… I just don’t like it.”

“A mother’s love is all encompassing, as is her guilt when separated from her child,” Cole said absently. “Fenrien, all moments of your life are precious, and I give these up for your father.” He blinked. “I thought his father was Solas.”

“His father is Solas,” ‘Fen insisted. “Please don’t look too deeply into this; we need to be discreet.”

“You call him ‘my Wolf’,” Cole continued.

“Cole! _Please_?” Erafen almost begged.

“I am sorry; it distresses you,” the spirit said.

“She takes her duties and promises seriously, as well she should,” Abelas mentioned. “Such integrity has been long missing from the world without having a god bind it into you.”

“Are you bitter about that, Abelas?” Erafen asked.

“No, I have made peace with my fate, and serving Mythal was the greatest honor of my existence. I loved her, loved being in her service, and I remain loyal to her and her memory. There was no greater of our gods I could serve, not even Elgar’nan.” The Sentinel fell silent, looking thoughtful. “My lady, know that Fen’Harel was beloved of Mythal, a trusted friend. He did nothing of his own accord to harm her.”

“Can you tell me how she died?” ‘Fen asked, pulling meat off of the campfire.

“None of us know exactly how it happened. I was the one to find her. I had another name in those days, but after seeing the results of the betrayal, I had no other emotion within me save sadness, profound and deep.” Abelas took a stick, poking at the fire absently. “When Fen’Harel found her dead, he howled in rage and stormed out of the temple as if he were a rage demon personified. It was the last any of us had seen of him, but not the last we’d heard. When the gods fell, we sealed the temple and went to sleep, sworn to defend Mythal’s memory and her last remaining legacy, the _Vir'abelasan_.”

“And you didn’t know at the time, did you? When we were there?” Erafen asked obliquely.

“No, none of us knew. All we saw was another _Elvhen_ , one for reasons beyond our ken allied with invading _shemlen_. Had we known, things may have been different in our meeting, though the outcome likely the same,” Abelas answered. “Tell me, why did you not drink?”

“Solas asked her not to, pleading in his voice. There was no reason, only desperation, dedication,” Cole mumbled.

“I trusted him,” Erafen answered. “He had reasons, knew things I did not. He would not see me come to harm or bound to another's will, so I had faith in his judgment. After speaking with Morrigan, I am perfectly happy that I did not.”

“Under the circumstances, I think that was wise. You have no regrets?” the Sentinel asked.

“Knowledge gone, wasted but not lost, the soul of the passing _Elvhen_ bestowed upon the quickling,” Cole added.

“Thanks, Cole,” Erafen said, shaking her head. She took a bite of the hare meat from the skewer in her hand. “I sometimes wonder what I gave up, but I have other sources of wisdom. I’d rather not live in the past.”

“For some of us, that’s all we have,” Abelas said.

“It’s not too late, you know,” Erafen told him. “You’ve missed so much of the world that this is different. You could learn a new way.”

“It rather does not matter if I want to or not; I serve you in Mythal’s name, my lady,” he told her.

“I would not bind you to my service,” she began, but Abelas held up a hand.

“I would _still_ follow,” he told her, eyes locked to hers for a moment. “I would correct past wrongs.”

Erafen’s brow creased in concern, and she pulled her look away, staring at the fire. “Very well.”

The three were silent as they ate their dinner of wild vegetables and roasted hare, the only sound the breeze blowing through the grass and the howl of wolves in the distance.

“Calling through the Fade: ‘ _’Ma Fen_ , where are you?’,” Cole said. “A lonely howl, so far away. Skittering, scared, the Fade is not the place of memories it once was.”

“Right,” Erafen acknowledged. “He was so distant, my Wolf. What I felt…”

“This does not bode well,” Abelas agreed.

“No,” ‘Fen said, and suddenly full, she threw her leftovers into the fire, standing to retreat to her lonely tent. She didn’t have much hope for what she might find in the Fade that night, but she would continue her search.

——

The next day, they were up and off with the dawn, Erafen and Abelas on great harts, Cole riding behind the First. He spoke up at intervals when her worries grew too loud, helping her with perspective and self-control. Her heart ached for both her child and his father; anger flared at the things separating her from both.

Thankfully, they made it to the camp in Crestwood in time for lunch, and it was a quiet affair of leftover dried meat and vegetables chopped into a rustic stew. After they'd eaten, Cole and Abelas brought over more wood while Erafen stowed away their gear.

“I am coming with you,” Abelas insisted, adding wood to the fire.

“You are _not_ ,” Erafen countered. “I promised it would remain private, sacred. Surely you understand the importance.”

“Surely _you_ understand that your group violated that same sanctity at Mythal’s temple,” Abelas retorted.

“But you did show us the way!” Erafen pointed out, hands on her hips.

“To protect it!” Abelas raised his voice.

“Beside the point!” Erafen almost shouted.

“Please, this is different, her god still walks the land,” Cole said, fretting and wringing his hands. “Mythal did not object, Mythal would see him… safe!”

Both elves turned to look at the spirit in human form, and then, almost in unison, they relaxed their postures. Their eyes met, a wordless conversation of raised eyebrows and head nods passing between them.

“Very well, but call through the Fade or signal with magic if you run into trouble,” the Sentinel insisted.

“Very well, Abelas. I will,” Erafen consented. She left her pack with the two, making sure to grab a little something to eat and some potions. Her staff was strapped to her back, foot wrappings were checked, and she stood, ready to go. “I should return by tomorrow,” she told them, and without waiting, she headed off up the path, looking for the statue of Fen’Harel that guarded the entrance to the sacred cave.

When she found the stone form, she paused, resting a hand against its stone muzzle. This statue was in a guarding position, not relaxed as the one in Mythal's temple had been, but even so, it wasn't like the statue placed at Dalish camps. She could almost see Solas in its angular features, get a sense of his protectiveness and secrecy. Her heart pounded in her chest, remembering the last time she'd been here, over a year ago. Perhaps gods did not count anniversaries, but her mind was still that of a younger elf, and the passing of time like that still mattered to her. With one last lingering look, she bade the statue a blessing and headed into the cave proper, summoning veilfire to light her path.

Inside the cave, it was as if almost no time passed at all. The touch of the Fade made her skin tingle, causing gooseflesh to rise. The spirit that guarded the place recognized her, welcomed her as a friend, and then went off to tend to her other charges. Everything from the log where she and Solas discussed their relationship to the indention in the bank where they'd consummated their union was untouched as if it happened only yesterday. Time didn't seem to have an impact on this place.

Setting her pack aside, Erafen disrobed, wanting fewer ties to the waking world to distract her. It was bad enough she ached and worried for the absence of her son, but for the sake of finding Solas, she needed to clear her mind. Her training as First to Clan Lavellan served her well in this; she prepared herself as she would the prayers and rituals of her people. A swim purified body and mind, and she returned to the bank, sitting half in the water just at the edge of that one sacred location, letting her mind slip away and into the Fade.

Once she was positive it was her mind and not her body that was active, Erafen walked forward, reaching out with her senses to see if she could find any trace of the Dread Wolf. It was easier to sense him from this place where his touch permeated the land and air, and she leaned her head back, howling once to see if he would respond. There, again in the distance, she heard that distant lonely howl in response, and she tried not to choke on her worry. In it she heard desperation, no small amount of rage, and almost a sense of warning. No, he was somewhere, stuck in something, but he didn't want her to come looking out of... fear? Concern? She reached again.

 _"'Ma fen, why don't you tell me_?" she sent, and then she saw it, dark branches, binding and rendering the body unable to move. A taunting voice, an old grudge. Fangs barred in defiance of... of who? She couldn't see much more.

 _No, leave me before it senses you! Protect the...!!!!_ She felt the words in her mind as clearly as if he were standing next to her. though he was suddenly cut off. Another sensation, failure in a task, guilt over betrayal, and then she found herself thrust from the Fade and laying on the water's edge back in Fen'Harel's cave.

Erafen had something, however. She knew a direction, found a way to go. It would take her away from Fenrien longer, but one thing was clear: something went very wrong on Fen'Harel's quest and he had fallen prey to... something. Someone. A "he" that her lover was afraid would use her against the him. It was one of the reasons, she knew, that he'd almost ended things between them, a worst fear come to life, but Erafen couldn't let it be. She was stronger now, and if something out there managed to hurt her Wolf, then she would be the one who best cared for him, could find him.

She remained there that night, sleeping in the secure area, nesting in soft grasses. She could see how Fen'Harel could have spent his long slumber here, shielded and safe from the changing world outside. How strange it must have been to step out and see so much different. Of course he would be frustrated by both Dalish and City elves alike, each sect being far different from the kin he left behind.

In the Fade, Erafen was far more cautious as she searched, calling to spirits to do more detective work for her. What she learned is that Fen'Harel had not been seen in the Fade for at least a month by the way the waking world worked, that he'd come into more power and searched for an old lost path. What he found, she didn't know, but one spirit, one of command, was more talkative than some others.

" _I ordered the foolish elf not to go, but he didn't listen. The path was sealed off for a reason, and disturbing it... He disobeyed a direct order!"_ the spirit complained. _"It was forgotten for a reason. So I followed after, only to find he wasn't alone. I couldn't see the other figure, and when I called to order him to reveal himself, both of them left. The nerve!_ "

Erafen thanked the spirit for her input, finding herself only a little closer to her answers. She woke the next morning, took a swim to clear her head, and dressed quickly, heading out to return to Cole and Abelas. She had a Dread Wolf to hunt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to let folks know that this is going to be updated a bit more slowly than my last fic at first thanks to offline issues and work, but I'm keeping it up. Hopefully there'll be things in here for everyone to love! 
> 
> I'm sure Bioware is going to put stuff out that completely disproves the assumptions I've made about the truth behind the lore, but OH WELL.


	4. Friends Old and New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen finds something familiar from the Fade, and so she leads Abelas and Cole to find someone she thinks can help her. Also, Cole finally gets it.

"We're going _where_?" Abelas wondered, almost scowling at the prospect of going to a human settlement.

"Kirkwall," Erafen said, finishing the second of her letters. "There are a few people there I need to speak with, and then continue forward."

"Her Wolf cannot... oh, he is Solas!" Cole said, eyes wide. "I never knew, but I did know, so never is not right!"

"And don't tell another soul," 'Fen pleaded. "I had a feeling you'd figure it out."

"Oh, I think I already _knew_ , but I forgot. I think he _made_ me forget," Cole replied, apologetic. "He would never let me heal his sadness, to make things better."

"I don't think he wanted to let go of it, _da'len_ ," she told him. "Some people need their sadness as... as fuel. Something of that nature, you see? He's been living with it so long that letting it go..."

"More familiar and welcoming than anything, even sometimes your touch," the spirit whispered. "His pain does not change, and he would not change you more."

"You never did say why we are going to Kirkwall," Abelas pointed out. "Yes, you want to speak with people, but you did not say who and why." He finished affixing the one completed missive to a crow, sending it off to Skyhold.

"Fine, I want Varric to introduce me to his friend Merrill," Erafen said. "She has a broken _eluvian_. I want it. What's more, I want to restore it properly, not with blood magic as she did, but with magics of the Fade. More than that, I want to enlist her assistance in finding Solas, so this serves two purposes."

"Varric won't want to come with us," Cole piped in. "His bones ache, creaking crushing feeling -- 'I'm too short for this shit,' he says, cursing the uneven terrain under his short legs. The comforts of the city call."

" _Da'len_ , I wouldn't even ask it of him." Erafen shook her head. "I need someone who knows what blood magic actually feels like firsthand, so I'll need to talk to Merrill, enlist her aid, not Varric's, though I want to see him, pick his brain, as it were. Also, this could give her a chance at redemption in the eyes of other elves. I read Varric's book; her intentions were pure, but she was far too naïve to trust the demon. A spirit may grant knowledge, but never would it suggest blood magic."

"It cuts the connection to the Fade; it is outside of things we know," Cole agreed. "Bleeding seeping creeping feeling."

"Apart from being simply distasteful," Abelas added, having listened carefully. "Not evil in and of itself, but the power it grants certainly is alluring and takes a strong mind to resist." He reached down to pat his mount on its large neck. "What should I expect in this Kirkwall?"

Erafen looked thoughtful. "We'll probably get some flack from the guards, but we'll request Varric first. That's why I sent the crow ahead so he knows to expect us. I also don't know if we have anything to expect of Hawke. She's still keeping a low profile, but her family estate is in Kirkwall. If I could talk to her, that'd be a bonus."

"Ah, yes. The Champion," Abelas understood, remembering the brief history of the Inquisition Erafen told him earlier. "If her presence would invite trouble, maybe we're better off without her there."

Erafen just shrugged. "Maybe. At any rate, I see the ferry ahead. We'll charter our ride across and worry about Kirkwall when we're there."

Their mounts were left at the landing; someone from the Inquisition would retrieve the great harts. The rest of the journey involved choppy waters from where they left at the tributary, heading across to Kirkwall at the edge of the Waking Sea. 'Fen hated boats, hated feeling the world under her feet moving like that, and more than once she found herself going below deck to relieve her stomach of its contents. She never did quite find her sea legs, ready to be off of the thrice damned vessel.

Dawn rose by the time they arrived, the sun soon rising brighter, and Erafen leaned heavily on Abelas as she tried to find her bearings on land. He was a bit better, being sturdier than she was, and Cole seemed to suffer no ill effects at all. It was Cole who took it upon himself to announce to the guards that they were looking for Varric Tethras, and by the time Erafen felt more like herself, the dwarf came out to meet them.

"Lily! You look like shit!" he said by way of greeting, but he hugged her all the same. "Come on, we'll get some drink in you and I'll take you to meet Daisy."

"Thank you, Varric," Erafen said, and she took a moment to introduce Abelas, though offered little about the Sentinel's origins. Varric, thankfully, did not ask.

It didn't take too long to get to The Hanged Man, and even less for the Inquisition's coin to buy food and drink for the small group. Varric sent word off with a young elf to go fetch Merrill from the Alienage, and he listened as Erafen filled him in on what she could.

"I dunno, Lily, that _eluvian_ thing brought a world of nothing but trouble," he told her.

"It would be safe in my hands," Erafen told him. "We need a second one, and what's more, I need Merrill's help in locating Solas. I felt binding like nothing else, and I need her understanding of blood magic to help me figure out if this is something I can undo."

"I don't think you'd find Daisy unwilling to help you with finding Chuckles, but she's given it up, found she lost too much of what she loved to its touch," Varric insisted. "I was there, Lily. She was a wreck after what happened to her Keeper, after being cast out by her clan."

"Clan Sabrae had good reason to, and I wouldn't at all blame them, but I do also think perhaps she wasn't... nurtured. They distrusted her right away, didn't give her a chance, and this is a major failing of the Dalish," Erafen pointed out.

"There seem to be many failings of the Dalish," Abelas pointed out drily. "Misinforming and driving away a First doesn't seem so unlikely, given what I know of them."

"I hope to rectify that, give her a chance to prove herself, to no longer be _harellan_ in the eyes of the People," 'Fen said with a long sigh. "We can't afford to push our own people away like this. It'll take as many of us as possible to rebuilt our society. _Halam'abelas_ will need her."

"So are you here recruiting, too?" Varric wondered.

"No, not really. My goal is Solas," Erafen insisted. "I need to find him, make sure he's safe, and return to our son." Guilt crossed her face again, thinking of the time she was missing with Fenrien, but she at least trusted that he was safe and well cared for at Skyhold.

"And when shall we see this _shemlen_ elf?" Abelas glanced around, taking note that there were quite a few more elves in serving capacity and that Cole had gone off to do his, as Erafen sometimes called it, 'spirit-thing'.

"Who're you calling ' _shemlen_ ', hm?" a heavily accented voice said from behind, and when the two turned to face the source, they were greeted by a willowy elf with large hazel eyes, her black hair cropped short but hanging in thick braides from the root. It wasn't unlike Erafen's braided style, only shorter, definitely a style among the Dalish. The elf also wore what looked to be a combination of the City and Dalish styles, face proudly displaying _vallaslin_ of an older style.

"You, _shemlen_ ," Abelas said abruptly, but Erafen placed a gentle hand on his arm, stilling his words.

" _Atisha, lethallin_ ," she told him quietly, and then turned to the rather flustered looking newcomer. " _Aneth ara, Sabrae'Sael_."

"I haven't been First in... a very long time," the other elven woman said, anger fading under the memory of her shame.

"I understand," Erafen said.

"Merril, let me introduce a few people I've told you about," Varric said, standing up diplomatically. "This is Erafen of Clan Lavellan, First to the Inquisition. This charming fellow is her... bodyguard? Abelas. He was a Sentinel at Mythal's temple."

Abelas merely looked at Merril with curious disdain.

"I don't know if you can see the kid there, but that's Cole," Varric added, looking around.

"The demon?" Merrill asked, fear in her eyes.

"I prefer ' _elgar'falon_ '," Erafen said, trying not to be offended for the spirit-person. Of course Merrill would have a degree of distrust, even trauma, where spirits were concerned, considering a demon used and lied to her.

"A... a spirit, then," the dark-haired elf allowed, still looking around anxiously.

"Listen, if you two ladies need to go talk privately, I'll keep Stoic and the kid busy here. Come back tonight; I'll introduce you to Aveline," Varric said.

"I will accompany," Abelas insisted. "Or I will stay... quiet and out of the way, unnoticed. We have our ways."

"Whatever you prefer," Erafen told the Sentinel. "We won't be far, will we?" She looked to Merrill.

"No, just in the Alienage," Merrill said, and she stood, going to lead the Inquisition's First to her humble abode.

As the two elves made their way silently to the Alienage, Erafen felt herself feeling sorry for these elves, her heart moved to see them struggling and trying to maintain some semblance of what kept them apart from the humans. Even with the grand tree, the _vhen'adahl_ , providing shade and greenery, the homes around it were still dismal shacks, barely providing comfort to those inside.

Merrill's home, by comparison, was more like how Erafen's own room back at Skyhold was decorated, bearing touches of Dalish artistry and craftsmanship. It was sparse, but homey and welcome.

"I'll brew us some tea then," the dark-haired elf said, and went to busy herself. "Sorry the place is such a mess. Always when I'm having company. I should be a better housekeeper or hostess, but the local elves here keep me busy." Merrill continued to ramble while Erafen took a seat on a well-mended couch.

"Don't worry; I've been sleeping in caves long enough," Erafen told her, and she looked around while Merrill brewed the tea. Something caught her eye through the open door, a rather tall lumpy object, covered with a grey canvas. She closed her eyes, reaching towards it, and oddly enough, felt the vague touch of magic in it.

"That's your _eluvian_ ," 'Fen managed.

"Y-yes. That thing. I keep it around to remind me not to be stupid, not to trust demons, and not to do blood magic," Merrill said, her voice both ashamed and angry with herself. "I will no longer do the things that made me _harellan_."

"That's ridiculous," Erafen scoffed. "You are no more _harellan_ than I am, and my _vallaslin_ was removed before my son was born."

"Removed? Then it's true, you were born Dalish!" Merrill scooted around, pouring tea that smelled heavily of black currants. "The stories are true! And you are gathering our people at Skyhold for something big, so the rumors go."

"I wore the marks of Mythal until _Ara'isha_ removed them. He knows very old magic. He's why I'm here to talk to you." Erafen took a long sip. "Very good tea, by the way. Also, it's true, though I didn't start out gathering them. The Keeper of my clan spread the word, and elves came slowly and steadily to Skyhold, and then to camp where our new holdings in the Emerald Graves are."

"Thank you," Merrill said regarding the compliment. "But why would you want me? You read Varric's book, I assume. Word spread among the People what I did."

"It's because of your experiences that you are perfect," Erafen insisted. "I need someone who not only knows blood magic, but can resist it. I need someone who knows the words of demons versus spirits. I need someone strong in the lore of the Dalish, someone who truly loves the old ways and would be willing to study the Fade." She lowered her head, staring at her hands.

"By the Dread Wolf," Merrill swore, "I believe you are serious. I... I don't know what I would do. I... oh, are you all right?"

When Erafen looked up at the other elf, tears were in her eyes, her exhaustion clear. "I need to know if blood magic holds my love, and how I would free him if so. You are the only one I know of who can and would help me with this."

Merrill looked stricken, but before her was a chance of redemption, a chance to let her shameful past be used to help someone who needed her.

"All right," she told Erafen, looking determined. "What do you need me to do?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erafen is really at her wit's end. She's really tired, feels guilty, and is overwhelmingly worried for Solas. I do torture her so. 
> 
> Also, your comments are pure gold to me! Please keep the feedback coming, let me know what I'm doing right or wrong! 
> 
> And now for Translations (not literal):  
> http://fenxshiral.tumblr.com/tagged/project+elvhen/
> 
> da'len - little one  
> eluvian - magic mirror  
> Halam'abelas - Sorrow's End  
> shemlen - quickling, non-immortal as Abelas uses it  
> atisha - peace  
> lethallin - kinsman/cousin  
> Aneth ara - a greeting among Dalish, "my safe place"  
> Sabrae'Sael - Sabrae's First  
> elgar'falon - spirit friend  
> vhen'adahl - Tree of the People, the central tree in an Alienage  
> harellan - traitor to one's blood  
> vallaslin - Dalish tattoos, "blood writing"  
> Ara'isha - husband, "my man"


	5. The Hanged Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen meets a few of Varric's friends and plans a trip to Sundermount.

As it turned out, Erafen needed a good cry, and Merrill, being kind-hearted, had a good cry along with the other elf, even if she didn't have any reason or idea as to why. All she knew is that the elf who came seeking her help was missing someone important to her, separated from her son, and feeling very tired and desperate. If there was something Merrill knew well, it was desperation and heartache.

Erafen had enough presence of mind to set her cup down, and Merrill did the same, coming around to let the other woman cry on her shoulder, smoothing down thick copper braids with her free hand. The outpouring only lasted a little while, but it was clearly what the First needed, murmuring thanks and apologies to her hostess.

"This place as seen many tears," Merrill said. "Yours are welcome here, too." She sat back when 'Fen moved away, nervously waiting for the other woman to say something.

"It's been a stressful few days," Erafen said. "I just felt... I don't know, I couldn't keep it in any longer, I suppose. You don't even know me."

"I know _of_ you," Merrill said, passing 'Fen a handkerchief. "I know the good things you've done. They say you slayed an Archdemon and that you are the Hand of Fen'Harel."

Erafen took the cloth, wiping her eyes, and she couldn't help laughing a little. "I tend to talk in my sleep. I call Solas 'my Wolf', and it was overheard. So now they say Fen'Harel visits my dreams. To be honest, it's been a long time since I've been visited by anyone that isn't a spirit or the occasional demon."

"I heard the tales, also, that you did go to Mythal's temple. The recreations of the mosaics and texts of the Elvhen have been making rounds through Dalish camps, and by extension, they've come to the Alienages. That they paint the Dread Wolf as something other than a traitor..." Merrill trailed off, looking at her hands. "I hoped maybe I may be able to redeem myself, too."

"Then please help," Erafen insisted. "You are not a Dreamer, but I can help you, if there is a place where the Veil is thin, _setheneran_ that would allow me to guide you. It'd be far easier for us to work together where we have easy access to the Fade."

Merrill bit her lip, uncomfortable. "There is somewhere in the place my clan camped at. An altar to Mythal stands in a graveyard, and the spirits speak through the Veil there. It would be the perfect place for us to try something like that, to track down your Solas and see if it's blood magic that holds him. I... I would be willing to do it."

"Thank you," Erafen said sincerely. "And the other thing I must ask of you. May I take your _eluvian_?"

"That cursed terrible thing?" Merrill's voice went shrill. "Why would you want it? It's been touched with blood magic, tainted and evil."

"Touched, yes, but not tainted, I feel, and it can be cleansed even so. It will take work and very old magic," 'Fen told her. "Isn't it time to let your shame go?"

"I... I will consider it. I don't want anyone else to suffer for what I've done," the other elf insisted. "But if you can... can make it right, then I will surely think it over."

"That's all I ask," 'Fen said, nodding. "So perhaps we should perpare for our journey?"

"You and your friends may stay here the night, if you like," Merrill offered. "Your sullen friend, though?"

"He'll live," Erafen insisted. "Abelas is... unique. He was a Sentinel at Mythal's temple. I don't know what happened, but somehow he's decided he's my bodyguard. I... I have suspicions, but I can't go into it without violating the trust of someone very important to me."

Merrill nodded firmly. "I won't press." She looked thoughtful, however, looking past Erafen to rest her eyes on the covered _eluvian_. "We all have secrets, I reckon. With what has been learned, even our gods held secrets, or time has stolen the truth from us. Do you think the Dread Wolf _truly_ locked our gods away?"

"I have no way of knowing, not really," Erafen said. "I would think there has to be a grain of truth to that or else the story would not exist. If there's one thing I've learned, however, is not to give legend the weight of history, as 'ma Fen says. There is _much_ the Dalish got wrong." She let out a long sigh, finally returning to her cup of tea.

Merrill, for her part, refreshed Erafen's cup, telling her of the Alienage, of the things she worked hard on to make things better for the elves there, and about how it was discouraging to see so little of it actually accomplishing anything. "If you're gathering elves for this place in the Dales, then... maybe I can join?"

"You'd be welcome," Erafen told her.

"I... if I can come, if I can help, then my _eluvian_ is yours," Merrill decided.

'Fen smiled broadly, and then she finished her tea. "Welcome, then, to the Dream."

\----

That night, Erafen and Merrill returned to the Hanged Man to meet with Varric and Cole. Abelas was nowhere to be seen, but if she focused, Erafen caught an edge of his aura not far away. He was staying out of sight, hiding where no questions could be asked of him and where he would raise no alarms.

"All right, Varric, where is this lady you want me to meet?" A rather handsome woman walked in, carrying herself like a soldier even if she wore no armor. At her hip was a long knife, its well worn hilt extending from where it was sheathed in a casing bearing etching in the Ferelden style.

"Aveline! So nice you could make it," Varric said, waving the strawberry blonde woman over. "Allow me to make introductions. This is Comtesse Erafen Lavallen of the Emerald Graves, formerly of the Free Marches, First to the Inquisition. And come on, pretty Lily, don't make that face."

"Varric, I hate titles! It's just Erafen, please," the elf told the taller woman.

"Lily, this is Guard-Captain Aveline Vallen Hendyr, née du Lac, of the Kirkwall Guard, formerly of Ferelden and... Well, she hates titles, too," Varric said apologetically.

"You should have let me know we had such a dignitary in Kirkwall!" Aveline said, appalled.

"Please, it's ok. I don't want a fuss, not when I'm here on business," 'Fen insisted. "But Varric said tonight was for meetings, and I've heard so much about you. I felt the sting of your loss when I read of it, and the joy of your good fortune with Ser Donnic. I'm here because my beloved is... endangered."

The harsh undertones to the Guard-Captain's expression softened, and she nodded in sympathy. "I would never wish it on someone to lose their life's partner. Were you married? For how long?"

"We are, and it's been over a year. We have a son," Erafen said. "My love is a Dreamer, skilled in the arcane paths of the Fade, and I fear something has trapped him. It had a darkness and a... a smell, like old dried blood. I fear it was blood magic that bound him."

"And you sought Merrill's advice? Be careful," Aveline cautioned, finally taking a seat at the table.

"I'm right here, you know," Merrill pointed out.

"And you _should_ be careful, little elf," the larger woman advised. "But I do trust you. I merely don't wish to see you tempted back to those old ways."

Erafen looked thoughtful while the women talked, and finally spoke up. "Blood magic has a bad reputation thanks to the Chantry, tales of my people, the sacrifices of Tevinter mages, and, well, its own lure. It promises power, more and more, and can become addicting, just like when Tevinter sought to expand its borders. What it had was not enough. In this, I will not ask Merrill to shed her own blood or put anyone to harm other than myself. For my Solas, I would gladly bleed dry, but I'm not suicidal. I _doubt_ he'd appreciate that."

Merrill looked relieved, but then it sank in. Erafen would be willing to give up her own blood if necessary, but even after the terror of it passed, she seemed resigned to it. A chance at redemption was worth it.

"So tell me of your spouse," Aveline insisted, raising a hand to signal ale for the table. "Is he Dalish? City elf?"

"Neither, really. He belongs to himself and something far older, having learned his magic through the Fade directly," Erafen said truthfully. "Solas was a wanderer for a very long time, used to being solitary. He had things he needed to do, things I couldn't join him on as I carried Fenrien, our son, at the time."

"He left you with a child? Just like that?" the human woman asked, concerned.

"Not without my blessing," Erafen insisted. "His goals are important, things he spent years working on. I would not deny him. Would you deny your husband if he were conscripted, sent to war?"

"I... would not," Aveline said. "Duty binds us all."

"As does pride," 'Fen added softly, almost to herself.

"Chuckles is a pretty smart fellow. He seems to know everything about everything, but he has really... set ideas about things. I think Lily here threw him for a loop," Varric interjected. "Of course, love typically does that."

"And it makes everyone quite silly," Merrill laughed.

"The Champion is so pretty, so glorious, but she does not see, does not know, and now she has her Little Wolf to make her happy," Cole's voice piped in, causing the smaller elf to jump.

"And that's Cole," Erafen said, smirking a touch. "He's a spirit, wearing human form. Not a possession, but just expect... weirdness."

"I always expect weirdness from people who associate with Varric here," Aveline said, rolling her eyes. "And I reckon that includes from _myself_ as well."

"Don't worry, Merrill," Erafen added to her fellow Dalish. "Cole tends to speak out those things that are best left to our inner monologue. He's still learning to separate them out, though sometimes he gets other people in trouble who need getting into the trouble to start." She reached around to flick the floppy brim of the hat the spirit always wore.

" _Elgar'falon_ , you said? I... can see he is friendly," Merrill said nervously.

"I'm not going to ask at all," Aveline informed them, taking a drink. "So where will you be going to look for your man?" she asked of Erafen. "Have you a plan?"

"Sundermount, a place Merrill knows where the Veil is thin. We'll start our search there. It'll take us both, along with some rather old magic," 'Fen told her. "We won't stir up trouble for Kirkwall, you have my word."

"See that you don't. Should I still have guards on patrol while you two will be working?" the Guard-Captain inquired.

"That shouldn't really be necessary, but if it will set your mind at ease, it won't be unwelcome. We're going higher up on the peak, according to how Merrill described it," the First replied, looking to the other elf for confirmation.

"It was that place where we met with _Asha'belannar_ ," Merrill spoke up. "Flemeth, as the humans called her."

"We met her when escaping Ferelden, too," Aveline added. "She was a dragon, and then changed to a woman, and Hawke promised to assist her in something, a debt paid in full there at the Altar. I suppose that is where you two will be headed." She shook her head. "I do not understand it."

"You have both had dealings with her?" Erafen asked, eyes wide. She remembered what Morrigan told her before leaving Skyhold, that Flemeth was the body in which Mythal resided. How that happened, she still didn't know.

"You know of her then?" Aveline asked.

"All Dalish know of _Asha'belannar_ ," Erafen deflected. "She is as legendary among my people as she is among the humans of Ferelden."

"She was quite the imposing lady," Varric added. "I wouldn't want to cross paths with her again, even for a minute."

"It was her aid that led to Morrigan being able to assist Miryam in the battle against Corypheus' pet fake dragon," Erafen pointed out.

"Even so, better them than me," the dwarf said.

Erafen shook her head, taking a drink of her ale. She sat back, watching and listening as Varric told Aveline, Merrill, and to an extent, Cole, some of the adventures he'd had with the Inquisition. She piped in as needed, bringing up when she met Fenris during his search for Alona Hawke, Kirkwall's Champion. For the most part, she was happy to sit back and enjoy Merrill's animated questions, Aveline's request for battle details, and Cole offering emotional insights to the participants' experiences. It was easy for her to see the cameraderie the women shared with the dwarf, easy to see how they'd all shed blood for each other. This was a bond she knew intimately, sharing it with Varric as well as those in the Inquisition. Her thoughts, of course, went to Solas, and she excused herself for some night air.

She wasn't alone long; Abelas was there at her side in an instant.

"My lady," he said.

"A little too loud, a little too busy. I am anxious for my Wolf," she said. "We drink and laugh while he is... somewhere."

"Fen'Harel has lived centuries by his wit and cunning. He has eluded those who would see him come to harm. If he is in danger now, surely he still lives, has found a way to resist what would keep him bound. Is this course wise?" the Sentinel asked.

"Wise or not, I will see it through," Erafen said. "I fear he was trying to wake the gods of old, that or... I don't know, but something he needed a replacement for that Orb to accomplish. Dagna and I have been trying to restore it with limited luck."

"It was said his Orb was the Key to the Fade, a Vessel of Dreams," Abelas said. "I do not intend to offend, but your magics may not be enough to restore it to what it was."

"So I find Fen'Harel, free him, and we find a new way," Erafen said, eyes drifting to the stars above.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting back into how I like to be with my writing. I have chapter six written now.
> 
> Please leave me some feedback! Your comments really do help me keep my muse active, and I'd love to know what you guys think so far!


	6. Scent of Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen and Merrill hunt on Sundermount, trying to find clues.

It was decided that Erafen and Merrill would leave in the morning, Abelas accompanying them because he wouldn't take no for an answer and it probably would be wise to have someone watching their bodies when they walked the Fade. This was something 'Fen had never done, but she remembered Solas guiding her after her connection to the Fade was stronger, so she hoped to be able to help Merrill with the same thing.

There were, of course, plenty of nasties to fight the farther up Sundermount they traveled; bandits inhabited caverns, old darkspawn still remained, and large insects called the caves home. Dispatching their opponents, however, was relatively easy for the trio. Merrill even made light commentary after a few spells here and there, giving some background to her travels with Hawke earlier.

Finally, after most of the day wandering, the three made it to Mythal's altar. Abelas moved ahead of the two, kneeling and whispering a prayer in the ancient language. Erafen, out of respect, lowered herself and gave a prayer of her own, wishing to be as wise and protective a mother as the ancient goddess. Merrill sang out one of the old songs, surprising and pleasing the Sentinel ahead of her.

"You are to attempt an old spell," Abelas told Erafen. "One you seem to be pulling from instinct somehow. There were ways to track the energies of the Fade in places of _setheneran_. It is not something to be undertaken without just cause."

"Can you think of no greater cause?" she challenged him, chin forward and proud.

"For you? No. Even more, if this grants answers in regards to Mythal's silence and the odd instructions sent my way, all the better, though I will see you protected," Abelas said. "You are beloved and cherished of..." He stopped, glancing to Merrill, who still didn't know the truth. "Of your ancient love."

"Ancient?" Merrill wondered, but she shrugged. Perhaps it could be another Sentinel? Another from the time of Abelas? Erafen was sure she saw the little gears turning in the other elf's head like some dwarven puzzle.

"Ancient, yes. He walked the Fade for so long, his knowledge spans centuries because of it," the First said smoothly. Abelas nodded at her; perhaps Fen'Harel's influence was making itself known after all.

"That's amazing. I look forward to meeting him!" Merrill's excitement was definitely easy to read on her face.

Erafen had nothing to say in response, merely closed her eyes to feel the place out, her senses much more finely tuned than when her lost love introduced her to the Fade. "This is perfect," she finally said. "Well chosen."

" _Ma serannas, hah'ren_ ," Merrill said, deferring to the more experienced elf, even if their ages were close. "What do we do? Do we sleep?"

"If I may make a suggestion," Abelas began, "You both would benefit from a meditative trance. Let milady's aura pull to yours, and then let her guide you to the Fade. She has experience in these matters, and you would do well to let her lead."

"I will, then," Merrill agreed at once.

Abelas turned his back to the lady elves, going to stand some feet away and down the steps leading to the altar's sacred ground. Erafen and Merrill both sat down crosslegged, facing each other with their bedrolls at their backs for comfort and support. Even as a chill wind blew through, the two were shielded from it due to the stone forms around them. It was as if Mythal herself raised a wall to protect the pair.

Erafen reached out, her fingers gently touching Merrill's temples, and she spoke softly, gently, letting her aura touch the other mage's. "Focus on me for now, my friend," she said. "Relax. Breathe. You know how. We were both First."

Merrill didn't nod or move, only complied, focusing on her breathing until her senses were wide open and her aura unguarded against Erafen's probing touch. It happened gently, like childhood friends holding hands to run through a field of flowers. They held that gentle union between them, and then they were standing there in the Fade, the spirits rising from all around them to float around and whisper greetings.

Merrill gasped. " _I've never seen the Fade like this, only through the filter of my own dreams_."

" _And do you not realize the language you speak_?" Erafen asked, amused. " _The old tongue comes more easily here, probably to you with our spirits in sync like this. Now come, we need to get to work_."

The other elf nodded, still surprised and delighted by the emerald and black landscape surrounding them both. She tore her eyes away, turning back to Erafen, ready for instruction. Feeling Erafen reach out, she was almost shocked into silence when the other elf leaned her head back and howled.

The answering call was distant, but almost immediately, 'Fen latched onto it. " _Now_!" she signalled her accomplice.

Merrill felt a surge of energy around her, a faint sanguine cloud rising from Erafen, evident the other elf had sent just a trickle of blood out to give Merrill something to strengthen the 'scent' of the magical trail. The very small amount was enough; the younger elf cast her spell with Erafen's stronger blood.

" _I have him, and it is blood magic! By the Dread Wolf, he is strong, but something old and deep has him. It feels like... an ancient trap, triggered with blood far older than ours. This trap feels... alluring_ ," Merrill said. " _Something else. Forgotten? Nightmares? A forgotten song of nightmares, I think._ "

Erafen wanted to reach deeper, but she didn't want to alert whatever trapped Solas, instead opting to reach enough to feel if her love could sense her. She was rewarded with the same fear as before, but he was weaker, much weaker. Whatever had him bound was sapping his energy. With a choked sob, she withdrew.

Her eyes opened in the waking world, tears streaming from her eyes. Erafen was barely aware that Merrill was bandaging her left hand, the shallow cut not dangerous but still bleeding freely. Abelas was approaching, the moon was far overhead, but 'Fen didn't notice any of it, not immediately. She knew where Solas was.

"A forest, ancient and teeming with magic," she managed, finally letting her eyes focus on the other two. "And in Ferelden, though quite the distance away. To the East. I need... I need a map, please."

"We'll head back into town right away if you like, _hah'ren_ , but you need rest," Merrill insisted, finishing her bandaging.

"I am inclined to agree with the _shem'vhen_ ," Abelas said. "You are shaking, weakened by the ordeal."

"Something drains him," Erafen insisted. "I felt... I have no idea who or what is doing it, but it was blood magic, yes?"

"It was, but the blood was ancient, even older than probably Abelas here," Merrill replied, looking frightened by the prospect. "Do you think it... it could be him? The Dread Wolf? He still roams the world, right?"

"No," Erafen said firmly. "It is not Fen'Harel. Please do not ask how I know."

Merrill looked at the other elf curiously, concerned, and she handed two potions to the other woman, a restorative for both mana and body. 'Fen took them gratefully, drinking them both down one after the other.

"Hopefully we have dispatched enough opponents that our path back may be uncontested," Abelas mused aloud.

"Let's hope so," Erafen said, standing shakily, steadying as the potions slowly took effect. She pulled her pack up to her back, and headed back down the stone stairway leading away from Mythal's abandoned altar.

The group did eventually stop to rest in the same places Clan Sabrae used years before, Merrill having little trouble pointing the place out. In the morning, they continued back to Kirkwall, and Varric took it upon himself to see to the group, greeting them at the gate.

"Sealed, silent, seeping, he is slowly losing that which makes him live," Cole said, walking along with them as they headed into Hightown. "We have time, but not much. He has made a grave mistake."

Erafen only nodded. "A change of plans, perhaps."

Varric took them directly to the doors of the Amell estate, knocking on the door. A pretty blonde elf answered, blinking at them innocently.

"Master Tethras, welcome! Please come in," the servant said. "Have you word on when Mistress Hawke will return?"

"No, Orana, sorry," Varric said. "Erafen here is a friend, though, and she needs a place to rest that isn't in the Alienage. We also need a map of Ferelden."

"Oh, of course! Mistress Hawke did say to extend courtesy to you and your trusted friends," Orana said, and let them in, going immediately to fetch food, drink, and the requested map, happy to be of service.

"She has the manner of a slave," Abelas observed.

"She _was_ one, from Tevinter," Merrill said, "And Alona, dear friend she is, offered Orana a wage and her freedom."

"As a slave, she really doesn't know what to do with freedom, but she's learning. Hawke wanted her to maintain the estate, live here, but Bodhan and his son Sandal both left. I stay here from time to time so Aveline doesn't fuss too much about the place sitting empty," Varric explained.

Before too long, they were around the dining table, the map spread out. Erafen looked it over, concentrating before moving her hand over to rest on an eastern sector.

"Here," she said firmly. "It has to be here."

Merrill looked thoughtful. "The Brecilian Forest," she said. "My clan was there for a short while when I was still a teenager. Did you know the Warden came from our ranks? But it all began there, in the forest."

"And fitting, then, that it could be the place _'ma lath_ is being held," Erafen said with a sigh. "Are you certain we can rest here, Varric?"

"Of course, Lily," the dwarf replied. "And we can set out in the morning."

"No, I can't ask you to come with us. We four will be sufficient," 'Fen insisted. "There will be some people coming from the Inquisition for an object in Merrill's home; she has entrusted it to my care."

"The mirror thing? Oh shit," Varric muttered. "Fine, and thank you. I'll take care of it, but when you find Chuckles, smack him one for me."

"We'll see about that," Erafen said, finally managing a smile. She took a moment to review the path they'd take; they'd have opportunities for resting and refueling at some of the Inquisition camps in the Hinterlands as they traveled.

Orana returned to show them to guest rooms, and once alone, Erafen took some time to write a letter to Miryam.

_"My dear Miry,_

_Our travels have taken a strange turn. My Wolf is being held, bound by blood magic, so we travel east into Ferelden to rescue him, into the Brecilian Forest. There is an object in a home within the Alienage here; Varric will see that any courier you send for it will be able to secure it. I will tell you: it is an eluvian. It is broken, inert, and my responsibility._

_Thank you again for tending to my son. I miss my Fenrian so much, the guilt of being away from him gnaws at me like a hunger that cannot be satisfied. Once his father is found, I will be returning to him at Skyhold._

_I have attached instructions for Lysas and Sylana. They know of what I intended for Halam'abelas, and I trust them do see to it._

_It pains me to be away from you, away from my son, but you are the one I trust above all others to care for him. Please pass on my gratitude to Cullen and tell him to stop rubbing his neck like that._

_Eternally your friend,_  
_Erafen Lavellan"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My chapters are a touch short, but they're getting to where I want them to. As always, thank you for your comments and encouragement! If I can take a day and get a few more chapters ahead in writing, I will be taking some time to draw Erafen, though if someone wants to contribute, I won't say no!
> 
> Quick Translation note:
> 
> I'm using the word "shem'vhen" as a portmanteau of "shemlen" and "elvhen". Abelas is gaining a bit of respect for some of the modern elves.


	7. The Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen faces Fear.

The next morning saw the party of four preparing to leave Kirkwall, the group trying to head out before most of the business in Hightown began for the day. Aveline met the group at the city gates, passing on a few provisions and mounts to be given to the Inquisition. Erafen thanked her; it would definitely speed their journey, and these mounts were far more used to traveling via ferry. Varric also met them, giving both Erafen and Merrill tight hugs, giving warm wishes and advice to Cole, and then giving a respectful if cautious nod to Abelas.

Erafen was better equipped for the ferry this time; a potion of elfroot and spindleweed heavily mixed with mint kept her stomach from flopping so badly as she rode in the hold. The water was far more still this time around, too, and they landed on the shore with no damage, nausea or otherwise.

They rode for most of the day along the coast, making is as far as the mountainous edge of the Hinterlands and through the pass at Redcliffe. The village ended up being their first stop, setting up in the tavern for a meal and drinks. Erafen remembered the Gull and Lantern; it was the place where the Inquisitor and her group first met the magister, Gereon Alexius, back when the Inquisition tried to recruit the rebel mages during the time that the Breach was still open. It was dark and lively as Erafen came to expect human taverns to be; while it might have once made her nervous when she was unused to it, she found it to be a bit comforting now.

It did not escape her notice that there were more elves among the patrons than she'd seen before; apparently word of _Halam'abelas_ spread there. Not just that, but many of the rebel mages were elves, and there wasn't as much of a distinction between races in the Circles as there were outside of them. Some of that seemed to have caught on in the village, or so Erafen hoped.

"It is different here than last time," Cole observed. "Much less sadness. There are mages here leftover from the rebellion, but they have made themselves useful. They heal, help, harvest, hope."

"I heard the King and Queen ousted the mages here after some big horrid thing," Merrill said. "Were you lot here?"

"We were," Erafen said. "I came once after that, trying to broker some peace on behalf of the mages who were actually residents here. Those who were weak of power or unable to do much to help the Inquisition returned. I understand Grand Enchanter Fiona has done much to benefit other mages through the College of Enchanters."

"I know a few of their number came to Kirkwall to see if they could make use of the Gallows, to make it a center of learning and security for mages, even invited Templars to provide guard," Merrill informed 'Fen.

"I think the Templars still serve a purpose. It was good Leliana, er, Divine Victoria agreed to listen to the thoughts of her Right and Left hands," Erafen said. "I recall that Cassandra would have made adjustments to the status quo, and First Enchanter Vivienne would have put things just as they were. This way, there's relevance for Templars and Seekers, both as extensions of Chantry rule, without being a severe threat to the freedoms of those of us blessed with magic. 'Most Holy' is also a woman of common sense."

"In the days of Arlathan, almost everyone was possessed of magic, but if one had an exceptional gift and was among the slaves, they were often shackled in some way, not unlike Tranquility," Abelas said. "Many, however, willingly went into the service of one of the gods, as I did."

"When did you begin that life?" Merrill wondered.

"I was decided in infancy, but I do not regret it. I lived better than many, and Mythal is a gracious and fair mistress if one is pure of heart," the Sentinel replied. "I will warn you, however. Rebellions happen throughout history when the present power grows too complacent and too domineering. The Inquisition and Chantry will need to be vigilant, as will the Marquise Briala you are subordinate to, Milady."

"All things to remember," Erafen agreed. "Which leads me to my present concern."

"Which is?" Abelas prompted.

"I always told Solas that trust and respect were at the core of love, but I wonder if I might not have spoken up sooner, asked of him what he intended. What if the position he's in now is a result of those plans gone awry?" Erafen said.

"In the old days, Fen'Harel was known for his fierce temper, especially at the sight of injustice. He was ever freeing slaves, liberating groups of elves and inciting rebellion against cruel masters," the Sentinel informed.

"Oh my, I always had a feeling he was, perhaps, misunderstood by our people. How little we knew!" Merrill observed.

"A number of the gods did not think the People could resist them, even with Mythal's warnings," Abelas continued. "The brightest people who questioned were quickly silenced, those who pointed out weaknesses in the current system ended up legitimately Tranquil, as your Chantry defines it. Fen'Harel was truly a god of rebellion, a hero to many. I do not know when his name became cursed, but it seems to me he was used as a... what is the term humans use?"

"A scapegoat," Erafen said, looking into her ale, a scowl on her face.

"Yes, that," Abelas said. "We slept through much, only waking up to strike down invaders on Mythal's sacred ground. We heard things here and there, but not enough to make a guess as to when things changed."

"How sad," Merrill said. "To see the People changed so much, to see the old ways lost when we thought we were preserving them!"

"That must be how Fen'Harel felt, waking from his slumber," Erafen mused, her scowl softening. "But I wish I knew what his intentions were."

"I thought you were looking for _mar'isha_ , right?" Merrill asked, confused.

"I am," 'Fen said, distracted. She blinked hard, realizing what she'd said, and she forced a smile forward, shaking her head. "But think on this. Fen'Harel was left free when the other gods were imprisoned. Would it not make sense he yet has things to accomplish or a reason for doing what he did apart from, as my friend Sera says, 'shits and giggles'?"

"Your friend Sera is _crude_ ," Abelas pointed out.

"True," Erafen agreed, actually grinning this time.

Abelas merely fixed Erafen a look that indicated he understood what Solas saw in her, snorting once and shaking his head.

"Well, I never did understand the whole hugging himself and giggling. Isn't that what madmen do?" Merrill asked.

Erafen shrugged. "And you swear by him. I wonder what he'd think of that."

"I think that might make him laugh," Abelas suggested.

'Fen just laughed at that herself, imagining it.

"Her Wolf laughed like that when he allowed himself to. The sound was rich and made her heart thud in her chest," Cole spoke up, appearing next to Erafen. "And sometimes he would make me laugh. I told him about the cats. He liked Erafen's cat."

"I rescued a cat from Haven when we escaped," Erafen explained to the other two. "And to tease the Iron Bull, I named her 'Bull the Second'. She's a mother twice over and a grandmother now."

The conversation lapsed into lighter conversation, Erafen telling Merrill about her son, Cole describing some of the daily life at Skyhold, at least in his experience. Abelas remained quiet for most of this, merely watching Erafen discreetly, though she did notice it from time to time. It was curious, but not too strange.

They continued on out of Redcliffe, making it to the Crossroads Village by sundown, the small group weary of travel but determined. A house was already ready for them, beds prepared though Cole didn't really sleep. They ate a sparse dinner, ready to turn in as the morning would be upon them too soon.

Erafen settled down, easily falling into dreams. She let her mind wander, not really wandering the Fade lucidly but still understanding it was indeed her own dreams and not the waking world of reality. She let her memories surface, watching scenes of her life, reliving happy moments with her clan, with her spouse, with her friends, and with her child. It was in one dream that she was sitting on a log, helping little Fenrian dance, just as she was when Abelas and his two fellow Sentinels approached.

" _Oops_!" she laughed, watching her son tumble gently, and she helped him up. He laughed as if it were a fun game and tried to fall on purpose. This time, when his little chubby legs went out, he fell down, this time sliding into a sudden shadow.

" _Fenrian_!!" she cried out, her hand connecting with solid ground.

" _Well well, look at the little elf, trying to be one of the People_ ," a voice spoke, the tone low and growling.

Erafen looked up, kneeling there on the ground, and saw a creature that resembled what she knew to be a Fear Demon, hovering over her with a face that went from featureless to screaming to crying to angry, all within blinks of the eye. It had long clawed fingers, its shadow like the branches of trees in a thunderstorm. When it had eyes, they glowed a sickly red, resembling lyrium of the same color.

The elf steeled herself. Of course Fenrian wasn't there. It was trying to feed on her fear, and she would give it no such satisfaction.

" _You will leave or be ended_ ," 'Fen told it, gathering her protections in the Fade. " _I am not afraid of you_."

" _Little elf_ ," it hissed, " _Your gods were afraid of me. Fen'Harel was afraid of me. One can never truly lock away the embodiment of fear. One can never forget the traumas of their past. You will know me and tremble_!"

In the next moment, Erafen found herself thrust against the rough bark of a tree, foreign human hands on her, a sneering _shemlen_ hunter muttering about just what he'd do with so sweet and luscious a knife-ear. As before, she summoned her magic, but it fizzled. Growling with frustration, she pushed again, this time setting the human ablaze as she had in her teenage years.

" _It is true then. Fen'Harel broke the accord and gave you the Primal Breath, not only his, but of another's that was not his to give_ ," the voice growled.

" _Name yourself! Who are you to speak of my beloved as such? Who are you to command the Fade and manipulate dreams_?" Erafen demanded.

She was answered at first with laughter, low and dark, mocking in its tone. " _And though you share the Primal Breath of the gods, walk with the gifts of the ancient Elvhen, you lack their understanding, their persepctive. You ask who I am, but I think if you look deep, you will know my name. I am not so Forgotten as your pitiful Dalish say_."

Erafen frowned sharply, thinking, looking desperately into the memories she'd seen in the Fade, things Abelas or Solas might have told her in the past.

" _I am what the humans call their 'boogeyman_ '," the Fear Demon told her, appearing to slide in a circle, the sound of the edge of its robes sounding like how one moves though mud, sludging and thick. " _I am the fears and nightmares of the Dalish, the ones they blamed on the Dread Wolf. I am He of Whom the People do Not Often Dream, for it is never a dream when I appear to them. Babies cry at my touch, children wet their beds and tremble under their mothers' skirts. I am the god of every Nightmare in the Fade!"_

" _No_ ," Erafen said, a memory triggered. " _You were sealed away. Fen'Harel sealed you with the other Forgotten Ones_."

That laugh echoed again, and this time its hands were on her, holding her from behind in an intimate manner, one that reminded her of a perversion of her Wolf's touch. It whispered in her ear. " _Oh yes, little elf. You know me."_

Erafen gasped, sitting up in her bed, shaking and sweating in fear. She tore out of bed, running towards the waterfall where she stripped down and thrust herself under its cold stream. She felt filthy, sickened, and knew then who had her love trapped.

Abelas was after her only a few moments later, Cole and Merrill right behind them. He helped Erafen from the water, drying her off with magic and a blanket. "My lady, what has you alarmed so?"

Erafen couldn't answer, but Cole did, his voice small and frightened.

"She saw the Nightmare," he said. "She saw Daern’thal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for the warm thoughts and comments! I may have to do a What If story:  
> What if Solas had a Sassy Gay Friend?
> 
> Fenxshiral ( fenxshiral.tumblr.com ) had a really neat series of posts about Elvhen names, so I asked him what the names of the Forgotten Ones (that we know of) might mean. His translation really made sense to me, so I'll share them with you.
> 
> Anaris = He/she who is forever (Annar “year” + is “innumerable, immeasurable, uncountable”) lit. Immeasurable years. 
> 
> Geldauran = Thing of fear and malice (geal “fear” + daur “hatred, malice” + rahn “thing”) lit. Fear hatred thing
> 
> Daern’thal = He who the kin dream of little, He who brings nightmares. (da “little” + era “sleep” + en “many” + lethal “Kin”) lit. Little dream many kin
> 
> I thought you guys might like that. =)
> 
> Other translation:
> 
> Mar'isha = Your man, aka "your hubby"


	8. The Hawke and the Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen's little group grows again.

She was terrified, couldn't speak, couldn't really think. Erafen just sat there, huddled naked in a blanket next to Cole, the spirit holding her close and being her voice. She went between hiding her face on his shoulder and looking around warily.

"Daern’thal." His voice was hushed. "Hands on me, intimate and intimidating, but not like before. Not when the Wolf touched me. Touch is ice, the kind that severs limbs. So cold, and it burns, too. Burns hot and freezing. So _filthy_."

"But why the cold water?" Abelas wondered.

"Many of our rites involve cold running water," Merrill said. "You say Erafen has been changed, infused with some essence? In her heart, she is still Dalish." This actually made the dark haired elf smile, and she moved in closer to her newest friend, placing a warm hand at 'Fen's cheek.

The focus snapped back to Erafen's eyes, the pale blue turning to lock onto Merrill's hazel. "He holds my Wolf," she managed. "I must face the Nightmare."

"We, _falon_ ," Merrill said. "We won't leave you to this."

Erafen said nothing, only grew sorrowful, and she looked to Abelas.

"This is not your battle," Cole said on her behalf.

"I serve you in Mythal's name," Abelas told Erafen, kneeling down next to Merrill. "You are worthy of it."

"I can't..." Erafen began.

"...ask you to die for this," Cole finished, stroking his trembling friend's hair. "You don't have to ask it, he thinks. He would absolutely do it."

Erafen choked on a sob, turning her face into Cole's shoulder for a long moment. After that, however, she took a deep breath, looking at the others. "You... you all should sleep. We have to leave in the morning."

"We can leave now," Merrill offered.

"We can," Abelas affirmed. "The spirit does not need sleep, I am alert."

"I'm too excited, and I don't see you returning to sleep," Merrill added.

Erafen nodded slowly, and she stood, shrugging off the blanket, going to retrieve her clothes and pack. "Then we ride," she told them. She said little else, but worked her way into her clothes, took time to re-braid the eight thick braids she favored, coiling them around into a loose bun, ends hanging out at the bottom.

The others likewise busied themselves, but Erafen could hear Cole approach Abelas.

"She reminds you of Mythal," Cole said. "She carries some of Mythal within her now, thanks to Solas. She granted it freely; Erafen didn't know."

"Does she now?" Abelas wondered.

"She suspected," Cole replied. "Now she knows."

"She... is worthy," the Sentinel commented. "That is all to be said on the topic, spirit. Leave it be. We must continue on our present course."

Cole only nodded, and an instant later, he was at Erafen's side, helping her with her pack. "You _are_ worthy, as Abelas thought," he told her gently. "You are a good friend to all of us."

'Fen merely gave the spirit a weak smile, and flicked the brim of his wide hat again teasingly, a friendly joke between the two. "Come on, _elgar'falon_ ," she told him, her voice more steady now they were moving. "We have some ground to cover."

The four were packed and ready to go, waking the poor stablehand to prepare their tack on the mounts from Kirkwall. Merrill took it upon herself to talk to the local nightwatch, telling the woman that they were going to be leaving a bit early. She came back with a few days of provisions, helping the sleepy stablehand to pack the food and water into their side packs. Before too much longer, they were all ready to go.

Making their way from the Crossroads, they headed east in the direction of the Brecilian Forest. It was still slow going, making their way through rocky terrain towards a bit flatter land. As the sun rose and her dreams burned away into the back of her mind, Erafen became warmer and more talkative. She was certain that whoever or whatever it was that touched her last night in the Fade tried to curse her or do something; the power was too strong, too invasive for it to not feel like a curse. It was dark and ancient, as Merril described, and if the being truly was one of the Forgotten Ones, then he was at least as powerful as a god, and to boot, was comfortable in the Void, a place even the old Elven gods couldn't go.

"Dripping, deadly, dark, dank," Cole spoke up. "His touch is frostbite and scalding pain, speaking of the death that lingers. He tried, he failed. Now he calls."

"He will fail," Erafen said, her voice bolder than she felt.

"No matter how much was sacrificed, your hands are still clean," the spirit informed her. "But ignorance is not absolution."

"It isn't," 'Fen agreed. "I will hold myself responsible for anything I contribute to." She let out a sigh. "If it isn't one thing, it's another."

"It's always something else," Abelas agreed. He paused, however, coming to a stop when his horse's ears perked up.

The other three came to a stop as well, stopping next to the sentinel. Erafen listened hard, picking up the faint sounds of fighting. She looked at Cole, raising an eyebrow, questioning silently if he felt anything.

The spirit closed his eyes, frowning after a few seconds, and opened them again. "Two beings, familiar. A woman and an elf, she shining with magic, he infused with lyrium and pain, fighting back to back against bandits. No ordinary bandits; paid mercenaries. Tevinter coin paid their way, remnants of the Venatori."

"That sounds like Hawke and Fenris," Erafen said, and set off closer. The horses were well-trained; they stayed put where the group left them tied, Merrill being the one to take rearguard. At a swift run, they moved forward in line.

"Hawke!" Erafen called out, fire from her staff knocking back an armed soldier about to bring his axe on the human mage's head.

"My thanks!" Alona Hawke called out, finding her position better. "We were ambushed, Tevinter mercs, professionals."

"We can compliment them later, Alona," Fenris growled, blade severing the shoulder of another man lunging at him in desperation.

"I hardly think sixteen on two is fair," Merrill commented, running in. "Alona, _falon_!" She might have said more, but she was knocking back another attacker with her own magic. "Right, reunions later."

"Leave one alive," Hawke barked, and the fight was begun anew.

Six on the remaining sixteen was hardly a true fight, the smaller group being more powerful and more determined than the mercenaries. Cole had one pinned to a tree with a blade, and as he removed it, Erafen cast fire to cauterize the wound and keep him from bleeding out. She didn't feel very merciful, given he was clearly trying to kill her friend and his lady. Her own mood was still fairly dark from the scare hours earlier.

Five of the six gathered before the man, Merrill having excused herself to retrieve the horses from where they were left to graze. Hawke and Fenris took the lead, being the injured parties in the ordeal.

"What we know of this lot is that they are mercenaries, rather bloodthirsty and cutthroat, hired because they are very good at killing people in painful bloody ways. Among them were a few blood mages. Killed them first. The enchanters were a bit harder," Hawke said. "So we also know that they were hired by Venatori, or some fellows who used to be. Tevinter, at any rate. I don't know _why_."

"So you will talk, little man," Fenris growled, his lyrium-infused hand glowing. All he had to do was stick a single finger through the man's sternum. "My next trick will be to find your heart and squeeze it into pulp as it beats within your chest."

"They... they found a new god, one long Forgotten, so... so I heard," the man said, stuttering in his fear. "He lives in... in the Forest. All the trees there, demons. We only came to the edge, I p-promise. Horses were scared and ran."

"Clearly the animals have more sense than these shemlen," Abelas observed.

"Indeed," Erafen agreed, arms folded. "Why were you after my friends here?"

"The knife-ear, his lyrium. The Venatori wanted to know how it was done. Killing Hawke here was... bonus," the captive stuttured again. Erafen was certain she smelled urine coming from the mercenary's trousers.

"What else?" Fenris demanded.

"After... after you, we were to obtain a Grey Warden and... then her." The human man nodded at Erafen. "She has... has something they need. Breath or... or something."

"The Breath of gods courses through you," Cole whispered at Erafen's side.

"Pieces to a rather gruesome puzzle, unless my imagination is running away with me," Hawke muttered. "Anything else?"

"I swear, that's all I know! I don't know names or anything, just what I heard the bosses talk about!" the human cried out. He opened his mouth as if to say more, and instead he made a strangled gurgling noise, blood dripping from his mouth.

Fenris moved his hand away, shaking it as if releasing something distasteful from his fingertips. "Let's get what's useful from these idiots and be on our way."

"Wait, where were you going?" Erafen asked, moving to the mages to look for any useful potions.

"Actually, we were heading to the Brecilian Forest ourselves," Hawke said, tucking a loose scarlet strand of hair behind her ear while she casually looted coinpurses. "We heard of Venatori activity, and the two of us were working together to wipe out the last of their numbers. It seems my Fenris is very persistent."

"I had good advice from a certain lady elf," Fenris said, giving Erafen a brief and grateful nod, a touch of a smile at his lips.

"Something to be said for determination, I reckon," Erafen said. "We were heading to the Brecilian Forest as well. Solas has been missing; Merrill and I tracked him through the Fade there. This past night, I was stalkied in my dreams by one bearing a name of one of the Forgotten Ones."

"If they're Forgotten, how does anyone know his name?" Hawke asked cheekily.

Erafen resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Who ever comes up with these legendary titles? It's all pompous, if you asked me."

"At any rate, what was the name?" Hawke wondered.

"Daern’thal," Abelas supplied. "I remember you said his name. I recall him being sealed in the Void while Arlethan still warred upon itself. How he can be active, even in the Fade, is a mystery, one that must be solved."

A series of crunches not far off indicated Merrill was returning with the mounts, and Erafen looked thoughtful. "The mercenary said their horses were frightened. We should find the Inquisition outpost not far to the southeast, camp there, and continue on foot. That would mean a half-day's journey to the forest passage, and we can investigate."

"I concur," Abelas said. "And with restoratives and a touch of magic, we can make a faster pace, even take a more direct route than we could with the horses."

Fenris looked skeptical, but then he nodded slowly. "It would be safer for us to work together in this case."

"Like the old days, right, Merrill?" Hawke asked, finally opening her arms to give the raven-haired elf a hug.

"Oh, Alona, I missed you! You should have come to visit!" Merrill said, weeping a bit. "Your home stands ready for you to return!"

"Maybe one day," Hawke said softly.

"Come on, Abelas, let's go make sure our gear is still secured," Erafen said. "We'll give these old friends a chance to catch up." She moved out of earshot, glad to let Cole work his own special magic and heal old hurts. Things were improving; hope returned to burn in her heart. Even if the danger was great, Erafen felt better about their odds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured after sending Fenris off after Hawke in the last story, we should find out if he actually found her and if she actually regained her senses. =P


	9. Face the Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen and her friends form a plan and then face down the ancient bringer of nightmares.

The newly joined groups, now united, made their steady way towards the south. It wasn't much of a detour, just far enough that they could make camp and arrange for the horses to be tended to by the requisitions officer on duty. Merrill rode with Cole, leaving her mount to provide a back for Fenris and Hawke to share. It only took a few hours for them to arrive at the camp, and another hour later to sit and prepare a meal for all to share.

Hawke told them about Fenris arriving at Weisshaupt just as she was preparing to leave it, about the rather vocal disagreement they had, and just how sweet the making up afterwards was. The mage admitted she'd been foolish, even having the grace to be ashamed when Erafen pointed out how Fenris was afraid he'd have never seen his Alona again.

"Solas once tried to do that to me," Erafen said. "To be honest, I don't think it was his intention at the start. I think he lost his nerve."

"He hurts, an old pain from before, when everything sang the same," Cole said, remembering. "You're real, and it means everyone could be real. It changes everything but it can't..." He trailed off. "You change everything when nothing could change. It was not supposed to happen this way."

"Oh, _elgar'falon_ ," 'Fen said, patting Cole's shoulder. "He had every reason to be confused, to feel lost."

"I am never going to get used to that. Does he do that to _everyone_?" Hawke asked.

"Most everyone, yes, even people who hate him, so he makes them forget he helped," Erafen said, and Cole just laughed to himself.

"Curious existence," Fenris said. "And not a demon?"

"No, I can't be bound now," Cole said. "Painful piercing pulsating... the lyrium burns cold lines into the grooves etched into the skin, memory burning away, but the memories now are far preferable to what was lost."

Fenris drew in uncomfortably, merely grunting. He relaxed at Hawke's touch, her fingers toying with his silver hair, longer than when she'd seen him when they first separated. "I'll keep adding pleasant ones to the list," the lady mage promised.

"I will hold you to that," the former slave told her, promise in his eyes.

"Keep that up and we shall have to excuse ourselves," Hawke laughed. She turned back to Erafen. "So what do we know about the Brecilian Forest?"

"When my clan lived there, it was lovely, though there were Slyvans in patches around," Merrill said. "Some of the ruins from the Ancient days were there."

"I recall there being temples as well as a few bathhouses," Abelas added. "There can't be much left, not in any useable order."

"So Sylvans," Erafen mused. "It's been a while since I've encountered one. The one I saw was thankfully not demon-inhabited but was possessed by a... hm, not exactly sure, but it loved stories and songs and would tell in exchange for new tales."

"A rare one, indeed," Merrill said. "Where is it?"

"Dead," Erafen said sadly. "Human woodsmen destroyed her. We hunted them in retribution."

"Good," the other Dalish said firmly.

"Back to our planning," Hawke interjected, "It seems to me that if horses are spooked by the place, we may not find many predators."

"If we do, they may be under control of... of him," Erafen said, taking a breath. "Daern’thal." She shuddered, remembering the nightmare.

It was Abelas that spoke next. "My lady, you face the ancient adversary with five of the most powerful warriors at your side."

"Do you think we can take down a god?" Hawke asked. "I mean, Erafen and Cole here took down a dragon, I killed Corypheus once, and you, Abelas, are Elvhen. Fenris is pretty mean, and Merrill can set things on fire."

"T'is true," Merrill agreed.

"We have a shot," Erafen said, finally cracking a smile.

Once the meal was finished and the eating implements were seen to, the group of six were ready to head out, this time on foot. Everyone was equipped with restoratives of various sorts; Cole had a few jars at his side that he told the others Sera told him how to make.

"It's not the bloody jars of bees, is it?" Erafen wondered.

"Wasps in there, too! People hate wasps," Cole said sagely.

"Your friend Sera is quite crude _and_ plays dirty," Abelas observed. "In this case, I think I quite approve of her tactics."

It was much slower going on foot, but before too long, the path they intended into the Brecilian Forest ceased being the dirt footpath. The grasses along the path were grey-brown, the ground underneath looking as if it had been sapped of color and life. 'Fen felt a shake in her chest, a sense of fear grabbing her heart, and she clearly wasn't the only one. Fenris and Merrill were affected, to a lesser extent, and Abelas was more steeled against it. Cole whimpered, feeling something overwhelming. Only Hawke seemed to be the least affected, and she still looked to the others in worry.

As they approached, the dead ground only seemed to expand, though its borders could still be seen, barely showing signs of life, but Erafen felt the call again, her chest quivering as it did in the presence of the heavy bass instruments played in Ferelden or among the horns of Orlais. Tears streamed from her eyes; she couldn't help it. Just beyond the landscape of terror and death she sensed again was the vivid spirit of her beloved Solas. She could feel his mind, trapped in the Fade even as his body was trapped there in the dead forest ahead.

"This looks nothing like I remember," Merrill said in a hushed voice. "How could so much damage be done? Wouldn't someone have noticed?"

"I'd heard rumors, but this?" Hawke wondered, her own voice small, almost timid in comparison with the emptiness around them.

"I feel my Wolf," Erafen said. "We press onward."

They fell silent, heading farther into the Brecilian Forest passage. It seemed oddly like a rip in the surface of the ground, completely dead. To Erafen's bare feet, it didn't feel warm or even very cold; it just was, and it was incomfortable to walk upon.

The landscape finally changed, lumps of color seen not terribly far up the path. When they came upon these lumps, however, the group found themselves horrified. Corpses lined the path. Most were human, a few elves and dwarves scattered among them, though not many. What more was curious were the fallen trees at the edges. A closer inspection revealed humanoid faces on them, their bodies a mockery of bipedal design.

"Sylvans," Merrill observed, expression sickened. "This was a site of battle between them and these people."

"It's hard to tell how long ago this happened," Hawke said, kneeling next to a corpse. "They don't bear the normal marks of decay, almost more like they've been sapped of blood and water and were mummified."

"And the Sylvans," Merrill said, chipping at one with her dagger. "The bark is petrified, almost like ironbark."

"So perhaps we can assume they were fighting," Fenris commented, putting it together. "And whatever force that sapped the land caught them in its wake. I have seen blood mages drain sacrifices; Danarius did it often enough, but I have never seen anything like this in Tevinter or anywhere else."

"I wish Cassandra were here. The Mortalitasi do know more of death than we do, and I would ask her if these appearances resemble the mummification they do in the Grand Necropolis in Nevarra," Erafen finally said. "I know Miryam had an interest in learning more of their techniques but didn't due to her position with the Inquisition."

"There will be time to ask her of this once we are successful in our task," Abelas said. "No doubt that these corpses were left here as warning to those who might approach. It would be effective against lesser wills than ours."

"Indeed," Fenris agreed. "We can see to the corpses when we leave this place."

The group continued onward, but Erafen felt herself shaking all the more as they grew closer to the destination. She could hear the laughter in her head, the Forgotten One's voice in her memory taunting her. A warm hand pressed against her back, and she saw Abelas looking at her in concern. She nodded at him, feeling reassured, and continued.

They barely made it a few feet forward when it happened: they stepped through some sort of invisible barrier, the air and scenery around them turning violet and black, crackles of energy in the same vivid scarlet of red lyrium flashing across what was clearly a domed barrier. Ahead of them stood a rather unassuming elf, except that he looked as if he carried a long illness, his body twisted by pain, eyes sunken and sullen, teeth rotted in his mouth, and hair thin and lifeless as it hung in odd patches.

The frightening thing, however was it shadow. Behind it, the shadow extended and loomed over the elf like a physical presence, a face barely evident shifting and changing as Erafen saw it do in the Fade. Clawed hands arched overhead, hovering past the elf and towards the approaching group. While the physical body stood still, the shadow moved fluidly, like a living beeing, and Erafen was certain its head tilted backwards when she heard it laugh.

"I wondered how much the fool you were, little elf, but even more so that you have brought others with you. I will feast well on your fears this night," the same voice from the Fade told her. "Perhaps I will not take the body of Fen'Harel. Perhaps I will take yours. Surely your will and body will provide great power for me to feed on."

Erafen took a deep breath, steeling herself, and she stepped forward ahead of the group, the others at the ready behind her.

"Daern’thal," she spoke, her voice steady despite her anxiety. "You were Forgotten for a reason. You should have stayed in the Void where you belonged."

"Not for lack of your Wolf trying to keep me there," the Forgotten One said, the shadow speaking rather than the elf housing it. "Fen'Harel was one of us, he walked among us like a brother, and he trapped us away for the sake of his precious People," he spat. "Beneath us, only a herd to be slaughtered as we needed, and he chose them over us. We should have known when he came to Andruil's aid when we sought to pull her to our ranks. Tell me, little elf girl, do you want to see your Wolf?"

Erafen's eyes narrowed. "Show me."

"Then behold." The shadow moved aside, and there, some short distance behind the deformed elf, was a familiar sight, though it made 'Fen choke out a cry to see it. It was indeed her Solas, her Fen'Harel, strung up between two highly corrupted Sylvans. Branches pierced his arms, holding them out to the sides, and more entered his unprotected sides, moving under his skin and across his torso, poking in an out like a woven pattern. He must have been there for some time; there were growths of black hair on his head, some places long enough to cover his eyes that were clenched tight in pain and concentration.

"He was easy enough to capture, so desperate he was to undo his work. He sought merely to speak with us, but it allowed me enough that my spirit could exit. It was easy enough finding a host to help me leave the Fade. The mage body had power enough that I could extend and sap the life from the ground. Amazing, is it not?" Daern’thal asked.

"I'm sure we're all very impressed," Erafen said, trying to sound dismissive, "But that doesn't say how you trapped Fen'Harel." At this point, there was no reason to keep the secret from those behind her; Daern’thal clearly let it out.

"The illusion was enough for him to investigate it, the promise of power beyond what he could resist, not when he seeks to undo his centuries-old work. Even a god may be taken unawares," Daern’thal answered mockingly. "Then knowing he had a weakness in his transformed _shemlen_ bride, and then a child? Delicious."

Erafen's mind was already working, seeing how the Sylvans were leeching only enough energy from her Wolf that he would remain mentally trapped in the Fade. His will was being wittled down, of that she had no doubt, but he was still resisting. That meant that Daern’thal would not be able to possess Fen'Harel, not yet. No wonder her love warned her to stay away; Erafen feared her will may not be strong enough to resist. There was only one course of action, and she gratefully heard Cole whisper it to those behind her.

"We must strike hard and fast and sever the ties between the Sylvans and Solas," Cole whispered, his tone and accent sounding like 'Fen's own. "Daern’thal is gaining energy for his host body; we can destroy the body and drive him out."

Erafen raised her staff high, bringing the end down hard in front of her, a vivid green bust of Fade stone raising from the ground to knock the elf back.

"You will fall, and Fen'Harel will be saved," Erafen said defiantly, and she attacked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This journey keeps getting longer and longer! Thank you for following it with me! 
> 
> I'll repeat the translation notes from fenxshiral:
> 
> Daern’thal = He who the kin dream of little, He who brings nightmares. (da “little” + era “sleep” + en “many” + lethal “Kin”) lit. Little dream many kin


	10. This is the Part Where You Fall Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cue the battle music!

Daern’thal laughed as the attack came, but the body he possessed fell under Erafen's first assault. The laughter ceased when the Forgotten One realized that his host body was vulnerable to the attacks. He howled with rage next, wrapping his elven host in a mist of violet and black, much like the dome that shielded the area.

Hawke and Merrill attacked next, fire and spirit, coupled with Abelas ordering the ground under the elf to rise. Fenris dodged past an attack from the spirit-shadow form behind the host, bringing his blade down and through the shadowy field. He was repelled, but the shield gave just a little.

"We can hurt it," Fenris said. "As if we would stupidly attack the shade first."

"By all means, attack the body, but know every wound you inflict on it harms your precious Wolf, little elf," Daern’thal called out mockingly. "And you cannot harm a shadow."

Merrill cursed under her breath, whispering a prayer for forgiveness, and brought her blade to her palm, using it to fuel even stronger magic as she prepared to do battle directly with the shade. Her spell was complex, and once Hawke realized what the elf intended to do, she took up a defensive position to protect her friend.

"I understand," Erafen said, turning then to work at cutting ties between Daern’thal and his host by manipulating the Fade around them.

Of course the Forgotten One fought back, his mocking tone silenced once he realized the group he was dealing with were far smarter than those who previously attacked him. With another howl, the shadow vanished, pouring into the host body, and the form twisted and shook, slowly transforming into something rather familiar: a dragon.

The dragon itself was emaciated, looking as if made from only skin and bones until it inhaled, puffing up like a balloon. It breathed black fire from its mouth, forcing all four mages to throw up barriers. Cole appeared under the dragon's feet, using the same techniques Erafen ordered before when they fought the dragon Corypheus poured his life energy into.

Erafen's mind was racing a thousand leagues a second even as she summoned more energy from the Fade. It was hard to tell where the host body and spirit were joined, the connection seeming countless. Destroying the dragon's body, she also realized, would hurt Solas, even kill him if the Nightmare god was to be believed. What to do? How to kill it? How to free her love? She wasn't sure.

"No, that's it," Erafen muttered to herself, inspired, and she concentrated on Cole, praying the spirit man would hear her thoughts. He was a blur of motion, but then stopped, vanishing. She turned next to Fenris. "A distraction, get in close," she told him.

The former slave nodded, and he dashed off, shielded by Hawke's magic, and he went between the creature's legs in a series of brutal sword swipes, all relatively shallow but enough to make the beast stumble. He moved like a young nimble wolf, fluidly dodging and doing much to distract the horrific dragon.

Erafen sent another burst of energy out, and then, inspired, threw up a wall of fire behind the dragon the moment Cole was clear. The move cost her, however, as she barely had time to throw up a shield, knocked down from another burst of purple-black fire from Daern’thal's maw. She cried out in pain, but still pulled herself up.

The next thing she saw was Fenris finally being swiped by a large claw, falling back directly into the path of the spiked tail that swept his way. He thankfully avoided being impaled, but the force was enough to make him airborne, his body landing some feet away with a sickening dull thud. Hawke cried out, unable to go to him, but Abelas positioned himself between the elf and the Nightmare god just as the creature opened his mouth again.

The beast reared back, black foam at its mouth, but then it stopped, almost seeming to choke on it. One wing fell down, useless, the other soon joining. Daern’thal took one step forward, then another, but soon stumbled, legs also inert and useless. As the dragon fell, Erafen's wall of fire died down, allowing her to see Cole sever the last of the Sylvan limbs that held Solas where he was. The Sylvans themselves were still as if waiting for a command.

"Alona!" Erafen called out. "Fire!"

"Right!" Hawke replied, and the two mages picked a Sylvan, each now disconnected from Solas, and sent volleys of fireballs their way, knocking both over and setting them on fire. Without the command of their master, they merely took the damage, and the lack of living greenery around them prevented the fire from spreading.

"I am... am not... not done," Daern’thal wheezed, the body already deflating and shrinking back down to the form of the emaciated elven man. The shadow aspect was still joined, but now weakened as its source of life force was severed.

"You _are_ ," Erafen said, coming to stand over it. She reached again into the Fade, and though her body trembled with effort, she pulled hard, severing the connection between the Forgotten One and his host. She found she was drained, and the creature laughed, starting to pull the connection back, but then the body was encased in ice.

Abelas walked forward from the other side of the demon, and he brought his foot down hard, shattering the frozen elven body. "Agreed."

The shadow, now without a body to house it, cried out in anger, but soon dissipated and was left with no tether, pulled back into the Fade. Above them, the shadowy violet dome broke apart, leaving a clear blue open sky. The deadness in the ground seemed to also retreat, the hum of the earth below them again evident under bare elven feet.

Erafen took a step forward to head past Abelas to her love's side, but she stumbled, weak, and Abelas caught her. Wordlessly, he supported her and brought her to where Solas rested. Cole worked splinters of the Sylvanwood out of his friend's body, and Merrill followed up with healing salves and spells.

"I don't recall him having hair before," Fenris observed, sheathing his blade. He, like the others, was in terrible shape, but alive.

"He suppresses its growth," Erafen said, settling on the ground next to Solas, her hand going to his cheek. "Why don't you wake, _emma lath_?"

"Perhaps his mind remains trapped in the Fade," Abelas suggested.

"I suspected, but I hoped he might still wake up. If Daern’thal has retreated to the Fade, he may seek to do Solas harm. I must go to him. My Wolf is still vulnerable, trapped if his body is too weak to properly wake."

"Fen'Harel," Hawke said, eyes narrowed. "This unassuming apostate hedge mage has been the Dread Wolf all along? How long did you know? I..." The human mage blinked hard, and Fenris turned to her to ask what was wrong, and then he, too, was left with a blank look. Merrill said nothing, but Cole looked at her curiously.

"That's odd. I can make these two forget, but you? No. You have been touched by something that prevents me from removing your memories," the spirit said.

"I swear I will keep his secret, only we are wasting time!" Merrill said. "Leave Hawke and Fenris to me; I will come up with something."

"I will watch over you you as you sleep, Milady," Abelas told Erafen, and she nodded in return.

From a pouch at her hip, she retrieved a sleeping draught, uncorking the bottle. She pressed it to her lips, taking a deep gulp of the fluid, and wiped her lips. She would only have a minute before it took effect, and so she leaned down to press a kiss to her spouse's lips, noting how dry and cracked they were. Soon, she leaned her head on his shoulder, falling into the Fade to start looking for him.

The landscape there was as dead as it was in the waking world. Clearly Daern’thal's touch drained the land of the spirits as well, though she could already feel the natural order there insistently moving back in. She walked, aware that her physical body was touching that of her trapped Wolf, and so she used that connection to begin her search. Daern’thal could still be around, she told herself, but if the Forgotten One had been so weakened by their battle, he might have already ran away to heal himself.

As she had nights before, Erafen leaned her head back, howling into the Fade's sky, hearing her own voice echo. What she heard next, however, was close, very close. She turned around quickly, seeing a sight she hadn't seen for years, not since Solas assumed the form of the Wolf to teach her the ways of the Fade and share that Primal Breath with her. She took a step forward, but stopped when he growled.

" _You are an illusion_ ," he said.

" _Emma Fen, I am not. I have come for you_ ," Erafen insisted, turning her hands to show him they were empty. " _He told us his spirit escaped the Void, possessed an elven mage, and he lured you to this place. He wanted to possess you_."

The Wolf seemed to consider her words, six crimson eyes blinking in unison as he looked her over. " _I was careful to keep you secret, to mention you to no one_."

" _No one knows who you are except Abelas and Cole, and both travel with me. Daern’thal didn't bother hiding your secret, but Cole made Hawke and Fenris forget. I don't know about Merrill_ ," 'Fen explained. " _Our son is safe. Fenrian is at Skyhold with Miryam and Cullen. Safe, emma lath_."

Finally, the Wolf seemed to relax his posture, coming closer to the lady elf, even if he still seemed cautious. He took a deep sniff of her, circling her as one might prey, and then when he was behind her, he changed, arms sliding around her from behind, a mouth pressing to the back of her neck. Again, he inhaled, taking in her scent.

" _Vhen'an_ ," he said reverently, as if uttering a prayer. " _Daern’thal used you against me. I don't know how he knew, but the last few days, he... I will not speak it aloud, but it stopped just minutes ago. His intent was to break my will and possess my body, then use my power to free the other Forgotten Ones from the Void_."

Erafen leaned against him, but something was off to her. When she reached to caress his aura as she had countless times in the past, she felt blocked, like there was a barrier between them. She tried to turn around, but his grip tightened, the fingers on his hands growing clawed as she'd seen in her nightmares before. When she tried to cry out, she felt one of those hands at her throat, gripping it tightly.

" _Clever, little elf, clever_ , " Daern’thal said against her ear, and she could feel the body behind her turn to sludge, barely maintaining form. " _I did not account for that level of intimacy between you and the Dread Wolf. He rarely shared that level of companionship with anyone. Ah well. At least now I can kill you and possess your body. Be thankful I do not leave you as Tranquil for killing you in the Fade_."

Erafen struggled, trying to pull away, but the claws dug into her throat, into her middle, and she felt like she was choking. She couldn't call out, couldn't do anything. She would die there in the Fade and never see her Wolf or their son again. Her eyes closed, and her lips moved in a prayer to the one god of her people who still walked the land.

A loud grow, a dark shadow, and the Forgotten One released Erafen. She sank to the ground, drawing huge rasping breaths, and then turned to look over her shoulder. Her Wolf stood there, black with red eyes blazing, ripping and tearing the Nightmare god to shreds. His fur was matted, body damaged and oozing in places, but he fough with ferocity and passion, biting and clawing at Daern’thal until there were only shreds of the demon laying in scattered piles. They dissolved into violet and black smoke, and when Fen'Harel moved back, the unrecognizable pulp remaining did the same.

He turned back to Erafen, his lungs making a sick wheezing noise, and he limped to her. She turned, throwing her arms around his neck, and seconds later, he was her Solas, holding her tightly there on the broken rock surface of the Fade. They had no words for each other, only tears and kisses until they could find their voices.

" _Vhen'an_ ," Solas whispered, and this time not only was it reverent, but it was disbelieving and ecstatic, filled with love. It was he who reached to her, their auras meeting and recognizing the other, and their lips met again to share the breath that bound them.

" _'Ma Fen_ ," she murmured. " _It's you. We found you..._ "

" _I know the state I was in, vhen'an_ ," he said against her lips, pausing to kiss her again. " _And he did not lie. He tried to use you and our son to wear down my resolve. It was not me who told you not to come, but him. I did fear for you, but... I had faith._ "

Erafen let out a shaky tearful laugh. " _Faith? In me? You are the god, not I_."

" _Then I shall have to remedy that_ ," Solas said, and he moved back, eyes meeting hers. " _I am still weak, trapped in the Fade until my body heals, but it is safe to return to Skyhold. I have, perhaps, made another grievous error, one I have need your wisdom to help me correct. Daern’thal will reform; he is not a spirit or demon, and the Forgotten Ones are not so simple to destroy. We must be cautious_."

'Fen nodded, and she leaned her head against his. " _How about we let sleeping gods lie next time, 'ma Fen_?"

" _A wise decision_ ," he agreed. " _Maybe there is a different future to be built._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are awesome! I'm starting Chapter 13 tonight!


	11. She Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even a god can be traumatized. The mind is an interesting creature.

Erafen woke only a few hours after taking the potion, and when she did, she smiled. She'd seen her love in the Fade, knew he was all right, but at the same time, still trapped while his body healed from the damage inflicted on it. She sat up slowly, stretching a bit, and immediately, Abelas reached out to place a hand on her shoulder.

"You found him?" he asked.

"I did," 'Fen said. "Daern’thal found me first, and my Wolf ripped him to pieces to save me. It's him, and he is all right."

"His body is indeed damaged, but it can be healed. Is it safe to transport him?" the Sentinel asked.

"It is," Erafen affirmed. "We need to get him to Skyhold, and soon. He will need healers and our apothecary. I... I fear there is some spiritual damage. That will take time."

"I can't make him forget. He is too strong," Cole said sorrowfully. "Daern’thal did things, made him watch. What he showed Solas, he used you against him once he knew. He used Fenrian, too, made monsters of him,  and that _thing_ he did... I won't say more."

'Fen frowned, though she did nod in thanks, positive that was part of the reason her Wolf tried to leave her in Crestwood before, not only because he feared for his own resolve, but he feared she could be used against him and come to harm because of him.

"Why did you insist?" Cole asked.

"Perhaps it was selfish of me," Erafen answered. "But I had to know if the truth was still the truth. Do you understand?"

"You asked what truth he could tell you. ' _Ar lath ma_ ', he said. He meant it. He knew you were right," the spirit replied.

"A private moment between you both?" Fenris asked, kneeling next to them. "No wonder you were so adamant that I find Hawke; you knew the feeling intimately. You were right to question him, to ask him to stay."

"Though I do understand the reasons to leave. The fear is overwhelming, but the absence is... almost more than one could bear. I couldn't leave you again," Hawke said, standing next to Fenris. "Erafen, we made it out while you were sleeping and sent signal flares. Hopefully the Inquisition camp will know to come. It should be safe for horses now."

"Solas is in no shape to ride," Merrill said.

"Blue and green are to indicate the need for medical care, yes? That's what I used," Hawke replied. "He _is_ in rough shape."

"While you rested here, his body started expelling the splinters of Sylvanwood trapped under his skin. I think that means he may heal," Merrill added to Erafen. She cast a cautious glance over at Hawke and Fenris, but it was Cole that answered her with a discreet nod. "Well, he was a bit difficult to bandage with you laying on him."

"I needed the connection," Erafen explained apologetically. "Thank you for tending to him. Thank _all_ of you."

"I am still concerned about the Venatori," Hawke said after a moment. "It's clearly Daern’thal they found to follow. Did I hear right that he was destroyed in the Fade?"

"He was, yes, but if he exists as spirit or demon, it will not be long before he reforms, and not much longer after that when he remembers," Abelas said. "Spirits never truly die. Demons are the same. The souls of those who pass on also remain unless great magic destroys them or they are killed before their body is."

"Daern’thal threatened to do that to me, said that I would be rendered permanently Tranquil if that were the case," Erafen said with a shudder. "But he said he would possess me if he couldn't take Solas."

"Is there a way to destroy a spirit like that? If the Forgotten Ones are truly gods, then wouldn't the only way to be rid of him would be to destroy his body? That would require liberating it, and then risking the other gods of darkness," Fenris said.

"Spirits may be trapped, may be bound," Cole said, his hand going to the amulet he wore on his breast. "There are things that can be possessed and then destroyed, like the Slyvans, but the demons inhabiting them return to the Fade to become spirits again. It is a cycle, over and over, never broken unless something interferes."

"A vessel of some sort is needed," Erafen reasoned. "We may need to research. I would very much like to send word to Dorian in Tevinter once we return to Skyhold. If Tevinter did indeed base its magical practices off the Elvhen, then our method may lie there."

"Fenris and I should probably continue looking for the Venatori, then, see if we find more hotbeds of their activity. Paying attention to them may let us know when Daern’thal reforms and is active again," Hawke suggested. "We never did know who was leading their numbers; that person may yet live beyond Corypheus' defeat."

Erafen nodded, and she paused, her hand moving to her love's forehead, swiping the thick black hair aside. Its texture was fine, loose though it was, though she could see it wanted to curl and form locks. He'd told her about it once before, after their union, and she could see how it would be in the way.

"I like his hair," she said aloud.

"Long, thick, worn in dreadlocks, shaved at the sides," Cole told her. "I can see it now that he is not apart form himself."

"Definitely would provoke the reaction he wanted," 'Fen said with a small laugh. "I can see it, eyes bright but narrowed, looking very much the part of the stalking hunter. You see why he's my Wolf?"

"Fitting," Fenris said.

"Yours fits you, too, you know," Erafen said. "Like the young wolf, eager to fight, full of passion, and loyal to your pack."

The silver-haired elf said nothing, merely looked to Hawke with an expression of fierce devotion, proving the point more eloquently than words would. His lady responded with a gentle kiss, running her fingers through his hair affectionately.

"If we work together, we can build a litter from some of these dead branches and a bedroll," Merrill said. "Then we can carry your Solas to the camp and send a message to the Inquisition's stronghold."

"Let's get to it, then, and once we're there, Alona and Fenris can be off," Erafen agreed, and so she pulled out her own bedroll to volunteer. The branches proved to be too brittle, but there were ties on the ends of the bedroll, an idea Erafen knew from her days with clan Lavellan to make it easier to tie and bundle them away. Abelas took one end; Fenris and Cole took the other. As they walked, Erafen took point with Hawke and Merrill at the back, the two taking more time to catch up.

It was slower going with their injured party, but thankfully there were no signs of Sylvans, of Venatori, or of bandits to block their path. When they arrived at the camp, the requisitions officer was there to greet them.

"We saw the flares, so we sent word to Skyhold," the woman, Carys, told them. "They're sending a covered wagon from the Crossroads to come transport everyone back. I've got poultices if you need them. Who's this?"

"Solas," Erafen said, watching while the male members of their group set their impromptu litter down gently. "He was with the Inquisition before, specifically with the group that took down Corypheus along with the Inquisitor."

"Your spouse or partner. I would presume, given how you're watching him," Carys said, smiling in understanding. "I've a partner myself. She's stationed at Skyhold, one of the Templars that wasn't... wasn't corrupted with the red lyrium."

"Tell me her name, and if you like, I'll deliver a message to her myself," Erafen promised. "For now, I need to see to Solas."

"Yes, ma'am," the officer said, saluting, and she went off to have a hearty stew prepared for the travelers, making sure the broth was extra thick to hopefully serve to the injured elf who still had not awoken from his ordeal.

"We'll stay the night and be off in the morning if you don't need us," Fenris told Erafen as they moved to sit around the campfire. "Alona and I were thinking, as she said earlier, that the sooner we move to find the Venatori, the sooner we can bring word to you and to the Inquisition. It seems the peace the Inquisitor bought was not meant to last."

"That's if we don't find Daern’thal and defeat him," Erafen said, looking up from her writing. "I'm going to send word to Miryam tonight of what happened. I fear for Fenrian. Solas has a powerfully strong connection to the Fade and he taught this to me, helping me in turn to be stronger. Daern’thal needs a host with a strong connection, and I don't want my son to be a target. He is too little, thankfully, to be possessed. He wouldn't understand it, but he needs to stay happy and safe. I want wards."

"See, Fenris, if we had a little one, I'd be just like her," Hawke teased, though there was a little something behind her eyes. Maybe the Champion of Kirkwall wanted to retire, and her sense of ethics didn't permit her to.

"Someday, beloved, it will happen. Little elf-blooded mage babies all over the place. See how you have turned my life upside down, terrible human you are," Fenris deadpanned. "Until then, we can go visit Skyhold after we are done with our task."

"Actually, when _Halam'abelas_ is done, you both would be welcome there," Erafen said. "I won't limit it to only elves living there."

"No human alienages?" Merrill asked, clearly joking.

"Oh dear spirits, _no_ ," Erafen answered. "Do you know what we call alienages? ' _Telam’ari’an_ ', which means 'Bad Cage Place' if I were to be literal."  When another soldier brought her some stew, she took it with thanks, though she finished her letter first. "But the invitation is there, even if I'm sure you'd more likely return to Kirkwall."

"I'd like to see an end to the Alienages, or at least see their conditions improved," Hawke said. "If I returned to Kirkwall, I would make that a priority."

"But first, the Venatori," Fenris insisted.

"To the Void with the bloody Venatori," Hawke hissed, agreeing.

"I believe I would like to go to Skyhold," Merrill said softly. "I know the alienage in Kirkwall could use my help, but I think I would do more good with the Inquisition. This is a chance to atone for what I did."

"I think my Wolf here may even agree with you," Erafen said gently. She finished her letter, sprinkling it to dry the ink, and soon had it wrapped and handed to Carys to fix to a crow to send out to Skyhold.

"Will he be all right?" Hawke wondered.

"His mind races, rattled, shaking off the terrors of the Nightmare," Cole said from where he sat next to Solas. "Tearing Daern’thal to pieces was satisfying, helped him to shake off the worst, but there is still bruising in the heart, and his soul cries for comfort."

"Then I will see to it that he has it," Erafen said. She took to her dinner quickly, though not so fast as to make herself ill. Cole was helping the unconscious elf to drink some broth, following it up with a restorative potion.

After the group was done eating and their dishes put away for cleaning, Erafen stole away. She took it upon herself to pull her love out of his tattered clothes, throwing them in a refuse pile to be burned later. She was relieved to find he still wore his amulet, that the wolf jaw and leather bindings holding it were intact. With gentle patient hands, she made sure his needs were seen to, and then with steel tools, pulled fine pieces of Sylvanwood from his skin, amazed at how well Solas' skin expressed the splinters.

The splinters she took out herself to throw them in the fire, and then she returned to the tent to help dress her unconscious spouse in loose clothes borrowed from one of the other guards. Erafen crawled under the covers next to him, snuggling close. Falling asleep next to Solas was a comfort she didn't think she'd feel so soon.

" _You are here_ ," she heard, and there, in the Fade, Solas sat on a stone bench, looking out over the landscape of a small elven village from the days of the ancients.

" _Where else would I be?_ " Erafen asked, coming to sit next to him. " _I'm worried. You won't wake._ "

Solas let out a huff of air. " _I'm too weak, healing. All of that effort for power, and... it's gone. I took Mythal's essence. I needed more power; I was so weak, and she gave it willingly. I had to share it with you, but it made you a target. I am selfish_."

" _As am I. I didn't realize what you were protecting me from, though I would rather have a life of risk than be bereft of you,_ " she told him, reaching out to touch his head, still smooth there in the atmosphere of the Fade.

He looked at her. " _After all of this? Do you know what he did to you in my nightmare? What he did to our boy? I've never seen the child, but I knew..._ " He closed his eyes, leaning in on his bride's shoulder, shaking. " _I sought to undo what I did. Our people needed guidance, strong advocates, but even in that, I erred._ "

Erafen kissed the side of his head. " _My wolf, 'ma Fen, focus on healing first. We can help the People as they are to be better. We find a way to bring back what was lost, but not become slaves to history. Maybe it's time for you to let it go_. _Even the Dread Wolf can be forgiven._ "

He wrapped his arms around her, not saying anything other than a slight nod there on her shoulder, and Erafen held him close.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all again for the kind comments and enthusiasm! 
> 
> Also, on a personal note: My grandmother, the woman who pretty much raised me, is dying, probably this week. They're arranging things so that she's more comfortable in the end. I've posted a little bit about this on my tumblrs ( KurouTsubasa and FenEnaste). I'm going to try to keep up with my posting schedule, but I may fall behind during the week of travel and the funeral, so I'll thank you now for your understanding. 
> 
> The writing helps keep my spirits up and gives me something else to think about, and having all of you enjoy it makes this so much of a comfort to me, I can't even tell you. I'm being sappy and silly now.
> 
> Translation notes:
> 
> This is again something shared with me by Fenxshiral (fenxshiral.tumblr.com):
> 
> The Dalish wouldn't really have a word for the alienages, no, as it is a word foreign to their language. It might be “Elvhenized” to Elyenish (Elyenishen plural). The closest word in Elvhen would be Telam’ari’an (bad cage place), and would be used to refer to any place where things were kept against their will either literally or figuratively (slave pens, alienage, ghetto, prison, etc).


	12. Pride and Humility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a Nightmare god screws with your mind, he doesn't go halfway.

No one wanted to wake Erafen the next morning, but finally Cole came in to gently shake her. 'Fen blinked off the last bits of the Fade, sitting up.

"The wagon is here for us," Cole said. "He is healing. That is good."

"What he experienced would break any _shemlen_ , elven or human," Erafen said sadly. "He needs to remain within the Fade to heal. My wolf will wake and join us when he is ready to do so. Daern’thal may try again while he's vulnerable, assuming that horrible creature is the first to recover."

"You are a balm on his soul," the spirit said. "Filling in and sealing the cracks, healing the sores within. He has carried them longer than this."

Erafen nodded. "I had a feeling, _elgar'falon_ ," she told him gently. "Please tell the others I will be out soon."

Cole nodded, and he stood up, going to the tent's flap to exit.

'Fen took care of Solas first, wiping sleep from his eyes and tending to his needs. Next, she took great care in brushing her copper hair out. She hadn't cut it since she left her clan; it was down to her waist, full and wavy. In days when it was shorter, it would hang in ringlets when it dried wet. She took the time to do her customary eight braids: two at top center, leaving a middle part, then one at each side and four in the back. She wound them into a bun, letting the lose ends hang to her shoulders. After that, she splashed cold water on her face to freshen up, then put on her gear.

Once she was ready, Erafen stepped out, bringing her pack, minus its bedroll, with her. "He still sleeps. You can use the straps on my bedroll to carry it like a litter," she told one of the Inquisition soldiers who greeted her.

"Yes, ma'am," the man said, and with another soldier, went to do so.

"Any improvement?" Hawke asked by way of greeting.

"Some," 'Fen replied. "Whatever it was Daern’thal did to him has clearly left his mind and heart sore, damaged, but he is healing."

"Good," Hawke said. "Fenris and I are going to be off now. We received a bird back with information thanks to the new Divine." She grinned a bit at that. "It was good seeing you, and... thanks. For helping Fenris, and for helping me."

"Of course," Erafen said, and she let the other woman hug her, returning the gesture. "Now don't let him lose his temper too often."

"I have ways of calming my wolf," Hawke replied with a wink.

"I heard that," Fenris growled, but he was smiling, and approached to shake Erafen's hand. "Thank you."

"All this thanking me will go to my head," Erafen teased. "Just be safe, both of you, and keep us in the loop. You two must come to _Halam'abelas_ when it's finished."

"You have my word," Fenris said, to which Hawke nodded in agreement. The two turned to retrieve their rolls, and both of them bade Merrill goodbye, nodding to Cole and Abelas, and then left, heading towards the North.

Erafen watched them, and then turned her attention back to her own Wolf. Once he was secured into the wagon, she joined him, a curtain set up to separate them from the rest of the wagon. She, of course, sat with the curtain open so she could still talk to Cole, Merrill, and Abelas when they were seated. She positioned herself to where she could hold her love's hand and face the other three.

For the most part, it was a quiet ride, the group taking advantage of the silence to have some peace. They'd been going full bore nonstop since leaving Skyhold, and it was good to have a chance to catch their collective breath, even if they knew they may have to face their foe again soon. 'Fen hummed under her breath, finding Merrill knowing the counter-melody (which didn't surprise her), and she looked over the hand in hers, tracing the callouses on capable experienced hands, knowing Solas would heal.

It was while she was lost in thought, looking at his hand that Solas woke, gripping her hand tightly. His eyes were open, pupils at pinpricks, mumbling in an even older form of the Elvhen tongue than she could keep up with.

"Abelas? What... I can't follow him well," Erafen called out.

The Sentinel came over, listening with a frown. "He says for Daern’thal to leave you be, to release your son. He weeps for those lost..."

"He sees the Dalish ready to kill him, string him up like the Nightmare did," Cole said. "He is awake, but his mind is stuck in nightmares. He needs grounding in reality, the touch of this world to tether him to sanity."

"Pain _could_ do it," Merrill said. "I know you don't wish to make him hurt, though, _falon_. What else is so strong a physical sensation?"

Erafen looked thoughtful. "Excuse me." She shooed the others out, closing the curtain, and returned to Solas. She pressed a kiss to his forehead, calling to him gently, but it wasn't enough, and so she turned in to run her hand down his chest and push the blankets aside. When he didn't react to that, only kept babbling and trembling, she hoped he wouldn't mind her next course of action, and her hand dipped into the too-big waistband of his borrowed trousers, cupping him firmly.

Her action evoked a definite reaction, a gasp, but his eyes were still unfocused, and so she continued, watching his face to see if she could lure him out with physical sensation. Finally, with a rather embarrassed flush to her cheeks (she knew the others could hear), she threw all sense of propriety to the wind and took Solas in her mouth. She paid little attention to the taste, to how he felt, but more focused on his reactions, hoping this was a better alternative to causing him physical pain.

"Oh, that would work," she heard Cole whisper, and was positive she detected a snort from Abelas. Merrill, for her part, also got a rather severe case of the bashful giggles, but 'Fen didn't care; this was more than simple satisfaction. When she felt Solas reacting, his hands reaching for her hair, his cries turning from negatives against an unseen foe to a gasped ' _vehn'an_ ', she knew he was with her, and so she continued until he was spent and a good bit after.

The next instant found her pulled up to rest on his chest, his mouth at hers, desperate and disbelieving. He mumbled her name, feeling the breath from her, devouring it as if bereft and suffocating. He said her name in a low raspy voice, sore from abuse, and he flipped their positions, or tried to at any rate. He was weak from the ordeal, but Erafen accommodated him, letting him rest on her, to take control and satisfy his wounded pride. His lips were dry and cracked, though healing, and his kiss tasted just a little of blood, but she didn't care. He was her Solas, and he was awake and with her.

Finally, when his strength waned, Erafen turned Solas around to let him rest again. "You were still in the Nightmare, so Cole said."

"I suppose there is something to be said for giving one a physical grounding," he replied, amused. "Is Daern’thal gone?"

"You tore him to bits in the Fade, _'ma Fen_ , and there's no telling when or where he will reform and surface. Alona Hawke and Fenris were with us, they helped, and now they're looking for Venatori. They said they've found a new god, and we're certain it's Daern’thal," Erafen explained, taking a moment to re-secure the loose trousers at his waist. "We're on our way to the Crossroads and then to Skyhold."

"Skyhold," Solas repeated, eyes closing for a moment.

"Fenrian is there," 'Fen added.

Solas opened his eyes, locking them to hers. "I wanted to restore things to how they were," he said. "The People need me."

"The People alive today need you, yes, but we don't need the past to be reborn. We need to grab on to our own future," Erafen insisted. "I don't know how many Elvhen yet live, my Wolf, but there are elves. Maybe they aren't... aren't _your_ people, but they are mine." She looked away, finally feeling that maybe they really were worlds apart still.

A gentle bruised hand came to her cheek, pulling Erafen to look back at him. The expression she met was sorrowful, apologetic. "They felt foreign, short, far away from what I knew our people to be," he said. "And then there was you, this one shining example. I still maintain that I deceived you."

"But you weren't wrong," Erafen said. "What was it I asked of you?"

"The future," Solas replied softly. "You asked for the future. I couldn't deliver."

"You already gave me the past, and we're still recovering so much. But the future, we can make together," she told him, moving to kiss his palm. "We don't need the old gods to bring their wars. We don't need demented magister darkspawn to be a new god. We don't need the Forgotten Ones casting shadows over us. We need our Rebel god, to show us that sometimes the old rules are meant to be broken." She reached to toy with his hair. "Besides, you gave me a future with Fenrian, and there is still room in it for you."

Solas released a breath, almost a sigh, but he still searched her face, seeing nothing but dedication and affection, and that she very much meant every word she told him, every vow she made. The same sad expression passed over, the one he made before he said he would leave her, but then he seemed to come to a decision, giving her a weak but genuine smile.

"We take your path, then, _vhen'an_. We do this your way," he told her.

" _Athim_?" Erafen asked. He clearly was swallowing the very same pride he was named for.

" _Solas him athim_ ," he replied, understanding the irony. "Were you not the one who said pride and humility are not mutually exclusive?"

'Fen laughed shakily, nodding in his hand. "Yes, I was. In fact, they can go quite well together. It takes a kind of pride in oneself to be humble."

"See, I _can_ learn," Solas told her in a wry tone, expression amused. He pulled her closer, again wishing for a kiss. She had no problem granting that request. He murmured again at her lips. "You are real. _This_ is real. This world is what is."

"The Fade is as real, too, but yes," Erafen agreed.

"And this very real world has _you_ in it," Solas said, almost as if settling on that fact to cement his decision.

"Will you stay?" 'Fen wondered. She pulled back, eyes searching his.

Solas nodded. "I will, as long as you are in this world." He pulled her back close, and for the next few moments, it felt as though they were alone and not in the back of a wagon with three other people pretending not to listen to them.

Finally, they heard a cough. "They're so happy, and there is only truth. He is resigned, but this is not failure, only a different sort of success. He will be convinced."

Erafen actually giggled at that. "Success, really?"

"Well, that depends on how you feel after I've healed enough to throw you over our bed," Solas deadpanned.

This time it was Abelas who coughed. "Things I did not need to hear about one of the gods of our people."

"But she likes it when he... ooooh, I don't think I needed to see _that_!" Cole gasped.

Erafen broke out into laughter; she couldn't help it, and she pulled the curtain aside so that the other three could pay their respects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to probably have a few days between posts. My grandmother, Juliette, died this morning. She was 86 years old, and lovely every second of her life. She pretty much raised me, and the world is a much darker place for her absence. At any rate, I'll be flying out from California to Alabama to spend time with my family and attend the funeral.
> 
> May her memory be a blessing. זכרונה לברכה
> 
> Thank you all again for the kind words and for being so patient and wonderful.
> 
> Another note of translation, courtesy of FenXShiral (fenxshiral.tumblr.com):
> 
> "athim means humble / humility, meek/meekness, and submissiveness / submissive.
> 
> like most words in Elvish, whether something is a noun, adjective, or adverb is how it is used. 
> 
> word’athim would make athim an adjective or adverb, depending on what the word is. 
> 
> athim by itself, or athim’word makes athim a noun and word would be the adjective/adverb."


	13. The Winding Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen learns a little more about Solas. They learn they're not the only ones walking that way.

The trip to the Crossroads had them staying overnight again while a sturdier wagon from Skyhold came to retrieve the group. The four were in a hut left open for important persons from the Inquisition, and the group certainly qualified as such. Solas was propped up against cushions, Erafen at his side, and the other three were seated across from them, a warm open hearth at the center.

"I didn't tell Merrill. Daern’thal did that for us," 'Fen explained.

"I would let Cole make me forget," Merrill insisted."I promise."

Solas shook his head, the loose bits of black bound back, the sides and under shaved off (Erafen wondered if part of that was to appease her when she pouted at his depilation). "What is curious to me is that Cole was unable to do it."

"I wondered if it was blood magic, but I've made blood mages forget before. I felt some of the Fade around her, which shouldn't happen," Cole explained.

"Milady offered up a bit of her blood so that Merrill could use it to find you. Perhaps that may be it," Abelas said. "If the Nightmare was to be believed, then you went against the covenant of your brethren and tried to uplift your lady." He shook his head, finding he wasn't at all surprised. "I should want to kill you for taking Mythal, but even I know she gave herself to you willingly, and I suppose you cannot be faulted for sharing it with _mar’asha_. Even with what the Dalish have gotten wrong, they have your reputation as _U'Fen_ correct."

"Even the Lone Wolf protects his pack, even if from a distance," Cole said. "What if? What if? Could they be made to see, or will they be as they were?"

"I will always wonder," Solas said. "I locked them away in my rage. Even gentle Ghilan'nain was not above reproach, choosing to help none when they called upon her for shelter lest she displease Andruil. I did not exaggerate before; the rivers ran red with the blood of the People, and I spent myself ending it."

"But then why did our people think it trickery?" Merrill wondered.

"I don't know. I had a reputation. I was brash and cocky in my youth, and I did pride myself on a solitary nature. Finding one who was... compatible seemed impossible. Perhaps it takes a wolf to tame another wolf," Solas mused.

"Or we can balance each other out. Who says we aren't wild at heart?" Erafen teased."I'm the one who grew up Dalish, living outside, climbing trees, hunting. Merrill knows."

"Wildlings, some people called us, when they weren't calling us 'knife-ear' and trying to kill us and steal our things," Merrill said agreeably. "You know what they said of you, though, yes?" she asked Solas.

"That I hugged myself and laughed hysterically? All of that is accurate, save the laughing. I locked myself in a cave, howling in sorrow for what needed to be done. I was somewhat mad at that point, and so very tired. I slept so long," Solas said, almost relieved to be able to talk about it with people.

"This is what trust is," Cole said softly. "It has been a long time since he felt it for anyone. And guilt, gnawing guilt, but all necessary, he tells himself. There is no absolution."

Solas said nothing, but when Erafen turned closer into his side, he slid an arm around her, nodding at Cole to continue.

"It was easier to let this world go when it was temporary, but there is one thing he does not sacrifice," Cole said.

"Two things," Solas corrected.

"Yes, the first born of Elvhen in... in far too long. The People could live again," Cole said.

"I wonder if death isn't a blessing, though. Living so long, watching everything die and change around you," Merrill said. "Maybe we won't have that again, or maybe we'll have something like it, but things can be better, even if different."

"It is a far more difficult thing to ask the unchanging to change," Abelas said. "Be it Elvhen or long-standing societies. Change is always resisted."

"Until people are ready for a change!" Erafen insisted, sitting up a little. "Andraste rebelled, and the entirety of Thedas changed for her sake! Our people left Tevinter, and Halam'shiral was the result."

"Halam'shiral fell," Merrill pointed out meekly.

"But only due to stagnation, to being unwilling to be a part of the world. It's ever the failing of our people, of the Dalish. Stagnation. Never changing. What was it Cassandra told me? The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results each time. Isn't it time to try?"

During her impassioned speech, Solas remained quiet, watching his lady with something akin to awe and no small amount of respect. Hearing it coming from her, remembering words Miryam said when he traveled with the human, all of it finally seemed to sink in.

"Madness," Cole agreed. "The mad do not know they are mad; it is everyone around them who is mad until they can see."

"And I see, _vhen'an_. I have much to put right," Solas said. "And I will not leave you again."

'Fen turned back, going to lean back into his side. Solas still wore the too-big human clothes, but thankfully the tanner there had leathers he promised would be wearable by the morning, intended for a hunter lost to a great bear. He seemed so much smaller than he was to the naked eye, but she could feel his power growing again as his body healed, and what else was interesting, felt the wolf's skull pendant she wore reacting to the black jaw amulet strung over his shoulders and around his neck. Erafen was pleased, however, to find the bracelet made of her own finely woven copper hair was still wrapped around his wrist, as he promised before he went to face Corypheus with the Inquisitor.

The group retired soon after, Erafen and Solas sharing a larger bed, Merrill on a smaller one, Abelas as well, and Cole taking up a cross-legged position on a cot near the door, almost as if he were keeping watch. Solas was on his back with 'Fen leaning on his chest. As much as they might want a proper reunion, there were others in the room and he was still too weak for more vigorous activity as he was still recovering from his ordeal.

That night, she was alone in the Fade, though she could feel her Wolf near. Erafen went looking for him, and when she found him, he was in a pocket not unlike the cave in Crestwood. As if he knew she was there, he moved, the scene coming to life, and ‘Fen watched him take a knife to his long black locks, pulling hard and cutting it off as if it would sever him from his own past. The remaining stubble he burned away with fire, crying out with the pain of it, and then set it to heal so that it remained smooth like a baby’s head.

Solas turned around, himself again, the shadow image of Fen’Harel falling to his hands and knees, soon curling to sleep. “ _I was trying to find myself again, ‘Fen,_ ” he explained. “ _Perhaps it isn’t the People disconnected. Perhaps I am disconnected, too_.”

“ _You want to carry those burdens, but they might not be yours to bear_ ,” Erafen suggested.

“ _How could they not be? I cut off the People from their gods_ ,” Solas countered. “ _The state they exist in is my doing_.”

“ _And were you not the one who said people are responsible for their own path_?” Erafen retorted. “ _There are things beyond one’s control, but the People have survived, even if their lives are as quick as humans_.”

Solas still looked skeptical, watching as the memory of himself slept.

“ _The People are responsible for themselves. Change doesn’t happen until one wants it bad enough to make it happen_ ,” Erafen insisted.

He said nothing in response, merely gave her a curious look. “ _How did one so young gain so much wisdom? Even now, vhen’an, you surprise me_.”

Erafen gave him a coy look, head down and looking up at him through her lashes. " _I don't know, hah'ren, maybe I had someone bring out the best in me._ "

This did make Solas laugh, one she'd very rarely heard before, only ever when they were truly alone. He turned towards her, sliding his arms around her shoulders and down her back, pulling her close so that her arms would wrap around his sides. " _And perhaps you bring out the best in me, those things I thought buried and gone._ "

\----

Sunrise brought breakfast of sausage stuffed with ram meat, wild sage, thyme, and greens along with wild duck eggs. It was a savory and rich breakfast, and the sausages, once cooked, would keep for the trip to the next stop. Given that the small caravan would be bypassing the closest came to continue past the Hinterlands, food that would last was a wise idea.

Solas was already growing stronger; each night spent in the Fade restored lost power, and it was evident just how much of a boon Mythal's Primal Essence boosted his own abilities. His body, however, remained weak, though with every last splinter from the Sylvans that imprisoned him that was expelled from his body, he was visibly healthier. He seemed to put on muscle since the ordeal, and Erafen realized it was just his body returning to how it should be. Sometimes, she couldn't keep her eyes off him, either in worry when he faltered, or in absolute appreciation at his rather attractive form.

Of course, the leathers he wore didn't hurt. They fit properly, the hide comfortable and not too tight as Solas healed. The long tunic was in the skin of a black bear, tanned soft and cut not unlike what he normally wore, save for sleeves and a collar of black wolf fur. The tanner said it was to have been for a hunter, one who had been delivered, dead, back to the small village for burial. It seemed Solas had no problem wearing the dead man's intended garments.

"She's staring again, you know," Cole told Solas.

"She appreciates her Wolf, and she is also sitting right here," Erafen teased the spirit.

"She's welcome to look if she doesn't mind me looking back," Solas said smoothly.

Abelas merely snorted, still a bit too reverent of the lost gods to say anything, even in jest, to stir up the Dread Wolf. Merrill, for her part, tittered a bit, looking up from her mending.

"Are you going to keep this?" 'Fen wondered, reaching to the lock of hair pulled back on her spouse's head. She fluffed it just a bit, making it wilder.

"You seem to like it," Solas replied. "Far be it from me to deny you." He gave her a rather secret smile, and she grinned in return, leaning into his side. For a moment, it was peaceful, quiet, and the group kept idle comfortable conversation until Cole sat straight up.

"She sees, seething, sulking. Her master dead, her god dead, and now this is the last chance. 'He will rise, he will, and she will see him rise and others bleed for his glory. If I die, it will not be by anyone's hand other than my own,'" Cole whispered.

"Do you sense something?" Merrill asked, dropping her mending.

"So cold, so cold in her heart, a grip of ice. She has never known love, only servitude, and cold will seal the hurt away," the spirit continued.

" _Elgar'falon_ ," Erafen said, leaning forward. "Is she near? This one you sense? Would she harm us?"

"She would," Cole said. "She can't, but she absolutely would. She... is gone."

"Stop the wagon!" Erafen called out. "We can't go until we investigate."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for all of the support. I've been helping out my mother today, which has been interesting. We only argued about politics once. =P The funeral for my grandmother is Monday, so I'm just trying to keep things together. 
> 
> Also, things are starting to happen again. Muwahahahaha.


	14. The Unseen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas has doubts, but he has swallowed his pride for the sake of Erafen.

Merrill protested, but she finally consented to stay with the wagon to protect the guards (though Erafen clearly didn't say aloud she was also to watch over Solas while he was still healing). She took a sentry position outside, staff ready, looking warily out as the remaining three of their group went off, following Cole's senses.

"So raw, bleeding biting burrowing inside," Cole said, leading the way. "And now fleeing, magic carrying her off. And gone." He sighed, expression apologetic. "I can't sense her anymore. Part of me is sad; I could help her."

"Let it go for now, Cole," Erafen said. "Abelas?"

"There were disturbances in the land," the Sentinel said after a moment. "The faint smell of magic, yes."

"We keep looking, find clues," 'Fen said, and continued forward. In their sweep, they didn't find the woman Cole sensed, but they did find remanants of a camp, and curiously, a crumpled letter intended for the fire, its ends only slightly charred. Clearly whoever threw it into the fire was in a hurry and missed.

Erafen unwrapped the parchment, reading aloud around the burned sections. "'Vincinius'," she said aloud, "'If you send another -something- slave, I will -something, something- you.' This is Tevene. I can't translate all of this, and there are burned sections here. The signature is almost unreadable. 'Cal--' something."

"Skyhold's Spymaster could," Cole suggested, indicating Leliana's replacement. "If Scout Harding is back, or Dorian has returned, they can help, too."

"I do hope all of them are available. I think we're truly looking at the next big threat," Erafen said. "This letter is in Tevene. We're dealing with Venatori. They have already tried to kill or capture Hawke and Fenris. We can infer that Daern’thal is this 'new' god they're following in the absence of Corypheus."

"Cultists, nothing more," Abelas said, and though his tone was derisive, he was not dismissing them outright as he might have. "Cultists are fanatical and dedicated. That they would replace a Tevinter darkspawn with an old Elvhen 'god' is minor; they have a point to rally around again, and that makes them a threat."

"Precisely," 'Fen agreed. "Let's go back and continue on to Skyhold."

When they returned, they found Solas standing out of the wagon, leaning against it for support, but clearly pensive and watchful. He pulled Erafen in close, asking her softly what she found, which she answered just as quietly in the elven tongue. He clearly did not like what she had to tell him, his expression immediately turning to one 'Fen knew well.

"Not. Your. Fault." Erafen looked up at him, eyes slightly narrowed and insisting. "The Venatori would find something to rally around. It's natural they'd want vengeance. I'm not going to say you don't have a degree of responsibility."

"But I am in a better position to do something about it, yes," Solas agreed. He still seemed, to Erafen, very much wary and ready to bound off, still driven by his own ghosts and neuroses, but again, she saw trust. How many times had he told her in the past that it wasn't her he distrusted? Erafen was certain he distrusted himself most of all.

"You are," 'Fen assured him. It felt a bit odd when she considered it as they returned to the wagon. Solas, well, Fen'Harel was so much older than she was, experienced so many more things, but as she considered it, it was entirely possible that because of what he'd seen, what he'd lived through, that his self-blame, his need to fix things, was driven by those experiences. She knew trauma and how it shaped one's life; her own kept her from intimacy for years before Solas entered the picture, and that was _one_ event.

"Pride can be blind," Cole said quietly behind her. "He has swallowed it for you."

"I know," Erafen told him, just as softly. "I pray he doesn't come to resent me for it."

"He can't," the spirit answered, not expanding on the cryptic statement.

"I'll try not to read too much into that," 'Fen said, confused. She climbed back in fully and went to go sit next to Solas, her head on his arm.

The rest of the trip, thankfully, was uneventful, even dull at times. More than once it looked like a debate would erupt between Solas and Abelas, but the later would defer to the 'god'. Erafen was certain he might literally bite his tongue than say something to offend Solas. More than once, she picked up a point, actually having a decent discussion with her love, asking about different bits of Elvhen society and social structure.

"Class distinctions happen whether we want them to or not," Erafen told him. "But the job of those in charge is to make sure it does't get out of hand, to keep the lines between them fluid and not divisive, to make sure everyone has a cahnce and that at least basic needs are seen to. Things like food, shelter, water, education..."

"Education," Solas repeated. "And not just the things the ruling class wants the lower classes to know?"

"Of course," Erafen said. "I already talked to Miryam and Briala about it; _Halam'abelas_ will have a public library. Already tomes are being translated and copied by some of the elves at Skyhold. The first thing you did for me was teach me, ' _ma Fen_. You were my _hah'ren_ before you were my love."

He looked at her curiously, and 'Fen was certain she saw a questioning look shooting from Abelas to Solas, a nod from her lover answering some unspoken question. Solas leaned over and kissed Erafen on the temple.

"Mythal would approve of this, I think. She was not one for calculating, for petty or shallow petitions for judgment, and it very much is the role of a mother to teach her young so that they are prepared for the world," he told her.

"If there was one to be a mother, a protector, to the others, she may have chosen you," Abelas said, almost too softly to be heard.

"All I can do is help a few of the elves of this land," Erafen said humbly. "It's up to them what they do with it. For now, though, we do have a large threat above our own arrogance, though that can also be addressed."

"If you like, I'd be happy to help in any way I can," Merrill offered.

"You, young one, are going to be working with the two of us," Solas informed her. "You need to learn the proper method of constructing and repairing an _eluvian_. I understand the demon seduced you with the past; I will not be such."

"I think we need to recapture those paths," Erafen mused aloud. "I recall Miryam saying the pocket world inside was in danger of collapsing; we may need to find a way to strengthen it. I wish I knew where those others led to."

"Places better not disturbed, _vhen'an_ ," Solas muttered, expression dark. "I may tell you of some of them. Elvhen of long ago tried to explore some of those places, even thrived and communicated with us, but then they were lost, never to be heard from again. I remembered a message sent out, one about a world of 'Two Moons'. Others were twisted into beings barely resembling elves, on a desert world. Those places are sealed for a very good reason."

"I believe you," 'Fen replied. "We do have much to take care of on _this_ world, after all."

"Tell me of your son," Merrill said. "I've heard you mention him, but what is he like? Does he look like you or Solas?"

"Like both of us, I think, though he takes more after his father," Erafen replied. "He has the same black hair Solas does." She stopped to muss her love's short lock, leaving him to bat at her hand playfully. "His eyes are my color, the little blue-violet, but I think when he sheds his baby fat, his features will definitely be more angular. I hope Fenrian's taller than me." She laughed at that; even with the Primal Essence infused in her, she'd really only put on a couple of inches, still quite short by even Dalish standards.

"I look forward to meeting him now that he's no longer nested in you," Solas said. For just a moment, that same look of fear was in his eyes, and 'Fen took his hand.

"Have you had other children?" she asked softly.

"No, I made it a point not to. That doesn't mean I wasn't quite the hedonist," he answered truthfully. "I did enjoy the company of others. Children, however, are-- _were_ a liability."

Erafen gave him a look, and finally it turned impish. "You're _still_ a hedonist, you with your tea cakes and wine and fine leather."

This provoked laughter from the other elf, the amusement wiping away the lingering fear. "You have me at that, then, _vhen'an_."

Abelas watched them curiously, almost confused. "A side of the Dread Wolf we were never blessed with seeing," he said drily.

"Not everyone can be grumpy all of the time," Merrill told him sensibly. "Even you, old Elvhen Sentinel that you are. You're a free man, you know. Even if you feel compelled to serve, 'Fen doesn't seem the kind that would obligate someone to her like that."

"But she graciously accepts my servitude regardless," Abelas replied.

"If one has been a slave all his life, then that may be the only life he is suited for," Solas said. "But if he chooses to be free, he will not be without aid."

The Sentinel nodded his head, more a bow than agreement, finally giving the 'god' a larger degree of respect. "I would see Mythal's legacy not be squandered, to see the People have a protector and defender again. If it would be Milady, if the defender would be you, then I will do my part."

Erafen looked down uncomfortably. Even with the responsibility and power she accepted, being compared to a goddess, one she once bore the markings for, seemed almost blasphemous. There was something missing, too, something she was positive Mythal might have intended to happen that hadn't yet. She turned to Solas.

"Can you speak of it?" she asked him, tone hushed and nervous. "Of Mythal, of her... gift to you."

"He said, 'The failure was mine. I should pay the price, but the People, they need me,' and she only looked so sad, so very sad," Cole muttered.

"It was no gift; I would have taken it," Solas admitted. "My goal, the People, the only thing I could do. She knew, though, and... and she gave it willingly."

"So it was... a gift," Abelas said, his fist clenching and unclenching. "You would have killed her a second time."

"She yet lives, a part of her does, anyway. The part of her that is still what she was, what I am, and that is intended for her human daughter," Solas said. "Even as undeserving as the witch might be, I cannot deny Mythal's hand in her rearing."

Erafen gasped. "Morrigan, of course. She told me before she left Skyhold, before she left me use of her _eluvian_! I wonder, then, if she knows of the fate of her mother, of _Asha'belanar_. The humans called her Flemeth."

Abelas finally relaxed, seeming to find some satisfaction, though one thing also seemed to confuse him. "Why would she choose a shemlen human for her host? I don't understand. Why not one of the People, even our _shem'vhen_."

"I don't know," Solas admitted. "She would never answer that."

"Perhaps, given she was betrayed, murdered as you say," Erafen began, "Hiding in a human body was a safe place, somewhere her enemies wouldn't find her. Perhaps she found a kindred spirit in Flemeth those years ago."

"And she is a mother. Of course she would have a daughter," Merrill said. "Oh, how sad! And we know the story of _Asha'belanar_ , how she was betrayed. It's like a tragedy from old tales."

"It _is_ a tragedy from old tales, very true ones," Erafen said. She had released Solas' hand, but he reached for it again, squeezing it tight in his.

"You will not be betrayed so. I swear it," he told her quietly. Erafen only answered by leaning her head on his shoulder again, and so the group traveled in silence the rest of the way to Skyhold,each lost to their thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The funeral for Grandmom was today. I swear I was in a daze. My family is doing well, and we all thank you for the well-wishes and good thoughts sent our way. <3 
> 
> So I've left you all a big hint as to things coming in this chapter! ;)


	15. It Never Rains...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group returns to Skyhold, and one very old wolf meets his cub.

It was already nightfall when the wagon and its guard made it to Skyhold, but Miryam and Cullen were out and ready to greet the group. Both were dressed comfortably, and as it looked, quickly, having likely been roused from sleep. Abelas was the first out, bowing deeply to the two, followed by Merrill, who mumbled through an apology and a greeting. Erafen came slowly, helping Solas out, who was still weakened from his ordeal.

“When you wrote that you had found him, I scarce believed it,” Miryam told Erafen, bringing her friend into a tight hug.

“He is no danger?” she whispered.

“None,” Erafen said, perfectly understanding the Inquisitor’s hesitation. “We have much to discuss, but it can wait for the morning,” she said a bit louder. “Merrill here is from Kirkwall, here to help with _Halam’abelas_ and… other things. Where is Fenrian?”

“Asleep in our quarters. I thought perhaps you might want to carry him to his proper bed; we can have the bassinet put away,” Miry replied. “Does Solas know?”

“I know, Inquisitor. I have known,” Solas answered for himself. “I would see my son, please.”

“Well, come on,” Cullen said, fighting off a yawn. “He’s been babbling a bit lately, no real words. Good you’ve returned.” He did seem skeptical of the returned apostate, but he held his tongue. “I’ll find arrangements for Merrill and Abelas.”

Miryam led the way into the Great Hall and up tio her and Cullen’s quarters. Lanterns were already lit, though kept dim at the late hour, providing just enough light to navigate. A bassinet was set up, and in it, a plump elven baby slept.

Erafen wanted to go right to her son, but she held back, letting Solas approach first. She watched with rapt attention as he approached, looking in with something akin to wonder on his sharp features. She saw him gently reach in, touching the fine black hair on the boy’s head, a look of gentleness she’d rarely seen touched his eyes.

“He’s ours,” Solas said aloud, and finally, ever so gently, he reached in to carefully scoop up the sleeping baby, letting the small head rest on his shoulder. Fenrian made a little noise, but with a “shhh” from Solas, he settled right down, resting comfortably on the soft leather and wolf hide. Solas looked over at Erafen, and for a moment, her Wolf seemed young, the world as fresh and new for him as it was for the little one he cradled close.

“I’ll get us to our suite,” Erafen told Miryam. “Get to bed!”

“I will, go on, you two,” Miryam insisted.

“Good night, _falon_ , and thank you for watching our boy,” ‘Fen said, and she guided Solas out.

The couple headed down the stairs, Erafen moving ahead to open the door as Solas had his hands full of a sleeping peaceful child. She continued leading the way back on the familiar path to her room, or at least what was once her room. The three bedrooms attached to the side pathway had since been remodeled into a suite as ‘Fen more or less had a permanent residence there, at least until _Halam’abelas_ was completed and ready for her presence. There was one front room as a foyer leading into a larger sitting room, a bedroom, and a corner set aside as a nursery.

Erafen went to make sure Fenrian’s bed was nice and warm, and once it was ready, Solas laid the boy down to seep. Again, the little one whimpered some, but he settled right back down into his innocent dreams. His fuzzy black hair framed his chubby baby cheeks, long lashes flickering as he settled himself.

“He is in the Fade,” Solas said. “You were right: his connection is strong, much more so than any other Dreamer in ages. With the right training, he would be formidable as both mage and Dreamer. I would even wager saying he is the first truly Elvhen child born in an age.”

‘Fen said nothing at first, watching her love’s face carefully. What she saw there was no more sign of the sadness, the mourning he showed when trying to decide to leave or stay. She saw determination, she saw resignation, she saw pride, but most of all, she saw a deep and abiding love. It was a stark contrast to the love he showed her, the love for the Fade and lost history, or any other affection he might have shown. This was pure and innocent, a father’s joy at the little miracle he helped, in his way, to bring into the world.

“We did that,” she said gently, taking his hand as they stood there to look over the sleeping baby.

“You did most of the work. I should have been here to help you,” Solas said, voice low.

“I won’t argue that I’d have preferred you here, but I didn’t argue much when you left, if you’ll recall,” Erafen pointed out.

“I was blinded by… perhaps a desire to punish myself? Disappointment in what happened as a result of my interference? I thought the People would flourish without the wars their ‘gods’ waged,” he said.

“As you’ve told me,” Erafen replied, nodding. “What about now?”

“You asked me for the future, _vhen’an_ , but I never expected you would also give one to me,” Solas told her. “I could never leave you, leave our Fenrian. I cannot leave this. It’s far more noble a cause.”

‘Fen smiled warmly, leaning her head against his arm. He squeezed her hand in return and tilted his head to rest against hers.

That night, they had a proper reunion, their lovemaking passionate yet slow so every sensation could be savored. They fell into the Fade together, exploring Skyhold and talking, working through the inner demons each battled (though ‘Fen wouldn’t argue that Solas had quite a few more plaguing him). There were things they didn’t speak on, specifically what it was Solas attempted to do that had him leave in the first place. Both could sense their son, knowing he was in a safe quiet pocket, protected by his own innocence and their watchful senses.

They joined again in the Fade, again taking their time in exploring bodies and minds, using the magic that made up the surrounding landscape to enhance the experience. The two curled together, murmuring sundries until Erafen felt something sharp, a stabbing sensation, and she cried out.

Solas held her tightly. “ _Vhen’an, what is it_?” he implored, desperately trying to calm his wife’s fears.

“ _Keeper Deshanna! I felt her! She’s… something’s wrong. I’ve never been able to sense her in the Fade so far away. She was calling_!” Erafen turned to look at Solas, eyes wide.

“ _Show me_ ,” Solas instructed, and he met Erafen’s eyes solidly, letting her feel his own connection to the Fade. Together, they reached out across the distance as if it were nothing, but there was no sign of the Dalish Keeper’s presence.

“ _It might have been a bad dream, or… or she was fighting off a demon,_ ” Erafen suggested. She then vanished in her love’s arms, waking physically back spooned in front of him.

Soon Solas joined her in wakeful alertness, tightening his hold on her for a moment. “I will check on Fenrian,” he told her. “Write your Keeper and find out if she is well. If there is danger, we should know. At the very least, she should be warned of Daern’thal.”

“A bird went out right after we freed you,” Erafen informed him. “She should know already; Wycome wasn’t that terribly far away, not for a crow.”

“All the more reason to be concerned,” Solas said. He stopped to kiss her forehead, and paused long enough to pull on comfortable trousers to go check on their son. Erafen immediately wrote the letter: 

_“Dearest Keeper Deshanna,_

_I Dreamed in the Fade and felt your presence. It was sudden pain, and I am concerned for your well-being. I warned you of Daern’thal; please be careful. He may try to pass himself off as the Dread Wolf, but I assure you, Fen’Harel is not our enemy! The Dread Wolf has never been our enemy._

_Please respond soon, and also make sure Eradahl is safe. My thoughts are ever with you and with our clan._

_Sincerely and with love,_

_Erafen Lavallen”_

She pulled on a robe and went to the balcony, calling out with a bone whistle. A crow flew down from the roost above the library, landing on the balcony rail. ‘Fen attached the scroll case to the bird’s leg, and then she sent it on its way.

“ _Dareth shiral_ ,” she called after it, and turned to go back inside to join her reunited family.

Erafen stood there in the doorway leading to the living area, watching Solas as he held a fidgeting Fenrian. The elder elf whispered words in Elvhen to the boy, the words turning into a lullaby, one she knew from her own childhood. Even with the fears she felt for her clan, this was a ray of bright light in the darkness, the one thing she’d dreamed for herself since that first kiss in the Fade those few years ago. As a young girl, she’d given up any pretense of ever experiencing motherhood, of finding a mate she could trust so much with not just her heart, but her body and mind. Now she had both, even if she had to fight a would-be god _and_ an ancient Elven god’s ego.

Solas caught Erafen watching him, having the grace to look a bit sheepish, but he still continued comforting Fenrian, the younger elf finally calming and settling back into his dreams. Once sleeping, Solas put him back in the crib, smoothing down his fuzzy black hair.

“The crow has been sent,” ‘Fen told him. “I don’t know if I could go back to sleep, but standing here doesn’t do any good. Miry and Cullen probably wouldn’t appreciate me waking them up over this.”

“We do need to impress upon them what a significant threat Daern’thal poses,” Solas said. “That he uses the Venatori, the presence Cole sensed in the Hinterlands, and then his attempt on my life and the threat against you — all of these are severe enough to require the Inquisition’s attention. We may be dealing with a threat that could potentially exceed that Corypheus posed if we are not proactive.”

“Agreed, _‘ma Fen_ ,” she replied, going to wrap her arms around him. His own arms surrounded her, keeping her close to his warm body as he stroked her hair gently. ‘Fen felt a gentle kiss being pressed to the top of her head along with the sense of his aura caressing her own, soothing her spirit.

‘We will overcome this,” Solas said, and Erafen found comfort that he said ‘we’ and not ‘I’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently posting this from an airplane, so if there are typos or whatnot, I'll fix them when I land. Isn't it cool we have WiFi on flights now? This one is a little shorter than usual; I wrote it right before the funeral.
> 
> Also, thank you all again for the kind words and patience. This last week or so has been trying, and I'm going to rest up well when I get home. The comments have meant a lot to me!


	16. As the Crow Flies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen waits to hear from Clan Lavellan.

Over the next few days, Erafen was a bundle of nerves, but she kept it to herself except to share her fears with Solas and Miryam. She and Solas also met with Miryam, Cullen, Josephine, and their new Spymaster, Edric Cadash, to discuss the events of the last pair of weeks.

“Do not underestimate our enemy,” Solas said. “His escape in such a state was unforeseen and unfortunate.”

“Erafen did keep that Orb, you know,” Cullen pointed out. “She and Dagna have been working for months to unlock its secrets and make it functional again.”

“After I abandoned it?” Solas asked, eyebrow raised in his lady’s direction.

“I kept it,” Erafen said softly. “I had so little left of you. Every bit was precious.” She added an amendment, helping Solas keep his secret. “Saving that Orb was important to you before; it reminded me of you.”

Solas merely leaned over to kiss the side of her head, a murmured ‘ _Ir abelas, vhen’an_ ’ whispered from his lips, still loud enough for the others to hear. He pulled away, though his hand found hers on the War Table. “Have you made any progress?”

“It’s reacted a few times to Miryam’s Anchor,” Cadash spoke up. “I’ve talked with Dagna about it. It seems to react to some of the elven mages, but most strongly to the Anchor and to Erafen’s magic. It also, oddly enough, sparked to life when Fenrian wandered too close.”

“He’s started guiding himself around the ends of furniture and whatnot. We were trying something in the rotunda,” ‘Fen explained.

“I see,” Solas said, brow creased in thought. “I will not press as to why you thought to try it there, but why was Fenrian there, too?

“We were merely testing its proximity to certain things,” Erafen said. “In this case, I was looking through your studies to see if something would help, and I needed the Orb nearby for reference.”

Solas made a short “hmm”, looking concerned, and Erafen hoped this wouldn’t result in their first spat since reuniting, but he seemed to shrug it off. “It is one more thing I should have been here for. When I saw the Orb shattered, I assumed it was irreparable. I am again surprised by your perseverance and creativity, _vhen’an_.”

Cullen cleared his throat. “What has me concerned is the presence Cole sensed and what you found at that campsite. Dorian should be here by tomorrow night or the night after; he will be more familiar than most anyone here with the Tevene.”

“Scout Harding has a good working knowledge, but she’s out in Crestwood checking on some activity there, and a good number of my agents are out and about,” Cadash added. “Leliana… er, Divine Victoria has been good to let me remain in contact with her own Spymaster; between us two, whoever this person who wrote the letter will be discovered.”

“And then her part in this will be revealed,” Miryam added. “I do agree that this Nightmare god may yet rise as a threat, and thus we should take it seriously. We do have a ‘Circle’ here at Skyhold, as you know, and we can warn our mages to keep watch on what they see in the Fade, omens or whatnot.”

“I wonder if I should halt work on _Halam’abelas_ until this is settled,” Erafen mentioned.

“That shouldn’t be necessary, _vhen’an_ ,” Solas said. “As long as there are plenty to guard it and safeguard from attack. Perhaps we might hand-pick a few people to watch for those things and report to us.”

“I know just who to choose,” Erafen said thoughtfully. “And we do have two Sentinels among the crews there.”

“You have the Inquisition’s forces, too,” Cullen spoke up. “I may not have agreed at first, but your people do have a right to make better lives for themselves. Surely humans have been more of a hinderance than a help. Divine Victoria’s charity towards the Alienages has been of some help, but what you know Most Holy approves of your work.”

Miryam and Erafen exchanged a glance. Of course ‘Fen would be doing this even if ‘Most Holy’ disapproved, but she held her tongue. Thankfully, it was Miry who spoke.

“Well, I think our Divine has a good and sensible head on her shoulders. We can always rely on her to make an ethical choice,” Miryam finally said aloud. “My dear friend, the worry is back in your eyes.” She looked at Erafen with concern.

“Daern'thal truly frightens me more than Corypheus,” ‘Fen admitted, giving Solas a grateful nod when he placed a gentle hand at her back between her shoulder blades. “Corypheus, for his power, was tangible, and we learned how he ‘worked’. Daern’thal is intangible, a ghost of the Fade for now, and we know he can possess others. So far, he seems to have a preference for elven mages, wants to possess a body with ties to Elvhen gods, but other than that? All speculation. I hope Hawke has something for us soon. I also very much hope that what I heard in the Fade regarding Keeper Deshanna isn’t related.”

“I will be preparing letters to trusted people,” Josephine offered. “Divine Victoria will be informed as will Grand Enchanter Fiona of the College of Enchanters.”

“Skyhold is magically fortified,” Miryam added. “Is there some way this can be strengthened?”

“Permit me to speak with your ‘Circle’,” Solas spoke up. “I will see to Skyhold’s magical fortifications myself and inform the Commander here or our progress.”

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t entirely trust you yet,” Cullen interjected, fixing Solas with a hard expression.

“Forgiven and understood,” Solas said, seeming unconcerned. “And you will also, no doubt, understand that the most precious of people reside here in Skyhold’s walls. I trust no other fortress to provide a safe haven for my son.”

Cullen coughed, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. “I… see. My apologies; I did not consider Fenrian.”

“You are not yet a parent,” Solas said as way of acceptance. “I was not before either; those thoughts wouldn’t have been my first.”

Erafen held her tongue again, of course. She also knew what more her son represented. He wasn’t just their own precious boy, though she loved him terribly, but he also represented the future for the Elvhen of Thedas. “Daern'thal knows of our son,” she finally managed to say. “He will surely be a target.”

“He will not touch Fenrian,” Solas insisted. “I swear this.”

“Then you should be pleased to know this,” Cadash spoke up. “We have found a tunnel system under Skyhold, well sealed and even ventilated. It seems that not only was this place sacred to ancient elves and to humans after, but a contingent of dwarves may also have lived here, even helped with construction. No Deep Roads access, so it’s safe that way, but in the case something was stupid enough to attack Skyhold from outside, it can be set up as a ‘panic room’ of sorts. The presence of the Stone lives there, too.”

“Then we work on these, fortify Skyhold as never before, and we begin our hunt for this Daern’thal in earnest,” Miryam declared.

“We’ll go work with our people at once,” Erafen said, and when Miryam nodded, approving the dismissal, she and Solas stepped out and headed to the courtyard to begin preparations.

——

It had been a few days since Erafen sent out her crow to check on her clan in Wycome. Her answer came not from Keeper Deshanna, but from her younger sister, Eradahl, via a crow-delivered letter. The writing was shaky, not the usual clear script she recognized.

“ _Dearest sister,_

_Our Keeper has fallen ill, to what we don’t know, but when I read your letter, I was so afraid it was related. Right now, I speak for her on behalf of Clan Lavellan and the elves of Wycome. It seems like some sickness, but this ailment is odd. She runs no fever, her skin does not feel sick, but she sleeps with a look of horror on her face. I believe she walks the Fade, but we have no Dreamers among us. I know the talent has been growing among our people again, but none of Lavellan have this ability save you._

_If you have a Dreamer to spare, or can do it yourself, please save our Keeper! She has been grandmother to us both, and we owe her this. We owe Lavellan this._

_In love,_  
_Eradahl Lavallen_  
_First to Clan Lavellan_ ”

“Oh no,” ‘Fen gasped, eyes already tearing as she was reading. She ran immediately to find Solas, locating him in the Rotunda where he was working on coloring his final fresco, Fenrian in a makeshift playpen, watching his father intently. Kneeling next to the pen, she opened its side to scoop up her son, holding him close.

“I’ve been absent too long from you already,” she murmured against his soft hair.

“Erafen?” Solas called out, and he finished the last bit of color he was on, turning to cover the colored plaster buckets with a damp cloth. He climbed down from the scaffolding, approaching with concern. “What is it?”

‘Fen handed him the scroll, which he opened carefully and read over, looking from it to Erafen and Fenrian with narrowed eyes. “You will have to be the one to go,” he said, looking from son to wife and back.

“We can’t take Fenrian,” Erafen said. “And Skyhold needs someone to train the people here.”

“Then I will stay with our son,” Solas said. “I would send Abelas with you, but it should be you both and in quiet. There may be a path via _eluvian_ to get you there faster, but it will take you to a place long abandoned, one of great import to the People. If the eluvian on the other side is intact, then you should be safe.”

“Where is this place, _‘ma Fen_?” she wondered.

“Not quite a temple, but a den of sorts. It was one of my hiding places when the People warred,” Solas informed her. “I give up a sanctuary by telling you of it.”

“You can trust us to keep it to ourselves,” Erafen began, but Solas shook his head.

“No, _vhen’an_ , let the secret be revealed. This can be used by the elves of Wycome should they need an escape, and your sister may use it to find us in the future,” he told her. “We should find the Inquisitor, let her know of the plan, and then we can see if the eluvian is still intact.” Solas did stop, however pressing a kiss first to Erafen’s head and then to Fenrian’s.

“This family thing is still new to you?” ‘Fen inquired.

“New, yes, but… more than I thought possible. I sometimes wonder when my luck will fail again, and I am pleasantly surprised to find it will not, not in this case. I will fight anything that threatens this,” he insisted.

Erafen nodded once, meeting his eyes. They would both fight to protect their family and future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back in California and hope to be back on my writing schedule of posting one each night. 
> 
> Thank you all again for your patience! Please keep commenting; I love chatting with you all. =)


	17. Love is More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen and Miryam get a chance to talk while Solas does all the work.

“You just got back, and now you need to leave again?” Miryam asked, actually pouting. “Not that I begrudge you this, but it’s just so sudden. Do you need us to mind Fenrian again?” She nodded towards the small child sleeping in her friend’s arms.

The two women and small elven toddler sat in the gazebo near the garden of healing herbs minded by some of the clerics and elves. It was a warm day, but not uncomfortable, and thanks to a magical shield, their conversation remained private.

“Not this time. Solas is staying,” Erafen answered, and she might have laughed at the surprise on the Inquisitor’s face had the situation been less dire. “Come on now, he’s dedicated. He won’t leave again, and I don’t believe he’ll break a promise like that. At least, I hope not.”

“He left you before,” Miry pointed out.

“For good cause, at least in his mind. We have a bigger cause right now, one that affects the future of all elves. Besides, you’ve seen him with Fenrian. I don’t think anyone could tear him away. Parenthood changes something in a person, I think.”

“I’d like it to happen for us,” Miry admitted. “Cullen, I think, wants a horde, but this takes precedence.”

“When it’s done, _falon_ , you truly should, if you truly wish it,” ‘Fen told her sincerely. “Fenrian was a happy accident, I’ll admit. Solas and I weren’t very careful, and it was irresponsible of us, but I have no regrets. Our child is our responsibility.”

“I wish everyone had your ethical sense,” Miryam said. “Too many homeless unwanted children end up on the streets or being swept aside by the Chantry when they’re of age. To abandon a child is unforgivable. I’m pleased Divine Victoria is being rather strict with her rulings on abandoned children.”

“Bringing them into the Chantry to be trained as priests, as Templars, as Seekers, teachers… this should fill a needed gap,” Erafen agreed. “But to the current situation, I will be taking Abelas with me. Merrill will also stay behind as she will be working on our second _eluvian_ , the one to be installed at _Halam’abelas_.”

“You told me that means ‘Sorrow’s End’,” Miryam said.

“It does, and it’s my hope the name is accurate, fitting for the place. The elves of Thedas have suffered terribly, and much of its origin lies in the hands of our Elvhen ancestors. This is our chance to thrive. The goal is not to exceed humans or dwarves or qunari, but to exceed our own limitations, to be equals in society. We just need to remove the roadblocks.” The elf let out a sigh.

“Like this Nightmare god,” Miry agreed. “I told you of the Nightmare in the Fade we faced at Adamant; could this be the same thing?”

“I don’t know. Solas told me that there are spirits who were, in days past, corrupted by Daern’thal to spread his darkness through the minds of all Elvhen,” ‘Fen replied.

Miryam frowned sharply, looking skeptical. “Does he truly know all of this from memories in the Fade? How come no one else knows such things?”

“He’s a Dreamer, _falon_ , and an exceptionally powerful one,” Erafen told her friend, not lying, but she couldn’t reveal her love’s secret. “What more he might have to explain it is his call to make, not mine.”

“And he is lucky to have someone he can trust,” Miryam said, giving in. “I am surprised you’re not already out.”

“Solas is through the _eluvian_ ,” Erafen explained. “He knows of another terminus closer to Wycome, and he’s going ahead to make sure it’s safe. This little distraction will save us plenty of time in road travel.” She adjusted the sleeping toddler in her lap. “As for our separation, we took steps to strengthen the bond we share. No matter our distance, we will hear each other in the Fade and know if its real.”

“And that's why you were walking funny?” Miry teased.

“Shut it, you,” the elf replied, rolling her eyes. “But… well, yes. It required vigorous concentration and effort.”

At this, Miryam laughed, enough that she had to stop lest she wake up Fenrian. Erafen just rolled her eyes again.

“See, _Da’fen_ , your _mamae_ ’s best friend is a pervy imaginative minx.” ‘Fen looked up to wink at her human friend. “Don’t listen to a thing she tells you.”

“Takes one to know one,” Miry said with a wink of her own.

Erafen merely shook her head, and she might have said more, but she felt a stirring, looking up. Fenrian shifted in her arms, clearly uncomfortably, and he started to whimper, but then he paused, letting out a little coo instead.

“I believe Solas has returned,” Erafen said, standing. “Excuse me?”

“Of course,” Miryam said. “Will you be leaving immediately?”

“That depends on Solas and what he’s found out in the ‘’Space Between,” the elf replied, and she stood to walk across the garden towards where Morrigan’s eluvian was kept. Fenrian was wide awake at this point, looking in the direction they were heading. Surely, Erafen realized, he knew who and possibly what was in the long corridor.

She opened the door, balancing the toddler on her hip, and it opened to reveal Solas standing there, back to the door, facing the _eluvian_. He held his chin thoughtfully, and he didn’t turn until Erafen came to stand next to him.

“ _Vhen’an_ ,” he began, “I found the terminus, and it is thankfully intact. The path is clear now, though you and Abelas will have some work navigating to Wycome. It should still save you at least a few days of travel.”

“ _Ma serannas_ ,” ‘Fen told him, and she leaned her head on his arm for the moment. Solas extended his arm to move around her shoulders so that her head was against his shoulder. Fenrian reached for his father, and Solas accommodated by reaching to take the boy. For the moment, Erafen was certain she could feel a strong bond uniting the three.

“Do you feel that?” Solas asked. “I am sure you do. We are connected, stronger than ever before, through the Breath shared, and see? It found a home in Fenrian.”

“I wondered,” Erafen said, voice hushed.

“No matter where you are, I will always be with you in the Fade,” Solas told her firmly. “I was willing to give up my quest for you once, and as you know, I could not deny you a second time. My promise stands, my vow as your Breath-bonded is more binding than my word.”

“Your word is enough,” _‘ma Fen_ ,” Erafen insisted. “You know, that day in Crestwood, in that cave, I truly was angry in my heart, and I wanted to provoke you. I wanted to yell, to tell you to tell me it was a lie, that you didn’t care.”

Solas turned his eyes from her, instead looking at the cuddling youngling in his arms. “I would have told you ‘I can’t’,” he finally said. “What we had — what we _have_ is real. I will _never_ deny that.” He looked back at her, a faint smile ghosting his lips. “You were brave, your words unexpected. You seem to be capable of disarming my defenses.”

Erafen laughed softly, her eyes meeting his. “I won’t say I’m without fear. Sometimes I still am afraid of you leaving again, that you’d tell yourself you were protecting me and Fenrian, but you promised, and I _do_ believe you. You won’t betray my trust, will you?”

“No,” he replied firmly, the word coming out louder and harsher than he intended, and he repeated it softly. “No, _vhen’an_ , I would not. I cut myself off from my heart once, and it hardened me. I… like who I am much more with you, and now that I’ve met our little wolf here, well…” He trailed off, pressing a kiss to the boy’s forehead. “I suppose it’s something we should discuss in depth. As old as I am, I’ve never had a lasting meaningful relationship with anyone that did not end badly, not outside of a deep friendship.”

“Mythal?” Erafen wondered, knowing she was right.

“And I betrayed her,” he said, the words more a sigh than statement.

“Perhaps you intended it, but from what you said, she saved you that decision,” Erafen pointed out. “Perhaps she believed in you, too.”

Solas turned to look at her again, eyes questioning and just a bit disbelieving, and then he froze at hearing what came next, the expression turning into wonder.

“ _Baba_ ,” Fenrian said, patting the side of his fathers face. “ _Baba_.”

“He spoke!” Erafen gasped, delighted. “Of course, my Wolf, it’s you he speaks of first!” She laughed.

“ _Baba baba_!” Fenrian repeated. “ _Mama_.”

“It seems he didn’t want to leave you out,” Solas teased, but he was likewise as pleased as Erafen was. It seemed that with every little discovery, every little achievement, he felt more at ease in his new role, determined to make the most of it.

“No. What a polite little one,” ‘Fen said. She reached out to smooth her son’s unruly black hair down, smiling warmly, but it faded, reality intruding again. “And I must find Abelas, prepare for the trip. I’ll send a crow to Wycome, let ‘Dahl know we’re on our way. We should leave tonight.”

Solas pulled her back close with his free arm, his mouth finding hers hungrily. “Let me have you before you leave. I want to pleasure you enough to keep the next few nights warm and fresh in our memories.” He drank her breath, returning his own to her, and again they tasted each other with devouring kisses.

Reluctantly, Erafen pulled away. “Before I go, then. I’ll come in time to tuck Fenrian in, and then…”

“And then,” Solas agreed. He handed the toddler back to his mother, grinning a bit when the boy took a handful of his father’s hair. “Watch it, Little Wolf, or your mother will be disappointed if you bald me again.”

‘Fen laughed at that, helping Solas extract their son, and she balanced the boy against her shoulder. “Tonight,” she told her spouse, and turned to head to her duties.

That night, she returned to her suite to find Solas already waiting for her. Sylana watched Fenrian most of the afternoon, and the little boy was worn out from playing. ‘Fen tucked him into his crib, leaning over to kiss his forehead gently and bid him goodbye for a few more days. Both elves then set a protective barrier around the boy, seeing to his safety before their own pleasure, and stood for a moment to watch him sleep.

Finally, Solas reached for Erafen’s hand, pulling her into their room. Words were not needed between them; she remained silent as Solas worked at undressing her with practiced ease, treating the act with as much reverence as if it was their first night. ‘Fen did the same for him, also reaching up to pull out the band that held his short black locks away, running her fingers through his hair.

“ _‘Ma Fen_ ,” she whispered, letting her fingers trail down his cheek.

“ _Vhen’an_ ,” he said reverently, and he leaned in to take her mouth with his, letting his hands wander over her body. "In the old days," he said against her lips, "Before you entered my world, I would bow for no one. Elgar'nan threatened, roared and raged, and it was Mythal that stayed his hand. I would kneel before you."

He moved down slowly, paying intense attention to what was before him, holding ‘Fen carefully for balance. Kneeling there, he looked up at her with love, devotion, desire, and something not unlike worship. His lips returned to her stomach, working down. When his mouth found her core, he pulled one of her legs over his shoulder to support her. He took his time, working until she cried out and shook against him, and he didn’t release her until she found her breath again.

Erafen bid Solas to stand, but she let him guide her over to their bed. She switched their positions to press him to it instead, falling to her knees to guide him into her mouth before he could protest. He leaned back on his elbows, watching her, resisting until he simply couldn’t anymore. His voice was a near-feral growl, and he roared out her name, the sound echoing on the stone walls.

An application of magic had him ready for her again almost immediately, and he pulled her against him, turning to lower Erafen to the bed. Again he took his time, the goal in this their shared enjoyment of each other. It was different, however. Usually, there was a caressing of aura against aura, letting the spirit 'meet' the other. This, however, was an immediate seamless union, and sensation was suddenly shared between them. Thoughts echoed from one mind to the other; not the words themselves, but the feeling of them.

They remained that way, joined in body, spirit, and mind, each reaching their peak in perfect unison, never breaking eye contact. As they came down from the high of shared pleasure, Erafen realized that even if either of them might want to separate, it was no longer an option. They were bound, and she found that didn't bother her one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, I still suck at smutty things. 
> 
> I've just finished writing chapters 19 and 20, and I think I need many beers and a good long cry. Hopefully chapter 20's introduction will make up for feels.


	18. Through the Looking Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen has another clue about Fen'Harel's past, and her clan has questions about her face.

"Milday, are you ready?" Abelas said as greeting, standing in front of the door leading to the eluvian.

Erafen shrugged as well as she could, her arms full of her wriggling son. He seemed to understand that his mother was leaving again and fidgeted, whining and burying his face in her neck.

"Come now, _da'fen_ , _Mamae_ will be back soon. _Babae_ will take care of you," she told the little one, but he wasn't exactly understanding. He let out a cry, holding tightly. "Oooh, Fenrian, come now," she continued, murmuring softly to encourage him.

"Let me," Solas said, standing just behind her, and he gently pulled the little one into his arms, letting Fenrian rest his little head on his father's shoulder. " _Mamae_ won't be too far away, Little Wolf."

Fenrian wouldn't be calmed by either parent, but he worked himself up to the point he was tired and soon gave in to resting against his father.

"He seems to inherited the stubborn trait from you both," Abelas observed. "Now where will this thing be spitting us out?"

Solas fixed Abelas with a hard look, and then shook his head. "I will show you to the terminus."

Sylana, who'd followed Erafen and Solas, approached. "And that's my cue to take little Fenrian to sleep with the other younglings." She approached to take the child, soothing him when he whimpered. " _Dareth shiral_ ," she told Erafen, letting her come to kiss Fenrian on his head. "Please let me know what you learn of Keeper Deshanna."

"I will return as soon as I can," 'Fen said, and then she silently watched her friend take her son off to join the other elven children. She let out a sigh, and then let Solas take her hand to guide her into the hallway containing the eluvian left by Morrigan. Erafen herself activated it, and she stepped in first, followed by Solas, then Abelas. After that, her Wolf took the lead, walking along the path until they stopped in front of a tall mirror, its top adorned with a wolf's skull not unlike the one Erafen wore around her neck.

Solas straightened up, every bit Fen'Harel and putting his adopted persona aside. "Abelas. Guard my lady and see to it she returns. She is more than capable, but I would still be cautious." He fixed the Sentinel with another hard look.

"I swear it, Fen'Harel," Abelas said with a bow.

"I can take care of myself, ' _ma Fen_ '," Erafen said with a touch of humor, but she knew of her love's sincerity in that regard, and she approached, sliding her arms around his middle.

Solas, in return, leaned his forehead against hers. "See to your clan quickly, _vhen'an_ ," he whispered, and he leaned in for a lengthy kiss before she could answer.

Remembering their joining earlier, 'Fen reached her aura to his, letting it join for a brief moment as he answer. When she pulled back, her eyes met his. " _Ar lath ma_ , Fen'Harel," she told him sincerely.

" _Ar lath ma_ , Erafen Lavellan _Fen'asha_ ," Solas replied, and he reluctantly released her. "We await your return.

Erafen nodded, not trusting her voice, and she went to face the eluvian. Already she could feel it respond to her thoughts; Solas must already have keyed it to her, or it detected the bond she shared with her spouse. She extended a hand, and it flared to life.

Abelas didn't wait, but walked on through, his pack squarely centered on his back. Erafen paused, looking back at Solas, again mouthing words of love voicelessly, and she, too, entered the portal, taking a moment to let her eyes adjust to the darkness on the other side.

They emerged in what Erafen first thought was a cave, but she called veilfire to help her see. What showed was definitely a temple, the motif of wolves all around. It made her gasp; Solas directed them to one of the temples in his honor. What's more, she could feel the amulet around her neck pulse with power, as if the location itself charged it with some arcane energy.

"This place was to have been destroyed," Abelas said. "I have never been here, but I do know that Elgar'nan ordered the destruction of a temple for each time Fen'Harel refused to bow to him. Ghilan'nain did petition for him, so perhaps that is why this one was spared."

"Ghilan'nain seems to factor in a lot where my Wolf is concerned," Erafen said, stepping around a disused throne before an altar. As she looked around, there were reliefs in marble of a halla with the wolf, some of them smashed by great force. Already 'Fen was certain she wouldn't like where the line of questioning would lead, but she looked to Abelas anyway. "What do you know of her?"

"Ah, it hasn't escaped your notice, milady," Abelas replied. He took the lead, guiding his charge down a mostly untouched hallway. "Ghilan'nain was Fen'Harel's lover for a short while. He thought her exceptional among the People, so the stories say. He gifted her with arcane secrets, and she brought the notice of Andruil, who suggested elevating her. The rest, as it is in your 'elven' legends, is mostly true."

"But if she was his lover before Andruil suggested apotheosis, was she after?" 'Fen wondered, her heart already aching for her love. She paused once, looking up at a relief of a halla and wolf back to back, a down-pointing arrow between them. "Oh, _'ma Fen_ ," she whispered.

"I don't know, milady," Abelas said, and after a moment of mental deliberation, he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Erafen raised one of hers to rest over his in gratitude. "It was before my time that this happened. It was said Andruil turned Ghilan'nain's love against him, stole her from the Wolf in secret in retribution for his continuous rejection of her advances. Another story says that is what prompted his rebellion."

Erafen frowned hard. "Pardon my crudeness, but Andruil was quite the bitch, if that's true," she stated.

"I don't think many would argue with you," Abelas replied wryly. "Come, let's leave this dark place."

Erafen merely nodded, letting Abelas guide her again towards where the exit should be. If her Wolf had been there ahead of them to check the place out, surely he made sure they could escape it.

"Abelas," she said aloud as she followed the taller elf, "I remembered seeing something in Mythal's Temple, a bit of text that was difficult to translate, something Solas read aloud for me. You gave up your name once, and then again after Mythal's murder."

"I did," Abelas said, offering his hand to help Erafen up some broken steps. " _Mar'isha_ said he hoped I would find a new name, but no, this was the last thing I could give to Mythal. I will forever mourn the loss of her presence, her glory. In you, however, I see the potential. I gladly serve you in Mythal's name."

"Do you think Mythal would want you to mourn so?" 'Fen wondered, finally seeing light ahead.

Abelas paused, blinking hard. "I did not consider that. I suppose I wouldn't know." He continued, finding the open door covered by hanging vines.

"You're a good person, Abelas, loyal and true. You deserve happiness," she told him sincerely. "I'm honored by your service."

As the two stepped into the moonlight, they could smell the ocean breeze and hear the crashing of waves. Wycome was along the shore as well; according to their map, they were a bit south along the coastline to the eastern side of the Free Maches, a little north of Hercinia.

"When _Halam'abelas_ is done, milady, I will serve to remember. That I can promise," the Sentinel told her. "For now, we have a day's journey to complete, and we need the cover of night to assure our safety. Come, please."

Erafen nodded, continuing along the rocky coast with her guardian. "Are my questions bothersome, Abelas?"

"No, not really," he replied. "They are things I haven't had to think on in a while."

"Were you very lonely in Mythal's Temple?" 'Fen wondered.

Abelas again offered his hand to help her climb. "My fellow Sentinels were with me; how could I be?"

"I mean for romantic company," Erafen clarified, a little amused.

"Oh. OH." Abelas actually stopped, fixing her with a curious look. "Are you offering?" He actually smirked at that.

"No, of course not!" 'Fen laughed. "But I don't know what is or is not allowed when serving Mythal."

Abelas shook his head, and he turned to continue until they found the travelers' path. "There was opportunity; I was not interested. I've never felt a stirring as such, at least, not caused by any other than the presence of Mythal, and that was just her overwhelming love for her servants. I've never been attracted to anyone else." He paused for a moment. "If you did, however, wish me to pass on Elvhen blood by procreation, I would do so as part of my duty to the People."

Erafen shook her head. "If it's necessary, but I won't put you in an uncomfortable situation. There are those like that among the Dalish, though it's not exactly advertised. They... do their 'duty', as it were, but are content to be solitary in the realm of physical romance. We call them ' _Tel’pal’isalathe_ ', those without desire, but there are some among the Dalish that make a very big deal out of it."

"It is simply a state of being," Abelas stated derisively. "There is little need to assign it a special title. Of course, given your Dalish, those who don't procreate would be frowned upon, but it was not so when the People thrived."

Watching after her guardian, Erafen thought that was a wise statement. It's possible that could be a less complicated way to live, though she herself couldn't imagine herself without Solas or the passion between them. She suspected that the reverse was true for Abelas, that he couldn't imagine overwhelming feelings like that. Like so many things since she left the Dalish, she came to just accept things that were different from what she was raised with. She wondered if others of her people might do the same.

The two elves continued on the path, mostly unharassed. Thankfully no bandits were watching at night, and the wild nocturnal animals stayed out of their way. When they were closer to Wycome, 'Fen let out a chirping call, relieved to find it replied to only seconds later.

"They know we're coming," she told Abelas. "Do you feel the wards?"

"They are crude, but yes, I feel them," the Sentinel replied. "Dalish, I presume?"

"Indeed," 'Fen said. "It feels like home to me." She heard another chirp, one different, and she answered it. "And they now know you are no danger to them. They will... be surprised at me. My _vallaslin_ is gone."

"Fe -- Solas removed it, did he not?" Abelas wondered.

"Yes, and I let him," Erafen replied. "And if my clan asks me why, I will tell them the truth if I need to."

They only made it a few more meters up the road, Wycome's gates appearing in the distance, when a pair of Dalish hunters joined them.

"Erafen!" one woman called out, and she stopped to hug the elf. 'Fen moved to the next one as well.

"Where is your _vallaslin_?" the other inquired, looking alarmed.

"A long story, Laila," Erafen said. "And Abelas, these are friends from my childhood, Laila and Alasin." She indidcated the female hunter first, then the male. "My friends, this is Abelas, loyal servant from Mythal's Temple in the Arbor Wilds."

"I now serve the Lady Erafen Lavallen _Fen'asha_ ," Abelas said with a nod to each. "Your clan owes her much."

"We would be dead if not for her," Alasin said, tucking away a blond lock behind his ear. "Keeper Deshanna shared with us what you learned, _lethallan_ ," he told Erafen. "It was hard to believe at first, but it came from Mythal's Temple, so we understood it to be true."

"Mythal did not suffer lies in her presence," Abelas said. "And I was alive for a decent portion of your 'tales'."

"We're wasting time," Laila said. "Eradahl is expecting you, and our Keeper grows weaker by the day. I will not ask how you made it here so quickly."

" _Eluvian_ ," Erafen said simply. "Come, lead the way."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured that while I've written Solas and Erafen as having a physical relationship, I'd like to represent someone as Ace, given I am, too. Nothing has canonically been said about Abelas, so he became my prime candidate. Don't hate me for it; it's just in the scope of this story. 
> 
> Another thing: sexuality shouldn't matter in relation to the strength of a character. If they like a certain gender, or any and all genders, or no genders, it means nothing. A jerkface is a jerkface, and a good person is no less a good person.
> 
> Translation Note:
> 
> Fen'asha - Wolf Woman, or Wolf's Bride/Wife.  
> Mamae - Mother  
> Babae - Father  
> Mar'isha - Your man, or Your husband


	19. Dirge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen faces Fear. Winning and losing are not mutually exclusive.

When Erafen entered the city of Wycome, it was certainly like no other human settlement she'd seen. Elves and humans mingled freely; there was an elven sector, but no actual Alienage save for one wall left as a reminder of the new relationship among the town's residents. The two hunters led her and Abelas into the Elven Quarter as it was called now, to a larger residence that seemed to have been repaired and renovated in the last year.

A elven woman with strawberry-blonde hair in a single long braid stood in the doorway, and when she saw Erafen, her Mythal-marked face broke into a grin. She ran out, and 'Fen opened her arms to her younger sister.

"'Fen!! I see with joy!" the younger elf cried out, hugging her sister tightly. "It has been _too_ long! My duties have kept me from visiting you and my nephew."

"'Dahl, I have missed you!" Erafen hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry to have been away so long."

"You had the Inquisition and a baby; I understand," Eradahl said, stepping back. She frowned, however. "Your _vallaslin_ is gone!"

"I promise, I will tell you, _da'len_ , but for now, I need to see Keeper Deshanna," 'Fen said, expression growing serious.

"We have tried to feed her. She accepts some tea, some honey, but she can't eat," 'Dahl explained, leading the way into the house. She eyed Abelas, only nodding to him when he nodded to her first. "Is this your husband?"

"Abelas? No, he's... my guardian, a bodyguard, and a friend," Erafen replied. "I first met him when he was solely in Mythal's service at her temple in the Arbor Wilds."

"I... see," Eradahl said, and she continued leading the way upstairs and into a quiet room where an older elven woman lay, eyes closed and expression anything but restful. It was clear she struggled in her dreams, and Erafen's heart almost broke to see her like this.

Kneeling next to the bed, 'Fen took one of Deshanna's hands in her own, eyes closing in concentration. She focused as Solas taught her before, reaching with the Primal Essence within her to touch her Keeper's dreams. What she sensed forced her to recoil.

"It's not exactly Daern'thal, but a demon that has her," Erafen explained. "A Fear Demon, or maybe something greater. It has so much... malice. It feels like it's trying to wear her down."

"What could we do to break its hold?" Eradahl asked, fearing the answer.

"I don't really know. Only the Inquisitor has the power to enter the Fade physically. I've never really done battle in dreams, though I've been taught well," 'Fen answered.

"You have strength and a tie that goes beyond the elves of this age," Abelas said. "I would not send you to danger, but I would gladly join you there."

"There is little choice," Erafen sighed. "Keeper Deshanna was -- is like a grandmother to me and to Eradahl. She took us in when our parents died, took care of us, taught us our skills in magic. Daern'thal knew to come to her, knew where to stab at my heart as he couldn't take Solas or Fenrian."

"I remember a Fear Demon," Eradahl said softly. "I was alone, frightened, and it came to me, offering to feast on my fears and take them away. I rejected it, and it tried to fight me, but then it was... gone."

"The fact that it's latched on so powerfully, affecting her physical body as well as spiritual form stinks of very old magic," Abelas said. "There must be something weakening her resistance, something physical."

"Then search for it," Erafen said. "I will sleep, join our Keeper in the Fade, and I will help her escape." She looked around, and finding a chair, she settled in it, preparing to meditate her way to sleep.

"And do you think that might just be whatever this Fear Demon wants?" Abelas challenged.

"I don't care," Erafen stated plainly. "Find the focus. I will distract the demon." With that, she closed her eyes, falling into a trance as the other two went immediately to work.

When she stepped into the Fade, she immediately knew that something was not right. The emerald cast to the sky was sickly, the trees in the woods around her twisted and reaching as if with clawed hands. She walked a path of thin sludge, it oozing between her bare toes, but Erafen didn't stop. Keeper Deshanna could be felt ahead, and so that is where she went. 'Fen almost froze, however, when she finally saw her beloved Keeper.

The elven woman was held with her back against a large spider's belly, its eight arms curled so that the tips pieced the woman's skin painfully. Its mandibles were clamped over Deshanna's head, seeming to gnaw shallowly while the elf's eyes were open wide in palpable fear. It was all Erafen could do to stop herself from running forward.

" _Show yourself, Demon_!" she called out instead. " _I know you're here, and I know who you work for. I don't have time for this foolishness_!"

" _Hmm, little elf? You or your Keeper? I wonder who would last longer_ ," a hissing voice stated, and the Fear Demon stepped out. It was the color of a dessicated corpse, the browns, indigos, and blacks of its skin stretched over a skeletal frame dressed in some sort of exoskeleton, tendrils extending from its back.

'Fen recalled the writings of a Templar, Ser Howard, that she'd studied in Skyhold's library: ' _Some of these demons, however, stumble upon terrors that are much more deeply rooted: fears of the future, of chaos and disorder, of failure. This sort of demon develops a far more refined palate, attacking the psyche of their target rather than seeking a simple scare_.' She was certain this was one of those in particular.

" _And I wonder if you might not have been starving for a mind as complex and powerful as hers_ ," Erafen countered. " _I would challenge you here and now, but I believe you are more afraid of me defeating you if you let go of your prize_."

" _And you fear I will not rise to your bait and release the old bitch_ ," the demon countered. " _I have not lived this long without learning a thing or two, youngling_."

 _Come on, keep wasting time like this. Abelas, Eradahl, please find the thing_! Erafen thought desperately. She extended her hand to the side, magic of the Fade gathering at her summons. " _You have this chance to release Keeper Deshanna or be destroyed. I would end her suffering here in the Fade if it means you die and can plague no one else again_."

The Fear Demon leaned its head back and laughed. " _You are bluffing_!"

Erafen released a blast at the creature, knocking it back a few steps. " _Am I_?" She forced her voice to steady itself. She knew what would happen if she killed Deshanna in the Fade: her dear teacher would be rendered Tranquil. Could she be forgiven for causing that?

" _Then I may as well kill her myself_ ," the demon said, pulling itself forward.

" _Then what truly would stop me from killing you if I were bluffing_?" Erafen challenged. This clearly gave the demon a moment of pause. She could also tell that it knew she was afraid, but was not mastered by it. It was entirely possible Erafen might even be willing to sacrifice Deshanna for the greater good. Was this her Wolf's influence?

 _No_! Erafen told herself. She wouldn't do that, and she knew that while Solas might have, he would keep his word to her. Her greatest desire at that moment was to see her beloved Keeper free and no longer in such agony.

Rather suddenly, Deshanna cried out, jerking her head free of the spider-form holding her hostage. Its arms, however, moved in, puncturing her deeper, but still she pulled forward. " _You will move away from my da'len_!" she cried, and with an extended hand, she sent a blast of magic at the creature.

Erafen did not waste time, but also attacked, the force of her power even surprising her. The Fear Demon had no time to react; it was disintegrated almost immediately, screaming out in denial.

The spider-form started also crumbling, and Deshanna fell free, landing on her knees, bleeding there in the Fade. Erafen ran to her, gathering the older elf into her arms.

" _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry_ ," 'Fen sobbed, her face buried in her Keeper's long braids.

" _Da'len, you have done nothing wrong_ ," Deshanna said gently. " _I only bid you hurry, wake me so my spirit does not die here in the Fade first. Oh, 'Fen, my one regret was never getting to see your Fenrian_." She paused, touching the younger elf's cheek. " _I know of Fen'Harel. I pray we truly were wrong about him_."

Erafen choked out another sob, and she nodded to the older woman. " _Dareth shiral, ha'hren_." She forced herself to wake, and shot up, rising to the older woman.

"We need her awake now," she said, wiping her already tearing eyes as she stood. "Do it however we need to. A stimulant, elfroot, something powerful."

"It could kill her," Eradahl said, holding a broken figure of a spider in her hands.

"She is already dying," 'Fen replied. "If her spirit dies in the Fade first, she will be rendered permanently Tranquil, and we can _not_ do this to her."

Eradahl said nothing else, but grabbed several bottles, making the strongest restorative she could, and Erafen went about making a barrier to protect the older elf. Abelas stood aside, almost reverent in his silence.

The concoction was held to Deshanna's lips, and within a few swallows, her eyes snapped open. "My... my girls."

Both sisters knelt next to the bedside, each taking a withered hand in theirs, neither bothering to hide tears.

"I am... so proud... of you both." The Keeper smiled gently at the two, and then her eyes closed, hands falling limp where they were held.

The two were quiet, looking over the now-dead Keeper, disbelief on Eradahl's face and determination on Erafen's.

"I will find Daern'thal and _end_ him," the elder sister stated. "He attacked Solas, threatened Fenrian, and now this." She lowered her head against the hand she held, warmth still lingering in it.

"This means I'm the Keeper now, unless you take it," Eradahl said. "I have to see to our people."

'Fen fell silent, lifting her head to look at her sister. "You're First here, not me. I forfeited that when I stayed with the Inquisition."

"She trained me well, but..." 'Dahl looked over the body in the bed, tears streaming but expression still. "I thought she was ill at first, an odd sickness. Had I found the spider figure sooner..."

"If you destroyed it then without someone in the Fade to know what was going on, then she would have died there, and the woman we knew and loved would have ended up Tranquil, her spirit destroyed before her body. Now, at least, she travels to the Beyond to rest with our ancestors."

"We believe the same," Abelas said, stepping forward. "We buried our dead in the ground with a tree or flowers or some sort of plant so that they would give new life to our world. In this, they always remain, but their spirit is free, clear, and eternal."

"Go on, 'Dahl," Erafen told her sister. "Speak to our people. Abelas and I will give the final prayers and perpare her body."

Eradahl nodded, knowing that it was her duty as First, but also understanding that she wouldn't be able to with her hands shaking as they were. It was too raw, too fresh, and she'd witnessed it form begining to end on this side of the Veil. She turned to go, only stopping to pull her older sister into a tight loving hug.

When Eradahl was gone, Erafen ran through the prayers to Falon'Din (out of respect for the dead), even though he was locked away. Keeper Deshanna, she told herself, would be comforted by them, by the ceremony and tradition. She began singing, and next to her, Abelas joined in, the words and melody older than even he was.

" _Hahren na melana sahlin_  
_Emma ir abelas_  
_Souver'inan isala hamin_  
_Vhen'an him dor'felas_  
_In uthenera na revas._

 _Vir sulahn'nehn_  
_Vir dirth'era_  
_Vir samahl la numin_  
_Vir lath sa'vunin_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this chapter after my Grandmother died. I had dreams while she was still alive, right at the end, of her being trapped inside her body and being ready to go, and after she died, I was relieved for her (sad for myself and my family). I don't think she'd have been too into Dragon Age, but it helped me deal with the grief.
> 
> Translation of the Eulogy:
> 
> Elder your time is come  
> Now I am filled with sorrow  
> Neary eyes need resting  
> Heart has become grey and slow  
> In waking sleep is freedom
> 
> We sing, rejoice  
> We tell the tale  
> We laugh and cry  
> We love one more day


	20. The Lovely Crow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen makes new friends even if she's not trying.

It was with great ceremony that the body of Keeper Deshanna Istimaethoriel Lavellan was laid to rest. Eradahl decided that the body would feed the _Vhenadahl_ of the Elven Quarter, and so a careful hole was dug under its broad roots so the body could fit inside and be covered with fresh soil.

"She did much to unite both factions of elves here, to teach those of us who are Dalish that our City kin are not thin-blooded as some say, but are elves as much as we," Eradahl said, adjusting her Keepers Robes over her slender shoulders. "It was due to her hard work and that of my sister, Erafen Levallan _Fen’asha_ (Eradahl tried to cover her discomfort), and that of the Inquisition that we are alive and united, that this is no longer _Telam’ari’an_ , but _Arla_. Our human and dwarven friends mourn with us, for surely Keeper Deshanna did much for them, too."

There were claps and words of agreement from those non-elven people gathered on the outskirts of the crowd, and the young Keeper acknowledged them with a firm nod. She reached to her side, indicating Erafen step up.

"Keeper Deshanna Istimaethoriel Lavellan -- an impressive name, yes? But the name fit a woman as strong, loving, and passionate as she. She took in two orphaned mages and trained them as her First and Second. To us, she was our grandmother, gentle and nuturing, but swift to correct us and teach us well," Erafen said. " _Dareth shiral, ha'mamae_."

Erafen and Eradahl each came forward with a cup of water, the two pouring it out on the roots of the tree at the same time. As they stepped back, others approached, likewise pouring a cup of water on the roots of the _Vhenadahl_ reverently in memory of the woman who brought so many people of various backgrounds together to build a thriving community. After all who wished to pay respects did, the sisters next poured potions of elfroot and lyrium over the tree, offering a last prayer to Falon'Din, and concluded the ceremony.

While Eradahl spoke to some of the council members, 'Fen went inside, going back to the bedside where Deshanna breathed her last. She sat on the bed, and then, finally alone and overwhelmed, she let her grief spill forward, burying her face on the pillow that still smelled of elfroot and crystal grace. She sobbed out her grief, her helplessness, her worry, her anger until her body was sore from shaking, and still she cried. Alone she could be weak, alone she could show it. There was no one to offer her comfort when the only healing she could do was by letting the festering wound bleed out rather than be plastered.

She wasn't aware that she'd fallen asleep on Deshanna's deathbed until she was startled awake by a loud crash and two pairs of male cursing, one in the Elvhen tongue and another in what she recognized as Antivan. Blinking hard to clear her sleep-sticky eyes, she summoned energies of the Fade.

"STOP!" Erafen called out, and both fighters ceased. Abelas was on top, a glowing fist overhead frozen as it was about to descend on the man beneath him. The one in question was a darker elf with blond hair pulled into braids, his handsome face more amused than alarmed.

"Milady, I caught this scoundrel up here with his blade drawn," Abelas explained.

"Because someone else was here with you, and look, she escaped through the open window." When he spoke, it was clear from his accent (and the earlier cursing) that the invading elf was definitely Antivan. "A Qunari woman wearing an Orlesian mask, here with a blade!"

"He has no proof. He was the only one I saw!" Abelas said.

"Both of you, stand," Erafen said, dismissing her magic. She reached for her staff, fixing it back to its place behind her as it had fallen during her mourning. " _Fenedhis_ ," she muttered under her breath, gathering her wits.

As both elves stood, 'Fen looked them over, then surveyed the area. There was blood on the ground near the window, and she looked at the finely crafted Antivan blade on the ground nearby.

"You say a female Qunari was in here?" she asked.

"I sliced her arm, and then this fine specimen of elven magnificence interrupted my investigation," the Antivan said.

"Have you a name?" 'Fen wondered. She did note that Abelas relaxed at seeing the blood; it was surely proof of the Antivan's story.

"Please forgive my poor manners. A lady as lovely and regal as yourself should not be kept waiting," the elf replied. "My name is Zevran Arainai, previously of the Antivan Crows, now a free agent and ally of the Inquisition."

Abelas eyed him. "What is an Antivan Crow?"

"Assassin guild," Erafen replied. "When she was our spymaster, Leliana told me of them, and she spoke quite fondly of a Zevran Arainai. Abelas, stand down, please."

"Yes, milady," the Sentinel said, though it was still clear he did not fully trust the Antivan elf. He shot a somewhat dirty look at the former Crow and stood back.

"My thanks, lovely one. I saw you during the service earlier. You took my breath away, so beautiful, tears in your eyes I wished to personally clear away," Zevran began.

"She is wed to a being far more powerful and _worthy_  than you," Abelas warned him. "One who does not share."

"And what does the lady say? Does she not have will of her own?" the Antivan asked with humor, winking once at Erafen.

"The lady agrees in this case," Erafen said, amused despite her grief and now-calming nerves. “ _Eman sa’lath’in_. I only have one heart.”

"Poetic," Zevran complimented. "Then forgive my trespass. Still, I followed you up here to speak privately, and chancing upon the Qunari was... well, fortunate, given I stopped her from stabbing you. My lady, there are a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours."

Now Erafen laughed, wiping her eyes again as tears came anew. "You're adorable. Abelas, we're keeping him."

"Only if we can chain him," Abelas muttered.

"Are you into that, sir? I am very good with ropes, I'll have you know," Zevran said enthusiastically.

Abelas merely groaned and rolled his eyes. "Why not tell us of this supposed Qunari you stopped?"

"I did not see her face, but she was clearly a powerful and gorgeously built woman," the Antivan began. "Her skin was a dusky brown, a little darker than my own, though I believe I saw evidence of burns on her face, just out from the edge of her mask."

"I don't recall seeing any masked Qunari in the crowd, but I wasn't exactly looking," 'Fen admitted.

"I saw none," Abelas added.

Zevran shrugged. "It could be she disguised herself or snuck in while the others were gathered. I have done similar things in my career. She seemed so angry, muttering something about a conclave and the Inquisition. I may have rudely interrupted her in an attempt to save your life, lovely lady."

"You're absolutely forgiven," 'Fen said. "Abelas, please speak to some of the hunters and begin searching for this woman. She may be already out of the town, but I would like to assure there are no other attempts and that my sister remains safe."

"At once, milady," Abelas said with a short bow, and he turned to leave.

Once the two were alone, Zevran made another bow. "It is true, no? You wear a Wolf's Skull amulet around your neck, and you command elves of all backgrounds with a spoken word or look. They call you 'Bride of the Wolf', and that you carry yourself as a regal huntress, a Dalish without _vallaslin_. You are First to the Inquisition, Erafen of clan Lavellan."

"You've heard of me?" Erafen asked, half amused and half stunned.

"From Leliana herself. The Inquisition did me some favors and I have returned them. Now I offer my blades and services to it openly in light of a new foe," the Antivan replied. "There were whisperings, then they found corpses of elven mages, looking as if drained of energy. It stopped for a short while, then I ran into an old friend and her rather sullen significant other."

"Hawke and Fenris!" 'Fen exclaimed. "How are they?"

“Alive, well, and still hunting," the other elf explained. "Hawke did me a great service before the Mage Rebellion; I owe her for her bravery and kindness. Also, I like making her Fenris squirm." He winked again. “I still haven’t been able to coax them both into a tent with me.”

She snickered at that, feeling her mood lighter for the Antivan elf's presence. "He is a little tightly wound, isn't he?" she agreed.

"A little? Milady, you are far too kind," Zevran said. "At any rate, they warned me of what was going on, and knowing of your legendary kindness, wit, wisdom, and beauty, I would not be a man of honor if I did not join your cause."

"Then come to Skyhold with me," Erafen said. "Abelas and I will be returning once... well, once we've had a chance to rest and mourn some more." Her smile faded, eyes turning to the pillow she'd been sobbing on not a couple of hours before.

"I heard your speech, dear lady. I know what your Keeper meant to you, to your sister. I, too, lost someone I loved as though she were my own heart," he told her, coming to sit beside her. "She was beloved of King Alistair of Ferelden, and she died so that he could live. You will not hear of this in the songs, in the stories they tell, and I would keep it this way, but the Warden..."

"A Dalish Grey Warden, the one who saved Ferelden from the Blight. She was... oh." Erafen's eyes went wide, and she fixed a concerned look at Zevran. "You were there. Was she...?"

"A fine woman, one you remind me of greatly," he admitted. "She would approve of what you are doing for your people, for all the peoples of this land. It is in her honor that I offer this." He stood again, facing her, and crossed an arm over his chest.

"I hereby pledge my oath of loyalty to you until such a time as you choose to release me from it," Zevran swore. "I am your man, without reservation. This, I swear." With that, he bowed deeply.

"Zevran Arainai," Erafen said, reaching out to touch his shoulder. "I accept. Welcome to the Inquisition."

When he stood, he was grinning cheekily again. "You, dearest lady, may call me 'Zev'."

\----

As it turned out, there was a short trail of blood, the heavy boots of Qunari feet moving along with it, but no scarred female Qunari could be found, not had anyone seen or heard of her. Erafen let out a sigh, and by her sister's order, guard was increased in the Elven Quarter and surrounding districts of Wycome.

Erafen and Abelas led the way back to Fen'Harel's abandoned temple, accompanied by Zevran, Eradahl, and her new First and Second. The Dalish companions marveled at the site, asking questions that Abelas answered obliquely, merely stating that perhaps not all they knew of Andruil, Ghilan'nain, and Fen'Harel may not be entirely accurate. Eradahl certainly took it under consideration.

When they reached the _eluvian_ , 'Fen made sure to key it to her sister and the other two mages, then led the way through, guiding them to the one leading to Skyhold. The new First and Second returned to wait in the Temple, and Eradahl continued on with the other two elves, eagerly going to meet her nephew and brother-in-law, as well as petition aid of the Inquisition.

"New life," Eradahl said, and her elder sister nodded in agreement.

"Not every ending stays an ending," Zevran said lightly.

"Come, little sister, Keeper to clan Lavellan," Erafen said. "We have work to do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I left a lot of hints to this on my tumblr (fenenaste.tumblr.com), so here's Zevran! That is all.
> 
> Translation notes:  
> Telam’ari’an - "Bad Cage Place" or Alienage  
> Arla - Home  
> Ha'mamae - Honored mother  
> Vhenadahl - Tree of the People, a large tree in the center of an Alienage  
> Eman sa’lath’in - "I have a single heart." aka "I only have one heart."


	21. By the Dread Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen holds steady until her hand is forced. Thankfully, she doesn't have to say a thing.

Eradahl could not stay long, not with her new duties as Keeper of clan Lavellan and guardian of the elves of Wycome. That didn't stop her from almost squealing when she caught sight of her nephew. Solas held him in the rotunda, fast asleep on the couch with the the young elf resting on his chest, tiny hand wrapped around the cord of the amulet his father always wore. A gentle kiss woke both father and child, and the two were introduced to Eradahl.

The younger elven sister seemed a bit nervous around Solas for reasons she couldn't put a finger on, but he was polite to her, and so she was to him. Clearly Erafen loved him, and he didn't mask his affection for the elder sister. She played with her little nephew happily until he let out a wide yawn, and then she reluctantly handed him back to Solas.

"I sadly am here on business," Eradahl sighed. "Else I'd stay and babysit forever."

"Come then, I'll introduce you to Miryam, and I will support your case," Erafen said.

"When you have time, I'll fill you in on the exciting pair of days we had," Solas told 'Fen, and then he paused, seeing pain in her eyes. "It did not go well, did it?"

"I'll tell you tonight, ' _ma Fen_ ," she told him softly. She gave him a quick kiss, then one for her son next, and led the way into the Great Hall and then to Josephine's office where the others were waiting.

"And so Leliana says 'What, you don't want me to play, too?' and proceeded to drop her... oh, you have arrived!" Zevran turned with a mock bow towards the two elven ladies.

"I think I've learned more about Divine Victoria than I care to," Cullen said. "Maker's Breath. I knew she was rowdy in her youth..."

"I could tell some stories, too, but I won't," Josephine laughed.

"And just think, she encouraged Zevran to join us," Miryam added, clearly amused. She leaned in to kiss Cullen's cheek. "Now, now, no need for blushing before our guests."

"I knew you had a younger sister, but seeing you side by side, you could almost be twins," Edric Cadash said, looking the two elven women over. "No, 'Fen's hair is definitely redder, more coppery. A little more violet to the eyes. You, however," he looked Eradahl over, "have eyes like sapphires in a storm."

Eradahl blushed. " _Ma serannas_."

Erafen busied herself with making introductions, starting with Josephine and ending with Miryam.

"You see my dilemma, no? All of the pretty ones are taken," Zevran lamented. "Even so deprived, I will fight for your cause."

"So what exactly happened in Wycome?" Miryam asked, leaning forward from where she sat next to her husband.

"I told you of hearing Keeper Deshanna's voice in the Fade," Erafen began. "It turns out my suspicion was right, that something attacked her. It was a Fear Demon, but unlike any I'd seen before. It seemed to be very specific in wanting her, in using her as bait. I can only assume it worked for Daern'thal."

"Wait, the Forgotten One?" Eradahl gasped. "First you tell me Fen'Harel is not our enemy, that Andruil hunted her own servants, and now... is everything we know wrong?"

Erafen shook her head. "He is still trapped, and it is true he was trapped by Fen'Harel, at least to my knowledge. It's his spirit. It's separated from his body, escaped from where he was locked, and what he wants to do is beyond me other than needing a body strong enough to house him in this state. He wanted Solas first, but also said me or even Fenrian would suffice."

"But would not Abelas be a fitting vessel as he is Elvhen," 'Dahl wondered.

'Fen had to think quickly to keep her love’s secret. "Solas is more skilled and powerful in magic than Abelas, his time in the Fade expanding that exponentially over the years. He has taught me what he knows. That is only part of it." She looked from her sister to Miryam pleadingly. "I..."

"I knew there were secrets, but you are hiding them from even us?" Cullen wondered, eyes narrowing.

"I'm sorry," Erafen said, clearly distressed. "I do not break my promises."

"And we would never ask you to, my dear friend," Miryam said, placing a hand on Cullen's forearm. "But if this is something to do with Solas, and we know he's lied to us before about his origins, we need to know if this affects our security. I know you would protect us all, protect your son as well, but there are rather pressing concerns now."

Before Erafen could say a word, there was a knock at the door, and it opened. Solas walked in, immediately coming to his wife's side. He murmured an apology to her quietly. " _Ir abelas, vhen'an_. Fenrian is with Sylana." He looked up at the others, continuing. "There are some arguments that are audible even through a thick oaken door," he said, voice low. "And there is a special sort of distress I feel when my beloved heart is troubled."

"I said nothing," Erafen told him.

"Then I shall say it for you," Solas told her, nodding once when she looked to him in confusion. 

"We're listening," Cullen said, his eyes fixed on the elven apostate.

"I wish I had popping corn," Zevran whispered to an anxious Eradahl.

Solas took Erafen's hand in his, and he meet everyone's gaze evenly, settling on Cullen. "I am older than everyone in this room combined. I walked the streets of Arlathan. I battled at the side of Mythal when Falon'Din sought more lives in tribute."

"By the Maker..." Miryam gasped. “You are Elvhen?”

"To say I am Elvhen is an understatement. I was among the first. My name, my true name," Solas continued, "is Fen'Harel."

Stunned silence filled the room, thick enough to touch. Cullen looked at Solas in utter disbelief. Miryam's expression mirrored her spouse's. Eradahl might have slid to the floor if Zevran hadn't caught her, a wide grin on his face.

"It's not every day one has an ancient elven god in your office, hm, Milady Montiyet?" the Antivan asked, eyes bright and excited.

"I can't... can't even..." Josephine tried to say.

"How long did you know?" Cadash finally asked of Erafen, mostly recovering from his shock.

"When we went to Crestwood for our vacation during the business with Corypheus," 'Fen said softly. "He tried to end things, and I made a good guess."

"She told me no and said we'd talk about it like adults, as I recall," Solas said with some amusement. "Quite unexpected and disarming. And then I made her mine."

"I was _already_ yours," 'Fen told him.

"You... and him. And he's..." Josephine managed.

"Yes," Erafen replied.

"It's true. You are the Bride of the Wolf, as they say," Eradahl said. "And... and this is no trick? You are not setting us off of the path?"

"If by setting you off the path means putting you back on it properly, then I absolutely am," Solas said. "Your sister has set herself apart from her kin with her questions, a true desire to learn, a spirit possessed of both pride and proper humility and amazing wisdom, and an instinctive understanding of the world. She has earned elevation to the best of my ability to grant it. Perhaps I have learned from her, too, that the elves of this age can learn and grow as well.”

"But if you're a god, then what of the Maker?" Cullen asked, shaken.

"I never claimed to be a god," Solas pointed out. "The tale of my origin is _not_ a matter of discussion today."

"You certainly have the body of one. Now I regret that you both will not share," Zevran said with a dramatic sigh.

"You're very unconcerned by this, Serrah Arainai," Cadash pointed out.

"I have learned that if one does not roll with the punches, one ends up taking the hit harder," the Antivan replied. "Truth."

Solas looked to his lady, an eyebrow raised. " _Vhen'an_ , where _do_ you find these people?"

Erafen couldn't help herself. She laughed, even giggled, relieved to find Miryam joining in with her, soon accompanied by Eradahl. "Oh, my Wolf. This is... so ridiculous." She looked over at Cullen apologetically. "Think on it this way. If your Maker did create everything, would not it have been possible that he made powerful elves at the start? If he turned from his creation, would it not stand to reason that his creations were left to govern themselves?" she asked.

"I... suppose you're right." Cullen looked to Miryam, who only nodded at him in return. "Well, before I have my huge crisis of faith, I should ask then: do you expect us to keep this secret?" He turned his eyes back to Solas.

The elven mage merely fixed the Commander with a steady gaze. "I trust Erafen beyond all others. Because she trust you, I will trust you. Our Inquisitor has already proven herself worthy of my respect time and time again. You, Cullen, are a man of integrity. Josephine and Master Cadash understand the power of secrets. Eradahl is my beloved's sister, and as for the assassin? Calculated risk." He shrugged.

"Oh, this is _beautiful_ ," Zevran said. "I am in service to your lady, Sir Wolf. Your secret is safe."

"So overall, we now know, at the very least, why this Daern'thal wants to possess Solas, Erafen, or little Fenrian," Cullen said, straightening his sword belt as if it was the one thing he could control. "He has already killed someone close to you to lure you out, if this Fear Demon was indeed working for the Nightmare."

"Nightmare," Miryam repeated. "Nightmare. In the Fade, Solas or... whatever you want us to call you..."

"Solas will do," the older elf replied.

"Then Solas, when we were in the Fade, you recall the Nightmare." Miryam leaned forward again.

"I do. The Nightmare was not Daern'thal, but one of his servants," Solas told her. "A spirit of compassion corrupted into a Fear Demon, then gorged on fears until it was the embodiment of the Nightmare as we saw it. As I recall, it was not killed."

"Warden Stroud gave his life to buy us time escaping it. It very well could still be alive," Miry said.

"And a likely target for the Forgotten One to draw strength from, or a potential servant," Erafen supplied. "But can we destroy it first?"

"It would require us to enter the Fade, and at present, I don't have the energy for it, not since defeating Corypheus, and not without working on it again," Miryam told them.

"Then let me return to Wycome and spread the word to the other Keepers," Eradahl said, speaking up. "If elven mages were the ones possessed, as Zevran here told us, then we must warn Keepers along with their First and Seconds. I would suggest they no longer send extra mages out alone, but to keep them safe and alert the Inquisition should they need safer homes. Can you accommodate them?"

"I can," Miryam said. "And 'Fen, I will send guards to _Halam'abelas_ , Templars to watch over in case there is another attack, and only trusted ones."

"In addition, the Divine must be made aware of current changes, and we should let our companions from before know," Cadash said. "I'm definitely curious about this Qunari who tried to kill you, Milady Lavellan, and even more about the letter in Tevene you found. Dorian did return; I've put him to work on it."

Erafen nodded, turning to lean her head against her love's arm. She felt relief that he revealed his secret instead of leaving her to suffer under the scrutiny of her friends. Surely it was something that cost him to share.

"All right, then. Edric, get to your alerts. Keeper Eradahl, return to your people knowing you have our full support and protection," Miryam said. "Serrah Arainai, we will see to your lodging, but if you know of how to find Hawke and Fenris, please do so."

"Of course," Zevran said. "I will need four good crows and writing tools."

"Josephine, write the College of Enchanters, send warnings to their mages," Miry continued. "Cullen, we will choose Templars to send to the Emerald Graves."

"I will also take charge of our guest," Josephine said. "I can make sure he has what he needs to send his warnings." She did, however, blush a bit when the Antivan elf winked at her.

"I believe there may be a way to boost your power should it become necessary to enter the Fade," Solas said. "My lady here did retrieve my broken Orb and has tried to repair it. I believe if it can be done, then it will provide the means necessary."

"I'm not going to ask," Cullen muttered.

"We all have our tasks," Miryam said. "Let's get to it."

Erafen stood up after Miry did, her hand held tightly in her love's own. There wasn't any time to waste at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I debated long and hard on if Solas would let his secret go, and finally I decided that it would serve his interests to do so. He's working angles, but he has priorities and this time the influence of his devoted lady.
> 
> Also, I can't decide if Zevran annoys or amuses him.


	22. Healing the Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen and Solas have time to work on the Orb. Miryam pays a visit.

The next few weeks were very much a blur for Erafen. Between caring for her son, playing mediator behind the scenes with Miryam and Cullen on behalf of Solas, and then the knowledge that the word may still spread among the elves, she buffered herself for the backlash she felt would come. When she wasn't neck-deep in duties as First and mother, she worked with Solas and Dagna on repairing the Orb.

The Orb itself had been cracked rather cleanly. Erafen already put much of her own energy into trying to bond the severed areas herself, though it was truly only her bond to Solas that allowed her to do what she could. Dagna, of course, studied it in depth, requesting documents and books on the subjects from Tevinter and Halam’shiral.

“Why did you leave it?” Erafen asked, watching as Solas turned the sphere over in his hands.

“I felt it had been corrupted,” Solas replied. “And quite honestly, I grieved. My hopes for what I needed to do were focused on the Orb being returned, and… you saw how that ended.”

“Emotions are universal, my Wolf,” Erafen said, reaching to touch his elbow. She looked down, however, her mind of course worried by thoughts of what else might happen when the Orb was restored.

“ _Vhen’an_ ,” Solas said gently, almost chiding, turning his attention from the sphere between his hands. He set it down and reached to pull her closer. “I am going _nowhere_ , not without you, not without Fenrian.”

“I know,” ‘Fen replied. “But that’s my fear, irrational though it is. Perhaps it’s still melancholy leftover from… from losing Keeper Deshanna.”

“Of course, beloved, you are still in mourning,” he replied. “I sometimes wonder if I did you a disservice by extending your lifespan. You will see many of those you love die before you.”

“I’m not stranger to loss,” ‘Fen told him. “I have to look beyond myself from here on. I’ve been trained for thinking that way since I became First to my clan, and again as I served the Inquisition. Now I serve our people.”

“As a goddess should,” Solas said, a touch of a smirk on his face.

Erafen snorted, almost rolling her eyes. “I am _not_ a goddess.”

“You, _vhen’an_ , are already a legend among the elves of this age. How else do you think gods are made?” he challenged. "And beside that, you are a goddess in _my_ eyes."

She groaned. “Just… ugh, give me some time?”

Solas laughed openly. “It was not my intention to distress you. Come, let us return to work. This Orb will not repair itself, and once it is repaired, we do need to inspect it for corruption.”

“Shouldn’t we do that first?” ‘Fen wondered.

“You were rather complete in your first attempts, and I continued from where you left off,” he replied, picking the Orb up again, turning it over in his hands. “We won’t know if we were thorough until it has been activated.”

“This leads to the question,” Erafen began. “How did Corypheus obtain your Orb?”

“Isn’t that the important question?” a voice said from the doorway of their workroom, and Miryam stepped in. “I came down to bring you both some water and a snack. Not my intention to eavesdrop.”

“I half expected you to pull me into the Great Hall and make me stand trial,” Solas said drily.

“I thought about it, but then I considered the big picture. Cullen is holding his tongue, as are the others,” Miryam said. “Apparently Cole has been visiting Josephine and our Antivan guest as they only seem to remember when reminded. But please, answer the question.”

Solas looked the Orb over again, and with a small sigh, he set it back on the stand. “I experienced something terrible, something that pushed me over the edge, forced my hand. I locked away my brothers and sisters, those both sides. It took much of my power, and I was… I mourned. One in particular felt like a death in my soul. The loss and betrayal was still fresh.”

Erafen couldn’t help but ask. “Ghilan’nain?”

He raised an eyebrow, but he nodded. “Abelas must have told you. I did not expect that you could enter the Temple and not understand when you saw the reliefs. Her betrayal threatened to break me. Please do not ask me to speak on it, _vhen’an_ , not yet, but it is why I was reluctant to admit how I felt for you. You, however, are not Ghilan’nain. Your heart is pure; you have resisted the allure of abusing the massive power you now command.”

Miryam gave Erafen a concerned look, but she turned back to Solas instead. “And the Orb?”

“Yes, that,” he replied. “I fell into a long sleep; centuries passed and the world changed. When I awoke, I was so incredibly weak, and then I met him. I did not know him for who he was, only that he commanded great power and in my weakened state, I believed him. I was foolish.”

“That is the understatement of the century,” Miryam said sharply, but her tone softened. “I suppose if you were truly a god, you wouldn’t be fallible.”

“That, dear Inquisitor, depends on your definition of ‘god’,” Solas countered.

“Fair point,” Miry granted.

“My Wolf seems very much in command of himself, and it’s my hope his broken heart has been healed by having people here who legitimately care about him,” Erafen spoke up, her voice still soft and shaking.

“I have no words to describe how much,” Solas assured her, reaching out for a moment to tuck some of Erafen's hair behind her ear gently.

“No lies?” Miryam asked.

“None, Inquisitor,” he said firmly, his attention back to the human woman. “I have abandoned my prior plan. Surely making the people my brethren sought to subjugate would be a far more poetic form of rebellion.”

“So much makes sense now,” Miryam said. “Your discussions with Sera, provoking Varric over not wanting to return to the dwarves underground, talks of war with Blackwall, they all fall into place. A ‘god’ of rebellion, discontent with the treatment of the elves and the loss of history, now trying to rectify things.”

Solas nodded. “When one is very old, one tends to be set in his ways, sometimes unable to see other outcomes, and I did not trust the people of this age, hadn’t met anyone who had the wisdom and skill to move beyond limitations until I met Erafen, and then she showed me those same forward tendencies in you.”

“I think Solas and I balance each other, make each other think,” Erafen said, finally relaxing. “The same for me and you, Miry.”

“Well, now that we have things in the open and have aired our deepest secrets and feelings, shall we return to the task at hand?” Solas said, a wry smile ghosting his mouth.

“Shush, you’re getting in the way of our gossip,” Erafen teased, and he silenced her with a kiss.

“Work first, _vhen’an_. I believe there will be time for an exchange of stories later,” he insisted, and ‘Fen merely smiled warmly and nodded.

Miryam looked from one elf to the other, thinking over what she learned while watching them, and she followed her intuition, offering Solas a nod as well, given in trust. “Well, three mages can do more than two, and I have the Anchor. What do we need to do, Solas?”

“I will begin casting my spell to fuse the remaining severed areas that the lyrium has not been able to touch. ‘ _Ma lath_ , I will need you to summon material and energy from the Fade, feeding it to the Orb so that I may direct it,” Solas instructed. “Miryam, I will signal you when to activate the Anchor, but before then, please dispel any corruption you see.”

When both women were in agreement, he started, the Orb levitating between his hands as tendrils of green washed over it. Erafen stepped in next, feeding more energy to the black sphere. Almost immediately, flashes of red appeared along the lines of the cracks, seeming as if they were seeping out. Miry was quick to dispel it as Solas instructed, and then moved a cloth under it on the work table to catch fragments of red lyrium that fell out of those cracks.

  
Once the red energy and fragments of lyrium stopped emerging, Solas nodded to Miryam, and she cast the Anchor, the green light enveloping the Orb and pouring into those fine fissures in its surface. There were indicators at those fissures, but they shrunk as the three continued pouring the power into it, finally sealing shut.

“Miryam first,” Solas said, sounding tired, and the human Inquisitor withdrew, letting out a tired huff of breath. Erafen was next, and when she withdrew, she felt as if she’d been completely drained as if she’d been doing hard labor all day. Solas finally let the Orb descend into his hand, and his eyes flashed with the power of it.

“At last,” he said, a broad smile on his face. “I never expected that it could be repaired like this. Had I not worked hard to uplift ‘ _ma vhen’an_ , had you not fed the Anchor so well, Inquisitor, this would not have been possible.” He, too, seemed tired, though less than the two women who sat on either side of him.

“Dagna will be sad she missed this,” Miryam joked.

“Dagna will _live_ ,” Erafen pointed out.

“You are both correct,” Solas agreed. “And I feel… so close. I could unlock the Orb again with more power. Surely the three of us could do it now.”

“But should we do such a thing?” Miryam wondered. “Is the Nightmare we faced before truly related to Daern’thal?”

“We don’t know,” Erafen said, reaching out to touch the Orb with a tired hand. Her eyes went wide, feeling the immediate response to her touch. She looked at Solas questioningly, only to find him looking at her curiously.

“It seems to have attuned to me again, yes, but also to you, _vhen’an_ ,” he said. “Perhaps it recognizes I shared part of my Essence with you.”

Erafen moved her hand away, and Miryam touched it. It responded to her, but she shook her head. “It didn’t exactly react the same way.”

“Because you carry in your hand a part of it, the key to unlock it,” Solas said. “And your Anchor is not the only way to do so; Corypheus did not realize this -- else he would have come for me.”

“Did he not recognize you?” Miryam wondered. “He seemed that he might, but he was pretty derisive of _all_ of us when we fought him.”

“If he did or did not, that doesn’t matter. He is dead, and the Orb has been restored,” Solas told her. He looked over the Orb again, his expression deeply satisfied, and then he handed it to Erafen. “It is safe in your hands. It must be put away until needed.”

“It’s yours, _‘ma Fen_ ,” Erafen countered. “Are you not the Dread Wolf?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Dread Wolf I may be, but you are the Bride of the Wolf. We serve the People, Elvhen and elven, and we serve the Inquisition.”

“ _No_ ulterior motives?” Miryam asked. "I really don't know what to think."

“Everyone always has personal motivation, Inquisitor,” Solas replied smoothly. “Erafen certainly did when she joined, but she learned that her own fell in line with that of the Inquisition. You rose to the call when you learned the Anchor was the only way to close the rifts. I joined when I learned Corypheus misused my Orb.”

“What do I have to expect with Daern’thal is dealt with?” Miryam asked plainly.

Solas met her gaze solidly, and Erafen gasped at his answer.

“It is simple,” he said, describing his plan as if he intended to go shopping after. “We permanently seal my brethren, consider destroying the pocket they live in, and we build a new world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually a fun one to write. I like how the three of them interact. I'm a little behind in my writing, but I have some very big things that will be happening very soon.


	23. A Temporary Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen and Solas finally have a night to themselves, but will it remain peaceful?

“Fenrian, you… no, don’t… No!” Solas cried out, and Erafen wandered in a few moments later with a few clean wet towels.

“He pooped on your hand again while you were cleaning him up?” she guessed. “He resists bedtime and plays dirty. Truly he is our child.”

“He did. Centuries of living, countless followers, legends about me, and nothing once has prepared me for being shat upon by my own child,” Solas lamented, taking one of the wet towels gratefully.

Erafen took his place, cleaning up their son again. She applied perfumed powder, silently thanking the humans for the invention, and wrapped his soft cotton napkin in place. “And there is a constant no matter what age one is in: babies will poop when, how, and on whom they choose.” She grinned, but then something gave her pause.

“I know that face, beloved,” Solas told her. “What questions have you for me?”

She gave him a sheepish look, holding Fenrian against her shoulder now that he was cleaned and changed. “I wondered what you were like as an infant, and then it occurred to me that… well, that you might not have ever been one.”

“Ah, I understand,” Solas replied. He moved in to clean up the soiled diaper and towels. “I do not believe I was. There was a time when all I knew was the Fade. Everything sang with the same sound. There were no words, so thinking of what things were like then is… difficult. There truly is no way to know it or describe it.”

“Were you a spirit?” ‘Fen asked.

“Perhaps. I do not truly know. I know what I am and what I have been in this world,” Solas answered. “Perhaps it would explain my affinity for spirits, my understanding of them. My brothers and sisters had the same knowledge, even if not the level of understanding and friendship I have, other than perhaps Mythal.”

Erafen kissed Fenrian on his head, letting him settle to sleep against her shoulder. “Fenrian is truly unique then.”

“Precious and beloved, like his mother,” Solas said. “There is no place safer for him than _Tarasyl'an Te’la_ s at this time.”

“We can’t keep him here forever, my Wolf,” ‘Fen reminded him. “He will grow up someday. How fast do Elvhen children grow? He weaned himself far earlier than expected.” She wandered to the baby's crib to lay him down gently, soothing him back to sleep.

“It’s actually rather similar to modern elven children,” Solas said. “They draw more energy from nature and their connection to the Fade, so that explains the quick weaning. He will likely be stronger of build than today’s elves, more like Abelas or myself. I have otherwise never really had an opportunity to compare Elvhen child development with modern elven children. This will be new to us both.”

“‘ _Ma Fen_ ,” she said, frowning sharply. “Are you truly going to destroy the other gods? Is that possible? Is that wise?”

“Daern’thal’s escape illustrated that any of them can escape in one form or another. With as many of the People as they killed, with Mythal’s betrayal, it would be no less than they deserved,” he answered bitterly.

"You have been betrayed, not just Mythal," Erafen stated.

"Abelas must have told you," Solas replied. "Did he not? Mythal, my dearest oldest friend, was murdered. The People were pitted against each other at the whims of their 'gods'. I was not the only one wronged."

“Can you tell me of Ghilan’nain?” ‘Fen wondered, putting Fenrian in his crib. She turned to her beloved with an expression of worry.

Solas extended a hand to Erafen, leading her off to their bedroom and to their bed. Before he sat next to her, he undressed slowly, leaving his amulet on. Erafen followed suit, removing her simple robe and likewise leaving on her wolf’s skull amulet, which she never removed. He took her robe and laid it over the back of a chair, then came to sit next to her.

“Do you foresee an argument?” Erafen asked, somewhat amused. “The humans say that if you must argue, do so naked.”

“Hah!” Solas barked out a laugh. “No, beloved, I merely wanted to feel your skin against mine, let you feel through the contact my words and that I give you truth, painful though it may be.”

Erafen faced him, sliding a leg over his to sit on his lap, letting their eyes meet. “Then begin.” She felt him rising between them, and she pressed forward against his length, eliciting a groan.

“Do you want the story, or do you want me distracted?” he questioned, bucking up against her.

“Story. You’re the one that wanted skin to skin,” she countered.

He laughed low, turning his mouth to the juncture of her shoulder and neck, and then he leaned back to look at her seriously. “I knew Ghilan’nain when she was young, a beautiful creature with hair the color of fresh snow, powerful in her magic, far more than any other Elvhen of her age. She petitioned me to learn secrets of the Fade, to learn forbidden magics. I was drawn to her immediately, and I did teach her own the Fade could be used to manipulate the living. Things spiraled out of control, her power growing even stronger despite my warnings. She drew Andruil’s attention as the legends say, but I was blind. I lusted after her in a way I’d never before. I was attracted to her power and skill and thirst for knowledge.”

Erafen listened silently, her expression sad and fretful, but she remained quiet, only nodding for him to continue.

“The more power she gained, the more she wanted. Her innocence was cast aside when Andruil came into the picture. The Huntress encouraged Ghilan’nain’s personality change, transformed her from the innocent who delighted in her creations to an avaricious goddess who turned a blind eye the slavery of the People and supported Andruil in all things as her puppet. I maintain Andruil did this out of spite for the times I rejected her advances.”

“Did you love her?” Erafen asked gently, leaning in to kiss his forehead.

“I thought I did. I was still quite bitter over it until this one elven woman appeared not long ago, manipulating Qunari mercenaries and asking brilliant questions. At first, you did remind me of her, and I resisted my strong feelings as well as I could,” he admitted, reaching up to brush her hair aside gently. “Then I lost a friend almost as old as I was, and you were the first face I saw when I returned to Skyhold. You offered me comfort, soothed my ache. Your knowledge never diminished your kindness. Truly, at that moment, I knew you were my one _vhen’an_.”

“Fen’Harel,” ‘Fen whispered, using his true name gently. “Oh, _‘ma Fen_ , I knew that you, too, were my _vhen’an. Eman tel’el o sa lath’in_.” She raised her hips a bit and lowered herself on him slowly.

Solas turned his face to her neck, again kissing and making a bite on her neck gently. “Beloved,” he murmured. “I have faced who I would become without my heart, and I like this person better, this person I am with a living vibrant heart. You smooth my rough edges, direct my purpose, and you do it with sincerity. I resisted once. I will not do so again.”

“Our truth?” she whispered, her mouth next to his ear.

“ _Ar lath ma_ ,” he told her. “ _Banal halam_.” His hands found her hips, encouraging her movement.

Erafen repeated the words and obliged, legs wrapped around her love’s back. It wasn't enough, however; she wanted more, and she moved off, forcing a frustrated hiss from her spouse’s mouth. ‘Fen didn't really waste time, moving to lay down, inviting him forward. She knew he preferred a dominant position, and for what she knew he saw as a risk taken to answer her question, Erafen would gladly reward him.

Solas took advantage of ‘Fen’s flexibility, bringing her ankles to his shoulders, and he rejoined her with a strong thrust, not bothering to remain quiet as he very much took what he wanted. His hand did slide between them, electricity from his finger stimulating his lady so she writhed and cried out his name underneath him. He followed immediately, releasing her legs once he was spent to rest against her breasts, cupping one idly, his mouth resting against the top of the other.

“ _Vhen’an_ ,” he gasped, his breath rushing across her skin.

Erafen stroked the puff of hair emerging from where it was tied back in a short lock. Her fingers trailed lower, tracing down the vertebrae of his neck. Mind racing, she considered all he told her, of Ghilan’nain’s betrayal, or Andruil’s treatment, and him learning of love over desire. It made her proud and pleased that he chose her.

“I would die before I betray your trust,” she murmured against his head, leaning to kiss him where she could reach, just at the top of his hair.

“And I will never let it get to that point,” he promised. "I understand you have to fight your fears, that there may be no way I can erase them, at least with words and soothing touch. Without you, I would be lost, reaching for a past I can never hope to regain."

"We have promised each other a future," Erafen said. "We have a start. I truly believe we will emerge victorious against our foe, and... whatever you decide needs to be done with your fellow 'gods', ' _ma Fen_ , I will support you."

"No, do not let me think of their release again. It would only bring disaster to what you love," he told her, voice fierce despite his hushed tone. "That is the one thing I would ask of you."

"Then I swear it, but I'm sure it won't come to that," 'Fen told him.

"Not willingly, no," Solas assured her.

The two fell silent, neither quite falling asleep, but instead enjoying the feeling of resting at the edge of the Veil, the sensation one of floating even as they held to each other in the comfort of their soft human bed. In this daze, Erafen became mildly aware of Solas moving over her, his mouth replacing where his hand once held her, keeping his pace slow and easy. It was an interesting skill of his, pleasuring her without breaking that feeling of being in between worlds. Her climax was gradual, something built like a campfire, the embers taking a while to build into a roaring fire.

This time, however, she let herself wake, encouraging Solas to join her again. With that same low laugh, he indulged her, seeking his own pleasure with that same slow attentiveness he showed Erafen moments before. She didn't worry about her own release, but let Solas enjoy her as he wished, content when he was finally spent again.

It was while he still nestled within her, already softening, that they finally fell asleep and entered the Fade, talking as they often did, taking the peaceful time together. The pair observed ancient elves constructing the original _Tarasyl'an Te'las_ , using magic to raise the earth into the desired shape. Erafen remembered seeing Abelas do this when he sought to escape their group at Mythal's Temple, wondering if it was a lost form of magic. She was about to ask Solas something when a dreadful sound gave her pause.

It shrieked out through the Fade, high-pitched and hissing, followed by a bellowing cry in a voice deep and rich and terrifying. Solas immediately froze, recognizing it.

" _It is the Nightmare_ ," he told her. " _It sounds as if it's fighting something. I will remember that voice anywhere._ "

Erafen listened, the shrieking and the booming cry indeed sounding like they were battling. Before she could ask another question, both voices roared, and the Fade shook, a ripple of defiant rage spreading out over its landscape.

Both Dreamers found themselves wide awake, and Erafen pulled herself from Solas when she heard Fenrian bawling from the next room. She threw on her robe and rushed in to scoop up the child, holding him close, and came back into their bedroom.

Solas was at the balcony, dressed in a loose robe, looking out over Skyhold. There were sounds from below, cries of fear, and slowly people began to move around. Whatever they'd heard in the Fade was enough to wake everyone who could dream.

"Oh, _vhen'an_ ," he told 'Fen when she moved to his side. "This does not bode well."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. Suck. At. Smut. The end.
> 
> So I've got my own theories about the Elvhen gods and who/what they are, so I'm putting them into my story. Since there's not too much official, I'm running with it.


	24. A Hawke's Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Templar arrives at Skyhold. Everyone is confused.

“It was awful!” Merrill was telling Erafen. “I was dreaming about when I was little, and then I heard these voices! Next thing I knew, I woke with a wretched headache.”

“Solas and I were exploring the Fade when we heard the voice going on and on,” ‘Fen told Merrill, holding Fenrian close. “Miryam is talking with the mages in residence, and Solas is meditating, seeking entrance to the Fade safely.”

“No one seems to be able to sleep, so wound up and whatnot from the commotion,” Merrill said. “Little Fenrian was affected?” She looked away for just a moment, noting Cole nearby soothing a few of the soldiers, then vanishing to tend to other residents.

“Seems all the children here were,” Erafen replied. “Only our resident dwarves are still asleep, though I’m sure the noise out here is enough to stir them.”

The gates of Skyhold were closed for the night, but a call echoed over the courtyard. “First Lavellan, we have visitors! Three people, a red-haired mage woman, a silver-haired elf with… weird tattoos, and a Templar.”

“A Templar?” ‘Fen wondered. “Let them in, then close the gates.”

The gate did open enough to let the three in, and Erafen went to greet the trio. Her suspicion was correct about the first two, but the third, she didn’t know.

“Carver!” Merrill called out, running up to throw her arms around the Templar’s neck. “Alona! Fenris!”

“Hello, Merrill,” Carver said, his tone more gentle than his expression as he returned her hug sheepishly.

“Mage,” Fenris managed in greeting to the elf.

Merrill went to hug Hawke next, ignoring the rudeness from the Tevinter elf. “Did you find something?”

“I was just about to ask,” Erafen said, rubbing Fenrian’s back gently. “Please, come in. I take it this Templar is your brother?”

“Carver Hawke,” the Templar affirmed with a nod. He still wore a hard expression, but ‘Fen was certain she saw a hint of a blush at Merrill’s affection.

“Then welcome, all of you, to Skyhold,” Erafen said. “Merrill, would you mind showing them to Josephine’s office? I’ll find Miry and Cullen.”

“Cullen?” Carver asked, eyebrows raised. “Not the same from Kirkwall?”

“I told you already, he leads the Inquisition’s forces,” Alona clarified, annoyed.

“I guess I didn’t really believe it,” the younger Hawke replied.

“As usual,” Fenris snorted. “You should eventually understand your sister has a perfectly smart brain in her head.”

“Come on, you lot, let’s get you out of this night air,” Merrill said, leading the three off and into the castle.

“Fenrian, why can’t your _mamae_ have normal friends?” Erafen asked jokingly. The little boy replied with a broad yawn, and then he actually seemed to settle into sleep. Perhaps this meant the Fade was safe again, but still she set a ward around him, cautious and concerned.

She stopped to find Sylana, the older Lavellan pleased to take care of the sleeping boy. A few other of the smaller children were asleep already. Both women hoped that was a good sign.

‘Fen found Miryam and Cullen both in the library, talking with a few of the mages, giving them instructions. Already the enchanters wandered off in pairs, going to take turns sleeping so that one could stand guard as the other dreamed in the Fade.

“We have guests,” Erafen told the other two, pulling them aside. “Alona Hawke, Carver Hawke, and Fenris.”

“Carver, I remember him. He was a Templar under my command,” Cullen said. “Very unhappy with his famous sister’s long-reaching shadow, as I recall. He’s a very capable warrior. I’m relieved to find Corypheus didn’t corrupt him.”

“Given what’s going on, it’s good he’s here. If we need those skilled in dispelling magic, we could use him,” Miryam said. “Where are they?”

“Josie’s office,” Erafen replied. “I thought that would be best.”

“Is Solas still meditating?” Miry wondered.

“Last I checked,” ‘Fen replied. She stilled her mind a bit to reach out, finding him in the same state, and she nodded. “Yes, he still is. It’s been a couple of hours, but I’m sure he’d call to me if there was trouble.”

Cullen seemed skeptical, but he thankfully didn’t say anything, instead pressing a hand between his wife’s shoulder blades gently. He wasn’t in armor, but still seemed every bit the Commander in how he held himself. “We should hurry to meet our guests.”

“Indeed,” Miryam agreed, giving Cullen an almost grateful look. They'd argued right after Solas revealed his secret, but it seems it was resolved now. "Where is the Antivan fellow?"

"Zevran? I think last I saw him he was single-handedly trying to populate the future _Halam'abelas_ ," Erafen said with a snort. "We may want to find out what's going on first and then fill in the others. I haven't seen Dorian yet."

"That's because he's been working on some loose ends to find out who wrote that letter you found," Cullen said. "He arrived, read the letter, and then he left a day later, all while you were out."

"Ugh, we could use him," Erafen lamented. "And Bull, and Sera, and..." She let out a sigh.

“It’d be like old times," Miryam said, understanding. "Come on, let's get this in motion, and we'll see if we need to call people back to us."

The small group made their way back to Josephine’s office, and this time wards were set to prevent others from eavesdropping, though ‘Fen knew Solas wouldn’t be affected. She perched on the arm of some fancy Orlesian loveseat, Hawke sitting next to her with Fenris on the other side. Merrill sat with Carver, the two mumbling a conversation. Cullen and Miryam sat in tall chairs, and Josephine leaned against her desk. Only Cadash wasn’t there, but he was off conferring with his people.

“Let’s start with what we know,” Miry began. “We all got kicked out of the Fade.”

“Everyone except the dwarves,” Cullen added.

“Solas and I were exploring the Fade as we usually do, and we heard a deep bellowing voice, once he recognized as the Nightmare. There was a high screeching sound, too, one that made me think of the cry Daern’thal made when we destroyed his dragon body.” Erafen crossed her legs, balancing easily on the arm of the sofa.

Josephine tried not to wince at the mistreatment of expensive furniture. “Did it sound like they were opposed?”

Erafen nodded. “Like a struggle. I’m not sure who the victor was. Fenrian did go back to sleep, so my hope is that things are back to normal for now.”

“This is where we come in,” Hawke spoke up. “We visited Merrill’s former clan, and apparently their Keeper has gone missing. They say he was having horrible dreams, and then one day, he was gone.”

“Their hunters did try to track him down, which is how we ran into Carver,” Fenris added.

“Several Templars took it upon themselves to hunt down the Venatori as enemies of the Chantry,” the younger Hawke said. He reached up to move a bit of his grown-out raven hair from his eyes. “I was among them. We were ambushed by a group of them and hired mercenaries. Among them was a woman, tall and slender, wearing robes in the Tevinter style, and she was a mage of considerable power. She could move through the Fade, so it seemed. I suppose she thought she’d killed me, but I’d only been knocked out.”

“We found him slumped under a tree, left for dead, and it took everything I learned from Anders to heal him,” Alona said, frowning sharply at the memory. “I won’t lose any more of my family to these foes.”

Fenris continued for her, his hand finding hers. “We’d intended Starkhaven to be our next destination, but in light of what Carver discovered, we came to Skyhold instead. We found no sign of the missing Keeper and none of this mystery woman. It was while we were camping nearby that we were forced from our dreams and continued on.”

“So let’s look at what we have then?” Merril asked timidly, straightening up when Hawke nodded at her. “We’ve a possible battle between a huge ugly Nightmare demon and a huge ugly Nightmare god, a mystery Venatori lady who can best a group of Templars, and a missing Dalish Keeper.”

“Given what we witnessed when we found Solas, I wouldn’t be surprised if this Keeper has become a new home for Daern’thal,” Erafen said.

“No, I tend to agree with you. From what you said, he’d have to be a mage of considerable power to even manage as a proper vessel,” Cullen added. “Carver, I’m curious as to how this Venatori managed to trap your group. How many of you were there?”

“Five. There were about fifteen of them, including the mercenaries, and it was as if they knew we were coming,” Carver explained. “They had glyphs that negated our abilities for a few seconds. Clearly that time was all they needed.”

“And you didn’t happen to see how the glyph was written?” the elder Hawke wondered.

“I was a little busy fighting for my life, _dearest_ sister, so _no_ ,” Carver replied acidly. He let out a sigh. “If I knew anything of it, I’d have told you. As it stands, it just felt like… like being cut off from everything. No sense of purpose, no sense of anything, nothing.”

“An interruption in the contact with the Fade lyrium provides, perhaps,” Josephine considered.

“Or a moment of Tranquility,” Miryam suggested. “That’s what Cassandra described her Vigil as, when the Seeker is rendered Tranquil very briefly.”

“I take it this _isn’t_ public knowledge,” Fenris said.

“No, and it stays here,” Miryam insisted.

“Of course,” the Tevinter elf agreed.

Erafen released a sigh. “An enemy we can’t find, forces we can’t fully track, and so much at stake.”

“No different than when we fought Corypheus,” Miry pointed out. “But we have far more in the way of resources now than we did when we started then.”

“Tracking can be taken care of,” Cullen said. “I’ll pull Cadash aside and coordinate the Inquisition’s forces and his spies, see about pinning down those sightings and looking for a pattern.”

“I will talk to our allies, have them look for people meeting that woman’s description as well as the Keeper,” Josephine added. “We can look at how money flows and test the political air in noble circles.”

“I should keep working on the _eluvian_ ,” Merrill said, and then she nearly jumped when Carver stared at her. “There’s no demons! I promise! I’m working with Erafen’s Solas, a powerful mage. No blood magic!”

Carver let out a breath. “Fine.” He relaxed. “I would just worry for you.”

“If you know of other Templars who may be in hiding, offer them sanctuary on our behalf here,” Cullen told Carver.

“I will,” the younger man said. “But why an _eluvian_?”

“ _Halam’abelas_ will need a pathway from here, one that won’t rely on roads,” Erafen said. “I just have this feeling that it could be in danger, and with the work we’re doing there, losing it will be a blow against the elves of Thedas.”

“And a disillusioned people may be more willing to put their faith in a returned god, even if it’s a Forgotten One?” Miryam asked.

“If Daern’thal is causing fears among the Dalish, our biggest has always been the Dread Wolf,” Merrill said. “So no one would trust the one of our gods that still walks the land.”

Erafen let out a sigh, saying nothing about Solas. “If only we knew who… eh?”

There was a knock on the door to the office, and Merrill jumped up to see. She was practically swept aside as one Dorian Pavus stepped in, his expression oddly serious.

“So sorry to intrude,” he began. He sauntered in casually even if his eyes carried a greater sense of determination. "I just got in a few moments ago, heard about the Fade eviction. At any rate, I have the name of the Venatori’s current leader.”

“Don’t leave us hanging,” Miryam said.

“She was a slave in Minrathous, in service to a Magister Erasthenes, a scholar of the Old Gods,” Dorian said. “Apparently she was freed and leads the remainder of the Venatori now. Her name is Calpernia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to post it else I'd be leaving things at a cliffhanger! 
> 
> There's always a small piece of me that still ships Carver and Merrill. Dunno why!


	25. Question of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition makes plans. Cullen questions.

“Calpernia? Should we know of her?” Erafen asked, looking towards Dorian.

“I know of a Calpernia, back when I was a slave,” Fenris said, speaking up. “She was still in service when I escaped. She was a remarkable woman and carried herself well, as well as being gifted in magic. It could be the same person. I never bothered saying a thing to her. She was another mage.”

"We know well your distrust of mages, Fenris," Hawke said gently.

"Yes, well, we can't all be perfect," Dorian said dismissively. "On my return, I did go to Val Royeaux to check a story I'd heard. It seems there was a slaver living there for a bit. His home had been ransacked, no body found. Dreadful, really, except I have evidence he was providing slaves to Calpernia. She was rather particular about having them unmarred and treated well. It could be that she bought them, liberated them, and they joined the Venatori out of loyalty and gratitude."

Fenris stiffened. "Slavery does something to the mind, makes you sympathetic towards the wrong people. I killed those who helped me in Danarius' name, willingly returning with him."

"You broke free of that mindset, though," Erafen said. "Clearly your mind and will are both strong.” She nodded to Cadash when he apologetically let himself in.

"I should say, however, that when one is a slave, when one has always been a slave, that is the only life one knows. It would be easy for many lesser-willed individuals to wish to remain in service to their liberator," Fenris added, disgusted even if he understood it.

Erafen nodded, thinking of the comment Solas made of Abelas when they traveled before. Forging a new life without service to another would be frightening, and not many slaves would have the skills necessary to navigate their own freedom, at least the way most in Tevinter handled them. “So then we should find out what we can on this Calpernia. And Dorian, you’ve been missed.”

“Of course, sweetling,” Dorian said. “And I’ve been gathering what I could. Apparently she was seen in Val Royeaux, but I don’t know if she intended to infiltrate the Chantry. I left word with the Nightingale.” He came over to tug at one of ‘Fen’s braids. “You’re looking vibrant.”

“As are you,” she replied, giving him a one-armed hug, and then turned her attention to Miryam.

“It seems we have investigations to mount on a few fronts. I agree that the missing Dalish Keeper is likely tied to what happened in the Fade,” Miryam began. “There’s the Qunari that tried attacking Erafen in Wycome, and then this Calpernia.”

“That’s where I come in,” Cadash said, finally speaking up. “I’ve got people out already looking for clues, and the tracking map has been set up, not just topside but Deep Roads access and paths included. I hope no one minds; I sent word to Sera to see if the Friends of Red Jenny have picked up anything.”

“Good thinking,” Cullen told him. “You and I can coordinate what we discover, track patterns and move troops to the right places to put pressure on this enemy.”

“I’ll put out the call,” Miryam decided. “Call back Sera and Iron Bull with his Chargers. We have new allies with Hawke, Fenris, Merrill, Abelas, Carver, and Zevran to make up for missing Cassandra and Vivienne, though if they could be spared, they wouldn’t be unwelcome.”

“I’d like to take Solas, Cole, and Zevran out to _Halam'abelas_ and then to check out some key locations,” Erafen said, regret in her expression. “I don’t want to be separated from Fenrian, but this is bigger than us all. Sylana has already agreed to parent him in my absence.”

“Fenris and I can try to track the Qunari woman,” Hawke suggested. “Merrill told us your description of her while we were waiting.”

“Let’s put our new elvhen friend to use in hunting down this Calpernia, then,” Miryam said. “If she’s as strong of a mage as Carver here described her, then Dorian and I should work together, and Abelas would definitely be useful.”

“A pity Vivienne is busy with her duties,” Dorian lamented. “I'm surprised you did not wish your Sentinel with you, 'Fen. At least a good assassin knows his way around magic. You could use one. Wait, when did we employ an assassin?”

“We’ll introduce you to Zevran later, though he will no doubt try to flatter you until your ego explodes and then get you into bed,” Cadash said with a grin.

“Charming,” Dorian replied with a laugh. "He may not try after he meets Bull."

Miryam gave Erafen a thoughtful look. She hadn’t mentioned anything about the Orb to Cullen yet, only that it’d been repaired and needed charging. “Will you be looking for ways to re-seal Daern’thal?” she asked her friend.

“Likely, else we make sure nothing else can escape. I wonder if he might not seek reinforcements,” Erafen replied.

“I shudder to think of what that creature would consider a reinforcement to be,” Cullen said, frowning deeply at the thought. “We must discover if he walks the Fade again and if he has defeated or allied with the Nightmare Demon.” His concerned gaze turned to his wife, a hand reaching for hers. “I would not have you enter the Fade again if it can be avoided.”

“I’m not in any hurry to go, Cullen. Trust me on that,” Miryam told him.

"Why am I being left out of all the plans?" Merrill wondered, frowning.

"The _eluvian_." Erafen fixed the other elf with a look. "Solas has been teaching you, right? You an Dagna need to make that a priority. I have this feeling that it will be necessary for _Halam'abelas_."

"As long as there are no demons involved," Carver said.

"I will warn you, we have a Spirit of Compassion given human form," Miryam told him. "His name is Cole. If you find him bothersome, be polite when you send him on his way."

"I... will try," Carver said. He glanced over at Merrill, finding her watching him in concern, and he nodded to her, murmuring something quietly to her. Her cheeks colored (as did his), and she nodded back.

"Let's get to work then," Miryam said. "I've a feeling Erafen will be taking her group out before too long. Are you heading directly to _Halam'abelas_ or have other stops on the way?"

" _Halam'abelas_ ," Erafen stated. "In fact, I'd like Carver and Merrill to come with us and set up camp there to work on the _eluvian_ as well as fortify the location."

"I've set up a few Templars there with a temporary leader," Cullen said, nodding. "Carver, I know of your capabilities. I will have you relieve the squad leader and help with the fortifications. Even if this is not a place where the Chantry is the guiding force, we can still show our friendship."

"I promise you, there will be a Chantry there," Erafen told him. "Small, yes, but no elf that believes in the Maker will be excluded. In light of recent events, of claims made in private, if our faith is to be tolerated, then we must also tolerate those of others. This is not the Qun; we will not dictate what others believe.”

Cullen met Erafen’s eyes for a long moment, frustrated, but then he relaxed, nodding. He and Miryam had quite the row over it already in private, but he understood the risks taken. “Of course, Erafen. It’s as I told Miryam: I trust _you_. You’ve given no one any reason to doubt your sincerity and integrity.”

‘Fen relaxed, her eyes going to Miryam next, accepting the confirming nod her friend gave her. She wondered how long Solas could keep his secret with the number that had the knowledge now, but there were other pressing concerns. She would talk to him of it when they were heading to _Halam’abelas_. “So, do we think our budding plan here is worthy?”

“I think so,” Cullen said. “With the numbers of unknowns, we have to play most of this by ear, but we’re better equipped than we were with Corypheus. Still, take nothing for granted.” He turned to Carver next. “Ser Hawke, the Inquisitor and I would speak with you privately with our First and our Spymaster to go over the fortifications in the Emerald Graves.”

“Of course,” Carver said, saluting on instinct, which made Merrill grin broadly at him.

“I’m sure afterwards there will be catching up between you and Merrill,” Hawke said, looking amused.

“Alona!” Merrill gasped, coloring even more.

“If we are done, then let’s get to our tasks,” Miryam said.

“I will see to our guests,” Josephine offered, having remained silent during the discussion. “And Miryam, I will send letters to the proper nobles once things have been cemented.”

“Thank you, Josie,” Miryam said, and the others filtered out, leaving just Miryam, Cullen, Erafen, Cadash, and Carver.

The small group relocated to the War Room, going over what they knew so far, and Cullen took the time to outline the present fortifications to Halam’abelas. Erafen pointed out construction points, and they were able to decide exactly what should be done with the troops with final alterations to be made upon arrival.

“While I understand the need for alliances and that the elves deserve their own place, why are Templars involved?” Carver inquired.

“We have a large population of mages and quite a bit of trauma among our people,” Erafen said. “Plus, when the _eluvian_ is placed and repaired, it could become a target should Daern’thal learn of it. While the mages will be free to move about, having Templars to protect them is a wise idea and shows we are cooperating with each other.”

Carver glanced over to Cullen for confirmation, and he relaxed some when the Commander nodded agreement.

"I may not _always_ agree with our First's decisions," Cullen said aloud, "but most of the time, her logic is sound and she hasn't yet led us astray. Put her and Miryam together, and you can expect miracles. Despite our different beliefs, I think our elven friend walks in the Maker's light."

Erafen wasn't expecting praise like that; if anything, she'd felt at odds with the Commander since returning to Skyhold with Solas. She gave him a grateful smile, further pleased to find he returned it and dipped his head respectfully at her.

"We are still people, as Sera is fond of reminding us. We have weaknesses; we can be tempted. No one, no matter their birth or abilities or what they've become in life is beyond those mental frailties. Even the strongest minds can be led astray or blinded by guilt or sadness or vengeance. Even a 'god' can have a broken heart," Miryam said, coming around to squeeze Erafen's shoulder.

"And even the broken hearted can be healed. I think it takes quite a bit to make one irredeemable," 'Fen said quietly.

"Don't worry about it, kid," Cadash told Carver. "There's been some pretty crazy stuff going on you're better off not asking about."

"I... see." Carver rubbed the back of his neck, freezing sheepishly when he noticed Cullen doing the same. The senior warrior merely laughed.

"Two days, then, and we'll head to the Emerald Graves and inspect _Halam'abelas_ ," Erafen said finally, returning to business. "Rest and recovery, but be ready to travel," she added to Carver. "I trust you are up to this task."

"I am," the younger Hawke affirmed.

The group disbanded soon after that, and Erafen stopped long enough to confer with Miryam, the two women yawning in between words from the lack of sleep. Cullen approached behind his wife, placing his hands gently on her shoulders.

"My love, why don't you turn in. I'll do a sweep of the grounds and come join you," he told Miry.

"I... honestly, I'm not arguing. I'm so tired," Miryam admitted, and she stopped to give him a kiss, then turned to hug her elven friend. "Don't stay up too long, both of you."

"Good night, Miry," 'Fen said, and watched her friend wander off. She glanced at Cullen when Miryam was out of earshot. "Okay, battlements, yes?"

He nodded in agreement, and the two headed out and around towards his office and to the walkway overlooking the courtyard.

"I will begin saying that I do not fully trust your 'Solas', but I do not doubt his admission. I also don't doubt his sincerity in dealing with you or your son," Cullen began, voice firm even if his expression was apologetic. "I was upset, shaken by finding a 'god' walked among us. We followers of Andraste always thought the elven gods were just legends, but there was one walking around, even working with us. Maker's Breath," he sighed. "I'd even wager the Inquisition might not have begun if Solas hadn't worked out what the Anchor did."

"All of that is valid," Erafen said, hands behind her back. "But imagine how my people are reacting to find out our gods were not as magnanimous as we thought them to be. At least your Maker has been consistent." She braved a smile at him.

Cullen laughed shakily at that. "Do you believe your gods really are gods?"

"I don't know what to believe," she admitted. "I believe what Solas tells me. I believe I can touch _him_ , feel _him_ when he holds me, feel his presence when he's near. I know our Fenrian is real. So I believe in him, I believe that he's ancient, and I believe the others existed. What makes one a god or not? Not my place to even consider it. I rather like the idea of the Maker, someone out there who has no need to prove his divinity."

"I think, then, I can live with that. Powerful, ancient, but perhaps only legends have made 'gods' of them," Cullen told her.

"Crisis of Faith averted?" 'Fen asked him.

He laughed aloud at that, still shaky but clearly feeling better. "Indeed, First. Crisis averted."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have enough Dorian in this. I need to write a side story with him and Zevran being chatty at each other and Bull having his way. Also, I REALLY enjoyed writing the dialogue between Erafen and Cullen. They've probably been more at odds in my head than how I've written them, but they ARE friends, respect each other, and both care so much about Miryam.


	26. In With the Old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen's group arrives at Halam'abelas. Cole says what everyone's thinking.

Carver was still red even as they headed down the mountain pass leaving Skyhold. It hadn't missed his sister's notice that he emerged from Merrill's temporary quarters that morning looking a bit disheveled and that the elven woman herself had an interesting mark on her neck, visible before she adjusted her scarf.

"It's about time," Alona Hawke announced when the group gathered to make goodbyes.

"Shut it," Carver growled in return, and his elder sister just laughed.

"I don't see why people were making a fuss," Merrill said as they continued along, grinning happily at Carver. "We're grown people and can do as we like."

"It's older sibling privilege, I think," Carver complained.

"I think she's happy for you," Erafen said. "If you're happy together, then be together."

"You're not worried about contributing to the future good?" Merrill wondered.

Solas spoke up. "You do represent a potential powerful bloodline; a shame to keep future generations from benefiting, but you also do provide a great service in how you're helping with the _eluvian_ and the efforts here."

"I had a feeling you'd disapprove," Merrill said.

"There are a great many things of which I disapprove, though it matters little," Solas pointed out. "There are all things we disapprove of."

"So many things out of control, so much given up," Cole said. "'It could happen again, I am open to hurt. This could end, and I would lose it all.' But Erafen believes, and you believe in her."

"I do," Solas said.

Erafen merely leaned her head against her beloved's arm gently.

"And this is why you gave it up. This is why this world will be real and the old will fade away," Cole continued.

"I do _not_ understand these things he says," Zevran spoke up. "I think he talked like a badly translated poem. Interesting, but very strange."

"And you will never know if she is like your lost Warden," Cole pointed out, "if you don't ask her."

Zevran made an odd face. "Excuse me?"

"And no, I don't want to do that, but thank you." The spirit-person actually blushed.

"Zev! Poor Cole is an innocent, you know," Erafen said, actually laughing. " _Elgar'falon_ , I think Zevran hasn't met a person yet he hasn't once or twice considered bedding."

"This is true," Zevran laughed.

"He wonders if you and Solas would let him in," Cole said.

Erafen sputtered, laughing half in amusement and the rest in embarrassment. Solas, for his part, merely raised an eyebrow.

"Hm, _vhen'an_ , should we consider it? Would he be able to keep up with us?" he asked.

"You're not serious, are you?" Erafen managed, eyes wide.

" _Please_ be serious," Zevran said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Alas, I am not, but it was... funny." Solas laughed, the sound low in his throat.

"Tease," Zevran said, faking a pout. "Whatever have I done to deserve such merciless taunting? I will have to reserve the rest of my considerable charm for the fine people gathering at our destination."

"Now see, you won't have to worry about me with Zevran contributing to the elven population," Merrill said, arms folded. She couldn't hold onto the serious expression; eventually her bubbly amusement showed in a grin.

"Not that it's anyone's business," Carver said, but even he was amused by the others.

"Spoilsport," Zevran said, laughing.

\----

The rest of the trip went without mishap, thankfully. After a few nights, the group collectively tired of the wagon, but they put up with it until they arrived at _Halam'abelas_. Erafen especially was ready to be there, and she sat up front with their driver, eyes wide when the area spread out before her.

The previous grounds had been emptied of the human mansion that once was there, and instead fluid walls made of the earth and trees rose high. Elves were there in droves, many coming to work, and those with magic were given plenty of opportunity to use it. The place practically hummed with the touch of the Fade.

Once the wagon stopped inside the main courtyard, Erafen climbed down, coming around to beam brightly at Solas.

"I am surprised and pleased," Solas said, looking around him. "The technique is... very old, but this is something newer. The touch of the Dalish, those of the modern city elves, and that of the People. I never thought this would be possible."

"And this is where elves will live?" Merrill asked, astounded.

"There is no sorrow here, but the work of elves," Cole said. "Even humans, dwarves, and Qunari have come to add to it. All work and all share."

"What did you call this place?" Carver asked, also looking around.

" _Halam'abelas_ ," Erafen said. "Sorrow's End."

A tall Elvhen woman approached, one 'Fen immediately recognized by the marks of Mythal on her face and the white-blonde hair. The woman no longer wore her Sentinel armor, but the robes of a hard-working mage.

"Milady! We received word!" Danyla called out.

"Danyla!" Erafen said, pleasantly surprised. "Please allow me to introduce everyone." She did so, person by person, but when she reached Solas, the Sentinel held her hand.

"You need no introduction, Friend of Mythal," she told Solas, nodding her head respectfully.

"Rise," Solas told Danyla. "There are those who do not know."

Danyla nodded, and she turned to Erafen. "Milady, Sabran is stronger in Earth-Shaping than I am. There are quite a few dwarves who've come to lend their talents to the building. Already homes are being built among the treetops and in the living trunks. It seems there were some who thought they were without magic, but when we showed some how to communicate with the land and foliage, the old abilities seemed to blossom within them."

"Old abilities?" Erafen asked, curious.

"The magic in those days infused all aspects of life," Solas explained. "And we are all very in tune with it, even today. The elements are not just fire and ice, lightning and spirit -- life is its own form of magic, and the trees and ground possess it as much as we do. Do you not remember my questions of Sera?"

"You kept trying to provoke her to use those senses," 'Fen said.

"And she had them, even if she did not like them," Solas continued. "Among the lost abilities were talents in shaping trees and brush, even calling to the Stone."

"Thankfully, Sabran and I were able to teach those here to find those talents again and use them. You see the results," Danyla said.

The Sentinel took them around, showing them the budding residential area, the new local markets, all heading into what looked like a dense collection of towering trees. When they entered the gates closest to the ground, however, they were stunned by sidewalks paved with stone mixed with crystal, new spires of other mixed crystals almost growing with and around the trees themselves.

"It is how it was, but isn't," Cole said. "This could be home."

"Yes," Solas said, his voice threatening to break. "This could very well be home."

"The central Keep is still under construction, but _Tarasyl'an Te'las_ as you described it from the Fade has been the perfect basis to work from," Danyla explained.

"How many elves would you say have gathered here?" Erafen asked.

"A few hundred so far," Danyla replied. "Mostly those who've come to lend their labor. We've about a hundred or so humans, a good portion of which are building a Chantry as you've allowed. Dwarven merchants have come in and helped provide materials. Qunari have sought sanctuary, but this is still mostly an elven venture."

Ahead in the near distance, there was a tree much larger than the others around, one looking almost as if it'd been grown from several other trees. It seemed about as big around as the width of Skyhold's Great Hall, and the air around it carried the definite tremor of the magic that formed it.

"That is the tree in which your home will be," Danyla said.

"Damn," Carver swore. "And this is what the elves were capable of the whole time?"

"Had not humans subjugated the People and kept them under their thumb, then perhaps our kind might have shared this knowledge," another voice said from the side.

"Sabran, we have talked of this. Arlathan fell because of our own fighting. The _shemlen_ were rightly afraid of us," Danya retorted.

"It is all academic at this point," Solas said, speaking up again. When the other Sentinel's eyes grew wide in alarm, he merely shook his head, signalling Sabran to remain quiet. "There is danger in remaining too rooted in the past."

"Surprise and not alarm. 'Did I just say those words?' he thinks," Cole said.

"I think we'll need the grand tour a bit later. There's things we need to get done. There was a room I'd requested made. Is it done?" Erafen asked.

"Yes," Sabran answered. "Is it here?"

"It is, and Merrill and Solas will be working on it," Erafen replied.

"Sabran and I can assist," Danya offered. "And you, Ser, I would guess need to be directed to the Templars and human camp?"

Carver nodded. "If you please. I'm to command them, but I would like to work closely with your own guard as well."

"I find myself surprised again," Sabran said. "Come with me, I will take you there, and we might discuss the present state of our fortifications."

"Thank you," Carver said. "Merrill?"

"Go on, I'll find you later," Merrill said, her voice almost lost as she still quite found herself stunned by the surroundings. She squeezed his hand before he left.

"Come, let's get the package," Erafen said of the eluvian. "We have a lot of work to do, and I have much to fill you in on, Danyla.”

As they walked into the base of what would be the main keep, ‘Fen found herself impressed. Elves already flocked to this place, not in droves, but in manageable bursts. She’d already heard from Marquise Briala; city elf migration was being controlled to protect the location and prevent over-population. Many Dalish already found it, bringing city cousins with them.

“It is impressive for elves of this day,” Solas said, walking alongside her.

“I imagine it’s not Arlathan,” Erafen said drily.

He nodded, his hand finding her back. “It was not my intention to belittle the efforts here. The elves of this age are oppressed people, and very few have taken steps to better their lot. You were wise to accept Briala’s offer of nobility, to rally to her cause. The elves have hope now.”

“You don’t think they’d eventually have risen?” Erafen wondered, relaxing a little.

“History has taught us, as you have said yourself, that when it gets bad enough, people will make it change or they will die out.” He glanced over at her, meeting her eyes briefly.

“It was you once,” she told him, not missing that Danyla looked at them at that point.

“And now it is you,” Solas told her. “I am so proud of you.”

“It was wrong not to trust you, but it wasn’t just you, it was this world, this whole unreal place,” Cole said from the other side. “And he sees the potential now. He hopes the People will grow.”

“Yes,” Solas agreed simply.

“She tries not to doubt, but the ache sometimes is still close. She trusts, trying and tried,” Cole continued.

“ _Vhen’an_.” The elder elf looked back at her.

“I was so lonely,” ‘Fen admitted. “But I believe you’ll stay.”

“He has betrayed so many for the greater good. The Slow Arrow rises ever higher, but his aim has never been truer,” the spirit-man said.

“ _Fel’assan_?” Erafen wondered.

“The story was true, after a fashion,” Solas told her. “I will tell you tonight.”

Erafen nodded, concerned but confident. She did trust him, and Cole never made up stories when repeating the internal thoughts of others. “All right.”

Behind them came the sounds of wheels on pavement, and the group moved aside to let the wagon go ahead of them. Inside was the _eluvian_ , and with it the way of staying connected to Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my first DA2 playthrough, my Hawke was a rogue, so I had Bethany, but I love the idea of Carver and Merrill. Also, I'm pretty sure that Solas would disapprove of a strong elven mage choosing a human lover, and a Templar at that, so we may see that pop back up.
> 
> We have a special guest showing up in two chapters! Anyone want to wager on who that is? 
> 
> Also, thanks for all the lovely comments!


	27. She's a Keeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merrill contemplates punching Solas. Erafen contemplates a nap.

Merrill cursed under her breath, ready to give Solas a piece of her mind, ancient elven god or no.

“Again, you almost have it. The glass has been fused properly; it will just take a bit more energy,” Solas instructed.

“Why does this have to be me?” Merrill lamented.

“Your blood has already gone into it,” Solas explained calmly. “It will respond better to your magic, to your influence. As we have learned, you were able to cleanse the eluvian of corruption. I truly believe we are close to having it active.”

“In other words, Merrill,” Erafen said, approaching, “take heart.”

“Indeed,” Solas agreed, extending a hand to his lady. “ _Vhen’an_ , it is good you came. Your magic will definitely help our friend in her attempts.”

“Please?” the younger elf practically begged. “I don’t know if I can push out that much more.”

“Don’t worry, Merrill. I don’t think _‘ma Fen_ would ask more of you than he thinks you can do,” Erafen told her.

Merrill looked between the two, and she nodded, straightening her back. “Then let’s do it.” She faced the _eluvian_ , placing her hands on the glass of the mirror.

The other two elves approached, each placing a hand on Merrill’s shoulders and reaching across to link fingers between each other. Merrill began the chant, swirling green and blue spread from her fingers, merging and adding other colors until the light turned a brilliant white. When it started faltering, Solas and Erafen added their considerable power to hers. While the two hadn’t really done many spells together, they were used to using their individual spells in concert and shared a bond that went beyond familiarity.

“Oh… it’s… beautiful,” Merrill gasped, and the power flowed out of her like a rushing river. The glow surged from her fingers, illuminating not just the glass, but the frame of the eluvian itself, filling the room. When it finally faded and Merrill pulled her hands back, the glass still glowed, active and pulsing with power, and better yet, no longer corrupted.

“Well done, Merrill,” Solas told her. “And as such, you are elevated to Keeper of _Halam’abelas_.”

“I… what?” Merrill blinked hard.

“Did you think we Dalish had Keepers because they kept knowledge?” Erafen asked. “You are correct. Solas and I talked about it. Keepers were like priests and archivists, but more than the history of our people, they added to the lore, researched and learned as well as taught the others. Given the change in what we know of our gods, perhaps being a priestess isn't approprioate, so this will pretty much lean more on being a lorekeeper. Consider this your trial.”

Merrill blushed deeply. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Please accept,” Erafen requested, smiling warmly.

“I will! I do! I mean…!” The younger elf still blushed, but she grinned broadly, and even Solas smiled at her enthusiasm.

“I suppose we should let Carver in, then,” Solas told them, and with a motion of his hand, the door to the workroom opened, revealing a fretful Carver Hawke. “Thank you for standing guard.”

“I’m relieved I wasn’t needed,” Carver said, walking in. His eyes immediately found Merrill, and he smiled when her own beaming grin appeared, and then he looked over the glowing _eluvian_. “You were successful then?”

“We haven’t gone through, but yes,” Erafen answered. “And now Merrill will need to rest, but it’s keyed to us three. Perhaps you two would care to find some refreshment?”

“I could use it,” Merrill said, turning puppy-dog eyes towards Carver.

“Come on, then,” Carver said, extending a hand to Merrill. She took it timidly, and he pulled her off, talking to her in a hushed tone as they wandered off.

“A Templar and a mage,” Solas said, expression curious.

“Cullen and Miryam, _‘ma Fen_ ,” Erafen reminded him. “And he had so much more to overcome than Ser Hawke. He is very private about it, but Zevran said that when he first met Cullen, it was in the Ferelden Circle, when it’d been taken over. He’s suffered much at the hands of mages, but see how he overcame it? More proof, I think, that people can grow and change.”

Solas let out a breath, reaching to bring his lady into his arms, pressing her lips to her forehead. “You constantly surprise me,” he told her gently, not bothering to hide the pride he showed in her. “The faith you have in people, the ability you have to see those who can move past their experiences to emerge a better person… it is uncanny, and I rely on it in you.”

“My Wolf,” Erafen chided gently, “You know I saw that ability in you, that you were hurting and you could overcome it.” Her smile faded, and she looked down. “I know you still hurt.”

He reached to her chin, carefully tilting her face up to look up at him. His eyes locked to hers, searching deep, opening his own self to her. “My beloved, it is because of you that I endure.” He leaned in, his lips this time finding hers, taking his time before he deepened it and explored her mouth, hands wandering down her spine.

Erafen gasped into his kiss when his hands trailed lower, sliding into the front of her leggings, and before she could protest, the door slammed closed and locked. His other hand moved around to grasp her rear, and he lifted her up. Erafen wrapped her legs around his waist, letting Solas work her tunic off, and for the next hour or so, they celebrated the day’s victory, mostly against the earthen wall.

When they were done, they dressed. Erafen stood in front of the _eluvian_ , activating it. It pulsed to life, and she extended her hand to Solas. He took it firmly, and the two walked in, soon emerging through Skyhold’s terminus. It was already sunset there, and they stepped out into the colder night air.

“Didn’t you just leave?” one of Cadash’s aides blurted out upon seeing them.

“Never mind, just go tell Edric we’re here and that _it_ works,” ‘Fen instructed, and the scout dashed off.

Before too long, Cadash himself as well as Miryam appeared in the garden. Miry held Fenrian, and immediately handed him back to his mother.

“Awww, my baby,” ‘Fen said, kissing her son’s head.

“So the _eluvian_ works. That’s a relief,” Miryam said. “You’ll be heading right back?”

“We will be, yes,” Solas said. “ _Halam’abelas_ is still requiring some fortification.”

Cadash cleared his throat, and he handed Erafen a scroll. She looked it over, an eyebrow raising.

“King Alistair wants to talk to us, to offer elves a settlement in Ferelden, too,” she said, astounded. “He wishes this done in the name of the Warden.” Her smile faded, remembering what Zevran told her before. “Of course he does.”

“Hawke’s group has already gone out,” Miryam said. “Dorian and I were to be heading out tomorrow morning to go after Calpernia. I’ll talk to Cullen, have him listen out and keep a group of troops ready.”

Solas reached for Fenrian, taking the boy from his mother, holding him close, speaking comforting words to him in the elven tongue.

“ _Baba_ ,” Fenrian said, almost as a reply.

“We can delegate some of the efforts in _Halam’abelas_ ,” Erafen said. “Traveling here tomorrow via eluvian and then riding out from here to Ferelden should save time.”

“No time to rest, huh?” Miryam asked, understanding.

“I don’t think I've rested since coming to the Conclave, _falon_ ,” Erafen said with a roll of her eyes.

Solas reluctantly handed Fenrian to Miryam, stepping back after that to press his hand to his wife’s back. “What did you say, _vhen’an_? One must break his back to earn a day of leisure.”

“Sad but true,” ‘Fen replied, sighing. She went to give her son another gentle kiss, hugging Miry at the same time, and went to take her love’s hand.

“I’ll make sure to have mounts ready for you both,” Cadash said. “Just you both?”

“We should have Zevran come with us.” Erafen said. “I think he’d appreciate the King’s gesture here, put the rivalry aside for the late Warden’s sake.”

“Then we should see to _Halam’abelas_ ,” Solas said. “Cole will come with us; he will be useful if there are bruised egos and sore hearts to mend.”

“Two harts with double saddles should suffice for three elves and a slip of a human,” Cadash reasoned.

“It’d make for faster travel that way, too,” Erafen agreed.

Fenrian let out a loud yawn, and it was all Erafen could do to stop herself from taking him to tuck him into bed herself. “Oh, all right, my baby.”

“I’ll get him to sleep, no worries. You two have things to do,” Miryam said, understanding.

“ _Ma serannas, falon_ ,” Erafen said, and she let Solas pull her back into the hallway in which the _eluvian_ was stored, activating it so that they could travel through again.

“Every time we leave him behind, it feels like a needle in my heart,” she told Solas. “He didn't cry this time.”

“He was also exhausted,” Solas said. “But we do this for him.”

“I’m afraid the Slow Arrow will sever us from him,” she told him in a hushed voice.

“ _Vhen’an_ ,” he said, pulling her close. “Let me tell you what happened in those days.” He took her hand again, his aura touching hers with a wave of reassurance. They walked out, heading up and into the secret passage that led out to the open Grand Hall of the central keep.

The room was still incomplete, but it was clear it’d be turned into a massive atrium, providing a home for birds and creatures in its upper passages. There was still much to do before the keep was livable, but in the year since its construction began, it grew swiftly.

“During the days of endless war, I tried to separate myself from the others, to remain free from their bloodshed,” Solas began. “I stopped to help when I could, but my truest wish was for people to help themselves. Surely their dependence on their ‘gods’ fed the wars, in my mind.”

“Mm,” ‘Fen said, nodding as she listened.

“The beast that attacked was one of Ghilan’nain’s,” he continued. “She loosed it on them because one of their elders broke one of Andruil’s laws, did not offer her the sacrifice of a first kill of the season. To be honest, the villagers represented old ways.” His lip curled up, realizing the irony.

“So it’s true? You sacrificed the village?” Erafen asked.

“They sacrificed themselves,” Solas said. “They could have saved themselves. Surely they had the means of hiding away. What I could not abide was that their children were caught up in their foolishness. The Arrow is a spell, _vhen’an_ , one that takes several days to gain power, one the beast did not see. At least the fools hid their children.”

“But this has been your way, to sacrifice some for the greater good as you see it,” Erafen said. “Even I know it’s necessary from time to time.”

“I know this,” Solas told her. “That I was willing to do this… to you. Before I knew. I…” He stopped, looking up into the tall trees above. “So sure of myself, so positive it was the only way, and you, so very young but so insightful, so beautiful inside and out…”

“Fen’Harel,” Erafen said softly, bringing his attention sharply into focus, his eyes locking to hers immediately. “I have forgiven you. I love you. Forgive yourself.”

He was silent a long time, and then his forehead bent down to press to hers. “Oh, _vhen’an_ ,” he whispered. “Perhaps I can forgive, but I can never forget, nor can I accept absolution. You show me the uncomfortable things I don’t consider.”

“And you show me the bigger picture,” she whispered in return. “Balance, _‘ma Fen_.”

“Balance,” Solas finally agreed. “And quite a lot of work. We should get back to it.” He looked away, starting to walk again, and Erafen watched him in concern. With a sigh, she forced her eyes forward, thinking of the upcoming trip to Denerim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I had Solas quote The Beatles. (See "Girl" for the lyrics).
> 
> Also, as an FYI: I have some big stuff coming up a few nights this week and next, so I may miss posting on Friday and possibly Thursday before that. Please don't hold it against me!! 
> 
> Also, I've paid attention to those you guys have mentioned wanting to see, and I had plans for them. I just won't say WHEN. I am evil.


	28. Down in Denerim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen and company arrive in Denerim. Cole puts his foot in his mouth.

The four travelers were exhausted by the time they reached Ferelden, even more by the time they arrived at the castle in Denerim, but they were greeted at the front gates by King Alistair and Queen Anora. Their harts were led off to be brushed down and fed, and the four were immediately led in by the royal couple themselves to sit over refreshments while baths were prepared. Anora stayed long enough to be polite, and then she excused herself to tend to business.

“Zevran, it’s been ages,” Alistair said. “Didn't expect to see you turn up, especially with the Inquisition.”

“Alistair, my old friend, ruling a country seems to suit you,” the Antivan said jovially.

“He sees his rival. ‘I won her to lose her,’ he thinks,” Cole said. “Feeling, falling, fretting, he can’t hide it as he sees her face in his mind’s eye.”

“Excuse me?” Alistair gave the young man an odd look.

“Cole is a Spirit of Compassion in human form,” Solas explained as he took his seat. “He finds hurt and tries to heal it, much to the embarrassment of some.”

“Congratulations on your child,” Cole added to Alistair.

“Well, _that_ cat’s out of the bag,” the king said with an eyeroll. “And thankfully it seems Anora and the little one are free of the Blight. I may have left the Grey Wardens' ranks, but it doesn't change the blood in me.”

“You have a duty to your kingdom to produce an heir,” Erafen said with a knowing nod. “That goes without saying. Every good parent wants the best they can provide for their child.”

“I have people working on a way of removing the Blight, too. You know of Grand Enchanter Fiona. She was a Warden, but was freed of the Blight,” Alistair added. “But that’s something for later. You've been riding hard to make it as quickly as you did.”

“You do have her nose,” Cole told Alistair.

“Excuse me again?” the human man asked, terribly confused by the spirit-man.

“The Grand Enchanter’s! She thought so when she saw you… oh?” Cole paused, looking at Erafen.

“That’s enough, _elgar’falon_ ,” she told him gently, but already she could see the wheels working in the Ferelden ruler’s head. “Thank you for hosting us, Your Majesty.”

“Please, it’s just Alistair. I get enough of that shite from the nobility. Anora was born expecting this, not me,” he replied. “So yeah, I was thinking about the rumors about what’s going on with the elves in Orlais. I thought… well. I suppose I should come out and say it since your friend here was pretty vocal.”

“He loved her with a ferocity that rivaled my own,” Zevran said sincerely. “Ilaan was a brave and fierce woman of the Dalish, proud and strong. She wore the markings of Mythal, so I understood. Her spirit was that of a protector.”

“We were rivals for her affections,” Alistair agreed. “You have no idea how surprised I was when she chose me. I mean, and this costs a bit for me to admit it, but Zevran is far more handsome, charming, and experienced than I was.”

“I won’t argue; it’s true,” Zevran nodded.

Alistair snorted. “I learned so much about the life the Dalish lived through her. She was my first and truest love, and I’ve done her memory a disservice by my inaction.”

“She knows, Anora knows. You pleasure her and she tries to please you, to soothe your heart, and the elf’s name rests unspoken on your lips,” Cole muttered.

“While we’re airing out all of my inner guilt and pain, I should have you know we _did_ discuss that,” Alistair snapped. “I care about Anora. She’s my bride, my queen, but… when I die, I know my soul goes to find Ilaan first before going on to the Maker.”

Erafen blinked; Solas reached for her hand, squeezing it gently. “I’m sorry, Alistair.”

“Yes, so am I,” the king replied. “But like I said, I can do more to honor her memory by helping her people. I’d like to offer some of the unpopulated areas of the Hinterlands for elves to settle as a home. I know you’ve provided a location in the Dales and that elves have been ennobled, including yourself.”

“And I reckon you want the Inquisition’s protection, too?” Erafen asked. “We could do no less for any new elven settlement, but we have large concerns going on at present.” She took a moment to consider, and then told him of the missing Keeper, of the Venatori, and finding Daern’thal in the Brecilian Forest, even if she did leave out finding Solas there.

“Maker’s Breath,” Alistair gasped. “Then expect to have the forces of Ferelden at your disposal.”

“Thank you, but this should be quiet. We don’t want to bring attention to how much we know,” Erafen told him. “But protect the elves building on the land, and we can pledge Inquisition support. The matter would be who you want managing this land, who would be ennobled.”

“Any suggestions you have would be appreciated,” Alistair said. “I planned on reaching out to Ilaan’s clan to start talks with them.”

“Then do it, and know you have the Inquisition’s support,” ‘Fen insisted. "But be warned, their Keeper has gone missing. Extending them protection would be a good step."

“If only other nations were as forward-thinking as you, my friend, or as the Orlesian empress,” Zevran said. “When this current crisis is dealt with, I pledge my skills to help with this, in Ilaan’s name.”

Alistair fixed the Antivan elf with a hard look, but then it softened, and he nodded, extending a hand to the other man. “I love her still. I can’t begrudge your feelings in this, Zevran.”

The elf accepted the hand, grasping it firmly. “I resented you for her choice, I admit. I truly thought she would not chose anyone other than me when it came to the moment, that it might be more than simple dalliance. My pride suffered.”

“Pride has its place, but not always in matters of the heart,” Solas said softly. “More often than not, it proves a hindrance.”

“I’ll admit, I didn’t have much in that respect, not around her. I was a sheltered Chantry boy,” Alistair said, withdrawing his hand when Zevran released it. “Well, before we start needing to break out the handkerchiefs, I should let you all get some rest. Tomorrow we can discuss things in detail.”

“We do have a few places nearby, just outside of the Denerim area, that bear investigation,” Solas announced, to which Erafen nodded.

“Then please use my castle as a headquarters as you conduct your research,” Alistair said. He stood, the others standing along with him though Cole was confused as to why. “I’ll send an aide to show you to your suite.”

The king turned to go, but then stopped, looking at Erafen for a moment. “You remind me of her. That same strength, the determination. Your Solas is fortunate.” Before ‘Fen could respond, he made his exit.

“Her hair was like flame, eyes a blue-green like stormy seas,” Cole said. “She never hesitated, but she ran with purpose to drive the blade through the darkspawn dragon Urthemiel's skull.”

An older elven woman peered in, clearly well-fed and dressed comfortably in the colors of Alistair’s court. “I am Mamaria,” she said. “If you’ll all follow me?”

The three elves and spirit followed the older woman as she led them into one of the wings. “I’m the caretaker of the suites here, taken in the year after Alistair became king. If you need anything, tell one of the servants, and it’ll be seen to.”

“Are you well-treated here, Mamaria?” Erafen asked.

“Far better than my life in the Alienage was,” the woman replied. “King Alistair does not tolerate the mistreatment of elves here. Some of Anora’s personal attendants are elven, and they’ve become close confidantes.”

“That is a relief,” Solas commented.

“What is there for entertainment?” Zevran asked. “It has been years since I was here, not since the end of the Blight.”

“I remember you, young sir,” Mamaria said. “You are no less striking today than you were years ago, only showing the maturity of a more experienced man.”

“My lady, you flatter me,” Zevran said.

Erafen and Solas exchanged amused looks. If it was humanoid and intelligent, chances are Zevran would flirt with it or at least shower it with compliments. Erafen actually found it rather endearing, and she enjoyed the playful banter the Antivan elf held with her. “Watch it, he’ll flatter you all the way to bed,” she teased.

“If my lady would like,” Zevran offered.

“Goodness, no,” Mamaria laughed. “I’m far too old for that. I’m sure you won’t find a few willing ladies and men who’d take you up on the offer, possibly some at the same time.”

“Ah, my fond memories of Denerim are still true!” the Antivan laughed.

“I didn't want to _see_ that,” Cole gasped. "That many people at one time?"

Their suite was truly that, a large sitting room with a grand bedroom to one end and two smaller rooms on the other. It went without saying that Solas and Erafen had the larger room to share, but it was definitely better than they'd had in a while, apart from Skyhold. There were separate bathing rooms, and while Cole was quick with his own bath, Zevran lounged in his. Erafen and Solas took the opportunity to talk, his back against the sloped end of the tub with her against him.

"I knew bringing Cole along would be interesting," Erafen began, her head back against her love's chest.

"A few revelations I did not expect, to be sure. If Cole understood accurately, then it seems Grand Enchanter Fiona is Alistair's mother. Curious," Solas mused.

"And Anora is pregnant, Alistair doesn't love her but he _does_ care about her, and he's apparently treating the elves around here fairly well," 'Fen said. "I can understand, though, wanting to honor his lost love somehow."

"Guilt," Solas said simply. "Guilt and grief."

"He seems to me to be an idealist who had those thoughts squashed in his experiences. He wants to believe, but he knows better," Erafen added.

"Better to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised than the alternative," Solas agreed. "Perhaps, if the Inquisition cannot send forces, we may be able to call the Iron Bull and his Chargers to clear the area of bandits to prepare for the new place here. What would you call it?"

"It's a place where one can begin again, I would think. If _Halam'abelas_ is a new start, then this would be a second place. Perhaps _Tael’enathan_ would work," 'Fen considered.

"I like that," he replied, making a contented noise in his chest. His hands wandered over Erafen's midsection, his mouth at her ear. "When this is done, we should have another. I will not miss what I did with Fenrian."

"We'll see about that," Erafen said. "I'd like Fenrian to be walking before he gains a sibling." She laughed lightly, but then she found herself shuddering when his fingers dipped lower.

"The year without you, I felt as though I starved. I was prepared to come for you after I'd undid my actions. Now, the thought of anything other than this is ludicrous. If anything were to happen to you, _vhen'an_..." He nipped at her ear.

"Nothing will happen to me. How can it?" Erafen replied. "I have you." She leaned her head to the side, letting his teeth find her neck.

"My path is not a safe one," Solas muttered at her throat.

"I don't care," 'Fen replied. "Dread Wolf, take me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, the "Dread Wolf Take Me" is corny as all get-out. Don't care! =D
> 
> I'm also going to be taking a brief hiatus, like I said yesterday. I'm a bit behind on writing due to having been super sick with a sinus infection, and Friday is Pesach/Passover. Thank you all for your understanding!
> 
> Translation note (courtesy of FenXShiral):
> 
> Tael’enathan || Second beginning place


	29. Uneasy Lies the Head That Wears a Crown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen and Alistair have a chat.

By the third day of being in Denerim, Erafen was feeling twitchy. She'd become more accustomed to being in human settlements, but the capital of Ferelden was far busier than she felt comfortable around. The humans more than once confused her for a servant, even in her finer clothes, and she, in no uncertain terms, politely but firmly put them in their place. Some small vindictive part of her secretly liked watching them swallow their discomfort to avoid angering an agent of the Inquisition.

She found refuge in a garden, finding its greenery and the statues of wolves and halla to be soothing. Her eyes lingered over one such wolf statue, realizing it must have been recovered from a Dalish camp after it was left behind.

"Lady Erafen?" a voice called out, and 'Fen was surprised to see Alistair approach. "Or is it Comtesse? I'm still a little off with titles."

"The titles aren't as important to me as what they mean I can do," Erafen said, giving him a tired smile. "I thought you weren't going to be free until later."

"That's just what I told Anora," he replied with a sheepish grin. "Where is your husband?"

"Solas and Cole went off to do some exploring. I'd have liked to have gone with them, but I'm still the Inquisition's representative," 'Fen explained.

"The joy of work," Alistair agreed, shaking his head. "So things are still crazy outside of the walls, yes? It wasn't my intention to pass all the mages in Redcliffe off on the Inquisition, but I couldn't have them where they were, not after the Tevinter issue."

"I think we understood," Erafen said. "It was a chance. In the end, you made the best decision at the time and it worked out. It was good of you to re-dedicate the Circle Tower in Ferelden for a College of Enchanters."

"Well, I received quite the impassioned letter from Grand Enchanter Fiona and took a chance. It seems to be working well. I was more surprised they allowed a Templar presence," he told her.

"We mages aren't perfect," 'Fen reasoned. "It helps to have some oversight and makes people nearby less nervous. I'm pleased to see Templars and Mages getting on better."

"Yes, that," Alistair said, wringing his hands. "So I sent word to Clan Sabrae. They're sending their representatives here, a Second and an elder hunter. Did you say their Keeper was missing?"

She nodded, frowning sharply. "The fear is that Daern'thal has possessed their Keeper and is walking the land. Solas and Cole are going to make sure certain key locations are warded, kept safe from misuse." Turning to face the king, Erafen saw the struggle in his eyes, the effect of living with loss. She wondered if that might not have been her had she not found Solas.

"You are Dalish, but you don't wear the ritual tattoos?" he wondered.

"I was marked for Mythal," 'Fen said. "Solas removed them in a private moment. I will _always_ be Dalish in my heart, but I have to be... more. For what I'm doing, I have to be more than Dalish, more than City Elf, more than myself. If I were to be honest, what I want is to find a nice place in the forest to live with Solas and our son, Fenrian. I'm ready to stop being First and be _mamae_ a bit, but reality has other plans."

"Other plans, right," Alistair agreed. "Ilaan pushed for me to be King, said the land would benefit from me and not from some, as she said, stuck up _shemlen_ raised with a silver rattle." He gave 'Fen a lopsided grin. "I was a babbling idiot around her, and she would just laugh and tell me she liked it."

"I can see what there is to like," Erafen said honestly. "You have a good heart, and clearly you've grown into your role as King. Ferelden has benefited from your leadership."

"At least until the Deep Roads claim me," he said. "When we all felt the Calling, it was... frightening. You knew about that, right?" When Erafen nodded, he continued, "I resisted, but a part of me already looked forward to it. How wrong is that?"

"There's a part of you that's going to mourn until you join your Ilaan," she replied. "It's not wrong to want that reunion. I'm just glad we could defeat Corypheus and stop that false Calling."

"Trust me, I am, too! When the song stopped, it was like a blessed silence," Alistair said. “When one is talking or fighting something, it’s possible to ignore it, but then in quiet moments, it’s there, luring, playing like a song you can't get out of your head. I suppose that’s why it’s called The Calling.”

“It makes me shudder to think,” Erafen said. “From what I know of Corypheus, he was human. There are other Tevinter magisters who tried to claim the Golden City. I wonder if they still exist and could do the same.”

“I have to sleep at night, you know!” Alistair exclaimed, but he shook his head. “I don’t know. I just… I want to be rid of the Taint. It’s been done before.”

“Grand Enchanter Fiona, that’s right,” ‘Fen said.

“I’ve heard other stories, too, but it seems fantastical,” he told her. “A Warden named Avernus extended his life; we met him. It could be possible, but right now, I can’t leave, nor can I summon someone like him.”

Erafen already made a mental note to find this Avernus, but she paused, curious. "What's the Calling like? Can you speak of it? All I know is that Grey Wardens seek the Deep Roads when it happens."

Alistair looked at his hands, clenching them into fists. "You get bad dreams, and then you start to hear the music. It calls to you, quiet at first, and then so loud you can't bear it. At that point, you say farewell and go into the Deep Roads to die fighting. 'In death, sacrifice.' "

“When this business is done, I can talk to the Inquisitor about offering help to the Wardens,” Erafen said. “I don’t know that I can say much else since they were exiled.”

“Can’t exile a king, right?” Alistair said, pushing forward a grin. He deflated again, however, sighing. “Well, I don’t really care so much about extending my own life anymore, but other Wardens could benefit from it. I mean, it’d be nice if I didn’t have to meet a bloody nasty end in the Deep Roads, so maybe I’m interested in it for myself, too.”

“You _do_ have a little one on the way. Isn’t that something to live for?” Erafen wondered. “Solas and I have a son. Trust me, it changes one’s perspective.”

“Oh, it’s not like I’m in a rush, no no!” He laughed nervously. “That’s absurd. And I’m excited about the baby, really! No locking him up in the Chantry, though! Well, if it’s a girl, maybe. Boys are awful.” He did grin good-naturedly at that, and Erafen snorted in response.

“Not if they’re taught _not_ to be horrible, silly king,” ‘Fen teased. “Teach both a measure of respect for other people in general, good manners, and self-defense no matter the gender, and problems are avoided all around.”

“You’ve put thought into that,” he commented.

“I’ve got a little boy who I feel is going to take more after his father than his mother.” Erafen grinned. "But that's sometimes how things go. Keeper Deshanna always said I took more after my father, than my sister Eradahl took after our mother."

"Our little one could stand to take after his mother," Alistair said, rubbing the back of his neck. "If not for Ilaan, I'd probably have ended up drunk or exiled or still an active Grey Warden." He snorted. "Or dead. But this is what I have and this is what I'll make the most of. I'm probably boring you to tears with all of my complaining, but frankly it feels good to tell someone. You... I don't know, maybe it's you being an elf, or the hair, but you have that same edge she did, that strength. Alona Hawke is like that, so is your Inquisitor friend, but they're both human. Seems some extra ironbark gets added to your spine for growing up Dalish."

"So tell me about her," Erafen said. "Apart from her hair and eyes and that you and Zevran share the same taste in elven women."

Alistair snorted this time. "Very well. So she was very pretty in an almost exotic way. She seemed almost too... delicate to be a fighter, but she was fast and good with her bow. When she'd get snippy and need time to herself, she'd run off and go hunting. Not like we pissed her off on purpose, but she always brought back something good."

"Anger is better used as a tool of benefit than a bludgeon," 'Fen agreed, quoting her Keeper.

"That's what Ilaan said, too," he told her, nodding strongly. "Well, we'd fought at each others' side, talked often around campfires, washed each others' blood out of our armor and clothes, and, well, one day it hit me. I loved her."

Erafen smiled sweetly during this, making note that the human's eyes turned distant as if he were watching the memory instead of living in the present.

"It was a moonlit night among the fir trees. Everything smelled green and alive, so much nicer after all of the Blighted decay," he continued. "She stood alone, still as a statue, so I decided to tell her. I joked, and she was being so serious. I wanted her to smile." Alistair smiled at that. "I told her some stupid story about how one of the Chantry sisters hated my jokes and would rap me hard with her cane. So Ilaan said, 'Are you going somewhere with this?' just like that. So I told her. I was so nervous, afraid she'd tell me I was being a stupid _shemlen_ and not to waste her time."

"Clearly she didn't think that," Erafen said.

Alistair nodded. "It was the first time she let me kiss her. She was like this rose I found in Lothering during the Blight: rare and beautiful and thriving in the darkness. I couldn't let the Darkspawn have it, so I gave it to her. I lit her pyre with it in her hands."

"Alistair, _ir abelas_ ," Erafen said gently. "Have you truly never told anyone? Have you really mourned?"

"When did I have time?" Alistair challenged. "I had a kingdom to rebuild after the Blight, Warden forces to support as well, my queen to see to, so many things. I've hardly been alone, and it's been over ten years. I have to make it up to Ilaan." He bowed his head, his face falling into one hand.

'Fen said nothing, but stood and reached out in empathy to take the man's hand, squeezing it. Quite suddenly, she felt his arms close around her loosely, his head still lowered.

"You can mourn now," she finally told him.

Alistair shuddered, and then his grip tightened, finally releasing a string of curses and torrent of unspent tears. 'Fen was sure she heard him say Ilaan's name more than once, but she said nothing other than making comforting humming sounds, letting the older man cry himself and his grief out. It didn't bother her one bit about how damp her tunic got, how sore her back was from being pulled so tightly; this man needed comfort and had long since been denied. Quite unable to stop herself, she pressed a chaste kiss to the top of his head.

" _Fen'enaste_ ," she told him. "A wolf's blessing on you, on all you do. Be ferocious in defense of what you love. Cherish those close to you. Leave your enemies unable to harm you or those dearest to your heart."

Alistair finally calmed a little, releasing Erafen, blushing furiously. He took out a silk handkerchief, dabbing at his eyes. "Look at me, bawling like a schoolgirl with skinned knees."

"I saw no such thing," 'Fen said. "I saw a man finally able to cry for the loss of the woman he loves the most. I swear to you, I will find a way to make this settlement in Ferelden happen safely, and I will do what I can to help you and your fellow Wardens. Ilaan Mahariel Sabrae is honored among the People. We speak her name when we tell tales of our great heroes. Your name will join the stories told in the future, not just as the Warden who fought at her side, but as the man who loved her endlessly... unless you fear it would ruin your reputation."

The King of Ferelden fixed the elf with a curious look, and then he smiled, grateful. "Thank you, truly. Blight take my reputation; the people of Ferelden know what I've done for them. Elves are no less people, no less my responsibility. Perhaps Ilaan would have wanted me to move on, but that's just... that's just too bad!"

Erafen laughed aloud at that, pleased to find Alistair's humor returning. Already it seems like years fell off of him, and she could see the young Warden that her fellow Dalish fell for. She might have even been taken in if not for Solas.

"Now that I've made an arse of myself, I suppose we do have some business to return to," Alistair finally said.

"Business, pah," 'Fen joked. "All right, we indeed do. I'll stop pressing you for history now. It's just... well, I was inspired by your Ilaan. She was part of the reason I wanted to go to the Conclave. I was there as a spy first, and then stayed to help the Inquisition."

"That's how these things happen. One day, you just want to help people out, and the next, you're the King of Ferelden or First to the Inquisition. And then parents! When did I get old enough to be someone's dad?" he asked, grinning again.

"Hate to break it to you, Ser King-former-Warden, time stops for no one," Erafen said.

"True," Alistair said, rising. "Damn it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I lied. I had to post this one because I felt this is a good intermission so I can get more writing done.
> 
> It bothered me that if Alistair is made king, there's not mention in DA:I of him hearing the Calling. It's not like a crown instantly removes the taint. Also, I think the poor guy really isn't in his marriage with Anora for love, but for political reasons. That's often why people got married if they were nobility. 
> 
> So the hiatus is just a few days while Passover/Pesach starts and I go to a different Seder every night. =P I'll wish those who celebrate it a Blessed Easter and my fellow Jews a Chag Sameach.


	30. Fear and Lothering in Lost Thedas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lothering is still recovering, but that doesn't mean it's safe.

“So this is where Hawke is from,” Erafen said, looking around. It’d been ten years since the Blight, but Lothering still remembered, still in the early stages of recovery from the taint of the darkspawn. It was clear where destroyed buildings still stood including a fractured windmill in the distance that bore patches on it like the scar tissue of an old wound. In the center of town, a memorial to the Hero of Ferelden stood, though few lived there to honor it.

“The land is healing slowly,” Solas said, looking around. “It still seems ill-advised to rebuild so soon.”

“These people have short lives, and this land is home,” Erafen reasoned. “During the Blight, humans, elves, dwarves, and even Qunari alike were refugees. Those dividing lines didn’t really matter when all were frightened and in need.”

“Indeed,” he replied. “And it is not by chance that we travel back in this direction. I wanted to compare the remainders of the Blighted land here with how the land was affected in the Brecilian Forest.”

“Do you think Daern’thal may be Blighted himself?” Erafen wondered.

“It’s entirely possible. The ‘Old Gods’ of Tevinter became archdemons. Mortal creatures may carry the taint. I don’t believe it would be impossible for the spirit of a Forgotten One to be Blighted,” he explained.

“That’s a frightening thought,” ‘Fen muttered.

“Very much so,” Solas agreed.

“I haven’t been here since the Blight ended,” Zevran commented, riding up behind them. While Erafen and Solas each kept one of the harts, Zevran and Cole rode hearty horses, relieving the strain on the larger beasts. “Lothering was a lovely little town.”

“They are frightened, and even the Inquisition’s markings do not encourage people to venture out. ‘Why can’t they go? What do they want?’ they ask. We should not linger,” Cole told them.

“We won’t wait too long,” Solas said. “We will go to the biggest source of corruption, analyze it, and be on our way.” They continued on, heading out towards one of the uninhabited remnants of the town. “ _Vhen’an_ , tell me what you sensed when you first entered the Brecilian Forest.”

Erafen looked thoughtful for a moment. “It was dead. It didn’t feel evil or dark or wrong, other than the wrongness of possessing no life. As long as Daern’thal was in control, I couldn’t really feel the earth beneath my feet or any connection to the land at all. it was like walking on a stretch of cold hard nothingness.”

“The Blight, in contrast, takes the living land and corrupts it, makes it a thing of darkness that spreads like a cancer in the body,” Solas elaborated. “Do you feel it?”

“I feel the corruption, yes,” ‘Fen said. “It doesn’t feel like how Daern’thal affected the land.”

“Then perhaps my theory was incorrect, but this does mean that if he were draining the land for his power, we may be able to find other such pockets. If he absorbed, however, Blighted land, would the taint then spread to him?” Solas positioned.

“Erafen might need to throw up,” Cole announced, and when Solas looked back, his lady did indeed look quite ill.

“In a case like this, I would then suggest we keep eyes on land so infected,” Solas said, coming alongside his wife to reach for her hand.

“A Blighted Forgotten One…” Erafen muttered.

“A theory, nothing more, and we will make sure it does not come to that,” the older elf assured her firmly. He moved away, guiding his mount on ahead, skirting the tainted land and going around, turning west to leave the area all together.

They were close to the end of the path out when Cole gasped. “It’s her! It’s her!”

Standing ahead of them was a woman dressed in somber brown robes, her straw-colored hair pulled severely into two braided coils at the back of her neck. Behind her stood at least ten mages, all dressed in the robes of the Venatori.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to detain you,” the woman said. A wall of fire emerged to surround the area, maintained by two of the mages along the ends.

“Left one supposed god for another? How fickle,” Solas said calmly, dismounting. Erafen and the other two followed suit. “I assume you are Calpernia.”

“You are correct,” the woman replied. “We have been hounded by the Inquisitor thanks to your interference, and my master has decided he wants your heads.

“Of course, he does,” Zevran said. “Lots of people want my… ah, inappropriate, yes?”

Erafen took a breath and stepped forward. “You know who we are, and you know what we’ve done. I drove the end of my staff into your failed Corypheus’ pet false archdemon. Right into the neck. Corypheus then went down pretty easily after that, so I understand.”

“True,” Solas affirmed.

If Calpernia was daunted by this information, she showed no sign. “My master only needs one of you alive.”

“Is the Keeper he stole insufficient?” Erafen asked.

“Take them,” Calpernia ordered her mages. “Do not return if you fail me.” She seemed to shift, vanishing from view to reappear outside of the wall of flame, and the mages did, indeed, attack.

Solas was immediate with a barrier, and Erafen countered, the two of them falling into a familiar dance, their magic far more than the mages ahead of them were ready for. They clearly hadn’t accounted for Cole, either, as he almost vanished from view, a faint outline of green the only indication where he was. Zevran, for his part, merely danced through the lines of mages, taking advantage of their encumbering robes and poor personal barriers. Clearly these mages were not the best trained of the brightest of the Venatori.

The fighting was short-lived, the three elves and single spirit-man standing victorious. Erafen tended to healing the others of their few wounds while Solas moved among the remaining corpses to investigate.

“She knew we would kill them,” Cole said. “She doesn’t know what we can do, only knew rumors. There is a darkness in her that she has grown reliant on.”

“An addiction?” Erafen wondered, spreading a poultice on Zevran's arm.

“I believe I am sufficiently healed. It was a mere gash,” Zevran said. “My thanks.”

“Of course,” ‘Fen said, and she stood, trailing after Solas, stopping behind him when he knelt next to a particular corpse.

“All of them have the same mark,” he said, pulling a collar aside to show a single glyph. “Similar to _vallaslin_ , but of course not as we’re used to seeing it. These were brands used by those who worshipped the Forgotten Ones.”

“Acolytes, then?” Erafen wondered, and Solas seemed pleased with her reasoning, standing.

“One would assume so. They were not protected well at all. I would wager they may have acted under a geas.” He immediately went to loot the potions. “We should test these.”

“This Calpernia wants us captured, the others dead, but then sends the weakest of her mages?” she asked. “This makes no sense unless this was to test our capabilities.”

“I have regained much power, especially with the restoration of my Orb,” Solas said softly, leaning in to speak to her ear. “And you have only grown stronger since I have shared the Breath with you. I would wager this Calpernia knows what we are by now.”

“I’m not…” Erafen began.

“Erafen.” Solas stopped her by her name. “You _are_. Perhaps you do not wish to see it, but you are.”

Her eyes shot aside, looking away bitterly, but he gently guided her face to look back at him. “Do you regret it?”

“No.” she answered immediately. “I just don’t want to lose who I am.”

He actually smiled at that. “And that is what separates you from Ghilan’nain. Remember that.” Solas released her, walking off to go speak with the other two. “Cole, would you mind finding our animals, if they live?”

“They are scared,” Cole replied. “I will find them.” He walked off, making a clicking sound to summon the harts and horses.

“My,” Zevran said, looking from Solas to Erafen approaching behind him. “Even when you argue, you are beautiful. Are you quite sure I can’t at least watch?”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Solas showed a faint touch of amusement. “We shall take it under consideration, Master Arainai. For now, we should continue on to our destination and alert our allies.”

“I don’t fancy waiting here much longer,” Zevran said agreeably. “Are we not taking their potions?”

“We are, to see if they’re tainted or otherwise affected,” Erafen said. “And Cole found our rides, good.” She wandered forward to meet the human-formed spirit.

“You are still _you_ ,” Cole told her in greeting. “You help him be more _him_ without the things that make him the other him.”

“I would rather he be himself and be true,” ‘Fen told Cole, taking two of the halters from him. “Now let’s look our friends over here.” She found a few burns but no serious damage to the animals, all of them easy enough to heal. She fished treats outs of the saddlebags, making sure the beasts were comforted.

“They like you. You are gentle, and you smell like love,” Cole informed her.

“I like them, too. They’re gentle but strong. They could do a lot of damage to us, but they trust us,” ‘Fen said. Cole merely nodded, and the two headed back to the others.

“Lovely lady, would you agree that we should leave?” Zevran asked when Erafen and Cole made it back.

“I think so. Honestly, the sooner we’re away from here, the better,” she replied.

“Cole, do you still sense our foe?” Solas asked, stopping to help Erafen mount her hart.

“No, she was here during the battle, but she left. She was unhappy. I think we are stronger than she thought we would be. She doubts, too.” Cole adjusted his hat once he was on his horse.

“Doubt can be used,” Solas said.

“Trust must be earned,” Erafen added, and the two exchanged a look. “If she doubts, we must find out why and what and help her see that she’s on the wrong side.”

The group continued on, finally exiting the last remnants of what was old Lothering, continuing on along the river heading towards Redcliffe. Solas remained quiet for while, expression displeased, but ‘Fen knew his mind was at work.

“He doubts his path. He does not doubt you, but he doubts what he is doing sometimes,” Cole told Erafen.

“I know,” Erafen said gently. “But I trust him.”

Solas glanced over, his hard expression softening. “Perhaps that is still something I am having trouble becoming accustomed to, _vhen’an_.”

“What was it Sera was fond of telling us all? In the end, we’re people. We feel, we think, we do our best. So are our enemies. I doubt the ones we’d brand as ‘evil’ see themselves as such unless they’re darkspawn.”

“Would many find me evil for what I intended to do then?” Solas asked, almost amused.

“I don’t know,” Erafen said honestly. “But I think you’re absolutely wicked in bed.”

Solas snorted at that, and continued on, looking less severe for the teasing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I wasn't paying attention, I posted Chapter 31 before I posted Chapter 30, so you get two tonight!


	31. The Lady in Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's someone blocking the path.

Traveling onward from Lothering to Redcliffe was a somber affair. Erafen was still frustrated and confused, running over thoughts in her head, and more than once she'd snapped at Cole and then apologized. She knew the spirit was trying to help, but she needed to work it out in her head. A few stolen glances at Solas showed his face impassive, but when he met her gaze, his eyes were sad and full of apology.

Erafen tried not to think too much about it. She and Solas definitely had argued in the past, and usually they reached a compromise, but she was still very concerned about his mood. Surely he saw Calpernia as a foe to be destroyed, but Erafen saw a woman doubting and testing the waters. If things came down to it, of course Erafen would destroy this Tevinter woman, but if she didn’t have to, if they could take an asset from Daern’thal and turn it against him.

“Your mind is hard at work, _vhen’an_ ,” Solas commented, looking in her direction.

“I know we discussed it already, _‘ma Fen_.” Erafen glanced his way.

“We will gather information if we can, as I said,” he told her, “but we must show no quarter in battle. You understand this.”

“Of course, I do,” Erafen said.

“She is quite the handsome woman for her severity,” Zevran said. “I could teach her the ways of engaging in her own pleasure.”

“They’re thinking, ‘no, thank you’,” Cole said, coming up from the rear.

Erafen and Solas exchanged a serious look, but it broke, the two smiling at each other in amusement. Maybe Zevran was teasing, maybe he wasn’t, but the thought was still funny and broke their tension.

“When we reach Redcliffe, we’ll rest and enjoy a hot meal, and we’ll all feel better,” he told her.

“Hopefully with no Tevinter magisters waiting for us,” ‘Fen said, remembering when Miryam had been there before.

The Hinterlands were very familiar to Erafen, given the time she spent there running errands and helping with supplies for the Inquisition. She rather liked the area with its bursts of hills and smattering of forrest area. It spoke to her Dalish heart, the part of her who remembered being a child in green growing places, traveling by aravel over the land.

“When I was a child, we came through here on our way west,” Erafen said. “We spent some time in the Emerald Graves, then went north and around into the Free Marches and Antiva. Keeper Deshanna was very interested in the towns we’d pass, having some of our people cover their _vallaslin_ to fit in among the ‘flat-ears’ as some of us called them. A stupid name, really.”

“Safe, secure, secluded, the warmth of other Dalish to protect and shield. When the soldiers came, the _aravels_ were already gone,” Cole said.

“Yes,” Erafen confirmed. “I counted fifteen years by the time we settled again in the Free Marches, and it was then…”

“He touched you, tried to claim you, and he burned for his folly,” Cole finished.

“Right,” ‘Fen told him. “We moved camp again right after that, going up into Rivain for a while, and then back into the Free Marches before the Conclave was called.”

“So the traveling agrees with you, lovely lady,” Zevran assumed.

“It does. Sitting around in one place too long makes me nervous. I like these opportunities, though I wish I could bring Fenrian along,” she answered.

“While the four of us could easily defend your small child, dear lady, it is understandable that you would not want to risk seeing him come to harm,” the Antivan agreed.

“I would fight fiercely to protect him. I don’t care _who_ it is,” Erafen said darkly.

“Thankfully you will not have to fight alone,” Solas said firmly. He moved his hart closer to say something, but then paused, seeing a single person standing on the road ahead of them.

The person was a woman, her black hair pulled up into a twist at the back of her head. She wore a scarlet top that concealed little, her lower half clad in a leather skirt and boots. The woman folded her arms, only releasing one of them to beckon the group forward.

“Morrigan?” Erafen said aloud, recognizing her.

“You have something for her, Solas,” Cole said, voice low and soft.

“I do,” Solas agreed, and he urged his mount forward. When the group reached the Witch, she led them off the road towards a camp, a safe place to dismount and finally talk.

“I understood that you were at Lothering,” Morrigan began. “And my _eluvian_ has seen some use.”

“It has,” Erafen said. “To be honest, it’s been incredibly helpful to our efforts to uplift the elves of Orlais.”

“How lovely for you,” the Witch said, but she immediately turned to Solas. “You murdered her, did you not?”

“It depends on your definition of murder. If you mean she willingly offered me her power, then yes,” Solas countered smoothly. “I greeted an old friend, and she provided what I needed.”

“An old _friend_. I might have remembered one such as you when I was a child. My mother had no friends, but then again, my mother is older than I thought.” Morrigan folded her arms. “Which means you are older than you let on. It is little surprise you were so defensive of your people’s history there in the Arbor Wilds.”

“Indeed,” Solas said simply.

“And your conversation with the Sentinel Abelas clearly indicated you are Elvhen,” the woman continued.

“I do not deny it,” he replied simply.

Erafen was immediately thankful that Cole and Zevran, for that moment, were remaining quiet, though she saw immediate recognition in the Antivan’s eyes.

“So. I want _it_.” Morrigan extended a hand.

“And you shall receive,” Solas told her, stepping forward. He took the Witch’s hand and pulled her into his arms, leaning his forehead to hers as he exhaled a small burst of a sort of black mist. Morrigan breathed it in, gasping as she did so, and she stepped back, reeling as her senses were overcome.

“I can catch her if she faints,” Zevran offered.

“That… will not be necessary, elf,” Morrigan managed, eyes blinking hard. “I… Oh, I see.” She looked skyward, her hand resting over her heart as she grew more stable.

“She knows now, Solas,” Cole announced.

“As I anticipated. It seems my secrets will not remain such much longer,” the older elf said, hands folded behind his back.

“What plan is this you have, Dread Wolf, that you would uplift a mortal elven woman, take the power which Mythal cultivated over the centuries, and then turn from your steps?” Morrigan demanded.

“Plan? Plans change, young one. You may possess Mythal’s will now as well as her divinity, but you are _not_ Mythal. You have much to learn,” Solas told her calmly. “Why did Mythal not bring things to pass?”

“She…” Morrigan froze, eyes growing unfocused as she looked through memories that weren’t hers. “It would have destroyed this world. Elgar’nan would, in his rage, destroy what has been accomplished. The People would suffer. You would have sacrificed all to bring them back, but surely you knew that you could not protect the ones you cherished most.”

“He is Pride,” Cole said, speaking up. “Capable of anything, but Pride was broken and repaired.”

“Plans change,” Solas repeated.

“Did you know his intentions, Erafen?” Morrigan demanded.

“Not until after we found him,” ‘Fen answered. “And yes, keeping my faith in him was difficult.”

“Faith broken, faith repaired,” Cole added.

“Milady Morrigan, I feel I must tell you that I am quite aroused by you right now,” Zevran admitted. He fell silent at three sets of eyes glaring at him for the moment. “I will keep it to myself.”

“Please, if you will not believe him, believe _me_ ,” Erafen asked of the Witch. “We surely could use your help, Morrigan, as we did in combatting Corypheus.”

The human woman’s eyes unfocused again, and then her hard expression softened. “She said, ‘old friend’ when she spoke to you, Dread Wolf,” he said aloud, focusing again on Solas.

“My oldest and dearest,” he admitted. “Her one wish, the one I felt as she gave herself to me, was that you inherit her godhood.”

“Yet you maintain that you and your fellows were not gods at all,” Morrigan stated.

“That depends on your definition,” Solas said simply. “We could debate this point, but it is already growing late in the day, and we still must reach Redcliffe.”

“You may ride with me on my noble mount,” Zevran offered.

“Or I will ride your mount myself and you may share with someone else, elf,” Morrigan challenged.

“Or that,” the Antivan allowed.

“Welcome back to the Inquisition, Lady Morrigan,” Erafen said. “Take my mount; I’ll ride with Solas.”

Morrigan nodded. “Very well. I have… much to consider.”

“You are wrong about him, you know,” Cole told Morrigan. “You think of the legends and think of what he did, but he was confused and did not know. The arrow is more direct and hurts fewer when it flies straight and true.”

“Is that so, spirit-man?” the Witch wondered. “T’is curious why he would meet failure in restoring the gods and instead release a Forgotten One. Were they the ones he intended to release from the start?” She climbed up on the back of Erafen’s hart while the elven woman moved behind her spouse.

“It was a mistake,” Solas said darkly. “I intended to use their power as a binding agent for the others, and my spell went... off. I still needed my Orb.”

“So you admit to your failure!” Morrigan said, following after when the others set back for the trail to Redcliffe. “No wonder ‘Pride’ was broken!”

“Please stop,” Erafen spoke up. “I found him suffering for his error. I wouldn’t doubt if he’d have truly been dead if we hadn’t come when we did.”

“Pride was repaired,” Cole whispered.

“My apologies. T’was not my intent to hurt you, dear Lady Lavellan. I only wonder if your faith in your spouse is wise,” Morrigan said. “Surely you are biased.”

“Wise or not, it’s there.” Erafen let out a sigh, leaning her head against her man’s back, feeling his muscles relax. “I feel my faith and trust in him will not mislead me. I think with my head as much as with my heart.”

“I will do nothing to endanger you or Fenrian,” Solas swore.

“Faith,” ‘Fen replied.

Zevran, bless him, spoke up to come alongside Morrigan. “I quite wondered what happened to you. I understood you went to Orlais as a part of Celene’s court, and then the Inquisition?”

“Yes,” Morrigan said. “And afterwards I returned to my wandering and studies, things that are no concern of yours. I would sooner stab you in your face than tell you.”

“Consider me intrigued,” Zevran said. “Would you rather sleep with me than tell me?”

“UGH,” Morrigan groaned, and simply moved her mount ahead faster.

Erafen, for her part, found herself grinning at that, almost giggling under her breath, and she relaxed a bit more when she felt Solas shake with silent laughter.

“She’s thinking about it,” Cole told Zevran, and he, too, moved forward.

“Closer!” Zevran cheered.

This time Solas did laugh aloud, low in his chest, and Erafen joined him.

“Oh, shut it, you lot. I did not join your little party to be mocked,” Morrigan sniped.

“My apologies, Lady Witch,” Solas said, though Erafen was certain it was only to soothe the human’s hurt pride. For her part, she gave Morrigan an apologetic smile, one the woman nodded in response to. ‘Fen did like Morrigan more since their talk at the _eluvian_ in Skyhold, but there were still irritating personality traits the Witch held.

The group fell into a more companionable silence, and continued on to Redcliffe Village. Hopefully, Erafen thought, the rest of the trip would be without mishap and other unexpected companions joining them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being so understanding during my break! As a reward, I re-introduce Morrigan to my tale! I'm all about tying up loose ends, you see.
> 
> I hope everyone is having a Happy Pesach/Passover or has had a Happy Easter or related holidays!


	32. Drink at The Gull and Lantern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morrigan finds that Mythal is more sensible than she is. Cole keeps seeing things he doesn't want to see.

Redcliffe Village was, thankfully, more or less untouched after the situation with the mages and Venatori. It bustled as it should, and the Inquisition group was thankfully welcomed in with open arms. After all, they’d given mages there a home, stopped a madman, and closed the rifts scaring their flocks and people. With representatives of the Inquisition arriving, many people came out to greet them with a friendly wave or gifts of food and drink. It didn't matter that the majority of the group just happened to be elven.

The Arl himself came out to greet the group, offering them a place to stay in his keep, which Erafen accepted, though they had things to do in town. Teagan had his aide take charge of their mounts, and then he joined them for a late lunch at The Gull and Lantern, telling the owner he'd pay for double what the group ate and drank. Erafen wanted to tell him it wasn't necessary, but the Arl wouldn't have it.

"To tell you the truth, since King Alistair allowed a College of Enchanters at the old Circle Tower, I've brought in a couple of mages to set up a healing clinic. A few other mages from here have gone to the College to learn their art," Teagan told them.

"Distrust of mages is still rampant, but I'm glad to see attitudes improving," Erafen said. "If more were to follow your example and that of the King, there would be fewer wounded feelings. I agree that many of the Circles were horrid places, festering an environment that taught mages to fear themselves and be open to possession to escape."

"That bit didn't occur to me, but yes, I can see that," Teagan said. "I'll hire an enchanter for my court, I believe."

"Be cautious still," Morrigan said, looking up form her goblet of wine. "We are still people as any other."

"Of course," the Arl agreed. "Perhaps the Inquisition may suggest someone skilled and trustworthy?"

"Perhaps so, when our task is at an end," Erafen told him agreeably. "If your people see any sign of this Calpernia or the Keeper of clan Sabrae, please send out your fastest and surest crow with the message."

"It will be done, milady," Teagan confirmed. "And if you will all excuse me, I do have things I must attend to. Please continue to enjoy the hospitality of Redcliffe." He stood, and moved off to return to the keep.

"This must be quite amusing, seeing humans bowing to the authority of elves," Morrigan told Solas.

"That Erafen is elven is beside the point," Solas countered. "She carries herself well and does not misuse her power. She commands respect, elven or not, and those around would be wise to recognize it."

"Indeed," Morrigan said simply.

"Lady Morrigan," Zevran spoke up. "If you have what it is you came for, why continue to grace us with your charming presence?"

"T'is simple. I wish to accompany you all to Skyhold," the Witch replied. "From there, I will link my _eluvian_ with that at another of Mythal's temples. In truth, I did not know what exactly it was I sought to retrieve from the Old Wolf here. How I resisted the gift Mother sought to grant me! It is as she said: I was never in any danger from her."

"She wants to resent you, Solas, but she cannot. The Will of Mythal within her counters her suffering, and she is left in between, a void that answers fill but do not soothe," Cole muttered. "So she merely calls you a smug bastard in her head."

Zevran snorted at that. "I hear that already in her voice."

"Well, as we are airing out our personal secrets, let me also add that I still detest you, Arainai," Morrigan told him.

"Lady, you wound me. Surely this would not be better worked out with very angry sex?" Zevran winked at Morrigan, and she merely huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Don't objectify me! You are as insufferable as ever!" the woman declared. "Please tell me," she entreated of Erafen, "why you keep this fool around?"

"Because I'm pretty," Zevran quipped.

"Because he's pretty," Erafen affirmed, winking at the Antivan elf. "And handy with a blade. That part helps."

Solas, for his part, just shook his head, eyes crinkled in amusement. "You certainly find the most interesting people, _vhen'an_."

"If by interesting, you mean annoying, then yes," Morrigan huffed. She signalled a tavern girl for another goblet of wine. "So can we return to business? Please tell me of this Calpernia."

"She commands a great deal of power," Erafen said. "How much, we don't know, but we could feel her as a strong presence, and Cole was very much shaken by her."

"So angry, and she has a chance to be uplifted, to restore her Tevinter to its former glory," Cole added.

"Foolish woman," Solas said. "Doesn't she realize that Daern'thal would be more likely to raise elves over the humans that enslaved them?"

"But isn't he also a god of nightmares?" 'Fen asked. "If he wishes the People trapped by fears, uplifting their subjugators would definitely add fuel to the fire of those fears."

"People of these lands also have an odd fear of Tevinter," Zevran piped in. "Consider, there are stories told of magisters, blood sacrifices of children, cruel slavery. While I understand such things do exist in the Imperium, they are not representative of its entire population."

"And we would be remiss to judge the many by the few," Morrigan agreed. "It seems the two are traveling separate of each other, perhaps as an attempt to split the Inquisition between them, I would guess."

"Or Daern'thal may still be too weak in his stolen body," Solas said. "Even I, full in my own body, needed time to gather my strength, and as you all know, my power was still only just above the best of mages. I needed my Focus returned."

"Focus?" Morrigan asked, one eyebrow arched.

"The Orb wielded by Corypheus," the older elf said simply. "You need know little more than that, Witch."

"Interesting," the Witch in question replied. "I wonder how he obtained such a thing."

"Back to the present day," Erafen interjected, hoping to avoid unnecessary lines of questioning and possibly an argument, "perhaps there is something that can lure one or the other of them out. Calpernia seemed content to let us kill those mages, and they were all branded with something."

"The lyrium they used all had a crystal of red within the potions. I am more confident that they were under a geas," Solas contributed. "So it could be possible that apart from these not being her strongest mages, they were also likely fighting us against their will."

"Yes, punished," Cole broke in. "I could not feel the words in them before, but you saying this makes me understand it. I couldn't tell anything from them but fear. They only knew cruelty at the hands of a master."

"Then you lot performed a mercy, freeing them in death," Morrigan stated.

"If you say so," Erafen muttered, unconvinced. "At any rate, we've received no word from Skyhold. We can wait for crows in response here, given we have only sent them out a few hours ago, or we can travel onward and find out for ourselves."

"We would be in a better position to move from here, my lady," Zevran said. "Skyhold, for its defensibly, is still high and remote and requires much travel to leave from."

"Not quite," 'Fen said. "The _eluvian_ there is functional again."

"You have found another?" Morrigan asked.

"And elf in Kirkwall repaired one and lost it, a long story," Erafen explained. "But she has again repaired it, properly this time, and we will be able to use it to get between Skyhold and _Halam'abelas_. We definitely can use it."

"Useful, indeed." The Witch nodded, expression thoughtful.

"Though I would still advise caution," Solas said. "We have also kept many major parties in the dark over this situation. Did you intend on letting Marquise Briala know?"

"Yes, I should write to her this evening," Erafen said. "She would well understand the need for discretion, and I still think it is early enough in our foe's plan that infiltration need not be an immediate concern."

"But not something we rule out, no?" Zevran wondered.

"Not at all," Erafen agreed. "For now, we must be open to any possibility, yet be realistic about it so we're not shooting all of our arrows into the darkness searching for a hidden beast."

"Truthfully spoken," Morrigan agreed with a nod. "So it bears mentioning, Solas, how you have changed since last we met."

"Really? Please enlighten me," Solas told her.

"You carry yourself a bit more openly, but also seem like you have more to lose. You are as protective as ever of your lady. I would imagine you are even more so now that you have a child." Morrigan tapped her own chin lightly in thought. "Something in you seems younger, newer. Perhaps it is a new resolve or finding a different path. Also, you have grown your hair out some."

"Perceptive," Solas said flatly, referring to the last observation. "Perhaps I have let myself be bound a bit in attachments and other things of this world, but I have found the price to be acceptable. Surely the alternative I almost created is less preferable."

"Even a 'god' can be wrong?" Morrignan prompted.

Solas shot a warning look at the witch, but then softened. "Perhaps so, even as much as a human witch can be wrong about what she knows."

"Touché." She nodded in concession.

"I can believe we all agree that none of us is perfect," Erafen said, looking between the two.

"It may be possible I have a perfect..." Zevran started.

"That's more than we need to know, Zev," Erafen interrupted.

Cole just blushed. "I keep seeing these things, but I don't _want_ to!"

"See, you're traumatizing poor Cole," 'Fen added. "For now, let me get to business with writing the Marquise and also sending word to _Halam'abelas_. I'll be returning to the Keep."

"I would like to look around here some," Morrigan said.

"I will accompany the lady," Zevran offered.

"That won't be necessary, thank you," the Witch said acidly.

"Perhaps not to _you_ , but I will do so regardless," the Antivan said, this time an edge to his expression.

"I'll go help people," Cole offered, and he vanished.

"Free to be who he is now, yes?" Morrigan questioned.

"He is," Solas said, satisfied. "He is happier now, no longer limited by pretending to be something he is not, yet he can still blend in if he chooses."

"Perhaps the same could be said of his advocate," she told the elf, standing. "I will see you both later." She turned to go, Zevran following out, their bickering starting as soon as they reached the door leading out.

"Perhaps she is right," Erafen told Solas, reaching for his hand. "It was Solas I met, but I always knew it was a name you'd chosen for yourself. It doesn't matter what mask you wear, _'ma Fen. Ar lath ma_."

With that, she also stood, heading towards the door, and Solas followed her out a few seconds later, expression one of contemplation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that my screw up has passed, it’s time to get back on schedule. I will probably have another hiatus in a few days because of some more stuff going on, but you guys are troopers. Thanks for sticking with me!
> 
> Morrigan is fun to write. She's so sure of herself, and she still tries to keep that even when her feet have been knocked out from under her.
> 
> Also, let me know when you find the Firefly reference. OH, and I maaaay have gotten a Season 3 Supernatural reference in there, too.
> 
> So I have missed your comments! Let me know what you think so far or if you have constructive feedback for me!


	33. Rare Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spymaster Cadash sends a letter, and Erafen finds herself feeling guilty.

As things turned out, an Inquisition crow was waiting for Erafen when she woke up the very next day. She hurriedly threw on a robe when one of the Arl's couriers knocked on the door to the guest suite.

"From the Inquisition, milady," the young boy said.

"Thank you," 'Fen told him. She gave the lad a coin and sent him on his way, then brought the scroll in. She took the time to make sure the seals on the scroll hadn't been damaged before opening it.

Solas, for his part, wore his robe, but it was open, and Erafen couldn't help but let her eyes rake over him, finding herself taking in a breath. "What does it say?" he asked, bringing her back to the task at hand.

"Right," she replied, and unrolled the parchment, starting to read.

  
" _Lady Erafen,_

_We have heard from Hawke. Clues took them out of Ferelden and north towards Orzammar. They found a small village of perhaps fifty people, all dead with expressions of terror. Most were human. Only babies were found unaffected, but dead of starvation. Outside of town, they found a Dalish clan, mostly in the same state, but their Keeper sacrificed herself to fend off, as they called it, the Face of the Nightmare._

_Both accounts indicate it's that one elven Keeper from Sabrae, the one who was missing. They described his markings and other markers clearly, but they said to look into his eyes was to look into the heart of madness itself._

_Our enemy grows in power. I will send more word when we know more. Hawke is continuing to gather information, but it seems the creature is heading into Orlais._

_Be well,_  
 _Edric Cadash_ "

  
Erafen didn't realize how tightly she clutched the scroll in her hands until Solas gently unfurled her fingers from around the parchment. He took it from her, rolling it up and putting it aside. He returned to his lady, opening her robe and bringing her against him so that she could feel the warmth of his skin. She slid her arms around him and leaned her head against his shoulder, releasing a distressed whine.

"We destroyed his form. I destroyed him in the Fade. Still he lives. How... how do we kill him?" Erafen wondered.

"All of us, those referred to as gods and Forgotten ones," Solas began, "we are all made from the Primal Breath of the Fade. Some part spirit, some part essence of creation.When a spirit 'dies', it disperses back into the Fade." He guided her back to the bed, bringing her back into his arms when they sat.

"You said before a spirit would reform and not remember what it experienced. Daern'thal clearly remembers who he is," Erafen said, letting her fingers trail over his midsection.

"I have wondered about that, what makes the spirits of the dead and spirits of those like us different than those in the Fade. Perhaps it is that we have chosen to take form, or were born into the form, created in flesh and blood, and have a life bound to physical experience. Daern'thal may have once been of the ether, perhaps I was, too, but he was bound to a physical form. We may need to release his body or sever his tie to it." He let out a sigh.

"Releasing his body means releasing the other gods," Erafen realized.

"Then we sever his tie to it," Solas continued. "The only way I know to do this is to collapse the pocket to where the gods were banished." He shuddered, and 'Fen held him closer.

"You wanted them restored, regretted your decision," she said plainly.

"And now I have you and Fenrian," he told her.

"Restore what was, or live with what is, what could be," 'Fen whispered.

"I unleashed Corypheus on the world the first time I tried to restore that power," Solas said slowly. "The second time, Daern'thal nearly ended me. You are making things happen, _vhen'an_ , things I did not consider the elves of this age possible of accomplishing."

"Were you happier in those days?" Erafen asked, leaning over him.

Solas met her eyes, confused by the question, but he thought it over, and then he shook his head. "I can't say that I was. I can't say that I considered that I deserved to be."

"You are a man of great pride, but tell me, do you truly think you deserve happiness? To be loved?" Erafen locked her eyes to his.

"I..." He froze, panic evident in his nervous gaze and the trembling of his body. "I don't know. I felt I should suffer for what I did. I felt I could redeem myself."

"None of us knows what's best for the People." She said it simply. "And while we live, we're always guessing. I love you with every fiber of my being, but if you chose something that endangers our son, I would even face you down in a heartbeat."

The panic in his eyes broke, and Solas turned fearful for a very short moment. His expression softented, however, and he leaned his forehead against hers. "My bride stands without fear. I will give you no cause to fear my actions. I made my choice when I stayed with you."

"Say it," Erafen requested gently. "The truth."

" _Ar lath ma_ ," Solas told her, eyes opening again to meet hers. "And I choose you, our son, and our future." He leaned in to kiss her gently.

Erafen accepted that, and she kissed him readily, putting the serious talk aside for now to take comfort in her love's touch. When they were spent, she went to draw a bath, and once clean, the two went to pack their belongings.

They were met downstairs by Cole, who looked between them, and frowned. “Trust each other,” he told them simply, and he pointed down the hall. “Zevran and Morrigan are giving each other dirty looks and thinking horrid things.”

“We should step in,” ‘Fen said, and headed off.

“I will carry my own things, thank you, _ser_ ,” Morrigan told Zevran, keeping her pack shouldered.

“Obviously, milady, you have things you prefer to keep from us,” Zevran pointed out.

“And you two need to keep it to yourselves,” Erafen spoke up. “We have things to discuss. We’ll bid farewell to the Arl and head out when lunch is finished.”

As it stood, the Arl was waiting for them with a few of the stablehands, two strong boys and an older girl who took the belongings of the small group to prepare their mounts for departure. Teagan led the group off to his dining room, and there they merely exchanged pleasantries while eating a meal of pheasant and local greens and grains.

“I understand there was a message for you this morning,” Teagan said conversationally.

“Indeed,” Erafen said, glancing at Solas for a moment before returning to the Arl. “Sadly nothing I’m at much liberty to discuss, but thankfully it does not threaten Redcliffe or much else in Ferelden. Believe me, we’d let you know if danger headed this way. As it turns out, Ferelden may have a bit of a reprieve.”

“That’s good to hear, though I pray no others suffer,” Teagan told her sincerely.

“Please urge your people to be personable to the Dalish that travel through,” ‘Fen told him. “My people seek no quarrel with humans or others. If anything, please try to trade useful goods. The Dalish are very much in danger over this and could use friends.”

The Arl opened his mouth to say something, but then he realized that at least three of the people joining him at his table were elves, almost as if he hadn’t noticed it earlier, and he nodded to Erafen, almost shamed. “Yes, milady First. I will make it a priority. Anything we hear, we will pass on.”

“Thank you. One more, if we find our foe heads this way again, we will warn you, but please keep your ears open for tales of Dalish camps being attacked by something or someone mysterious,” Erafen requested.

“Of course,” Teagan promised. “Please be safe as well, milady.”

“We shall try,” Solas spoke up. “Erafen’s safety is my priority.”

Erafen gave her spouse a warm smile, and then turned back to nod at the Arl.

It wasn’t until they were done with lunch and on the road with Redcliffe at their backs that Morrigan spoke up. “From what I could gather, there was a mysterious attack on a Dalish clan, likely in Ferelden but heading towards Orlais or Antiva?”

“Not just the Dalish, but an entire village,” ‘Fen said, and she gave the other three the quick version of the story.

“And this Calpernia serves _that_ willingly?” Morrigan marveled. “Fool woman, she.”

“Indeed,” Solas agreed. “In this, we both see this the same.”

“I wonder,” Zevran said, thinking, “How many mages were among those humans and few elves in the village?”

“I’ll have to ask Edric,” Erafen said. “In the Dalish camp, there’d be no more than three adult mages, maybe some children.”

“For once, the Antivan asks a pertinent question,” Morrigan said. “This Daern’thal leeches the land of life. Did your spymaster happen to say what state the land was in?”

“No, another thing to find out,” Erafen said. “It might not have occurred to him to ask, or he may have left it out on purpose. I recall him being there when I told the others of how the land was when we found him with Solas.”

“While we elves have a primal connection to nature, to what is green and grows, we do also share a connection to the earth below not unlike our dwarven friends,” Solas said. “They, however, have a far stronger connection to the Stone, even those far removed from her presence. Many, however, no longer know how to listen.”

“So chances are it just did not occur to him,” Erafen decided. “And by the time we reach the place, Daern'thal's influence may no longer be on the land.”

“Indeed.” Morrigan frowned sharply, thinking over the situation. “I would suggest that we still investigate after we go to Skyhold, except that it could be possible our foe intends on heading onward to _Halam’abelas_.”

Erafen froze on her mount. “Does he know it exists?”

“Perhaps, though I only knew of it because of the little you've said and your initial plans,” the Witch said. “My other thought would be that he intends on heading north to Tevinter, to find the original location of Arlathan.”

“He can’t make it to Tevinter, not as he is, so perhaps that may be why he’s gathering life energy, but _Halam’abelas_ is well-protected and shielded,” Erafen said. “Let’s see what we can do to improve that. Even moving from Skyhold to _Halam’abelas_ should put us in a position to pursue.”

“A mother’s worry, a mother’s guilt. Fenrian will grow and she will not see it,” Cole lamented.

“Cole,” Solas said softly. “Erafen knows what she must do.”

“He doesn't understand why _mamae_ is gone so much. He know _babae_ loves him, but then _babae_ goes, too,” Cole continued.

“Please, Cole,” Erafen almost begged.

“I’m sorry,” the spirit told them. “I want to make it better. I want to take the hurt away.”

“There’s no making this better until we stop Daern’thal,” Erafen told Cole, trying to keep her voice stable. “But when this is done, we will build our people up and we will keep our son close and safe.”

“ _Vhen’an_ , it will happen,” Solas told her.

Erafen shot him a thankful smile, and then continued on, riding along on her mount. Thankfully, Zevran and Morrigan went back to bickering at each other amid the two relating tales of things that happened during the Fifth Blight and fighting alongside the Hero of Ferelden.

“Ilaan was the glorious creature. Ah, how I miss that woman!” Zevran said, a hand over his heart.

“Which did not stop you from trying to worm your way into my bedroll those nights,” Morrigan sniped at him.

“I am sure there would have been room for you both in mine,” the Antivan said, waggling his eyebrows.

“Ugh,” the Witch replied in disgust.

“It is her again!” Cole cried out. “At the camp!” He urged his horse onward, leaving the others to catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have to go on another short hiatus in a day or so. I have a full-time job, but I also do graphic design on the side and have a client I'm working for. Hopefully I won't need too much longer off, and if I'm lucky, I get to post tomorrow night. Thanks everyone! 
> 
> Things are coming together. You shall see some loose ends tied up soon!


	34. Words of the Witch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calpernia leaves a calling card. Erafen has doubts.

When the group arrived at the Hinterlands camp, they were greeted by the scene of a battle, two scouts remaining alive to patch up the only few wounded left alive. Four other bodies were under tarps, clearly deceased.

“Milady First,” one of the scouts said, turning up to view Erafen as her charge finally breathed her last. “A single woman attacked. She wore robes of leather in the style of Tevinter,” the woman managed.

“Take a moment, Scout,” Erafen said, climbing off of her hart. “Your name?”

“Evie,” the scout replied. “Karin and I were out gathering for the evening meal, and… we came back to this. The woman told us to tell you what we’d seen, that Calpernia left a message for the Inquisition not to… not to oppose her master. That this would be the Inquisition’s fate for standing in the Nightmare’s way.”

“He sees, smells, hears, feels his children boiled before him,” Cole said, eyes wide and watering from the force of the fear. “His joy, his peace, all perverted and turned to what he fears the most. He will not live! Free him of this!”

“Out of my hands, boy,” Scout Karin said, revealing the man in her arms died.

“Relief,” Cole managed.

“She had this… thing she carried in her hand,” Evie said, going to cover the dead woman she’d been tending to. “They all seemed like they were frightened, lost in terror, clutching their own throats or tearing at their own skin. Like they were scared to death.”

“Not just that, they are emaciated as well, as if they were starving,” Karin pointed out. “They were drained. The woman, Calpernia, she had what looked like a crystal in her hand, red like that tainted lyrium, but clear, and she kept it in a pouch around her neck. She said something about being a ‘Vessel’ for her master.”

“And she left you both alive to tell us,” Morrigan said. “How delightful of her.” She looked around, stopping to feel parts of the ground. “Dead earth. Daern’thal must have given her a means of gathering life force for him.”

“But this Calpernia is human,” Zevran said. “Is she not? Why would an elven god seek a human cohort?”

“Why would Mythal inhabit a human for centuries? When one is in need, one cannot be choosy,” Morrigan pointed out.

“And Calpernia was a slave, Is that also not so? One master has been lost to her; surely there is a part of her that still needs someone to serve, despite her freedom,” Solas said. “Or something has been promised to her she finds worth fighting for.”

“What could be important to a Tevinter slave?” Erafen asked. “Other than freedom?”

“We will have to find the woman to ask her,” Morrigan replied.

“We will see to our dead and cleanse the camp,” Erafen said, gathering her inner strength and authority. “Scouts, we will tend to the bodies. Provide me their names and I will alert Skyhold so that their families may learn.”

“Yes, milady,” Karin said, saluting, and Evie nodded once.

That night, the bodies were indeed cremated, their spirits dedicated to the Maker and Andraste by Scout Karin, and Erafen offered silent prayers to their spirits to be at peace in the Beyond. Crows were already on their way to Skyhold to inform Miryam and Cullen. They still stayed at the camp, standing watch in groups of two and three, and when the morning came, the ground finally healed from the leeching of energy.

“We can stay here until reinforcements arrive,” Erafen offered. “Or if you’d like, you have authority to travel to the Crossroads for reinforcements.”

“If it’s all the same to you, ma’am, we’ll stay here,” Karin said. “This is our post, and I’d hate to lose it to bandits or animals. We can conscript a few farmhands in exchange for coin or goods, I reckon.”

“We’ll handle that for you; the horsemaster’s farm isn't far,” Erafen said.

“Thank you so much, milady. We’ll stay here and keep watch then, clean up this mess,” Evie told the First.

The stop at Horsemaster Dennet’s farm was fruitful; three farmhands could be spared in exchange for triple their pay. Erafen provided the coin herself, for a moment amused that she, a Dalish elf, had this kind of money and authority. She waited until the men were outfitted and off, and she urged her own party to continue on to Skyhold.

It wasn't until the next day that the crow from the Inquisition found them, and with the use of restoratives, the party of five made it to Skyhold in record time, exhausted but safe.

“My friend!” Miryam was waiting for them as the sun set, holding Fenrian in her arms. Erafen embraced her friend warmly, and she took her son in her arms, smiling tiredly when the boy buried his face in her hair.

“Oh, my baby,” ‘Fen murmured against his little head.

“ _Ma_ ,” the toddler cried.

“I understand you’re all exhausted, but we have news that cannot wait,” Cullen said, expression apologetic.

“Then lead the way, Commander. Morrigan is with us, however,” Erafen insisted.

“I can find my way to where I stayed before, kind hosts,” Zevran said with a courtly bow.

“Come then,” Cullen instructed, and he led the way inside the castle and to the War Room. “Thankfully, we do have a cache of that lovely Orlesian coffee hot and ready.

“Good,” Erafen said. “You’ll pardon me if I don’t want to let go of my son.”

“No one will begrudge you that. We know how much you miss him,” Miryam said gently. “I understand this very much.”

“So sick this morning, so tired, but there is a new threat. 'Is this how my friend felt?’ she asks herself,” Cole said.

“Cole, why don’t you… yes, thank you.” Cullen found himself interrupted when Cole muttered an apology and vanished.

“Congratulations are in order,” Solas offered the pair.

“Thank you, but please, keep this quiet for now,” Miryam said, opening the door to the War Room. “You both understand why, yes?”

“Of course, _falon_ ,” Erafen told her friend. “There are many who would harm us through our children.” She stroked Fenrian’s hair gently. “And they would take advantage of us while we carry them.”

“Certainly a time when a new mother doesn't want to be alone,” Miryam said with a look shot in the direction of one Solas.

“Understood,” the elf told the Inquisitor. “I understand none of you will ever fully trust me.”

“To say the least,” Cullen almost growled.

“This is entertaining,” Morrigan said aloud.

“No, it certainly is not,” Erafen retorted, and she gently passed Fenrian to his father, eyes meeting his. No, she did trust him, she had to. Certainly her son knew and loved his father. “I vouch for ‘ _ma Fen_. I stake my life on it.”

“ _Vhen’an_ ,” Solas said quietly.

“Pray he remains worthy of your trust and it does not come to your continued existence,” Morrigan told her.

“I received the message from Master Cadash,” Erafen said, changing the topic. “We have questions.”

“I’m sure you do,” Miryam said, giving her friend a weak smile. “The land in places was indeed drained dry and lifeless, just as you described of when you found Daern’thal the first time.”

“And the Dalish camp?” ‘Fen asked.

“The same,” Miryam told her darkly. “I’ve invited the elves there to come stay at Skyhold while their people recover. It was odd, they had people trapped in their dreams, frightened and draining. We found fragments of red lyrium crystals in their skin. Once removed, they relaxed and fell asleep. Those we could not find the crystals in recovered once they entered Skyhold, all vomiting a red substance that evaporated immediately.”

“The mages checked for corruption. They feel this is related to the red lyrium, but it is purified; the crystals were clear,” Cullen said. “Dorian feels they’re not unlike Tevinter memory crystals as well; the magic felt familiar to him.”

“And related to crystals, Hawke found a pair of them in different locations they’d found the Venatori once camped at and left in a hurry. Dagna thinks she is able to repair them, so in a week's time we’ll be seeing what’s in them,” Miryam added.

“I am concerned as to where Daern’thal is heading,” Erafen said. “But what you told me of the crystals not surviving the trip to Skyhold…” She trailed off, gathering her thoughts. “I always felt safe at Skyhold. Look at this place. We’re in the mountains, high up where no vegetation can grow, yet Skyhold has a garden and towering trees and no harm seems to befall us here.”

“This place is ancient, _vhen’an_ ,” Solas said. “The magic that protects this place took a century to build. _Halam’abelas_ could benefit from this, and we could mimic it, but for it to be as strong as this place, it would take the remaining Evhen decades to mirror.”

“Is Abelas still traveling with Fenris and Alona?” Erafen asked.

“Yes, he’s been very helpful in their efforts to track Daern’thal,” Cullen answered.

“I’d like him to find the other Sentinels from Mythal’s temple,” ‘Fen said. “I truly feel _Halam’abelas_ is in danger.”

“That many elves, especially elven mages, would make an attractive target for a bodiless god,” Morrigan mused.

“I’ll send the message out immediately, but I feel Fenris and Hawke should continue their scouting,” Miryam said. She started writing the note immediately.

“Where’s Josie?” Erafen wondered. “Visiting Val Royeaux on our behalf. Her attention is needed there with the Divine.” She shrugged.

“Does the Divine know what’s going on?” Erafen asked, and then she nodded, instantly understanding. “Oh, that’s why Josephine is there.”

“Quite so,” Cullen affirmed.

“I need some coffee,” Erafen grumbled, fixing her cup. She gave Solas a questioning look, but he shook his head, sitting down quietly with Fenrian. “ _Vhen’an_ , why don’t I take our boy to our quarters? I will wait for you there.”

“Thank you,” ‘Fen told him, and when he rose, she kissed him and then gave her son a kiss on the side of his head. The child stirred a little and settled back down.

When Solas left, Erafen took her cup of coffee, taking a drink of the liquid with a sour face. “So where were we?”

“We have word from clan Lavellan,” Cullen said. “There have been no more complications, and your sister is proving herself as a capable Keeper to the clan.”

“What of that Qunari woman?” Erafen wondered.

“Thought you’d never ask,” Miryam said, pleased. “We went out before I found I was pregnant, and while we were out hunting after Calpernia. It turns out that one Qunari mercenary isn’t a match for a group of mages and a snarky little elf.”

“Sera’s back!” Erafen almost squealed. “I’m sorry, Qunari mercenary?” She drank her coffee.

“Yes, Sera is back, and she can wait for you to sleep,” Miryam said, amused. “So what’s curious is who this Qunari woman is.”

“What could be notable about a Qunari assassin? She’s actual Qunari or elven or?” Morrigan wondered.

“Racial Qunari,” Cullen answered. “Her name is Herah Adaar.”

“Adaar?” Erafen frowned. “Wasn’t that the name of the Qunari merc who died at the Conclave? The one Miry had me deal with his company?”

“Yep,” Miry said. “Herah Adaar is his sister. She was pretty despondent over her brother’s death and has been coming after the survivors. She’s in the prison if you want to talk to her. Once we pulled her in, she, too, vomited one of those crystals, so we’re positive it was influencing her actions.”

“How is she since she was captured?” Erafen wondered.

“Oddly sedate but moody,” Miryam said. “I think she’s honestly in mourning, real mourning. You have a way with people, and you arranged her brother’s compensation. Would you talk to her tomorrow?”

“I wanted to get to _Halam’abelas_ ,” the elf replied, but she glanced at Morrigan thoughtfully.

“I will tell you, Inquisitor,” Morrigan said. “I have claimed my birthright, the godhood of Mythal,” Morrigan said. “With it comes knowledge. Permit the First to guide me to _Halam’abelas_ to introduce me, and I can begin with the magical fortifications while she returns here.”

“You’re asking me to place a lot of faith in you, Witch,” Erafen said, but she relented. “No, you left us your _eluvian_. You were true to your word when you helped the Inquisition against Corypheus. Very well.” She only hoped she wouldn't regret the decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being so lovely and patient! Work is getting crazy, and I'm going to be broadcasting live from an event on Saturday (see my tumble at KurouTsubasa.tumblr.com for more info when I post it) with Orange Lounge Radio. Needless to say, I've fallen behind in my writing, but I'm getting caught up again and will probably have new stuff to post on Sunday or Monday.
> 
> Thanks for keeping up with the story!! 
> 
> Also, as Halam'abelas is finally becoming a real place, so I should probably stop italicizing it as it becomes less a foreign word and more proper language.
> 
> <3!!


	35. By the Horns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen meets the Qunari who tried to kill her in Wycome.

Some of the elves in _Halam’abelas_ did send questioning looks towards the human that accompanied their Comtesse, but Erafen explained that Morrigan drank from the _Vir’abelasan_ and inherited power from Mythal. Erafen’s word was enough for the elves there.

She paused long enough to talk with Carver and Merrill, pleased at the guidance the two gave their disparate groups while still coordinating them. Merrill herself did well to absorb lore from the two Sentinels that remained to help, and as such, finally was able to break through into the Fade as a Dreamer.

Once ‘Fen advised those she’d placed in charge of what was going on, she was able to return to Skyhold through the _eluvian_. She stopped to sit with her family, watching Solas trying to teach Fenrian a few new words. After that, she moved on to meet with Miryam.

“I hope we find her more responsive this morning,” Miry told Erafen, giving her friend a weak smile. “A few of the Chantry sisters have gone down to talk with her, too.”

“Is she Andrastian?” Erafen wondered.

“I don’t think so,” Miryam replied. “But her family didn’t follow the Qun. What’s their word? _Vashoth_?” She shrugged. “But I feel sorry for her, you know? Lost her brother, then possibly taken over by the Venatori?”

“That’s tough,” ‘Fen said, frowning in sympathy. As they headed into the dungeon, she was reminded strongly of when she came down there to meet Edric Cadash. They’d though he was a spy, but now he was their spymaster, trusted and true. Perhaps this Adaar woman could also be an ally.

“So. Both of you are here,” a low voice said, and the Qunari woman turned to face them. “I will tell you: I wanted you all dead. The Red Templars wouldn’t take me. The Venatori hired me as a bodyguard. I served Calpernia as her personal guard. I saw you defeat the Elder One. I took the Red Tears to make myself stronger, resistant to magic, and now… I don’t even have that.”

“You freely admit to willingly working with our enemy against us,” Miryam said. “You do realize that we had nothing to do with your brother’s death?”

“The mercenary company told us nothing of him having surviving family,” Erafen said. “At the time, the Inquisition had no resources to do much more. You do know what the world would have been like had Corypheus won, yes?”

“Nothing in the world mattered but my brother,” Herah stated harshly, “but now he’s gone.”

“Corypheus is the cause of the Conclave’s explosion,” Miryam said plainly. “This thing on my hand? His fault. He killed my fellow mages, Templars, those protecting the talks.”

“Then what is my answer? You robbed me of that vengeance then!” the Qunari cried out.

“We did this for all in Thedas,” Erafen explained. “We’ve all lost people we loved to Corypheus. Sometimes I still feel like we’re losing people to him.”

“You can help us stop Calpernia, though, and Daern’thal,” Miryam told her. “Do you know who she serves?”

“A being stronger than Corypheus?” Herah asked bitterly.

“An ancient elf, powerful, yes, but he was a creature of the Void,” Erafen told her. “He thrives on the fears of others, an elven ‘god’ turning demon and threatens all. You bore his taint recently until we got you to Skyhold.”

“And free of it? I feel empty. My anger is… gone. I am a defeated woman,” Herah admitted. “So I submit to the Inquisition’s judgement. Should I really care enough to be an informant? I don't have the energy to care now.”

“If you don’t care, then give us the information. Why does Daern’thal use Calpernia and the Venatori?” Erafen asked.

Herah Adaar only sighed. “What good will it do me?”

“What good would it to the world? Or, perhaps, your brother’s memory? Would he rise to this?” Miryam asked her.

“I think, had he survived, he might have,” Herah admitted sadly. “But no one will ever know now. I’ve given you no reason to trust me, either.”

“No, you haven’t, and you still aided our enemies willingly,” Miryam said, arms folded. “Do you know what that crystal was? The one you spat up?”

“All of the acolytes had to drink a potion containing Red Tears to prove our loyalty and dedication,” Herah answered, head still lowered. “I don’t think it affected me the way it did the humans. I saw nothing but rage and fear. I couldn’t think, just wanted to kill. It was like I’d turned into some nightmare version of myself, but I couldn’t stop it.”

Erafen and Miryam exchanged a look. “What of elves that consume it?”

“Elves seem to… fall into this trance, like their minds are locked away. Nothing but terror. You saw how your Keeper ended up?” the Qunari pointed out. “Dwarves just get really sick from it.” She stood, walking up to the bars, and she opened her shirt, revealing the same markings Erafen previously saw on the dead Venatori. “Calpernia inscribes this, using a large Red Tear she carries and your own blood.”

“Yours is healing,” Erafen observed.

“Whatever enchantment is on this place, it destroys the fragments of the crystal,” Miryam said. “Something old, Elvhen magic maybe.”

“I don’t think Calpernia has undergone the ritual. She needs to keep her mind, be able to lead. The lives bound to her will be able to flow through her to Daern’thal, as if she were a jug to be drunk from,” Herah added. “That’s all I know. I don’t know exactly how or why.”

“Perhaps he can only possess elves, but human mages are a source of power, too?” Erafen wondered. She froze, however, a thought resounding in her mind.

“Did… did you poison Keeper Deshanna with that crystal?” she asked.

“I… I did,” Herah admitted. “A pinprick in the crowd, the needle coated with blood and slivers of the crystal.”

“Erafen,” Miryam said gently, concerned for her friend.

‘Fen stood still, eyes closed, breathing deeply to keep her rage held in check. She could feel the edge of Solas touching her thoughts, and she indicated she needed to be alone. Her fists clenched and unclenched, her throat went dry, and when she did open her eyes, tunnel vision greeted her. She finally released her breath in a huff.

“Did you receive your cursed _vallaslin_ before that happened?” Erafen asked, her voice cracking.

Herah met her eyes. “I did. It was soon after Daern’thal returned to the Fade that Calpernia found me.”

Erafen let out another long breath. “I choose to believe you,” she said, forcing herself to relax.

“I’m… sorry,” Herah said. “It’s not the sort of loss I’d want another to feel.”

“Erafen will sit in judgement of you at such a time as she deems fit,” Miryam declared. “Surely you have wronged her and her people far more, and she will deal with you fairly.”

“I don’t care that you came after me,” the elf said. “I care that you came after those close to me. That you did it while under the influence of another does complicate things. What verdict would you ask for?”

“I would not have done it, but I would have killed you…” Herah shook her head. “That’s not even right. I accepted Calpernia’s offer because I’d given up. I was going to return home, ashamed, but then she approached. I’m… I’m not a murderer!”

“I will bear that in mind,” Erafen said, and she turned to head out without another word, not stopping until she blinked at the sun above.

“Erafen!” Miry called from behind her, and she turned around to look at her friend. “Did I make a mistake in putting you in charge of her fate?”

“I don’t think so,” Erafen said. “But I do need to clear my mind of this. I have so many feelings on the matter.”

“Of course, my friend, and you’ve had little sleep. Go find yourself some refreshment. I’ve got to check up with Cullen, but I’ll meet you again tonight.” Miryam moved forward to pull her First close.

Erafen nodded, accepted the hug her friend delivered, and watched the other woman go. Was Herah Adaar to blame? She had no answer, so instead she turned to head towards the tavern to hopefully enjoy some wine and a simple meal.

Finding the main ground floor level too rowdy for her tastes, 'Fen wandered upstairs, soon finding herself almost dropping her food and drink as she was startled by none other than Sera.

"Inky!! Finally!" the younger elf exclaimed.

"Come on, Sera, let me set my food down, yeah?" Erafen replied, grinning broadly. The two found a place to sit, and 'Fen finally brought the younger elf into a deep warm hug.

"You're lookin' extra elfy today," Sera observed. "Been runnin' around building up your new elf town and huntin' down nasty old demons?"

"Not so much a demon, but yeah." Erafen sighed. "I don't know, probably the grandfather of demons, if I were to hazard a guess. I've learned so many things that challenge what I thought I knew."

"That's when you get yerself a bottle of somethin' strong, yeah? Then you drink the fuck out of it," Sera advised sagely.

Erafen sputtered a laugh. "I sadly can't, m'dear. Ignoring these problems don't make them go away, and they can't be forgotten." With that, 'Fen started giving Sera the abridged version of what happened while they were apart, of course leaving out the parts about the identity of one "apostate hedge mage".

"Oh, Inky!! I'm sorry about yer gran!" Sera pulled her friend in again for a long hug, and 'Fen found herself tearing up again at the strong and unexpected show of sympathy from the younger elf. Sera was still quite young, but Erafen noted that her raw edges were starting to grow harder in some places while they softened in others. In short, Sera was growing up, and as such, her actions were showing more maturity.

" _Ma serannas_ ," Erafen said, whispering the words, and Sera didn't prickle at them. She moved back, looking her friend over thoughtfully.

"You know, Sera, when things are done, you should come to _Halam'abelas_ ," 'Fen told her. "I know you don't like 'elfy' things, but we're building something new. I mean, think on it. The Fereldens have their culture; the Orlesians do, too. Dalish culture may seem a mockery of trying to hold onto the old ways, but it gives people an identity. We're making something new for ourselves, and I don't want to fall into the same traps _Halam'shiral_ did. I'd like your input. In the end, the people are people."

Sera seemed skeptical, but then she nodded. "All right, Inky. When this business with the Nightmare Arsehole is done, I'll do it for you."

"I appreciate it, Sera. I know we've got big differences of opinions on things, but I do trust the insight you bring," 'Fen said.

"Insight, pffft." Sera grinned wildly. "Did you see who's in the jail? WOOF."

"Mmmm, Qunari women do it for you?" the older elf laughed.

"You have no idea, Inky!" Sera laughed, snorting at the end. "Those muscles, and you can hold onto the horns while they... well, you know. With her tongue and what. Woo-oof."

"Have you talked much with Herah Adaar?" Erafen wondered.

"Not much, really. Just looked at her arse some," Sera admitted. "But I can go down there and have a chat with her if you want. Somethin' casual, see what she's on about. Maybe get a date." She winked.

Erafen snorted at that. "I don't see how romantic of a date you can have in the dungeon, but do try to learn what her intentions are. She seems to be free of the geas that was on her, but she had a long streak of revenge intentions, and I want to make sure she's put that behind her. I trust you, Sera."

The young rogue blinked, surprised and pleased at the same time. "Aw, Inky, don't get sappy on me. I'll do it, but you owe me some of that fancy wine Miry keeps by the kitchens."

"It's a deal!" Erafen laughed, and the two women went back to catching up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry again for the gaps in my posting schedule. I want to post every night, but with work, buying a house, and my design projects, I have to split up my time a bit more. I’ll at least try to do more than one post a week if I can.
> 
> Thanks again, all of you!


	36. For the Sake of Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erafen is trying not to lose her mind. Solas reveals a few things.

Sera was true to her word, spending time around the lonely angry Qunari woman in the dungeons, sharing ale and stories under the guard’s watchful eyes. ‘Fen felt better about returning to _Halam’abelas_ knowing that someone was taking the time needed with the Inquisition’s “guest”. The working _eluvian_ meant she could travel back and forth between the two locations without worries.

More of the Sentinels from the Arbor Wilds arrived, guided to the location by Abelas himself. All of them went through inspections, looking for the markings of Daern’thal, the touch of the clear red crystals (Dagna started calling it “clarified red lyrium”), and making them go through purification rituals before they could touch the new elven land.

As for the land itself, the same Sentinels began casting in concert with each other, weaving similar spells like those in Skyhold into the ground surrounding _Halam’abelas_. Two levels below the room that contained the _eluvian_ in the central keep was another room with a simple stone table in the middle. On it was a perfect crystal, but at closer inspection, it was made of crystals and gemstones of other colors pressed into a sphere, bound together with lyrium. It wasn't unlike the Orb Solas carried, but it was intended for another purpose. It’d taken a week of constant work to create.

 _Halam’abela_ s didn't have the same presence and convergence of energies that Skyhold possessed; it was relatively newer land in respect to its settlement and power. This new orb would be a focus for the protections, something the original settlers of Halamshiral neglected to do. Erafen was thinking long term.

“We’re not going to get done by the time he finds us,” Erafen muttered, leaning heavily on her love’s arm.

“We won’t need to be. We will stop him,” Solas told her.

“We don’t have a plan!” Erafen lamented, closing her eyes. “We’re still no closer to finding what Calpernia wants and no idea how to permanently end the spirit of a god.”

"Destroy the bodies with them inside, I would wager, though as you saw, that did not work with Mythal," he replied easily, looking out over the construction in the town below. The balcony extended out from inside the hollowed center of the living tree, the room inside still under construction both physically and magically so that it would survive being lived in.

"Was your intention to kill the gods?" Erafen asked, moving from his arm to the balcony railing.

Solas remained silent for a lingering moment, seeming as if he was considering how to answer properly. "No," he decided. "But I was angry at them. Angry at myself. Grieving. So much blood, _vhen'an_ , so much lost, and the first signs of the Quickening among the People. You..." He came up behind Erafen, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to him, his forehead against her shoulder.

"I've spoken of it to no one. Cole has revealed glimpses. I've shown you more than most people see. I will admit it to you that seeing what became of the elves of this age made me doubt my previous actions, and I do _not_ do well with doubting myself." Solas released a warm breath against her shoulder.

"And you wanted to undo it, yes?" Erafen asked, feeling him nod against her shoulder. "Even if it brings back the days of blood spilled and slavery and existing at the whim of beings stronger than us?"

"Not stronger than you. I would have seen to it." His voice shook.

"But I would have stood against them, and also, then, stood against you, though it would break my heart," she whispered.

"I know," Solas told her. "I thought I could convince you, or at least keep you safe and endure your hatred. I was sure I deserved to endure the shame, that I should be long punished for what befell the People. You have become the teacher in lessons I would do better to learn."

Erafen turned around in his arms, sliding her own around him. " _'Ma Fen_ ," she began, "what makes you think you're not doing penance now?"

"Penance, vhen'an?" Solas seemed almost amused and perplexed by her choice of words. "I have a brilliant wife, one of the wisest and marvelous elves of her age, one who allowed herself to be uplifted without question, who does not show fear in the face of adversity, and who has gifted our union with a perfect little boy? What's more, I stand in a position to rebuild our society. How is that penance?"

"Because, my love, you had to swallow a lot of that pride you named yourself for to accept it," Erafen told him simply. "You lost your power and lost your oldest friend to your drive to undo your actions. You had to admit you might have been wrong. That's not easy for anyone." She reached to press her hand to his cheek. "Then, you isolated yourself, left me. You had to suffer at the hands of Daern'thal, endure his Nightmare. Don't tell me this hasn't cost you personally. I'd say you were lying if you did."

Solas turned his face into her hand gently for a moment, kissing her palm, and he looked down at her. "I doubt. It is easy to fall back on the things one knows instead of this nebulous future. Then you stand here, so young, yet you have the confidence of one Elvhen-born. Were these the old days, all would fall to worship at your feet, yet you desire none of that other than for what it benefits the elves."

"You don't consider these elves to be your people," Erafen stated.

"Not as they were, no. Not as I saw them. I saw them as what was lost, as what they existed as. You saw them as what they could become and did not devalue what they endured," he replied. "Perhaps I still feel apart from them, but look out there!" He moved back so Erafen could look back over the workers below. "They are taking it back."

"Sorrow's End, my Wolf," 'Fen said, leaning back against him. "Now we only have to protect it. They don't know what's out there. Many still evoke you as a predator against their nightmares. Your statues still stand guard outside the Dalish gatherings and at the city gates."

"And you have not discouraged it, I see," Solas observed.

"Why should I? You are the 'god' that still yet walks the land, other than the one that stalks their darkest dreams," she replied. "Perhaps I should start with the unasked question."

"How did I release him?" Solas suggested. "Come inside, please." He pulled back, taking her hand, and Erafen turned to follow him into the sparsely furnished room, sitting down to face him over a simple table.

"I've avoided asking you that. I'm afraid of the answer, but this is something I need to know," Erafen said, pouring them both some wine.

"I took the power Mythal gave me," Solas said, not even delaying in his reply. "I found another _eluvian_ , one I'd used to seal away Ghilan'nain at the last. She..." He looked into his wine goblet. "She was so defensive, couldn't understand why I was angered. She was the last one I sealed away." He took a long drink. "So I called to her, heard her answer, and when I opened the portal, there Daern'thal stood, a skeletal vision of what he'd been in his prime, more of a beastly nightmare wrapped in skin, and he spoke with her voice. I sensed no one else with him.”

"He must have been waiting," Erafen mused.

"Yes, but _how_? They were sleeping. I should have sensed them, and for the moment, he felt like Ghilan’nain. Where they were locked was a place of endless sleep, the mind trapped within the body, but there he stood," Solas said. "I immediately deactivated the _eluvian_ , but I was too slow. While the body deteriorated in front of me, destroyed as the portal closed on it, the spirit within it attacked, sending me backwards through another _eluvian_."

'Fen put down her own goblet, worried eyes watching Solas. He seemed to look inward, reliving the event as he spoke. She took his free hand, seeming to ground him, though he seemed no less haunted.

"I lost him as he rejoined the Fade," Solas continued. "I was weakened some, so I did accept refuge with a very small Dalish clan. That was my error. Daern'thal possessed their Keeper, absorbed the life-force of the others, and..." He sighed. "I was trapped for weeks before he returned with the Venatori. I knew nothing but darkness until you brought me to the light." Solas gripped her hand, his eyes snapping to hers as he let himself smile weakly. "You had quite the interesting way of bringing me into reality."

Erafen coughed, blushing. "Well, Merrill suggested pain, and I thought of... well. I know you like my mouth."

This time it was his turn to color. "I do very much. I remember how shy you were about using it at first."

"You gave me good instructions," she recalled. "But... we were talking of Daern'thal. Stop distracting me." Erafen sent her love an apologetic smile, one he nodded to seriously. "We know things now. Perhaps we don't know what he was doing with the other 'gods' or how he was awake, but we do know his body was destroyed and his spirit had to anchor in the Fade."

Solas nodded slowly. "This is true. To interact with this world, he needs a host, and it seems his host must be an elven mage."

"So then, perhaps we need to lock him into a body, and then seal it away somehow," Erafen suggested.

"But then we are still tasked with what purpose the Calpernia woman serves," Solas countered. "The two move independently of each other, and she must be doing something for him, though what apart from being a nuisance?"

'Fen picked up her goblet again, drinking. "We should see if Dagna's made any more progress with the memory shard. Dorian is positive that's what it is, and Dagna concurred."

"We had such things in my day," Solas told her. "There are many things Tevinter claims as their own that had their origins among the Elvhen. There are quite a few I've spoken of. Our collection of Sentinels are doing well to bring back the old techniques."

"I would like to speak with Vivienne at some point, to train some of our people as Knight-Enchanters and take the best skills there with those of the ancient Arcane Warriors. Perhaps you see a theme with me, ' _ma Fen_?" Erafen smiled.

"Marrying old and new? I believe I might have noticed. Is that not personified by the two of us?" he followed.

"And the result is our Fenrian and this haven for elves, old and new, that we're building here," Erafen told him.

"And you think this is penance for me," he replied, finishing his wine. " _Vhen'an_ , the penance is convincing myself that I deserve this instead of your loathing and distrust."

"Better learn to live with it, my Wolf. I'm too used to having you in my bed," 'Fen said pointedly. "I truly wouldn't want a life without you in it now that I have you back." Her hand trembled as she set down her own empty goblet. "And Daern'thal wants to take you from me, to possess you, or to possess me. Either way, we'd lose each other."

"We'll defeat him," Solas said firmly. He reached across the table to touch Erafen's cheek, pulling her close so he could kiss her properly, the two each leaning across the table. With a shove, Solas pushed the table aside so he could bring his wife to his lap, arms sliding around her as their kiss deepened, growing hungrier.

Things might have progressed between the two, as they were wont to, but a clearing of the throat coming from the doorway made them both pause, looking over to see who it came from. There stood one Dorian Pavus, looking rather amused at the two.

"My my, I'd hoped there was wine left, but it seems you two have other things in mind," the Tevinter mage told them. "Should I come back later? Or perhaps you both would be interested in knowing that our dwarven friend has unlocked and used the pair of crystals were were all so very interested in."

Erafen almost jumped off of her mate's lap, sliding back to stand and straighten her clothes. "You're serious? And you came this way yourself?"

"Well, our lovely friend Morrigan was quite kind to let me use her mirror door," Dorian explained. "I thought it better if I were the one to tell you. Besides, this Halamabelas place here is quite lovely."

Erafen made note that Dorian pronounced the location as if he were talking of Halamshiral as well, and so she didn't correct him. Let the people of Thedas accept the place as they'd accepted the naming of the Orlesian capitol. The elves would always know it was theirs.

"Well, then, let's let Abelas know where we're going and be off," she said, reaching to replace her staff at her back.

"Oh yes, we can't have them wondering," Dorian said, but he laughed when Erafen gave him a quick huge, followed out by an amused Solas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People are going to adopt Halamabelas into their parlance, even as Halamshiral is. I think the elves will still retain proper pronunciation, but having the name accepted by others is a good thing. 
> 
> I’ll be taking the next few days off to get my writing caught up and check my timeline for the ending. Things are gonna go down before too long!


	37. Shards of Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to hide secrets from a hyper dwarven arcanist. Oh, Calpernia!

"See, I'm not a Shaper, but I do have a fundamental understanding of how it works. This is like a combination of Shaping and some sort of odd marriage of force and spirit magic," Dagna was explaining, one of the crystals held in clamps on her workbench. "Do you know how to make them, Dorian?"

"Alas, they didn't teach me such things. There are artisans who are responsible for their creation, but they are usually used sparingly, meant to keep record of important events," the Altus explained. "I am quite impressed you've managed to repair the two."

"Now we just have to see what's on them," Miryam said, arms folded.

Erafen remained silent, looking the crystal over. It was almost iridescent in its coloring, reflecting not only the light of the physical world, but power from the Fade as well. She found it fascinating, almost hypnotic. "I thought there were two," she said after a moment.

"There were," Miryam said. "On some information Cadash picked up, we investigated a location rumored to be hosting Venatori. Calpernia was there. Our spy was able to infiltrate and leave the crystal there."

"I figured out how to tie the two of them together," Dagna explained happily, almost bouncing with excitement. "So the one in Calpernia's camp will record and this will show us what it recorded. The pisser is that Calpernia found it, but we've got what we need, I think."

"A pisser, indeed," Erafen said, amused at the dwarf's enthusiasm despite the thwarting. Maybe some good would come of the shard, as Dagna indicated. "So let's see what this thing has for us."

As it was activated, the crystal glowed with several shades of blue, and from it poured ghostly images, one easily recognizable as Calpernia, the other another Venatori woman.

" _I will try harder, Mistress_ ," the Venatori said.

" _No, Linnea, you are no longer a slave. I shall attend to it myself_ ," Calpernia told her, exasperated but gentle. " _Have we found any more of the weak-willed in our midst? Those with less than pure intentions?_ "

Linnea nodded. " _They have been marked, and now are compliant. Will this be done with all of those who cannot escape the mentality of a slave?_ "

" _I will give them every opportunity. The first batch I sent against the Inquisition would have sold us to whoever gave them coin enough. Their deaths served a greater purpose. They will be remembered when Tevinter rises again._ " The senior Venatori's expression grew clouded, and then she steeled herself.

The shard faded again, the images vanishing, and Erafen was left looking concerned, even a touch confused.

"You are troubled," Miryam observed.

"She's doing this for Tevinter, but wouldn't Daern'thal want to see Tevinter crumble, given how it was built on the backs of... wait, no, I recall he only wished to see the People suffer. He fed on their fears and troubled hearts. I need to stop applying the _old_ thinking to him," Erafen mused aloud.

“If she’s doing this for Tevinter and Tevinter means nothing to her, we can exploit this,” Dorian said simply. “I think she could be appealed to, but she also seems to have some trust issues.”

“She does treat her freed slaves well,” Erafen added. “And she does not take kindly to being betrayed. We know the Nightmare will betray her. We only don’t know how or when.”

“There’s more,” Dagna said, and she activated the next stored memory.

“ _If you would allow me to travel with you, I could better serve,_ ” Calpernia explained to another shadowy figure.

“ _If you were near me, you would slow me down, be a distraction, a temptation,_ ” Daern’thal said, features barely discernible in the memory. “ _I need you as you are, untainted. Continue the rituals to uplift your nature. Continue building your connection to the Fade. You will be the first to stand in your dream of Tevinter_. _Remember, my beloved, you carry my heart._ ”

“ _It is as you say,_ ” Calperna said with a bow, and the image of Daern’thal faded. Her hand went to the pouch around her neck, seeming as if she was feeling its power. For a moment, it looked as if doubt crossed her features, and she looked around quickly as if seeing if anyone else noticed.

“ _What have we here?_ ” Calpernia said, approaching where the others watched. “ _My dwarven bauble, returned? Well, I need it no longer._ ” With that, the broadcast stopped.

“That’s the last of it,” Dagna said. “Was it enough?”

“That was doubt I saw,” Erafen said. “Daern’thal called her a distraction, a temptation. Perhaps he would seek to drain her? And his heart? Are they lovers?” She shuddered at the mental imagery.

“She’d been gathering energy with those Red Tears or whatever they are,” Dorian said, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “Red Tears aren't anything I've seen in the Imperium; it might be Elvhen or something new, something related to the red lyrium.”

“Well, the Tears, as far as I could tell from the residue, are clarified crystals of red lyrium, solidified while lyrium seemed to have a bit more elasticity in nature,” Dagna pointed out. “And they’re very weak, these Red Tears. Could be that they’re not intended to last very long or don’t live past having a blood supply.”

  “It’s frightening, is what it is,” Miryam commented. “I wonder if our Qunari friend may be willing to contribute anything by now.”

“Sera’s been with her, chatting her up.” Dorian seemed amused by the thought. “Perhaps we can send our saucy little elven rogue to complain to her, try to get some information.”

“Or we could ask her ourselves,” Miryam said. “Show some trust. We could bring her to trial, show her some mercy. She’s not unreasonable, so it seems, and I’d rather have her as an ally than an enemy.”

“And you still want me to judge her?” Erafen asked, looking miserable.  “You will be fair, my friend, and she’s done more to wrong you than me,” Miry told her.

“If you say so,” ‘Fen said, and she turned back to the crystal. “Seal this away, Dagna, will you? This is quite a bit to digest. I think we should capture Calpernia, or else convince her that Daern’thal will betray her. Solas and I should go after her ourselves. I also think I have a theory as to what heart Daern'thal may actually have given to Calpernia.”

“I’ll request Hawke and Fenris off of her trail, then,” Miryam agreed. “I am concerned with Daern’thal’s move westward. Could he be heading towards Val Royeaux? Halamshiral, perhaps?”

“Then we need to warn the Divine,” Erafen said. “Of course, dividing forces like that very well could be his way of trying to throw us off his trail.” She frowned, considering what Solas told her before. “He could mimic the other gods. They should have been sleeping, yet there was no sense of them, only Daern’thal.”

“How do you know this?” Dorian asked, intrigued.

“Things I learned of his release. An attempt to return the old elven gods to us backfired grossly,” Erafen said, exchanging a look with Miryam.

“That would be bad, if what your Solas has told us of them in their past is true,” Dorian said. “Could he have cannibalized his own kin?”

“He’s had no problem possessing and leeching elves of this age and draining humans dry,” Erafen said bitterly. “If only we understood how he does it.”

“Capturing Calpernia may be the key, then. She should be our priority, and we can have Edric’s spies out trailing Daern’thal if we find him,” Miryam decided. “Let’s go with that first.”

“I’ll have a word with Iron Bull,” Dorian offered. “The big oaf could use something to punch on, I’m sure.”

“As if you’re not wearing him out, you naughty thing,” Dagna teased. “Now all of you, shoo. I have some work to do in here. Let me know if I can tinker more things for you.”

The group did head out, and Erafen immediately went off on her own to find her son, surprised to find Sera playing with the toddler, helping him to walk around and dancing through the yard with him.

“Made a new friend?” Erafen wondered.

“He’s so bleedin’ _cute_!” Sera declared, and Fenrian laughed as the younger elf spun him around. “I still don’t want any, mind, but look at his little curly hair and his little pointy ear bits and that nose! He’s gonna take after his boring old dad in looks, but he knows how to laugh like his fun ol’ Mum. Who knew elfy babies were this wee?”

“Solas can be quite fiendish when he wants to be,” Erafen pointed out. “And he does have a wicked sense of humor, subtle as it is.”

“Yeah, yeah, I ain’t the one sleeping with the old drip,” Sera said, though she winked to show she was only giving Erafen a hard time.

“Oh shush, and give me my child,” Erafen said with false injury, and she took Fenrian, pressing kisses to his little face. “Don’t listen to Auntie Sera one bit, my beautiful boy.”

“So what had you lot in your big conference in there, huh?” Sera wondered, following along with Erafen away from the elven camps.

“Calpernia, for one thing. We may need you to talk to Herah for us again, see if she’d be willing to help the Inquisition. Do you think she would?” Erafen wondered.

“She might,” Sera said after a moment of thought. “She’s plenty pissed over what happened with Calpernia, feels like she was used and made into somethin’ she wasn’t. I think she wants some payback now that she has a real enemy to want it from.”

“Good,” Erafen said, and she stopped to nuzzle her son, nose to nose. “I’ll be judging her tomorrow. Give her warning.”

“Shite, Inky, tomorrow? All right, I will. I hope she gets to stay. She’s gorgeous whens he smiles, and she has a damned wicked sense of humor when she lets it out,” the younger elf told her.

“Ah, our little Sera has fallen in love,” ‘Fen teased. Fenrian giggled at his mother’s expression.

“What’s not to love?” Sera challenged. “I’d love to take her by the horns. _Woof_.”

Erafen laughed, and she spun Fenrian around a bit more. “I’m sure you would. Think she’s interested in smart-arse elven rogues?”

“She might be,” Sera said with a wink. "Hey, I _do_ like her. She's had some shit in her life, yeah? She an' her brother were twins, inseparable till the magic shite happened and he came to guard the Conclave. She was dealin' with a broken arm. So yeah, I get her bein' pissed and havin' that big stick up her arse. Hurt can do that." She shook her head, almost looking as if she wondered where her serious streak came from.

"Did she tell you she poisoned the Keeper of my clan? Keeper Deshanna was like a grandmother to me," Erafen said quietly. "But Herah was under a geas, so... so it wasn't really her fault, except that she put herself in that situation."

"People in pain do stupid shit," Sera said plainly. "I mean, I was scared shitless and everything was pain, back when Coryphy-shit was around. You were kind to me. You an' Miry both, and you kept yer Solas from being too much of a know-it-all arse at me. I was... yeah."

"I know, Sera," Erafen said.

"'Sides, you gave ol' Cadash a second chance, but I don't think any of his relatives died recently or... well, bad example. He's a good one." The younger elf shrugged. "But give Horny a chance for me, please?"

"Horny?" 'Fen blinked. "Another of your weird nicknames?"

"Sure," Sera said, delivering her best shit-eating grin. "After all, I'm gonna get her there before too long! You know, ‘horny’, because… you know!”

Erafen just rolled her eyes and snorted. Leave it to Sera to make something dirty, but it was pretty funny, if crass.” Go on, you. Let me know what happens, yeah?”

“OHHH, yeah,” Sera laughed, and she darted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting heated. I've got most of my timeline revamped, so we're gearing up into the climax!
> 
> I decided to post today since I’m probably not going to be able to get another up until Friday, but I’m off work for four days and should be able to write up a storm and get caught up again.
> 
> I also got some more bad news regarding the health of my remaining grandmother, so please send happy vibes my way. I could use them.


	38. Standing Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Herah Adaar stands trial. Erafen, Miryam, and Cullen talk afterwards.

“Herah Adaar,” Josephine called out, and the Qunari woman was brought forward, hands chained before her. “You are accused of conspiracy to kill the Inquisitor and her First, willfully aligning with enemies of the Inquisition, and the murder of Keeper Deshanna Istimaethoriel Lavellan, guardian of the First to the Inquisition. How do you plead?”

“Guilty,” Herah said, her voice steady and full of grief. “I will accept whichever judgement the Inquisition decides upon.”

Erafen sat on the Inquisition’s throne, feeling as if it were too big for her slight frame. Beside her stood Miryam on one side, Cullen next to her. She scanned the crowd, seeing Solas on one side and Sera much closer to the front. This would not be easy.

“Serrah Adaar,” Erafen said aloud, leaning forward. “Start at the beginning. Why did you seek our lives?”

“I wanted vengeance for the death of my brother,” the Qunari said simply. “I grieved. I cared nothing for the Elder One, knew nothing of him at first. I only knew that you both survived while he did not.”

“And when you learned the truth?” Erafen wondered.

“I only had my vengeance, and knowing who was responsible, truly responsible, only kept my anger misplaced at the heads of the Inquisition for denying me,” Herah said. “Eventually, though, I decided to give it up. There was no point.”

“Continue,” Erafen insisted.

“I was approached a few months ago by a woman named Calpernia who hired me as her bodyguard. I had a purpose again, even more when I learned you were her enemies, though…” The large horned woman paused, frowning, ashamed.

“I said continue,” her judge pressed.

“They summoned demons, bound to their will. Blood shed for magic always made my nose twitch. I doubted, but I accepted the marks of their numbers to center myself. After that, my world was rage, nothing but rage and nightmares. The first peace I’ve known was being captured and brought to Skyhold.” Herah looked up at her judge squarely. “That is the truth, all of it.”

Erafen was quiet, looking thoughtful, and she shifted her weight as she sat on the large throne. “Do you remember things you did under the influence of the Venatori?”

“I remember most of it,” Herah admitted. “I poisoned your Keeper so that Daern’thal could touch her dreams, could attempt to possess her. You freed her before he could. I tried to kill you when the Antivan elf stopped me. He sliced me; I ran.” She turned her forearm as much as she could to show the healed wound.

“Show me where you were marked,” Erafen ordered.

Herah lifted her bound hands, unfastening the collar of her tunic, revealing her left shoulder. There were scars in the shape of the Venatori’s version of the _vallaslin_ , but the red was gone, faded, and the scars were already healing.

“Gone, mostly,” Erafen said. “And how do you feel now?”

“Now? At peace. I either join my brother in death, or I can live to end those who manipulated me to their purposes,” Herah replied.

“Would you become a weapon of the Inquisition? Would you fight to atone for what you’ve done? Do you think you are worth forgiving?” ‘Fen leaned forward again.

“I don’t know what I’m worth, but I have nothing left. My rage was always misplaced. I’d have it do _something_ , to… to look beyond myself and work for the greater good,” the Qunari said, her eyes shimmering.

Erafen pointed at her. “Herah Adaar, you are to spend your days in service of the Inquisition in various capacities. You will be observed for the next month until we are certain you may be trusted, but I believe very few who walk this world are beyond redemption. Surely others of the Inquisition have walked their own dark paths. You will be in good company.”

“Thank you,” Herah said, bowing deeply, and she held out her hands for the manacles to be removed.

Erafen stood, looking out over the crowd gathered, her eyes finding Sera’s. The younger elf looked at her gratefully, almost gleeful. Next, she found Solas in the crowd, and he was nearly unreadable, expression only showing introspection until his eyes met hers. He nodded faintly, granting slight approval. They would talk, but for now, Erafen was relieved.

“There will be no more judgements this day,” Erafen announced, and court was dismissed. She turned, and Miryam and Cullen indicated ‘Fen should follow them to their chambers. She nearly jumped when the Commander clamped a hand on her shoulder.

“That can’t have been easy,” he told her. “Well done. _Very_ well done. I’ll make sure she’s put to good use and carefully watched until she can be fully trusted.”

“You’re very forgiving, but I suppose that’s a mark of the Inquisition now. We are hard in our decisions, but if someone looks to be redeemable, we give them that chance,” Miryam said gently. “I’m pleased that so far, we've been spot on in those decisions.”

“Even Solas, Miry?” Erafen asked.

“I don’t know that I can ever trust your Solas,” Cullen answered first. “He represents something old, things that existed before the Chantry that I've been taught to be wary of since I was old enough to hear the sermons. That you trust him, that you have power and haven’t sought to misuse it, that gives me reason to relax.”

  “Cullen and I are of the same mind in this respect. Solas says he does not believe the elven gods were gods, and given he is among their number, I take it to mean he does not believe he is a god. I don’t think he believes in the Maker, and that alone is enough to cast doubt on the Andrastian faith, but I maintain my own beliefs. He said it himself, who else could be responsible but the Maker of this world?” Miryam said. “He has done nothing, said nothing, to try to disprove our faith, only to shake what is known about things that affect elves and elven history.”

“Namely our ‘gods’ and Tevinter’s habit of appropriating Elvhen culture,” Erafen said with a snort.

“Quite so,” Miry agreed.

“For what it’s worth, we do both truly support what you’re doing with Halamabelas,” Cullen told Erafen, going to join Miryam on the couch while Erafen pulled up a chair. “That this Daern’thal can drain the life force of people, that he’s been controlling others… he must be stopped.”

“If we could find the bastard,” Miryam lamented. “We never even found Corypheus until was ready to be found, but he could have also been hiding in a Grey Warden. That Daren’thal requires a flesh body should make it easier to find him.”

“That’s assuming he is traveling via conventional means, or that he’s stayed hidden or may be traveling alone. I've been developing some theories of him, the worst of which also seems the most likely,” Erafen told them.

“Please share,” Cullen insisted. "Anything that could shed light, even so small, could help."

“Again, it’s theory and speculation, but Solas told me of how he found Daern’thal. The Nightmare spoke with Ghilan’nain’s voice, and then when he presented himself, Solas felt no other presence than that of Daern’thal. He made sure to emphasize that point. It leads me to think that if he woke independently of the others, he may have figured how to absorb their power,” Erafen said.

“But then why is he needing so much life force?” Miryam wondered.

“He needs a body strong enough to contain the spiritual energy of so many ‘gods’,” Erafen continued. “I think he has Calpernia gathering him more, building a Venatori army to be… I don’t know, fodder? Food? He’s consuming his own people.”

“Andraste preserve us,” Cullen said under his breath. “What sort of being can do that? I thought we’d seen everything with Corypheus.”

“Daern’thal is not quite so overt as Corypheus. Something drives him. He mentioned temptation with Calpernia. It could be possible that he may not be thinking properly, or ever did. His concepts could be ancient, far beyond our understanding. How does one anticipate what a ‘god’ would do?” Erafen wondered.

“Or a nut-job ancient elf,” Miry muttered. “Has Solas given you any more insight?”

“I’m going to tell him my theory soon, see if it holds water,” ‘Fen told her friend. “I hope I’m wrong, but if I’m right, that means that perhaps Daern’thal’s hold on reality here may be more tenuous than we thought.”

“Let’s hope so,” Cullen said. “I’ll excuse myself now to see to Serrah Adaar. Miryam?”

“I’m fine, and the baby will be fine, too,” Miryam said, rolling her eyes affectionately. “I’ll rest if I get too tired. Now shoo!”

“You sound like Dagna,” he laughed, and turned to go after delivering a sweet kiss to his wife’s forehead. He gave Erafen a polite nod and disappeared down the stairs.

“He’s worried,” Miryam said with a sigh. “As if I’m the first woman to ever bear a child.”

“You’re the first woman that he _loves_ to bear him a child,” Erafen said. “Truth be told, I’m a little envious.”

Miryam urged her friend over. “Oh, ‘Fen, I’m sorry!! I know Solas wasn't here when you carried Fenrian. I wasn't thinking.”

Erafen did come over, taking the seat Cullen vacated. She let Miry rest on her shoulder. “Don’t worry. Even if he wasn't here, I wasn't alone. I had you. There was no shortage of people offering to rub my swollen feet or fetch things for me. I had a lot of quality support. You and Cullen will have a gifted little child.”

“I dream sometimes, of what she’ll be like,” Miryam said. “She’s always a girl in my dreams, with golden hair like her father’s, all sunshine and bouncy curls. She plays rough and skins her knees, but her tears only last a few minutes. Did you dream of Fenrian so?”

“Not like that, nothing so prophetic,” Erafen said sincerely. “I walked the Fade a lot, consulted with spirits as Solas taught me to. Spirits of Wisdom can be quite maternal.” She considered for a moment. “Solas did come to see me once when I was about three or so months along. It had to have been soon after that he was captured by Daern’thal.”

“You never told me,” Miry said, though she wasn't upset.

“It was my secret to keep, and I’m sorry. It felt almost like a dream,” ‘Fen admitted. “But it was nice.” She looked thoughtful again. “What if your child is a mage?”

“I won’t say the thought didn't cross my mind,” Miryam admitted. “Cullen and I talked about it briefly. For all of his acceptance, he still has old fears, lingering trauma. He did say nothing would make him not love or be there for our child, and that we would raise her to be responsible in magic, to not fear herself but understand caution and responsibility.”

“Wise,” Erafen said agreeably. “Your Cullen is a good man. He’s clearly been through the fire, but he’s come out tempered, unbroken, and stronger for it. I will also admit, he’s very easy on the eyes.” She winked at her friend.

“‘Fen!! Come now, he’s _taken_!” Miry laughed. "Mine!"

“What? I have eyes! He’s a very lovely specimen of humanity,” Erafen laughed. “No worries, I think my Solas is quite lovely, too.” She shook her head in her mirth. “Graceful and strong, like a willow. He will bend as he needs to, but he will not break.” She let out a sigh, thinking back to the morning of waking up her her love’s arms. “We’re lucky.”

“We are, all of us,” Miryam said agreeably. “Let’s make sure we protect what we have, my friend.”

“With all that is within me,” Erafen said softly, sneaking her arm around Miryam’s shoulders to bring her friend closer. “You are my _falon_ , a sister to my heart. I will always be here for you.”

“And I for you… _falon_ ,” Miryam said.

Erafen smiled at her friend’s use of the old elven language, and she let herself relax. Daern’thal was still out there, and she had heaps of worries upon her, but there was no burden so great that she could forget the small moments of happiness when she could steal them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorrow’s End is coming to an end in a few chapters! It sorta makes me sad, but then this means I can work on the drabbles in my head. Lots of Cullen and Miry, quite a bit more Erafen and Solas. <3
> 
> Tomorrow I’ll be in San Francisco and then celebrating my birthday on the 19th. I’ll probably have a new chapter up Sunday or Monday night!
> 
> Also, I miss chatting with you guys in the comments!


	39. Preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot Miryam doesn't like, but Erafen is remaining resolute.

“There... and _there_ ,” Cullen said, indicating the map. The small group gathered included the Advisors, Erafen, Miryam, and Solas, all looking over the map of Southern Thedas with great interest. “It leads me to think that Calpernia is housed somewhere around here, where a shrine to Dumat was. We found Corypheus at the same location.”

“It’d make sense,” Cadash said. “My spies concur with your deduction, Commander. Also, with the information Mistress Adaar gave us, there are underground passages. She said she was always blindfolded for the leg of the journey, but she was able to point out the places where the blindfolds were in place.”

“Hard to be a bodyguard when you can’t see,” Erafen mused. “Interesting they’d do that. From her same account, I think they only allowed the Tevinter natives to see the place.”

“It’s a shrine to one of their gods, so that would explain it. One does not have just anyone on holy ground,” Solas added, his hand at Erafen’s back, just under her shoulder blades.

“Except when the gods are long gone and people want to study them,” Erafen added, and she leaned into his side for just a moment.

“Indeed,” Solas agreed. “As we know from previous blights, not all of Tevinter’s gods are gone, only those slain as archdemons.”

“Five down,” Cullen said, expression grim. “Let’s try not to add _another_ pantheon to the list, shall we? Would they be draconic?"

"Let's not wonder about that. I don't think any of us _really_ want to know," Miryam said with a deep shudder.

"Dragons are creatures of power, you know. Dragonlings can be tamed if taken at hatching," Solas said absently, and Erafen gave him the most curious look. "No, _vhen'an_ , I'm not suggesting we adopt a dragon."

Erafen's expression didn't change but to lessen a bit, and she shook it off. "I'm not having a dragon around Fenrian until he's at least seven." She made a face again, enough to make Miryam laugh fondly, and then returned to the table. "So, er, Cullen. You're the strategic mastermind here. Thoughts?"

"Marching above ground will draw attention. The tactic we took against Corypheus heading into the Arbor Wilds may serve us well here. We have Edric's spies go in, position themselves, and start building traps. While we may not have Qunari black powder, we do have other explosives and incendiaries. We find passages and smoke them out like rabbits," Cullen said. "At that point, I'd be willing to bring a full force in."

"Let's recall our people from the field, then, Hawke, Fenris, the lot of them," Miryam said. "Keep a small group of spies following Daern'thal still and the bulk of our forces on him. I worry about his approach to Val Royeaux, but something seems off about it."

"Why would he bother with that, except to attack the Divine? Leliana's spies are everywhere there; he wouldn't get close," Erafen said. "Hasn't she received our warnings?"

"Yes," Cullen said, "and her forces are watchful now. I was close to ordering a force to try to overtake him, but I held back."

"I believe he's playing at something else," Solas told them after a moment. "To manipulate nightmares, the secret thoughts of other sentient beings, requires cleverness. To trick is to know what to deceive. What if Daern'thal himself is the diversion?"

"And Calpernia has the source of his power? His 'heart'?" Erafen supplied, to which Solas nodded. "Or if he thinks we will consider that and still make to take on Val Royeaux? So many 'what-ifs' out there."

"At least he knows better than to attack Skyhold," Cadash pointed out. "We already know how this place affects his powers."

Erafen fell silent as the others came to debate, looking over the table with a deceptive stillness. Solas paused, watching her, and he placed a gentle hand at her back.

" _Vhen'an_?" he asked, and the others fell silent, turning to look at Erafen, some curious, some expectant.

"We should send in the spies, yes, but the force to attack Calpernia should be small but strong. I don't want to discount that Daern'thal himself poses a threat, but I think if his approach to Val Royeaux is a feint, then we present a feint as well. We send forces on him, our best soldiers, but our core talent here in the Inquisition attacks Calpernia." Erafen's finger approached her lips, and she bit its end thoughtfully.

"We are strong," Miryam said. "It was our small Inner Circle that made the final attack on Corypheus out of necessity."

"You will not be among those attacking Calpernia," Cullen said firmly. "Not with..."

"I know, but the Anchor will be useful," Miryam protested.

"We have something that will suffice," Solas said. "I possess my Orb, and it is close to full strength again. The Inquisitor need not be there. I apologize, but were I in Cullen's position when Erafen carried our son, I would insist on the same."

"Except you didn't," Miryam pointed out. "Erafen was pregnant when her blow took down the false Archdemon."

Solas exchanged a look with Cullen, the latter looking almost as if he were pleading, and then he turned back to Miryam. "Necessity at that point. Here, there is no need. Better to remain here and provide another edge to our feint."

Miry threw up her hands. "Fine, but I don't have to like this."

"You do much to easy my worries, beloved," Cullen told Miryam, sliding an arm around her shoulders for a long moment. "I sent you to the Darkspawn before. I would not want to do it again as long as I live."

"Very well," Miryam said, resting her head against the fluffy mantle on Cullen's shoulders. She finally pulled away, all business again. "So then we call back all of our forces, our rather grandiose Inner Circle."

"I would also petition King Alistair for a few of his loyal Templars," Erafen said. "We can draw numbers from Ferelden without drawing the attention of our enemies while Cullen's soldiers head towards Val Royeaux. I will write him myself." She remembered the look on Alistair's face as he admitted his fears and mourned his lost love. He would do this for his Ilaan, Erafen knew it.

"You must have had quite the effective meeting with him," Miryam noted.

"I remember meeting him after we were liberated from Ferelden's Circle. He was quite the unconventional warrior, but he's got a good heart and Templar training," Cullen said. "I am not opposed to seeking his aid, but wouldn't a Ferelden force cause problems entering Nevarra?"

"Then I'll coordinate with him. I think Templars might be able to move more freely, or else we support them there under the Inquisition's banner. We have a lot of freedom to move and a lot of favors we can cash in on," Erafen pointed out.

"You have my support in this. I will vouch for you," Miry added, folding her arms. "Get the help and we'll make this so."

"It really isn't so huge of a distance," Josephine spoke up, looking the map over. "That part of Nevarra is closer to Val Royeax than we are with fewer terrain-related obstacles. A clever choice on the part of our foe. I will prepare for soothing egos and border agreements."

"We couldn't do this without you," Miryam told Josephine warmly. "Thank you, Josie."

"My duty and my pleasure," Josephine said with a curtsy.

"Very well, then," Cullen said, resting his hand over the hild of his sword. "Let's recall our Inner Circle, prepare them for the attack. We have the Iron Bull's Chargers, we have Hawke and Fenris and allies with them, and we can hopefully rely on Ferelden to supply needed assistance. As for Daern'thal, we make a convincing feint with a large Inquisition and Orlesian force."  "If we're wrong, this could be a disaster," Cadash said.

"Then pray we're not wrong," Solas spoke softly, his hand still at his wife's back.

"This could be worse than Corypheus," Erafen muttered.

"Then we stop this, _vhen'an_ ," Solas told her.

"Let's get this in motion, people," Cullen said. "If there are no other concerns or questions, then we are dismissed. Let's get to work."

\----

The next few days were a blur of preparation. The group with Erafen would have to move quickly and in secret. Instead of pulling everyone back to Skyhold, meeting places were arranged from where the group would converge at a single location. It would provide the small attacking force the secrecy they needed for their attack.

Iron Bull and his Chargers left first, Dorian traveling with them, presumably, to keep an eye on 'the big lummox' as he affectionately referred to his _amatus_. This was Herah Adaar's chance to prove herself as well, and she went with Sera traveling through the mountains to directly meet up with Hawke and Fenris. Merrill and Carver made their way from _Halam'abelas_ , meeting with Zevran as they did. The Antivan elf brought along another certain friend from his past, a particular dwarf with a dear love of all things alcoholic. Morrigan herself led a small group, traveling via _eluvian_ to another location in Nevarra.

Erafen and Solas traveled with Abelas and Cole, as they had in the days when the situation began, heading into Ferelden to meet with their contact from Alistair's court. The meeting place was a small shack in the Hinterlands, abandoned long ago but still serviceable. When the pair arrived, they could see smoke coming from a hastily repaired chimney.

"I wonder who Alistair sent to aid us," 'Fen wondered, walking shoulder to shoulder with Solas.

"Hopefully very effective fighters. In this case, I wouldn't mind a Templar or some strong mages," he replied. "I doubt all of the Venatori are mages, but many of them will be."

Erafen nodded, remaining silent as they approached the circular shack. She took point, going to knock out the coded signal on the door. It opened immediately, and the two stepped in, completely floored by who greeted them.

"Hullo," a familiar voice said, grinning cheekily.

"Alistair?!" Erafen exclaimed, looking the king over. He was in the uniform of a Grey Warden, none of the trappings of royalty about him. There were a pair of Wardens in the room with him, one a blonde elven mage who looked rather familiar, though she couldn't decide where she'd seen the face before.

"Let me introduce my friends here," Alistair said. He indicated a man with long black hair, a surly expression on his face. "This is Nathaniel Howe." He nodded to the elf next. "This is Velanna."

" _Andaran atish’an, lethallan_ ," the Dalish woman said, nodding. "I know you are one of us, though the absence of your _vallaslin_ is disturbing."

" _Aneth ara_ ," Erafen replied with a nod. "I am no less Dalish for my lack of _vallaslin_. I only have a greater responsibility to _all_ elves."

"You and I will have quite the discussion later," Velanna said. She looked Solas over, and she actually took a step back when her eyes met his. "By... by the Dread Wolf."

"Indeed," Solas said dryly. "I did not expect that you would be joining us," he added to Alistair. "You are not unwelcome."

"Well, I'm not here _officially_ ," Alistair pointed out. "I draw less attention in the armor of a Grey Warden, and I am owed a few favors. I'll be returning to Ferelden when this is done, but I've decided after my child is old enough, I'll be passing sole rulership on to Anora with the expectation that our child inherits it, poor kid." He shrugged.

Solas looked Alistair over, finally having an opportunity to do so. As if his mind were made up, he nodded. "We are glad to have you."

"Well, this Daern'thal has killed my people and destroyed part of a sacred forest, so it's my responsibility to stop him, too," Alistair added. "It's not like I was doing anything else, just boring old country ruling." He grinned at that, and behind him, Nathaniel rolled his eyes.

"So what's our plan?" the gruff man demanded.

"We'll rest here, and then continue on toward Nevarra in the morning," Erafen said.

"I've disguises for you, dress you as Grey Wardens and no one will bother you or suspect anything," Alistair said. "It's good armor, at the very least. We've only got two though."

Solas had a look of distaste, but he nodded. "A wise idea. Very well."

"You look good in blue and grey," Erafen told him, eliciting a small smile from her love.

"I can be _not_ noticed," Cole provided. "Abelas is too big to hide."

"Which is why we Sentinels have our own magics to let us hide in plain sight," Abelas said. He and Velanna were exchanging glances, hers curious and his dismissive.

Erafen let out a sigh. "Come, let's eat and rest. Tomorrow is a big day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously love Alistair so much. I may have to write some of him and Ilaan.
> 
> I've written Chapter 40 and am halfway through 41. I’m probably throwing in one more chapter after that, so a total of 42, and possibly an epilogue. =) After that? DRABBLEFIC and side stories!
> 
> Any requests?


	40. Marching Towards the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas manages to pleasantly surprise Erafen. Alistair is busy being cheeky and handsome.

As it turned out, people would give five Grey Wardens and a tall elf quite the wide berth. Bandits did not bother them, people cheered from a safe distance, but no one bothered the group. Alistair thankfully wasn't recognized, which suited him just fine.

"When we talked about the Calling before, I don't think any of us knew it was affecting Ferelden Wardens, too," Erafen said.

"Not like the ones in Orlais, but we heard it. Vigil's Keep kept us busy; we didn't think that it was the actual thing, it was so quiet," Velanna pointed out. "Then we spoke to Alistair. It was a darkspawn doing it?"

"One who has been put down like the shameful piece of the past he is," Abelas said.

"And you are Elvhen?" the elven Warden asked.

"I am," Abelas affirmed. "You and Erafen were both Firsts to your clans but now are no longer. It seems that even a _shemlen_ lifespan still can be fraught with change."

Velanna bristled, shaken. "I am no _shemlen_."

"You are to him," Erafen pointed out. "A quick lifespan compared to his long one? Our people have become as quick as the humans, and in many ways, just as small-minded. That's why I have taken advantage of my various titles to do something better, to uplift what we have."

“My apologies,” Abelas offered to Velanna. “I have taken to referring to elves of this age as _shem’vhen_ , given I can think of nothing else appropriate. I have seen few who embody the spirit our people possess until milady entered the picture.” He nodded to Erafen, who nodded in return. “The Dalish could well learn from her example.”

Velanna looked Erafen over, pausing over the other elf’s naked face. “And the _vallaslin_?”

“Slave markings,” Abelas said, indicating his own face. “Or for those who have been dedicated to the service of a patron for life. It’s a mark of indentured servitude.”

The older Dalish touched her face, eyes wide in shock, and then she glanced to Solas, who walked with his lady. “Is everything we know wrong?”

“Not everything,” Solas said quietly.

“This is fascinating,” Alistair said. “Truly it is, but perhaps you older gentlemen have some insight as to what we’ll be facing? Not that I don’t later want to hear more. I’m sure we humans have mucked up a few things in our own society.”

“We truly won’t know much until we encounter Calpernia, but Erafen had an interesting theory, that Daern’thal has consumed the other ‘gods’ of old. This heart she possesses may truly be his tether to the body he inhabits,” Solas told him. “The implications are unsettling, to say the least.”

“They were to be sleeping, never waking, but the shock of seeing one awake, alert, and speaking with her voice. Where are they? He could not sense them,” Cole muttered.

“I’m not going to ask,” Howe muttered, clearly untrusting of the blond man in the floppy hat.

“I am actually quite curious how you might be affected, Alistair, by the Red Tears,” Solas said, tone conversational. “After all, you are elf-blooded.”

“I’m… what?!” Alistair sputtered. “That’s not possible.”

“But the Grand Enchanter, coming back from Redcliffe, she was so proud, so much…” Cole found his mouth covered by Erafen’s hand.

“Shhh, _elgar’falon_ ,” ‘Fen said, giving Solas a glare. “ _‘Ma Fen_ , really?”

“We’re not in Denerim, and I am positive no one here would reveal the secret,” Solas said. “And this betrays that the Chantry should only be staffed by full humans. You were Templar-trained, were you not, Alistair?”

“I was, yes. I still possess some of the abilities,” Alistair said, clearly floored but thinking about it.

“This will be necessary, I think,” Solas said. “The ability to cast Silence on the part of one who does not appear to be a Templar will provide an element of surprise.”

“And you think I will be some secret weapon against this Calpernia?” Alistair wondered.

“Perhaps,” Solas answered. “But we do still know so little. I expect she wouldn’t think you’d be there.”

  “Good to be of use,” Alistair said, shrugging. “More than Anora thinks I’m good for.”

  “Oh come on, everyone knows how great Ferelden’s recovery has been under your reign. That can’t be _all_ Anora,” Erafen pointed out.

“Well, I suppose, but I use the example set by Ilaan, by things we’ve discussed. Her heart still guides mine,” Alistair admitted.

“As well it should,” Velanna said from the side, clearly still wrapped up in thought.

“Well and good, yes, but we truly should focus on the task ahead,” Howe pointed out.

“Indeed,” Solas agreed with the human Warden. “We’ll be at our destination by nightfall, I believe, if we stay at this pace.”

  Erafen absorbed the conversation, considering what the others said. More and more, she felt her theory about Daern’thal was correct, but she still didn’t know what Calpernia’s true purpose was. The woman was intelligent and one of integrity, so she thought, but was she misguided? Would there be any convincing the Venatori leader to turn on her new god?

They thankfully did arrive at the camp by nightfall, employing some Dalish techniques to hide their numbers. Crows flew to carry communications as did silent runners by foot. The attack was to happen the next say, and so the main attack force had to use the night to rest.

Erafen was already in her bedroll, wearing a loose tunic, tucked under the cotton and wool blankets. She watched in the dim lantern-light when Solas came in. He undressed quickly, efficiently, but it didn’t stop her from watching the silhouette of his lithe form, admiring the dramatic shadows cast over him. She finally slid off the tunic she wore, tucking it aside.

Solas came around and sided in next to her, pressing against her rear and back, skin chilly but not too cold. He pushed against her rear, growing slowly harder, but he didn’t make any effort yet to demand attention. Instead, he responded to Erafen’s movements, especially when she leaned back against his skin and lifted her leg slightly, granting silent permission. His fingers slid between her legs, his other hand covering her mouth to capture her moans and panting.

When he finally joined to her effortlessly, Erafen breathed out against his hand, feeling his lips and teeth on her shoulder. They reached their climax together, quietly to avoid being heard, the need for privacy adding another air of urgency to their lovemaking. They remained joined afterwards, Solas pressing kisses and murmuring in elvhen against Erafen’s neck.

“Oh, ‘ _ma vhenan_ ,” he breathed against her neck. “To think I would have given this up. To think… my brethren may have already been lost.” He shuddered at her back, again his teeth scraping her shoulder. “This is my life now. That you would take me back…” He trailed off, his will focusing, and he reached out with both aura and body.

Already he grew again within her, but to Erafen, she felt as if she were being filled with far more than just his body, but with the spirit of him. Her voice failed her for the moment, her breath catching, but then she turned her head and found his mouth waiting for hers.

Apart from the motion of their bodies, they communicated wordlessly via the connection of their spirits. Love passed between them, questions of intent answered more firmly and fluently than they could with spoken voice. They fell asleep that way, joined body, mind, and soul.

In the Fade, they were still joined, and Erafen felt that what they shared in the Fade also happened in the real world, the sensation far more intense than anything they shared before. She wondered if, before coming into her power as she had, if her spirit would have been able to handle creating a union in such a fashion.

When the first whistles went through the camp, alerting the attack force to start preparing, Erafen woke to find Solas pleasuring her again, waking with his name gasped through her lips.

“Today is the day,” he murmured at her neck as she relaxed in the aftermath. “We fight again for our lives and our people’s future. We may find ourselves separated in this.

“Were you telling me goodbye?” Erafen asked, trying to hide the tremor in her voice.

“No. As long as I live, it will be at your side,” Solas promised.

“Good. This isn’t goodbye from me. As long as I have breath in my lungs, as long as I live, I am yours,” she affirmed.

“Eternally, _vhen’an_ ,” Solas affirmed.

Reluctantly, they parted and bathed each other quickly and gently, dressing swiftly in their own proper armors. A final lingering kiss at the tent flap cemented the start of the new day, and the two headed out to join the attack force.

“Good morning, Inquisition,” Erafen said, taking a place in the semi-circle of joined groups. “We’ve communicated the plan through our channels, and now it’s time get to it. Alistair will lead the group from this location. Iron Bull and his Chargers will take a few more of our forces. Hawke will lead her force from the other then. When lines are cut, the core of each group will move forward and cut down Calpernia’s cornered troops, then the woman herself.”

Through the group of gathered fighters, fists rose in the air to show everyone’s silent agreement and support. For a moment, Erafen was stunned. Sometimes, she still felt like the wild Dalish who’d been sent to the Conclave, but then, especially when Solas touched her back firmly as he did there standing in front of the crowd, she felt stronger, felt like she’d earned her place and fought for the power she now possessed, both internally and in the world around her.

“Move out and prepare for the horns,” ‘Fen told the others, and the parties separated.

  “You call your Solas your ‘wolf’,” Velanna said, coming up to her. “I think you are as much a wolf as he. I no longer fear the Wolf Who Hunts Alone.” Before Erafen could reply, she moved off to join the small group under Alistair’s command.

“All right,” Alistair said, nodding when Solas and Erafen approached. “We’ve a specific path to take, thanks to what we were advised by the Spymaster’s folks. We’re to skirt an outside path, and then we sound the horn when the first explosions have gone. Are we ready?”

“Absolutely,” Erafen said, making sure her staff was secure.

“Then let’s move out,” the Ferelden told them. He paused, looking over Erafen curiously, a look of sadness and longing in his eyes. He shrugged when she gave him a questioning look. He looked next to Solas next to her, shrugging again when the older elf nodded at him in understanding.

“He sees the Hero of Ferelden in you,” Solas told Erafen softly.

“I know. He’s told me as much, but he also knows I’m _not_ her, and he knows I’m dedicated to you,” Erafen replied firmly.

“I understand this, and I have no fear of losing you to the charming Ferelden king,” he said with a touch of amusement.

“I don’t know, Alistair is quite cute. Nice arse on him,” she joked.

Solas snorted. “Again, I’m not worried, but I am glad you are handling him… gently. I do not approve of Grey Wardens; I approve of him. I approve of cultivating a friendship with him.”

“Even elf-blooded?” Erafen asked in a hushed voice.

“Even so. Maybe I worry that our people are dying out, the bloodlines becoming diluted. That does not mean I have a problem with those born of both races,” Solas pointed out. “Perhaps they may be a bridge between our peoples.” He laughed. “Again, your influence. I may not have thought such things before I met you, my heart.”

Erafen smiled. “Hopefully this means we’ve helped each other change for the better.” She fell into place behind the others in their attack group.

“Indeed,” Solas agreed, squeezing her hand momentarily, and with that, they fell silent and walked forward when Alistair signaled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I've written the last chapter, and now I'm starting to work on drabbles! You guys are awesome, and I love your feedback. If you have any requests, please let me know.


	41. Crystal Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas tells Erafen to run. Erafen refuses.

The fighting was fierce, losses happening on both sides, though thankfully the members of the current Inner Circle of the Inquisition were far too skilled and experienced. Those covering did so, making sure the ones who were making the final push had a clear path.

“I've never fought so many mages before,” Hawke admitted as the central group formed. “Last time I fought with mages, it was on _their_ side.”

“Don’t remind me,” Fenris snarled. “How far have we to go?”

“If the intel we've received is correct, then just up these stairs,” Erafen answered. She looked around, making sure the smaller strike force was read. Apart from Erafen, there was also Solas, Alona Hawke, Fenris, Dorian, Sera, Alistair, and Zevran. That meant four powerful mages, two rogues, and two warriors, one of which had Templar training behind him and the other could phase through bodies.

“Let’s do this, shall we? Bull and I have a bet going on to see which of our groups is finished first,” Dorian said lightly. “Are we ready?”

“I believe so,” Alistair said, and he and Erafen exchanged a look. He knew he’d have to save some of his abilities as a secret weapon. “Shall we?”

“Come on, let’s just do it already, yeah?” Sera insisted.

  “I like your excitable little friend,” Zevran told Erafen, grinning broadly.

Hawke stepped forward. “I’m ready when you lot are. Let’s end the Venatori.”

The group organized themselves and burst in through the door, finding Calpernia standing there, the large red crystal grasped in her hands. Corpses littered the ground around her, all of them drained dry, their life-forces infusing the focus Calpernia held.

“You are too late,” Calpernia announced. “I cast now the final spell to bring Daern’thal fully into this world, to restore his body and bind the spirits of the false Elvhen gods to him.”

“You idiot,” Dorian spat at her. “This will do _nothing_ to restore the Empire!”

“You already sit on the top, _Altus_ ,” Calpernia challenged. “Have you done anything to allow your slaves to live up to their potentials? No, you ran away!”

“I came to stop those who would ruin the land we love. I learned how we were built on the ashes of the Elvhen, how our entire culture is based on appropriation!” Dorian retorted.

“We conquered the weak, then bowed to the will of the Chantry,” Calpernia told him. “Now, we again take from the unworthy and rise above what limits us! Venatori, stop them while I cast!”

Venatori poured out of the woodwork, two to every one of the attacking force. Erafen immediately called from the Fade, Solas joining his power to hers, and they rained down meteors in green and yellow from small Fade rifts. It was enough to surprise the other mages, and more came out to join their fellows, though they rather quickly found arrows in their eyes thanks to Sera’s quick draw.

A shield of energy formed around Calpernia, and she began casting. The red crystal seemed to melt down her arms, pouring to rest over where her heart was, and it started seeping into her skin.

“Alistair!” Erafen called out, and the Templar-trained warrior stepped forward. With considerable effort, he concentrated and the bubble protecting Calpernia broke apart, the mages next finding themselves cut down either by Fenris or Zevran.

Calpernia’s determination was turned to fear, the woman letting out a blood-curdling scream of pain and disbelief. “NO! You… you promised!” Blood poured from her mouth, the pooling at her feet forming into what looked like a fetal human.

“What in the name of Andraste’s Hairy Eyeball is going on?” Sera choked out, but her confusion didn’t stop her from unleashing an arrow at Calpernia. The shaft stuck from the woman’s head, but still she cried and sputtered the blood.

“He’s absorbing what’s in the crystal,” Solas observed, standing next to Erafen. “I sense them, my heart. We must stop him!”

Erafen could hear the pained cries; deep voices, high voices, male and female were all crying out in pain. “My word,” she gasped, “he is tearing them apart!”

“We will cover you, go on!” Hawke called out, and that was all Erafen and Solas needed, both running forward to caste fire and ice in concert at the being that’d since grown from fetal into a small child. The moment they cast, however, they were knocked down by a pulse of energy, the two slowly recovering in time to see the being rip the skin from Calpernia to cover himself.

“This human skin is weak, but the magic within it is sufficient,” Daern’thal spoke, the skin pulled thinly over his bony flesh. His clawed hand covered his exposed crystalline heart where it pulsed in time with the blood it pumped.

“I thought you said he was on his way to Val Royeaux!” Dorian exclaimed.

“Silly foolish  _shemlen_ ,” the Forgotten one boomed. “My will needed a puppet. Calpernia was the true foe, and she carried that Will within the Red Tears. She carried my heart in her hands, and now I live.”

“What did you do to our kin?!” Solas demanded, pulling himself up.

“ _Our_ kin? The kin you denied? They were no kin of ours. The Forgotten Ones became part of my will, and I feasted on their flesh to try to gain power to defeat my enemies! They didn’t even fight, sleeping in enchanted dreams as you left them, _brother_ ,” the Nightmare told him.

“No,” Solas managed.

  “Of course, the spirits lived. Too strong to absorb, but now, thanks to this _shemlen_ woman, I learned how to bind them to me.” The Forgotten One grinned, blood pouring from his open mouth.

“What’s he talking about?” Alistair asked. “Forgotten ones? Elvhen gods? This means the bald fellow is…”

“Yes,” Solas called out, forcing himself to stand tall. “I am Fen’Harel.”

“And you are the last one I need,” Daern’thal said. He raised his hand, and those remaining standing over the dead Venatori were knocked back, slumping down the wall, injured but alive.

“Erafen, run.” Solas whispered the words.

“I will not,” Erafen said. “You brought it, yes?”

Solas nodded. “I had to try.”

‘I know, my Wolf.” She let out a sigh. reaching into her own pocket as well, pulling from her pocket the same rune-glyph used to ruin Samson’s armor. Dagna’s theory was that it should similarly disrupt the clarified red lyrium crystal. “We do this together.”

Solas produced his Orb just in time to deflect a burst of red lightning flung in his direction. He tugged at the figure before them, pulling hard, only to find it unresponsive. “The crystal is lodged within him, rooted within his chest. The magic protects it, and I have not the power sufficient to pull it out.”  “The gods are alive within the Red Tear, right?” Erafen said, seeing Solas nod next to her.   “They live within me, they are a part of me, a part of my will, inseparable while this heart beats on my chest,” Daern’thal said darkly, voice bubbling over the viscous fluid pouring from his mouth. “I will add your Wolf to the collection, and then you, and then your son. Then all of the Primal Breath will be mine, and the Fade will consume this world.”

Erafen cried out, sending a bolder of Fade stone at their foe, only to have it reflected. She threw another, barely hearing Solas imploring her to save her energy. She sobbed ugly angry tears, screaming her denial and frustration. When Solas touched her, however, she felt his intent.

Moving around behind the Nightmare creature was a dark armored elf, silver hair reflecting a slight glow of the lyrium in his skin. She felt another pull of energy like a void behind them, realizing Alistair was preparing.

“Sorry sweetlings, you both don’t have the monopoly on wanting to protect your families and friends,” Dorian called out, calling down lightning on Daern’thal. From the other side, Hawke poured out shards of ice, the double assault causing Daern’thal to falter. Erafen and Solas started summoning energies of the Fade, adding to the assault.

It all stopped immediately as Alistair again disrupt the spell casting, pushing every bit of his energy and concentration into the effort, and Daern’thal’s shield faltered. It was just enough that Fenris could sneak inside, phase his arm through the back of the Forgotten One’s chest, and rip the crystalline heart from where it thumped. The Tevinter elf found himself slung back against the wall, dropping the monstrous thing.

“FOOLS!” Daern’thal bellowed, and he pushed against the Silence, launching Alistair back against the far wall, slumping down and laying still. The Nightmare clutched its open chest, stumbling. The next instant had a blade protruding from his forehead, one thrown with force by the Antivan elf who next went to check on Alistair.

“Attack!” Erafen called out. Dorian and Hawke both called their magic again, assaulting the creature, melting its skin off but otherwise not knocking it back. Erafen dashed around, picking up the red crystal heart from where Fenris released it.

“Looking for this, arsehole?” she called out, causing Daern’thal to turn around as she held his heart overhead.

“YOU DARE!!” the Nightmare screamed, and he shrugged off the magical attacks from the other two mages, causing the ice and lightning to recoil on the casters.

"Of course, she does," Solas called out, and his Orb hovered over his hand, a pose that reminded Erafen of Corypheus for just a moment, though she banished the thought. Green energies poured from the Orb, sliding under Daern'thal and winding around him.

  "Do you think you can contain me again? After the bodies I've fed on and the energy I've taken?" Daern'thal demanded.

  "Contain? No, not as you are," Solas said. " _Ir abelas_ ," he murmured under his breath, though Erafen saw his lips move. "Now, _vhen'an_! Capture him in his own prison!"  

Erafen could feel the intention, and so she ran forward, pressing the red lyrium heart until it, too, was caught in the green energies surrounding the Nightmare. She felt the crystal starting to absorb the spirit inside the twisted body formed from Calpernia's blood, and so she held it steady until one monstrous bony arm escaped the Fade-energy prison, grabbing her arm and pulling her in.

"Erafen, no!" Solas cried out, but it was too late. Erafen's world went red, and in the next moment, she felt herself also being drawn into the Red Tear. The body that held her tight disintegrated, and she was left holding the crystal, her body frozen in place, eyes wide and unseeing, her spirit locked to the crystal heart beating in her hands.

\----

Erafen looked around, finding herself stared at by the shadows of elves far older than she could fathom, save for one who felt far more a part of the world she knew.

" _Fitting that the lover of Fen'Harel should join us in this prison_ ," a sharp female voice said.

" _It is your fault this even happened, Andruil_ ," a male voice said.   

" _Do not try to place the blame on my head, Falon'Din!_ " the sharp voice retorted.

" _SILENCE_ ," another voice boomed. From the shadows of the figures, a powerfully built elf emerged, though his features were difficult to read. " _You retain your form, yet you are tied to this prison. We all felt ourselves fading, pulled into oblivion, and then it stopped. You have the Breath, but you are not of Us. You will answer_."

Erafen found herself shaking, but she steeled herself, and she spoke, speaking of the world outside, speaking of Fen'Harel, speaking of Corypheus and then of Daern'thal. She described the battle. " _Fen'Harel shared the Breath with me, and through him, also that of Mythal. The world you knew is no more._ "

  " _What better way to have our vengeance than keep her with us_ ," the voice Erafen learned was Andruil's said. " _I will enjoy taking the Breath from her, enjoy leaving an empty shell for the Wolf to mourn_."

" _And Daern'thal has done us the favor of destroying his faction, and now is so destroyed himself. We could escape, regain our lost glory_ ," another male voice pointed out.

  " _You are all old fools_ ," a younger voice said. An elven woman with flowing white hair emerged, and Erafen knew she must be Ghilan'nain. " _I know this magic, for I created it. I sought to seal Fen'Harel within it and keep him only for myself_." She looked over Erafen, the younger elf only returning her gaze defiantly.

" _You cannot have him. I will stay here for eternity in exchange for his freedom and to prevent the destruction you lot have caused in the past_ ," Erafen announced.

  Ghilan'nain's features solidified. Her expression was mournful. " _I am sorry, lethallan. Tell him I am so very sorry. I... regret._ " She turned to face the other shadowy figures, and then she exploded into light, flowing backwards and through Erafen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearly done! Thank you again to everyone who has joined me on this journey! I promise you, even when this story is done, I'll have more to write!


	42. In the End...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, but for whom?

The voices sounded like they were coming from above the surface of a deep lake, one Erafen felt herself at the bottom of.

" _You must push, lethallan_ ," she heard a gentle female voice tell her, and that's exactly what Erafen did. She pushed with all of her strength, propelling herself upwards, onwards, until she broke freed.

Her eyes opened, and she felt a familiar mouth on hers, hands on her shoulders, and she leaned into the desperate kiss Solas greeted her with. She felt surprise, then felt it deepen, and she knew she'd returned to the waking world.

" _Vhen'an_ , how?" Solas finally managed, pulling back enough to share breath. "You are... no, this is not right. You are stronger."

"Ghilan'nain set me free of the Heart, _'ma Fen_ ," Erafen told him. "Their spirits were trapped inside the crystal. Daern'thal needed the blood and spirits of those Calpernia gathered to make himself physical, but he was already corrupted. Ghilan'nain created the magic that made the Crystal Heart; Daern'thal grew the Red Tears from it. She..."

Solas silenced Erafen quickly with a kiss. "No. She has given you that which _we_ gave her. Her spirit is again that of a mortal woman. And the others..."

In Erafen's hands, the scarlet crystalline heart still glowed, and it seemed there was a fissure of light from its center. She and Solas both stood, and with an exchanged look, they both held up the items in their hands: the Crystal Heart and the Orb.

Above them, a rip appeared in the air, a rift between this world and the Fade, and Erafen focused over the heart, sending a burst of white light ahead and into the rift. Figures could be seen emerging and dissipating, their energies flowing into the rift until Solas closed it and the light faded.

"Their spirits are gone," Erafen said in understanding.

"Their spirits did what spirits do when they are destroyed: they returned to the Fade to form again with no memory of what they were," Solas told her. "And what is left are their memories, that which you hold."

'Fen glanced down towards her hands. The heart was no longer red, faded into a light pink even as she knew it would soon turn silver, but it was solid, still thumping with energy but not physically. It no longer felt like the red lyrium, but its purer relative. "I can see it. Their memories. What they knew."

"I knew Ghilan'nain still worked with the magics of life and spirit; I did not know she made this. Had I known, I might not have locked them away," Solas told her. "In my grief after losing the Orb, I was going to bring them back and tear away the Veil. She knew better, as do you."

"She said she was sorry, ' _ma Fen_." Erafen touched his cheek gently.

"You know, it sounds like you're callin' him 'muffin' when you say that," Sera's voice sounded from the sidelines.

Erafen couldn't help but laugh, and she tucked the Heart into a pouch safe inside her robes. "So it does," she agreed, and it gratified her to see Solas laughing as well. She fell into his arms, letting him wrap his own around her.

"Never again, my heart. Never again will I be ruled by pride. I would take my name back," he told her. "It is time to seek the forgiveness of the People."

'Fen nodded gently. "You will always be proud, dearest. It just needs to be tempered with a little humility. Perhaps your secret should stay such a while longer, through this lifetime."

Together, they looked at the others standing there watching them, exchanging smiles and tired nods.

"That was fun," Alistair spoke up. "A lot messier than darkspawn in some cases, but a lot more fun that royal paperwork and listening to Anora prattle on." He grinned broadly. "So those were the old elven gods?"

  "Returned to the state we originated at, that of a spirit. We were core spirits, made of the Breath of the Fade, the primal stuff of existence. They will reform, return, but hopefully shaped by the more postitive expectations of elves today," Solas said. "It's odd; I had forgotten."

"Not demons?" Sera wondered.

"Haven't you learned by now, little Sera?" Solas asked her. "The difference between the two?"

"Maybe," Sera replied, still skeptical, but then she gave him a cheeky grin. " _Muffin_."

Solas snorted. Alistair snickered, covering it up with examining a cut on his arm.

"How long would it take spirits like them to re-form?" Hawke asked, Fenris at her side.

Solas considered it. "Centuries, I'd wager. It is in our hands who they become, and this gives us time to contain their power, to safely prevent what they were in the past from coming to be again."

"So then you two get to rebuild an entire elven religion? That hardly seems fair," Alistair told them, but the pout was only temporary, relief and amusement emerging past it.

"You know, the Andrastian faith and those of the elves really are not incompatible," Hawke said. "Especially if it becomes known that the elven gods are truly spirits. I've heard of similar teachings among the Avaar."

"That remains to be seen," Erafen said with a sigh. She leaned heavily on her love's arm for a moment, exhausted in body and mind. "For now, we should tell our people that we have succeeded and make sure we are healed."

\----

When the expedition returned to Skyhold, there was indeed a celebration, one on par with the one that happened after Corypheus was defeated. This time, however, Erafen had her husband by her side and her son in her arms. Instead of feeling a great sense of loss, she had everything she ever wanted.

It'd been decided that they would reach out to the Avaar, to head to their lands to learn about their faith, how they interacted with their gods, and futhermore, to follow leads about the resting place of the last Inquisitor. Erafen herself would see to the start of such a venture, but she had a few people in mind to do the exploration.

Miryam took the opportunity to announce her pregnancy to the Inquisition; Cullen couldn't stop grinning every time someone came up to congratulate the two of them. He and his wife eventually begged out of the celebrations to have some private time to relax. Erafen didn't begrudge them the time one bit.

The celebrations lasted for a few days, but those who'd joined up with the Inquisition for the effort to stop Daern'thal eventually excused themselves. Alistair remained for a day, long enough to work out better alliances with the Inquisition, and he returned home to Anora, but not before giving Erafen a tight hug and telling her that the elves would always have him as an ally.

"I have a stop to make, however, and that is to talk with Grand Enchanter Fiona," Alistair said. "A private talk, one that shall remain between us." He smiled sheepishly at that.

"Good for you," Erafen told him. "Keep your ties strong, _falon_."

"I will," the King promised. "Perhaps Ilaan might approve."

"Perhaps she will," 'Fen agreed, and again returned the strong hug her elf-blooded friend gave her. "More than anything, she would want to see you happy, as do I."

"I'll do my best," Alistair promised. "You will always have me as your friend, dear lady."

Hawke and Fenris also departed with little fanfare, taking a moment to thank their friend. They were finally returning to Kirkwall to help with the efforts there, and then they would be visiting Starkhaven to hopefully put Sebastian's fears to rest.

"When we get married, you're invited," Hawke told Erafen. The elven woman looked over at Fenris, and he looked anywhere but at the ladies, blushing a bit.

"You're welcome to have it at _Halam'abelas_ ," Erafen offered.

"We shall see," Fenris replied, finally looking at 'Fen with a small smile. "Thank you... my friend."

\----

Over the next few weeks, Erafen kept herself busy with her spouse and child and working on alliances for her people. _Halam'abelas_ was more and more presentable, and they were finally able to furnish the Keep, the grand tree at the center of the growing town. She and Solas finally moved in, setting up a nursery for their son and preparing for his education as a mage and heir.

Before too long, Empress Celene herself made a tour, her lover, the Marquise Briala, at her side. The Orlesian Empress declared that the Dales would rule themselves and be set aside for all elves, and further declared that the alienages of the larger cities would see improvements. Surely the elves had as much of a stake in the government as the humans. When nobles bristled, Celene quickly 'convinced' them to change their minds lest they lose status and more, the backing of the Inquisition being enough to squash all arguments.

\----

It was one peaceful night, a warm breeze blowing through the treetops, that Erafen and Solas sat on their wide balony, looking over the town below. Fenrian toddled around, holding onto tables and chairs to help keep him on his feet. He was close to a year old, and he brought smiles to the faces of all around him.

"Fen'Harel," Erafen said, savoring her love's true name.

"Erafen," he answers in return, turning to face the woman he held in his arms as they sat on a chaise lounge on the balcony.

"I've seen a change happen in our people," she told him. "They grow stronger, the magic blossoming again. This place is special, connected to the Fade."

"You chose well, _vhen'an_ ," Solas replied.

"And you, my love, have let slip that you walk among the People again," Erafen continued.

"I have not hidden my name, nor have I denied when asked. I was always feared; now I am _respected_. I'm still not fully used to that, my heart," Solas admitted.

"And 'pride' is merely a nickname now," 'Fen added.

"Indeed, though I prefer the things you call me," he said with amusement. "And I like being called _babae_."

" _Baba_!" Fenrian affirmed.

Erafen laughed, watching their son toddle closer to them so that Solas could scoop him up. Watching the two together warmed her heart. For a moment, she wondered how different things would have been if, as Solas feared before, she had been the Inquisitor instead of Miryam. She shook such thoughts from her mind; the present held far more value to her than what might have been.

Solas cuddled his little boy closer, laughing freely when the child tugged at one of the black locks that now reached his shoulder. "One day you will have a child of your own who will pull your hair such," he told the little one.

"Uh-uh," Fenrian protested, shaking his little head, but he laughed when Solas leaned in to nuzzle his nose to his son's. " _Babae_ , tickle!"

"I know it does, which is why I do it, silly boy," Solas said, and he laughed again when Fenrian threw his little arms around his neck. "I love you, too," he said. gently.

Erafen let out a pleased sigh, turning to rest her hand on Fenrian's back. She and Solas locked eyes, taking a moment to join in a lingering deep kiss. The fears of the past were gone, buried and dispersed. The memories of the gods were now hers to dispense and learn from. She and her Wolf were home with their child, and it truly was Sorrow's End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for joining me on this adventure! I'm not done writing for them yet! I have a series of epilogues planned as their own fics as well as all those drabbles I promised! 
> 
> Please leave me your questions and/or ideas! If they are inspiring enough, they may find themselves answered in the form of more stories! 
> 
> Thank you all again!


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